The Great Powers Outage (32 page)

“If I don't make money, you don't make money,” the Amazing Indestructo said to Lord Pincushion hoping for some support.

“Nobody needs money
that
badly,” he snorted dis-missively. “Have you really sunk to these depths?”

AI started to sob. “You're right. I'm despicable. Maybe I
should
just shut the business down.”

“Nurse?” the Tycoon hollered in alarm. Nurse Slaphappy approached the pathetic figure of the Amazing Indestructo and gave him a smack across the face.

“Owww!” hollered AI as he recoiled from her hand. “That hurts!”

Like most everybody else, her power was gone. It didn't stop her from taking another whack at him, though. All it did was reinforce the inferiority part of AI's superiority-inferiority complex.

“Go ahead,” he howled as she slapped him a third time. “I deserve it.”

I could tell that both the Tycoon and the Red Menace, each for his own reason, were panicked at the thought that AI might not sell the business—that he might actually develop a conscience and shut down the Pseudo-Chips operation. But I never lost faith in his ability to make the wrong decision. In fact, my whole plan depended on it.

“Don't be distracted by Lord Pincushion or this boy,” the Red Menace finally spoke, his voice carrying that compelling power even I could feel affecting me. “If it's true these chips are somehow sapping everybody's power, it could ruin you. Better to let me take on that potential problem.”

“You're right,” AI responded with hypnotic calm as he successfully blocked another oncoming smack from Nurse Slaphappy. “Everything will be better if I just unload this chip business. No one can blame me then!”

I honestly wonder how much this decision was a result of the Red Menace's power and how much was just the typical behavior of the Amazing Indestructo. Without even a twinge of guilt he signed the document the Red Menace held before him. I turned to the Animator, who had been standing silently in the corner, conserving his power, and gave him a silent nod. At the same moment, the Red Menace gripped the signed contract in his fist and raised it high in the air.

“Now no one can stop me!” he erupted in maniacal glee. “No one can take these chips off the market. And everyone will continue to buy them because I tell them to. The people of Superopolis are fools, and I, the Red Menace, have the power to convince them that these tasteless, mealy mouthfuls of mush are actually something that they
like
to eat!”

The Red Menace howled. “Thanks to these chips, I have fulfilled my lifelong ambition to make everybody in Superopolis equal—everyone that is except
me
. And the simpering, simpleminded sheep of Superopolis will turn to
me
for guidance, never suspecting that it's their addiction to Pseudo-Chips that has robbed them of their powers.”

“My chips
are
responsible?” AI cried out in alarm. “If only I'd known for sure!”

We all turned to look at him in disgust as Nurse Slaphappy again whacked his famous profile.

“You
will
take my name off the package, won't you?” the Amazing Indestructo asked meekly.

“Everyone knows that you're still the person who brought us these chips,” I scolded AI.

The Red Menace looked at me suspiciously. He knew as well as I did that it wasn't the Pseudo-Chips that caused the problem. But the fact that I was pretending they were made him wary.

“Unfortunately, I'm going to need to eliminate anyone who knows the truth about my plans,” the Red Menace continued . . . menacingly. “Thankfully, you're all together in this one room.”

“If you're going to eliminate everyone who knows they should stop eating the Amazing Indestructo's Amazing Pseudo-Chips,” I informed him, “there won't be anybody left for you to control.”

As a look of concern crept across the Red Menace's face, we heard a familiar whistle from out on the street. Rushing to the hospital window we were just in time to see a Dr. Telomere's delivery truck stopping in front of the hospital. It was being driven by Whistlin' Dixie.

“Y'all jes heard the Red Menace,” she shouted through a bullhorn to a quickly gathering crowd. “He thinks yer jes dumb enough to keep eatin' the plum lousiest po-tato chips ever made—even if it costs y'all yer powers. Ah bet y'all are jes dyin' to go back to the best durn chips ever created.”

With that, the back doors of the truck opened and there was Stench's dad, Windbag.

“I've stopped eating Pseudo-Chips,” he informed the crowd, “and look at what I can do again.”

With a huge gust of his breath he expelled the entire contents of the truck. Bags of Dr. Telomere's chips began to rain down on the eager and growing crowd. The Red Menace's mouth was agape as he watched the crowd grabbing for the bags of chips. His plan for total domination was at an end.

“How could this have happened?” the Red Menace said with barely controlled fury as he turned and glared directly at me. “How did everyone break free of my power?”

“You convinced them yourself,” I explained. “Everyone in Superopolis just heard everything you said. Even now the New New Crusaders and the League of Ultimate Goodness are fanning out around the city delivering the first new batches of Dr. Telomere's potato chips in weeks. No one will touch another Pseudo-Chip ever again.”

“Whew! Thank goodness I sold the business,” AI said, and then cringed in anticipation of a slap that never came. Everyone was too focused on the mounting rage of the Red Menace.

“But how?” he thundered. “No one has the power—”

“Don't they?” shouted the shrouded figure on the gurney, its sheet falling aside to reveal Captain Radio. “I still have the power!”

“I-i-impossible,” shrieked the Red Menace. “You're dead!”

“And
you
killed me!” seethed the corpse of Captain Radio as he stood up from the gurney and began staggering toward the horrified villain. “
You
destroyed my reputation.
You
used my power to corrupt an entire city.”

Real terror spread across the Red Menace's face, making him look like the very old man he was. He tried backing away, but Captain Radio shuffled forward, raising his arms, his hands clutching as if he were going to strangle the person who had ruined his life.

“And now that very same power has destroyed
you
!”

Just as the living corpse lunged forward, the Animator lost, or purposely cut off, control. Captain Radio crumpled in a heap.

The Red Menace let out a gasping breath of relief. His reprieve was only short-lived, though, as he suddenly clutched at his chest, made an incomprehensible gurgling noise, and collapsed onto the floor alongside the hero who had—at last—redeemed himself.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

The Hero Corpse

Over the next three days, people's abilities began to return. By Sunday, almost everyone had regained his or her power. Absolutely nobody realized it was because they had gone back to eating Dr. Telomere's chips. The blame for their power loss had been laid squarely at the feet of the Amazing Indestructo and his no-longer-so-amazing Pseudo-Chips. AI was already trying to salvage his reputation, but no one—not even the former LUGs—was buying it. He had finally managed to overestimate the gullibility and tolerance of the people of Superopolis.

For now the city had a new hero—Captain Radio!— at least until he was put back into cryogenic storage. A parade was held in his honor, and nearly everyone came out to see the procession as it traveled down the entire length of Colossal Way from Telomere Park all the way to downtown and Lava Park. Most of the time he remained an unresponsive corpse, but the Animator and Lord Pincushion were riding with him, and once every block the Animator revived him long enough for him to wave haphazardly and bask in the gratitude of the crowds. Even when he wasn't animated, he looked like the proudest corpse I'd ever seen.

I turned to my mom and dad, who stood with me on the sidewalk in front of the Superopolis Museum across from Lava Park, where we were watching the parade. My dad's hot hand was resting on one of my shoulders, and my mom's cool hand sat on the other. It was a pretty nice feeling. As the vehicle holding Captain Radio approached, the captain waved directly at me for a moment, and then slumped back in his seat as he reverted to a corpse.

“Frozen vegetables?” I said skeptically to my mother.

“We do
mostly
produce frozen vegetables,” she protested. “The dead people are only a sideline.”

“Well, in addition to refreezing Captain Radio, you're going to have one more to take care of tomorrow,” I said. “The Red Menace is going to be put on ice for real this time.”

“All I can say is we should be grateful I have a job,” she harrumphed. “Your father's team lost their first sponsor after only a week.”

We both looked at my dad, who had a remarkably cheerful expression on his face for someone who was no longer getting paid to promote Maximizer Brand Snack Cakes. As he broke into a grin, it was clear he was trying to keep something secret.

“Okay, Thermo,” my mom said with irritation. “What aren't you telling us?”

“Well . . .” he started to say, as he showed why he could never be trusted with a secret, “it won't be announced until tomorrow, so you have to promise to keep it to yourselves.”

“We promise,” we replied robotically.

“Tomorrow,” he began eagerly, “the board of Dr. Telomere's is going to announce that for the first time in its history it's hired a team to represent the chips.”

“You're kidding!” I said in amazement. “That's—that's—humongous!!”

“Thermo, are you telling us . . .” my mom said, almost speechless.

“That's right.” He beamed. “As of tomorrow, the New New Crusaders will be the exclusive spokesteam for the most popular—once again!—product in all Superopolis.”

Just then, my fellow Junior Leaguers burst through the crowd and gathered around us. They couldn't help but notice the stunned look on my face.

“What's going on?” Stench asked suspiciously. “You and your dad have the same dopey expression that my dad was wandering around with all morning.”

“Oh, nothing,” I said trying to act nonchalant. “It's nothing at all.”

“Well, come on, then,” Tadpole said with irritation. “Let's head over to the park.”

I waved good-bye to my parents just as they gave each other an enormous hug, and followed my teammates across the street to Lava Park. The Inkblot's newsstand was right in front of us, and the Inkblot was standing there talking the ear off an old lady who was only trying to buy a roll of breath mints.

“Why I was practically Captain Radio's sidekick,” he was explaining as he stretched the truth like a piece of taffy. “I'm glad to see him looking so good. I thought I'd heard he had died, but you know the newspapers—they can't get anything right.”