The Guide to Getting It On (96 page)

The Routine “Slut Disclaimer”

One of the first things you will often see from female writers about threesomes and other forms of sexual swinging is the slut disclaimer. It goes something like this: “Just because we enjoy having frequent threesomes does not mean we are sluts.” Au contraire.

When you write a book describing how often you pick up guys at bars and how the vast percentage of women who you have threesomes with are single moms, you are the Sears of sluts. So why not be proud of it? How many men would feel the need to apologize for bringing so much pleasure to so many? Instead of worrying about what others think, why not just smile and wink? You don’t need to tell your boss or the other parents at school how many different guys you were doing last night.

When it comes to being judged, men aren’t the ones you usually need to worry about. Keep it low-key and wear something conservative to work, and most guys are cool. The ones you need to worry about are other women. One of the reasons why they might judge you so harshly is because they fear you will steal their husbands and sons from their grasp. It’s been that way since the beginning of time. Hopefully, you have bigger and better fish to fry!

Resources:

Diana Cage’s book is definitely worth getting if you are exploring threesomes:
Threesomes, Fulfill Your Ultimate Fantasy,
Alyson Books.

Suzy Bauer’s
Step By Step Threesome
e-book is very helpful. However, huge blocks of text from Lori Gammon’s
Threesome
mysteriously appear in Bauer’s e-book. Hmmmm. The focus of
Step By Step Threesome
is mostly on MFF threesomes. Again, while it is very helpful, Bauer’s e-book, should have been less than 100 pages instead of 236. Do people really need quotes from Mark Twain and Dr. Seuss when they are trying to learn about threesomes? Many of the book’s generalizations should be ignored. Still, it is money well spent if you are thinking threesomes. Be aware that Bauer uses the Internet marketing hard-sell approach, and you might be hammered with ads if you sign up on her Website at www.StepByStepThreesome.com.

While Lori Gammon has plenty of things to say in her book
Threesome,
she has a need to quote studies from
Cosmo
like it was
Scientific American,
and her enchantment with the so-called superiority of women in all matters of sex is a bit much. If women’s brains and sexual nature is so darned wonderful when compared to men’s, why include men at all in a threesome?

The
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes—Two Girls & a Guy
and
Nina Hartley’s Guide To Threesomes—Two Guys & a Girl
videos show many of the possible combinations, as long as you realize these are porn.

Violet Blue has a helpful chapter on threesomes in her book,
The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy—How to Turn Your Fantasies into Reality
from Cleis Press.

While Luna Grey’s
The Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating
from Greenery Press, isn’t about threesomes, it is a fine read for anyone who is thinking about stepping outside of our culture’s traditional parameters for sex.

For an introduction to the swinging lifestyle, you can’t do better than Dana and Ed Allen’s
Considering Swinging
from Momentpoint Media. Don’t let the low price confuse you, this book is recommended by many.

Resources for Open Marriage and Polyamory:

This is a complex subject and deserves a great deal of research if you are interested in exploring and pursuing it. The following resources are among the best that are currently available.

Tristan Taormino’s
Opening Up–A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships,
Cleis Press, 2008. This is one of the best books available on the subject of open marriage and open relationships.

Redefining Our Relationships
by Wendy-O Matik from Defiant Times Press (2002) is a book on non-monogamy or love-based anarchy that a lot of people find to be very helpful. It packs a lot in its 93 pages.

The Ethical Slut
by Easton and Hardy is considered by many to be the Poly Bible. The 2nd edition (2009) is available from Celestial Arts.

Loving More. The Loving More website is an online portal for all things polyamory. The information is helpful and the site is highly regarded by people who practice polyamory:
www.LoveMore.com
.

Polyamory.org is the Usenet location for a countless number of articles and resources on polyamory:
wwwPolyamory.org
.

CHAPTER

46

Double Penetration

S
ome women will tell you one penis is trouble enough. But if you’ve got two in your crosshairs or shorthairs, this might be the chapter for you. Double penetration is for the woman who wants a pelvis full of penises. It requires two guys and a girl. One penis is in her top bunk (vaginal intercourse) while the second is in her bottom bunk (anal intercourse).

Note: It was only with the greatest of restraint that this chapter was not named after the gonzo DP porn series,
One in the Pink, One in the Stink!

Is Double Penetration (DP) Safe?

There have been no studies done on DP and there is little in the medical literature about the safety or danger of it. The tissue between the vagina and rectum isn’t exactly made of Kevlar and could possibly tear. It’s thin enough that if you put a finger in a vagina when you are having anal sex, you can clearly feel the penis. The same is true with a finger in your bum when a penis is in your vagina. (If you enjoy this kind of exploration, remember to scrupulously clean anything that’s been in the bum before it touches a vagina. This includes changing condoms. We’re talking two different caverns with two different sets of microbes. Brown should never see pink.)

As for the advisability of whether to try DP, that’s between you and your healthcare guru. There’s little in the literature about DP being dangerous, but there’s little about it being safe.

Oh Nina, Oh Nina!

As sometimes happens when you are looking at life on the sexual fringes, the search for information on double penetration has unearthed some basic truths that apply as much for monogamous couples as for those who like their sex in numbers. Let’s review those truths first, before we get to the DP basics.

After watching and rewatching porn star Nina Hartley’s
Guide to Double Penetration
video, a couple of universal truths began to appear. These truths had nothing to do with double penetration, but with how Nina Hartley handles sex on the set. Nina Hartley gives the other actors verbal cues about what feels good and what doesn’t. You would think it would be just the opposite. Here’s a highly-intelligent, porn pro like Nina Hartley. She has hand-picked her co-stars. You would think she wouldn’t have to say a word to them about what feels good. Shouldn’t veteran porn stars automatically know? But as you watch Ms. Hartley and the big boys go at it, the opposite is true. Nina Hartley doesn’t expect anyone else to know what’s going on inside of her body. She makes her suggestions with humor and respect, but she lets the people who she is having sex with know what feels good to her and what doesn’t.

This is especially important when you consider that what feels good one day might not feel good the next. How is someone else supposed to magically know? So here is some very helpful and basic sex advice for any couple, whether their sexual tastes are missionary-position pure or devilishly DP:

1. When it comes to sharing sexual pleasure, only beginners think that others should automatically know how to please them.

2. It could be that a woman needs a couple of years of having sex before she’s able to tell her partners what works. Being able to instantly convert physical sensation into words takes time, experience, and a partner who can appreciate the challenge. (Perhaps Nina Hartley hand-picks her porn partners not so much for their raw physical skills, but for their ability to listen.)

Hopefully you won’t think this book is encouraging you to try double penetration—even Nina Hartley avoided it until she was more than forty, when her backers “encouraged” her to do a
Nina Hartley Guide to DP.
But if it is something you are interested in, the most important thing is for a woman to know her body and to be able to communicate what is going on with it. If she can’t do this, there’s no way she should be hosting a double penetration.

One That Worked and One That Didn’t

Consider the experience of a woman who has tried Double Penetration with two different sets of guys. She hated it with the first set, but liked it so much with the other men that they’ve repeated it a couple of times.

The first pair of men were homophobic, so it became all about their need to avoid touching each other rather than being three partners in sync. They had a macho “slam-her-hard” thing going on as well. She thinks these boys had watched way too much porn.

One of the things that worked so well with the second set of guys is that they weren’t afraid to make physical contact with each other, so they could work as a team instead of as two men who were trying to out-straight each other. This allowed them to focus on what was and wasn’t working for her.

If you are a man who would have an identity meltdown if another guy’s arms, legs and testicles were touching your own, DP is not for you. If you would be uncomfortable feeling another guy’s penis through the thin wall between a woman’s vagina and rectum, forget the Robin-Batman thing.

The position this woman liked best was for the man who was doing the anal insertion to be lying on his back. She gave the example of where she faced his feet and sat on top of him while sliding his penis in. She then lay all the way back. That way, she had the full weight of her body pressing down on his, and she didn’t have to worry about him getting too aggressive with his butt thrusting. The other man stood at the edge of the bed or knelt in front of them and entered her vagina that way. This is different from the DP position that’s often shown in porn movies. But in porn it’s all about the camera angle rather than what’s comfortable. You don’t see any of the preparation and planning that was done ahead of time.

Maybe the position that works best is for the three of you to be on your sides, or maybe with her on all fours, straddling the guy who’s in her vagina while the buttman kneels or stands at her rear. You’ll need to try different positions and rhythms.

Also, if you have been watching porn movies, keep in mind that most porn pros have rectums that can handle a rig from Roto Rooter. Yours might not be that practiced.

Then there’s the matter of thrusting. Maybe the woman will want one man to be thrusting while the other is inside but still. Or maybe she’ll want one to thrust slowly and stay shallow while the other thrusts hard and deep. She won’t know what works until both boys have their luggage in the station.

A woman might be so overwhelmed by getting twice the bang from her bucks that her command of the English language becomes less than optimal. So before zippers get unzipped, work out a simple signaling system. If she doesn’t know her body’s cues for when it is getting overwhelmed, she shouldn’t be trying double penetration. It’s no time for passivity when all of that male energy is coming at her from both sides.

This is also no time to be drinking or getting stoned. It will keep you from being aware of important body signals and sensations.

All three of you need to agree that your goal is your mutual fun and pleasure, and not double penetration. If the chemistry is right but DP feels like a stretch, you can always try to make it work during your second or third time together. If the chemistry isn’t right, why force it?

A woman might start preparing a couple of weeks in advance by popping a butt plug into her rear while having vaginal sex with a real live partner. Doing it the other way around sometimes results in the dildo turning into a missile and shooting across the room once her vaginal muscles start contracting. She should also be comfortable receiving anal.