The Harder I Fall (22 page)

“Because I told him his sister was hot,” he said.

“You are such a jerk.”

“I know.” He grinned.

He told me more stories about him and his brothers when they were growing up, and how his mom had had to put up with all of them.

“Ready to head back?” he asked once we were done, rising to his feet and reaching for my hand.

“Yeah, thank you for dinner.” I looped my arm through his and hugged against his shoulder as we walked.

Ellen was in the living room reading a book when we came in. She waved as we headed for the stairs.

“Is it a little weird that this is, like, someone’s house?” I whispered.

“Yes, but not too bad, right?” He looked nervous that I would say I hated it.

“No, it’s not too weird. Stop worrying. This place is perfect, and so are you.” I kissed him as he was trying to open our door.

He maneuvered me so my back was against the door, his lips hungry for mine. I felt the door slide backward, but he caught me before I could fall. “You caught me.” I smiled at him.

“I’ll always catch you, Becca.”

I launched myself at him as soon as the door was closed and locked, tearing at his clothes. I wanted his skin against mine in a hurry. I pressed kisses to his chest, moving up his neck to his ear. “I love your body. I could look at you without a shirt on every day all day.”

He laughed. “Thanks. I feel the same way about you.”

I bit his bicep lightly. “You only have to ask.”

All of the humor left his eyes, and in its place was dark ferocity I had not seen before. He peeled off my shirt and gripped my hips, pressing me against him so he could devour me with his mouth. “More?” he whispered.

“More,” I answered, feeling sure about my decision.

He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my hips, leaving me in just a bra and panties. “You next?” I asked.

“I’m not wearing anything underneath these. I want you to be sure about this before we take this next step. There’s no turning back after this.”

“I’m sure.” I reached for his waistband with shaky fingers and slowly unbuttoned the top button, sliding the zipper down. He pushed my hand away and walked me backward toward the bed, his pants hanging dangerously low on his hips.

I stopped when my knees hit the mattress and reached behind myself to undo my bra, letting it fall to the floor next to us. My panties were next, joining my bra. He drew in a shaky breath and gazed down at me, his fingers brushing across my skin. “God, Becca, you are so beautiful.” He slipped his pants off and stood before me.

“I don’t know what to do after this part,” I whispered.

“Just lie back on the bed and let me love you.” His voice was hoarse.

I climbed up onto the bed and laid against the pillows. His lips were feather-light against my stomach, moving up until his hips were firmly against mine.

“Levi…” I gasped.

“Baby, I’ve got you.” He kissed me and shifted his hips until there was nothing left between us.

T
HE NEXT MORNING,
I
WOKE
up to Levi, the human blanket, draped over me. After trying, unsuccessfully, to wiggle my way out from under him, I shoved him.

“Mmmm,” he groaned, but didn’t move.

“Levi, you are literally one million degrees.”

Instead of rolling off me, he snuggled in closer, kissing my neck. “How do you feel today? Any regrets?”

“No regrets. I’ve never been so sure of a decision in my life. I love you, and it was perfect. So much better than I had imagined.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that. I was worried you would wake up today and decide you made a huge mistake.” He kissed me. “Wait, what did you think it was going to be like?”

I blushed. “I don’t know. Girls always tell these horror stories about how awful their first time was. I was afraid it was going to hurt.”

“Well, for some girls, I imagine their first time does really suck. But, lucky for you, I’m not some inexperienced guy only looking to get his rocks off without caring about you at all.”

“Just how experienced are you?” I asked, arching a brow and rolling over onto my stomach.

“I didn’t just do drugs. I did everything. I’m not proud of it, believe me. I wish I could erase some, if not most, of the things I did back then.”

“I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. I don't expect you to have been a saint before I came along.”

“You’re the first girl in a long time,” he said.

“How long?” I hated myself for asking. I didn’t want to hear him say
her
name.

“Not since high school.”

“So, you and Leah?”

“We never did much of anything.” He looked away.

“I don't blame you for dating someone else. We were broken up and you moved on. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I should never have dated her. It wasn’t fair to her. I could only ever think of you. When your mom died, and Julian told me, I was with her. He had to physically stop me from getting on a plane to go to you.”

“When I saw him, I had secretly hoped you had come, too.”

“I really wanted to. But it wouldn't have been good for you if I had. We weren’t ready for each other yet.”

I knew he was right. I wasn’t ready for him then; I was barely ready for anything back then. “I’m glad we found our way back together.” I kissed him.

“Come on, get dressed; let’s go out for breakfast I don’t feel like sharing you with everyone else this morning.”

I watched him roll out of bed and saunter over to his bag. He grabbed some clothes out of it. I would never get over how hot he was, and I would never believe how lucky I had gotten with him.

We ate at the small pastry place we had passed the night before. He looked pensive as we ate our pastries.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I’m... I just, I hate that I wasn't there when you needed me.”

“You’re here now, and I’ll always need you. You leaving me was good. I found myself, Levi, and I know that, no matter what, I’ll be okay. Sure, it took me a long time to do it, but I’m really okay, and I was okay before you came back to me. I realized that I loved you, and that it was all right for me to let you in, to let you love me, and to let myself love you back.”

“You are remarkable. You know that, right?” He grabbed my hand and brought it across the table to his lips.

“I’m fully in this. Every part of me loves you. I’m ready for you to catch me. I’m ready to jump.”

“To hear you say that... It was the only thing I wanted when we were apart.”

“Okay,” I said, “enough of the heavy stuff for today. Let’s enjoy the weekend and each other.”

“Deal.” He kissed my fingers once more before releasing my hand so I could finish eating.

We spent the whole afternoon walking around town, heading down to the pier to look at the boats in the harbor. “I really love it here. It’s so peaceful.” I sighed and leaned against him as we watched the sailboats.

“We should come here every couple of months if we can sneak away.”

“That sounds like heaven.” I reached back and kissed his cheek.

I let him take a zillion pictures of me. And we got people to take pictures of us together, my hair floating around us in the breeze.

“Are you two joining us for dinner and games tonight?” Ellen asked when we came in.

I looked at Levi. I didn’t want to say yes or no if he had other ideas.

“Yeah, we’ll be there,” he answered.

Once we were in our room, I kicked off my boots and socks and turned on the huge sunken tub, pouring in a copious amount of bubble bath. “So, dinner and games with strangers, huh?” I asked.

“It sounds like it could be kind of fun, don't you think?”

“Sure.” I grinned at him and pulled my shirt over my head. His eyes were riveted on me, and he watched me with an almost predatory look. My pants and underwear came off next and I slowly stepped into the tub.

“Is this a one person kind of bath for you?” He was already pulling off his clothes.

“No, please join me.” I leaned back in the tub and spread the bubbles over my body. I don't know why I was nervous about him being naked in the tub with me, but I was.

He slid into the other side and we both leaned back to relax and enjoy the warmth of the water. It wasn’t long, though, before his hands started to wander up my thigh.

“It’s
that
kind of bath, is it?” I giggled.

“Babe, with you naked in the tub with me, it’s always going to be
that
kind of bath.” He pulled me onto him, so I was straddling his hips. He kissed and sucked at every inch of skin in front of him. I was a pool of wax in his hands. I sucked in a breath as he slowly lowered me onto him, not stopping until I was fully seated on his lap. I threw my head back and let him lead me down this unknown path.

“More?” he whispered.

“Always more.”

The water was icy cold by the time we got out to dress for dinner. I shivered as I wrapped myself up in a robe. “I feel like I should take a shower now. Not sure how clean we got in that bath.” I grinned at him.

“Do you need me to wash your back?” he asked.

“You are insatiable. Haven’t you gotten your fill of me yet?”

He pulled me into his arms. “Never, Becca, I’ll never get my fill of you.” His lips were soft against mine.

We made it downstairs just as dinner was starting. There were three other couples plus Ellen at the table already. We were by far the youngest, but as dinner wore on, I could tell it was going to be a fun night.

Patty and Neil were an older couple from New Hampshire, celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. James and Casey were the closest to our age, in their mid-twenties; they had been married for a few years. Greg and Paula were Levi’s parents’ age, and they were celebrating Greg’s birthday.

“If you all want to come into the family room, we can play some games.” Ellen smiled and stood up to lead the way. We played Scattergories, charades, and Monopoly in teams. It was a surprisingly fun evening.

“Now you be sure to call us the next time you have a show,” Patty told me at the end of the night.

“I promise I will.”

The rest of the trip flew by way too quickly, and I was not ready to head back to reality on Monday morning. “Did you have a good time?” Levi asked in the car on the way home.

“The best. Thank you for taking me away.” I leaned in and kissed his cheek.

Sadie and Julian were watching TV on the couch when we came in.

“Hey! How was your weekend?” She beamed at me.

“I’ll tell you later.” I winked at her and went straight back to the room to put my bag away. Before I could come back out, Sadie was coming in and shutting the door.

“Okay, spill it.”

“Sadie! The guys are out there. We’ll talk later.”

“No, I made them leave.” She grinned. I opened my mouth to say something, but laughed instead. “Come on, don't leave me in suspense.”

We flopped down on our beds and I told her everything that had happened.

“Oh my God!” she squealed. “I swear I thought you were saving yourself for marriage or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

“No, I just wasn’t ready before. How could I give myself to someone I couldn't even say ‘I love you’ to? Sex to me is special. Levi was my first. I wanted to be sure he was the one before I jumped into bed with him.”

“I totally get that.” She nodded.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with her asking me a million questions.

A
FEW WEEKS LATER,
I
was in class when Levi came in quickly and sat next to me. The expression on his face scared me. “Chad…” He couldn’t form the words.

I grabbed my stuff and we ran out of the room. “What’s happened?”

“He’s being rushed to the hospital now. My mom called; she couldn’t get you on your cell.”

“Why is he going to the hospital?” I was bordering on hysterical.

“My mom didn’t say. She just said to find you and get to New York.” He looked worried.

I frantically searched through my bag for my cell phone but couldn't find it. “I need your phone. I can’t find my phone. I need to call your mom.” My hands were shaking.
Please, not Chad. Not my Chad.

“Ruth!” I yelled into the phone when she picked up.

“Becca! Thank goodness. I’ve called and called. You need to get here, honey.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“He… he overdosed on something,” she said softly.

“Chad was using drugs?” That was so unlike him.

“It was pills. I don’t know if it was a regular thing for him or if this was…..” she trailed off.

“Suicide? You think Chad tried to commit suicide?” I choked out the words and sank to the ground.

“I don't know, honey. We won’t know anything until he wakes up and can talk to us.”

“Okay, we’re leaving now. Call me if something changes.” I hung up and sat for a moment, silent sobs wracking my body. Levi held onto me while I got it all out. “I can’t lose him,” I whispered.