The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (33 page)

I look at her. “What if I hurt her again? I’m afraid that if I hurt her anymore, she’ll be done with me forever.”

“Son, you’ll hurt her because sometimes we hurt the ones we love. Do I think you’ll hurt her like before? No, but couples fight. They sometimes hurt each other, but that’s why you have to prove to her every day that even if you fight and hurt each other, at the end of the day, your love will see you through the bad times.”

My mom smiles at me, but I know there is sadness there. She never got over what my father did to her. I don’t think she’s dated anyone since.

I sit next to her and wrap my arms around her. “I love you. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

She wraps her arms around me, and we hold each other until I feel a tiny hand slap my hand. “Papa. Pa!”

My girl is obviously upset she was being ignored. I grab her and set her on my lap. She shoves the block in her hand into my mom’s face and goes into her little babbling tirade. I can’t help laughing as she looks at
nonna
with a stern look on her face.

Mila gets us all for lunch, takes my daughter from me, and disappears down the hall. I look at my mom and roll my eyes. Then, we follow.

***

Jill, Mom, and I pull up in front of the hospital. We’re going to the hospital with Mom today for her second dose of chemo. Last time, Gaia and Mila came with. This time, Jill and I wanted to bring her. The girls are watching Nicola so we can both be here.

We follow Mom to a medical suite and step inside. She checks in while we stand back. Jill slips her hand into mine and squeezes.

We all sit and wait for them to call her back. Once they do, we follow her back to a big room with several recliners separated by curtains. My mom sits down in the recliner, and we sit down in the chairs next to it.

The nurse takes her vitals then lets us know they’re getting her medicine and will be right back. I look around the room. There are few others in here who are already receiving their treatment.

When the nurse gets back, she pulls down my mom’s shirt a bit and wipes off the end of the port that was surgically put into my mom so she could receive her treatment. The nurse hooks it up and tells us to let her know if we need anything.

We’re all silent at first as I watch the medicine run through the thin tube into my mom. The medicine, which is just poison, runs into her body to try and kill the cancer that has attacked her ovaries. My heart aches when I think about the possibility of losing my mother someday, but I don’t want to lose her to this. Gabe and I had a mutual friend back in Chicago who lost his sister to cancer. He had to watch her deteriorate to skin and bones before her body just couldn’t fight anymore.

I don’t want that for my mom. I know they say she’s only stage one, but I still worry for her. She’s the strongest woman I know and has always handled whatever she’s been dealt with grace and dignity.

I look across the room and see a young girl I didn’t notice before. I would guess she’s no more than seven or eight. She has dark hair and blue eyes. She’s similar to what I imagine Nicola would look like at that age. The one difference that causes my heart to ache is the tiny clear tube running to a machine similar to my mom’s.

Her mother and father appear to be coloring with her, but you can see the strain on their faces. I couldn’t imagine being in that same position. Watching their child suffer must make them feel helpless. Of course, the little girl has no clue about the severity of the situation and happily colors in her book.

I feel Jill’s hand on my leg and see she’s looking at the little girl as well. Her eyes are shiny. I place my hand on hers and squeeze.

Throughout the four hours we were here, Jill and Mom did crossword puzzles, called and talked to Gabe and Jasmine, and colored pictures in an adult coloring book Jill brought with us. I ran and got us lunch.

Now Jill and I are helping her into the car. The doctor told us to keep her away from children at first due to a weakened immune system, but my stubborn mama does not want to listen to the doctor. We got lucky last week about her being around Nicola, but soon, our luck could run out. Then where would we be?

I texted Gaia. She and Mila are taking Nicola back to the hotel and will wait for us to come back.

Once we get back to my mom’s place, we get her settled. While Jill makes her tea and soup, I get her tucked in on the sofa. Jill returns a few minutes later, bringing everything out, and sets it on the coffee table.

“Martine, do you need anything else?”

“No, sweetheart. Thank you for coming today. You go to your baby, but promise me you’ll bring her back in a few days.”

Jill hugs her. “I promise to bring her back in a couple of days as long as you’re feeling good.”

I kiss Mom goodbye and tell her I’ll be back later. Of course, she tells me not to hurry.

We stop for a late lunch at a little café before heading back to the hotel. I pull out a chair for her right in front of the window. The waitress comes to take our order and then gets our drinks.

“Your mom is such a strong woman. You should be proud. She’s going to fight this, and she’s going to win. You know that, right?”

“Sí, I do know that. I can’t help but worry, but I know her, and her fighting spirit will prevail.
Bella
, that little girl today, all I kept thinking was how much she looked like our girl, and I just felt my heart break for them. I cannot imagine what it would be like.”

“I know—me either. I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to handle that.”

“Jill, you are one of the strongest women I know. If anyone could handle it, it would be you.” I hope she hears the conviction in my voice.

We sit in a companionable silence as we eat lunch until Jill finally brings up something that I’ve been wondering about myself. “Nico, what’s the plan? I leave in a week. I have to get back to work.”

My stomach turns at the thought of my family leaving me. “I don’t know. I have always planned on moving back to America, but right now, with Mom being sick, I don’t know what to do.” I reach across the table and grab her hands. “Jill, I love you. I love Nicola, and I want to be with you both, but I can’t leave my mom right now.”

“I love you too. Of course, you need to be here for your mom. I just don’t think I’ll be able to come back anytime soon. I only have one week of vacation left, and I really wanted to save it for an emergency.” I watch her eyes fill with tears. “Nico, I don’t want to leave you. Not when we’re working on us.”

I move my chair so it’s next to her and wrap my arms around her. “Don’t cry,
bella
. We’ll work something out. We can FaceTime, and I can come to you. Mom’s just doing chemo for a month, and then she’ll have surgery. As long as her tests all come back clear, then I’ll be able to move back to the states.” I cup her face in my hands. “Baby, this will be just a tiny setback. We’re going to make this work. I promise you that.” I kiss her firmly on the lips and then pull away.

After we’re done with lunch, we head back to the hotel. I hate how quiet Jill is being now. I reach out and grab her hand. She laces her fingers through mine, and we make the drive to the hotel in silence.

When we reach their room, Jill opens the door, and we find that Nicola is asleep on Gaia’s chest, who is also asleep. Mila is watching cartoons by herself.

“Hi, guys,” she whispers. She gets off the sofa. “We took her for a walk and let her run around for a bit. She was worn out, Gaia too.” She smiles. “How did the appointment go?”

“It went great. We got Mom all cuddled up on the sofa. Jill made her some tea and soup.”

I watch Jill scoop Nicola off of Gaia’s chest and lay her down in her cot. I hate that she seems distant now. I know she’s got a lot on her mind, but pulling away from me isn’t an option.

Gaia and Mila head back to our mom’s place. After I shut and lock the door, I make my way into the bedroom, where I find Jill asleep in the bed. I’ve never been much of a napper, but I slip off my shoes and climb into bed with her. I love that she immediately rolls to me. I wrap my arm around her waist and hold her close.

Chapter Twelve

Jill

Nicola and I are going home in four days, and I’m starting to freak out. All I wanted when I came here was to be here for Martine. Nico getting to know his daughter was just supposed to be an added bonus, but instead, the love I feel for him made it impossible for me to stay away from him, and now I’m in deeper than ever.

It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. It’s like my body knows when he’s near. Goose bumps break out all over my skin. We’ve spent every possible second together getting to know each other again, remembering why we fell in love in the first place.

During the days, we spent time with his mom and sisters. At night, back in my hotel room, we’d put our baby girl to bed, and then Nico would make love to me all night long. I’ve never been happier, but our departure is looming, and I’m nervous. What if Nico slips into past behaviors? What if we can’t handle being far away from each other?

I roll over and snuggle against Nico’s chest. With my nose buried in his chest, I inhale his scent. He smells like musk and sex. My lips brush over his nipple, and I watch it harden before my eyes. I nuzzle his chest and hug him tight. I’m just getting ready to wake Nico up in a special way when babbling from the other room causes me to freeze.

“You were going to give me a special treat, weren’t you?” Nico mutters, his voice sleepy.

“You’ll never know,” I say with laughter in my voice before hopping out of bed and throwing his button-up shirt on. I find Nicola standing in her cot, smiling up at me. “Good morning, beautiful girl.”

I scoop her up in my arms and hug her to my chest. I grab a bottle of milk out of the fridge and watch her pop the nipple into her mouth as I lay her down to change her diaper.

When that’s done, I carry her into the bedroom and see that Nico has put on pajama bottoms. Nicola and I climb into bed. Nica immediately smiles when she sees her daddy and crawls to him. I let them have their snuggle time while I take care of my personal business in the bathroom. I rejoin them and we end up spending some time snuggling in bed.

A part of me is sad, though, because I can’t stop my thoughts from drifting to the fact that Nicola and I will be heading back to America soon. We’ll have to rely on FaceTime to see each other. I want to trust him, I need to, but I can’t help the small kernel of fear I have that he’s going to hurt me again. Well, not just me. Nicola’s heart is in this too.

After we all are showered, Nico and I get ready to run errands before we head to his mom’s house. She’s been doing great. The chemo makes her severely nauseated at times, but the pills they’ve instructed her to take are helping.

Mila, Gaia, and I took her to get her haircut earlier after she noticed it was starting to fall out and getting thinner in spots. It was an emotional experience for all of us, but, if anything, I think it made Gaia and me a bit closer.

We had a great afternoon after the haircut. We took Martine to lunch and drank wine. The men seemed to flock to our table. Not that I could blame them. Nico’s sisters and his mom are beautiful. I’m surprised that they’re not all taken. Of course, they all probably have trust issues when it comes to men after the bullshit Nico’s dad pulled.

When we step into Martine’s house, a wonderful smell greets us. We make our way down the hall and find Nica playing on the floor while Nico cooks at the stove. He turns to smile at us when he hears us come in.

“Hey, baby.” I kiss his lips. “What are you making? It smells delicious.” I scoop Nicola off of the floor and hug her.

“We’re having
strangozzi alla spoletina.
” He kisses me one more time. His mom and sisters greet him, and then he proceeds to kick us out of the kitchen.

Dinner was delicious, but I’m not surprised. Nico used to cook for me all of the time when we were able to have sleepovers. I kick Nico out of the kitchen so I can clean up. Martine insists that she help me.

Side by side, we wash and dry the dishes. “Sweetheart, it makes my heart happy to see you with my boy. Thank you for forgiving him. After what Lorenzo and that she-devil did to him, I thought I’d lost him forever. You know, he told me he’d met someone very special, and when he told me you were Gabriel’s sister, I knew you were meant for him.”

I stop washing and look at her. “How did you know?”

“Simple. I’ve met your brother and liked him so much. He was so good for Nico even though your brother was a rascal. I could tell he was going to be a lifelong friend to my boy. When he told me about you for the first time, I could hear it in his voice. It was the most joyful sound I’d heard from him in a long time. I know he hurt you. He told me everything. I don’t condone what he did. I’ve dealt with that betrayal firsthand, and I know how bad it hurts to be destroyed by someone who was supposed to love you.” She grabs me by my shoulders. “I know circumstances were different, but that doesn’t mean they hurt any less. Thank you for finding it in your heart to forgive him. My boy looks happy, and that’s because of you and that beautiful granddaughter of mine.” She pulls me into a hug and kisses both of my cheeks.

I watch her saunter out of the kitchen and shake my head. I finish wiping everything down when I feel two arms wrap around me. Nico smells like tomatoes, and I just want to bury my nose in his chest. His lips touch my neck and slowly travel up to my ear.

“You should never bend over like that when I’m nearby, because you make my dick so hard. Your ass is delectable.” He nips my earlobe, and I bite my lip to keep from making any sort of noise. “Are you about done? I want to get you back to the hotel. I’m thinking you, me, and a bubble bath. What do you think?”

My back is pressed up against his chest, and I can feel his dick against my ass. “That sounds amazing.”

“I’ll get Nicola ready. Don’t take too long.”

He turns my face and kisses my lips hard before walking out of the room. I quickly put the rest of the dishes away, take a look around, and shut off the light as I make my way out to my family.

***

I sip my coffee and stare out at the vast landscape in front of me. I swear the weather’s been perfect every day we’ve been here. The colors are so vibrant, they don’t look real.

I take another sip of my coffee and enjoy the silence. Nicola and her daddy are both still sleeping. A smile touches the corner of my lips as I think about last night.

After we came back to the hotel, Nico bathed Nicola and got her ready for bed. It’s amazing how wonderful he is with her and how confident he is. I could hear him laughing and Nicola’s sweet little baby giggles, the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard, coming from the bathroom.

I watched silently as he dried her off and dressed her for bed. He sang to her as he fed her a bottle of milk and rocked her to sleep. We tucked her in together, both of us kissing her sweet little cheeks.

Nico took me into the bedroom, sat me at the end of the bed, and told me to wait there until he was ready for me. Ten minutes later, he came back, grabbed my hand, and led me into the bathroom. I couldn’t stop the gasp that left my lips. The entire bathroom was filled with candles and the tub filled with bubbles.

He undressed me piece by piece, kissing me after each article of clothing was removed. Once I was completely naked, he told me to undress him. Nico telling me what to do made me all tingly. After I removed his clothes, he led me to the tub and helped me climb inside. Then he settled in behind me.

When I got comfy against his chest, he wrapped his arms around me. We talked again about him moving back to St. Louis to be with us. I completely understand that he wants to wait until after his mom’s surgery.

“I wish I could stay with you until after she’s all done with everything, but I’ve got to get back to work,” I told him.

“I know, baby. I wish you could stay too. I promise we’ll talk every day. I don’t want either one of my girls to forget who I am.” He kissed the side of my neck while he said it.

We stayed in the bathtub until all of the bubbles were gone, my skin was pruned, and the water was cold. He wrapped a towel around his waist and proceeded to dry me off. He then scooped me up and carried me into the bedroom, where he made love to me until late into the night. At times, he was slow and gentle, but other times he was rough and aggressive. His cock hit spots so deep inside of me it hurt, but damn if it didn’t hurt good. We passed out somewhere around three in the morning.

As I drink my coffee, I get goosebumps when I think about all of the delicious aches plaguing my body. I step back inside and peek in on Nicola. She’s sprawled out on her back, both her arms and legs spread wide. She must’ve had a busy day with her daddy yesterday.

When I get to the bedroom, I laugh. Nico is sprawled out exactly like his daughter. The sheet is lying low across his hips, and I can tell he’s semi-hard. I gingerly lift the sheet and take a peek at the goods.

Ugh, I’ve always thought his cock was beautiful, and now I feel like I’m addicted to it. I reach out, intending to drag my finger down his shaft, but he surprises me by grabbing my wrist and pulling me down on top of him. He rolls us over, putting me under him.

“Good morning,” I squeak. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good morning,
bella
. I slept well until I had this strange sensation that I was being watched.”

He kisses me with languid brushes of his lips. A girl could get used to this, and that’s what scares the shit out of me. I know letting fear consume me isn’t healthy, but his previous actions have caused fear to sit dormant in my belly. “Hey, where’d you just go?”

He brushes my hair back from my face. Should I tell him the truth?

***

Nico

“I don’t know. I guess a part of me is just scared. We have a lot of history, some great, some not so great. We go home in three freaking days, Nico.”

Tears run out of her eyes. I wipe them away.

A little part of me dies every time I see her cry. Unfortunately, over the years, I’ve been the cause of most of her tears. It’s times like this when I wish I could go back in time and redo a lot of things, especially all of the bad things I did to her.

“Baby, it’s going to be okay. We’ll talk every day. We can FaceTime, and if you’re lucky, I’ll have phone sex with you.”

That gets a little laugh out of her. I bend down and kiss her lips. I grab her behind both knees and spread her legs so I can fit between them.

“I promise you I’m going to do everything in my power to prove to you that I’m not going to hurt you like I did before. I can’t promise that I’ll never hurt you, because we’ll fight sometimes, but I won’t ever hurt you like before.” She cups my cheek and strokes my lower lip with her thumb. “You’ll have to trust me, Jill.”

She stares up at me. “I’m trying to. I swear I am.” I wish she sounded more confident, and I know that’s on me, but it still stings a little. Well, okay, a lot. I bend down and kiss her lips.

“I know you are. Thank you for trying.”

“Ma, Ma, Ma. Pa, Pa, Pa,” Nicola says from the other room.

“I think the
principessa
is up,” I say with a smile. “I’ll get her.”

I kiss Jill one more time before I climb out of bed. I step into the other room and find Nicola standing in her cot. I love that, as soon as she sees me, she starts bouncing up and down, smiling. “Good morning, baby girl.”

“Papa, Papa!”

She reaches out her little arms to me, and I scoop her up. I change her nappy and make her a quick bottle. I carry her into the bedroom. Jill sits up in the bed.

“Hi, my sweet girl. Come here.”

She opens her arms, and I bring Nicola to her. I love watching them together, but sometimes I feel jealousy creeping in because, even though Nicola is only a year old, it’s always been the two of them and they have a bond. I know my baby girl and I are building one too, but I should’ve been building one from the beginning.

I push those thoughts away. I’m thirty-eight years old. I really need to stop throwing these pity parties for myself.

***

After we all finish getting ready, we head back to my mom’s house. I know it seems weird that, at thirty-eight, I’m living with my mom, but when I first came to Italy, I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay for a short time or what.

I never meant to permanently stay with my mom. I’ll be heading back to America, especially since things are going great with Jill, but I was lost when I first got here. Sure, I was sober and trying to fix things, but my head was still screwed up in a big way. My mom helped find me a good counselor to talk to about things. She was my biggest cheerleader.

It’s never easy admitting to people what a fuckup you are, but I confessed everything to my mom. She knows all the things I did to Jill. She knows that I hurt Jill and the last time I hurt her, she and the baby could’ve been killed. The look of disappointment on her face was hard to take.