The Heaven I Found In Hell (52 page)

"I don't know," he answered which made me try to push him off of me, but I obviously failed. His iron chest remained unmoving as it only constricted and loosened with every breath he took. "I don't know what I want. How about you?"

"Me?"

"What do you want?" he asked, gazing at me deeply.

My arms were starting to hurt from hanging, so I had no choice but to put my hands over his shoulders. At this moment it was comfort over morals. Sue me.

"I want you to let go of me."

His lips curved up into a very thin smile and after, he said, "I'm not even holding you."

"But you're close to me."

"It's still not touching," he said, and then he smirked.

He was actually smirking; he was showing some kind of emotion which I had no idea why but it made me so happy. The butterflies inside my stomach were dancing away, and all I could do was smile sheepishly back at him and so, he questioned my sudden enthusiasm.

"Why are you smiling?" he asked. "You looked like you wanted to kill me a while ago when you were with that guy."

"Why are you smirking?" I question in returned. "You haven't been smiling since."

"Since when?" he asked, and once more, he looked serious, his smirk, gone.

"That's the end of my sentence," I said.

I knew what he was trying to do; he wanted me to admit something. For some reason, I felt like he wanted to talk about what happened in New York, the Guess pictorial, but I didn't want any more complications. I wanted to leave that as it was. He was playing mind games with me, and I hated those things.

"Huh?" he asked, obviously confused. "I don't get you."

"What I meant was that, that was the end of my sentence. Since it wasn't supposed to be continued."

"It should."

"And why is that?" I asked, my turn to smirk.

"Because it's like the introduction to a clause. It has to have something after," he said in a childish manner, which made my heart flop in admiration.

He looked so adorable, like a kid who stood taller than me. I was still leaning against the ledge of the kitchen counter, but he on the other hand, decided to lean with me, our arms brushing. This, I must admit, was sending tingling sensations from my veins to my heart, and I couldn't stop it. I still really liked him, loved him still.

"Says you," I said.

"No. It's like a rule. Since can never be that last wor-"

"It can."

"That's crap," he said, grinning from ear-to-ear.

"And you're confusing me," I replied. "So you better stop it."

He smiled and all I could do was return it.

"Why are you smiling?" he asked, his grin still on my face.

"I could ask you the same thing."

This made him close his mouth and he remained silent. We still stood beside each other, skin against skin, and the quietness of the room was enveloping us. I couldn't stand the eerie surrounding so I spoke first.

"It's good you're brightening up again," I said. "Stay like that."

He looked at me.

"I will," he answered. "It's been a long time since I actually was happy. I've been moping around, being emo, you know."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh," he said. "Ever since you left me."

I woke up late the next morning, precisely at around eleven, and when I got up from my bed, I immediately took a bath to get my day started. I stepped into the shower and let the warm water soak me as it refreshed my whole body. I did my normal routine of soaping then shampooing before I left the stall to brush my teeth and apply some moisturizer for my face. I was fully awake now, and so, I left my bedroom to meet with the others, who I soon found out were lounging by the pool area, which was indoors.

"Hey Alex," Riley said, being the first one to greet me. "You only woke up now?"

I nodded at her and gave her a, "Uh-huh."

All in her bikini and their board shorts, Riley, Anthony, and Nathan were splashing water amongst each other as they laughed and shouted in chorus. My best gal friend was protected against Nate's annoying act by her boyfriend nonetheless. With his arms wrapped around her, she felt secured like nothing was going to harm her, well, except for the tickles. Unaware of what Anthony had in mind, she didn't see the part in her future wherein she wanted to leave his side. She started shouting profanities but Anthony ignored the curse words she targeted at him.

"Get off of me!" Riley screamed laughing. "Anthony! Now! Seriously!"

"I can't get off you," he teased. "I'm only at your side, not over you."

I grinned at this and immediately looked at the couple. I was about to tease them endlessly, but my eyes accidentally landed on Nathan's. He, catching me off guard, turned me speechless and all I could do was stutter incoherent words. Idiocy and confusion took the best of me, and this apparently made him laugh. Underwater, he covered his submerged stomach with his arms and then he began to make 'fun' of me.

"What? Are you a deer now?" he asked, rendering me speechless even more.

"Bleh?"

"Got caught in the headlights?" he then returned winking.

I had to laugh at what he had said since it was actually funny in a shallow and a what-the-hell kind of way. As a reply, he turned to me and grinned and I could only sheepishly smile back at him. With only the bottom half of my body wet, I immediately squealed when he brought me back to reality by splashing water onto my face, onto my eyes. I brushed it away and blinked rapidly before I told him that what he did wasn't humorous.

"If you're trying to be funny, well, it's not working," I said smirking, totally unaware that I was starting to flirt harmlessly with him.

A long 'oh' resounded from him as he placed his hand over the left part of his chest, the place where his heart was.

"That's a stab in the heart."

"And you're to blame," I continued, still grinning.

"You give love a bad name," he said, singing the lyrics of the song out of tune.

Again, I laughed, but this time it was he who couldn't speak properly. I walked nearer to him and against the current of the water in the pool and soon enough, we stood in front of one another, closely together.

"Look, another deer," I said, pointing straight at him. "And stop, you're killing my ears."

With that gesture, my sights remained on him and immediately, my heart flopped and my stomach churned. I quickly reminisced on the times we had spent together, from when we were friends up until we had gotten together. Feelings of passion and of love came back. Actually, it was just really in me the whole time, and was only fully awakened now when I stared at him for a long time, probably a minute or so. He smiled that angelic kind of smile at me and I could only grin as embarrassment washed all over me. He looked almost-perfect as he stood before me, almost naked, as his chest, toned and built, and his abs, a six-pack, captivated me, which made me want him not only for his personality but also for his physic. Sure, beauty was only skin deep, but he definitely had gotten the best of both.

"Me? A deer?" he finally said after a moment or two of silence.

I nodded.

"Just like I am," I answered smiling.

"Well, in that case," he said, wearing a contemplative look. "You're my mate."

This time, I laughed, splashing water everywhere as my hands came in contact, hard, with the contents of the pool. Nathan looked at me like I was some kind of lunatic, and to stop me from acting too exaggerated, he closed the gap between us by taking me in his arms, as my head rested against his chest. His hands slipped around my waist as he finally placed them on the lower part of my back. I wanted to kiss him right then and there, but then I thought it would be too soon, and so, I just melted into him, our bodies fitting each other the right way.

"You're too arrogant to be my mate," I said, my head still on his chest.

"Don't the stronger ones get their mates faster?" he asked, his arms wrapped tightly around me as if we were a couple.

"You have a point, but strong had a whole different meaning from egotistical."

"Alex, shut up," he started in a sarcastic tone. "Don't go all philosophical on me. It's supposed to be our Winter Break."

I removed my head from his chest to be able to look up at him. I couldn't help myself. I just needed to control myself, which was becoming harder to do with the way he looked back at me, his gaze, full of intensity, his eyes, so full of emotions. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and so, I pulled away from him. He looked shocked when my arms unwound from his waist, but he covered it up with a questioning look.

"Why? What happened?" he asked, as he took a step nearer when I moved farther away from him.

I shook my head and then said with a small chuckle, "It's nothing. It's just that you're not my boyfriend anymore, but I still treat you like one."

He gazed right at me, looking somewhat lost and…angry. Anger? How? I put on my calm façade but underwater my knees were shaking. I kept looking straight at him, to show him that I wasn't hiding anything, and in return, his lips formed a thin line as he looked at me grimly.

"Oh," he answered. "You're right."

I grinned in embarrassment while he remained silent, and to save me from further mortification, I gave him one last hug, which he didn't return, before I left. I exited the pool area and during the walk back to my room, I tried to think of what I had done wrong to make him act so 'closed' to the world, especially to me. My current relationship with him was weird one way or another. One moment we're smiling at each other and teasing, and then next thing I know, the both of us turns quiet as if one of us had done some grave sin. When I got to my room, I fell on my bed and let the sheets cover me. I decided to take a nap, but was interrupted when Riley came knocking on my door.

Riley and I, along with Anthony of course, decided to watch a movie, a horror flick, but as much as I would've wanted to get scared for the sake of being able to hug someone in feigned fright, I couldn't, since well duh, Nate, who I wanted to do that to, was absent and I had no plans of hugging Anthony. He was already taken, mind you. The three of us headed over to the house's entertainment area, as we entered the Adam's Movie Room which was completed with thirty cinema seats and a very wide screen. I sat beside Riley, who was between Anthony and me, and before I knew it, the movie started playing, and I could feel myself starting to fall asleep, again. I realized the nap I took had not done me any good. It was a thirty-minute slumber. I needed more than that if I wanted to survive bonding time with Ridgeway's Most Perfect Couple who were, I must say, sickeningly sweet, just like how Nate and I used to be. 
Oh…the memories.