The Imperfection of Swans (38 page)

Still she smiled. “And what did you discover about the disorder and its relationship with eating?”

“That it’s not really about food, it’s often about having control over life.”

“Did that feel true to you too?”

Kevin shrugged. “I guess. Somewhat. I definitely need to control my world, but I also think it has to do with food. I care about what I look like, and I want to stay in shape.”

After scribbling across her notepad, it was several more moments before Dr. Wynn answered. “I’d like to alleviate some of your worry. On the positive side, from what your intake form suggested, while not complete, you had a relative hold over the bulimia practices pretty early on, which, I’m certain, is why you managed to function without requiring more intensive interventions until now. It also sounds like you have a very strong support system, which is vital. What you read is true. Eating disorders are complex, individualized, and extremely powerful. They are not, however, untreatable. And I truly believe you have many of the ingredients that lead to managing this.”

She paused.

Kevin nodded, indicating he was still with her, though he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. For trying to alleviate his worry, she was terrifying him.

His expression must have said as much.

Dr. Wynn leaned forward, her elbows resting on the legal pad over her knees. “Kevin, I do truly believe you will learn to manage it successfully. Truly.”

“Okay.”

The tears started to fall, but Kevin didn’t really care as much.

BY THE
end of the session, Kevin felt somewhat at peace. It still wasn’t something he wanted to do, but Dr. Wynn, for all her grotesque décor, had given him some hope.

The idea that his life might be free from the constant burning and pain from the acid reflux, or at least that it would be greatly decreased, and that he could take control over his stress and issues around food, seemed nearly too good to be true. To have those, Bella Dolce, and Casper? Seriously?

“I love you, Casper.”

Casper glanced up from his plate of rotisserie chicken, surprised, and gifted Kevin with a beautiful smile. “I love you too. Those are my favorite, by the way. The ones out of the blue.”

Kevin didn’t respond. It seemed that therapy was already bringing his emotions closer to the surface.
That
should be fun.

“Are you loving the mashed potatoes? Charu will want in on that meal.” Casper waggled his eyebrows.

“Actually, yes. Having something besides soup and applesauce is pretty amazing. I’m really craving a cheeseburger.” Who would have thought eating at a deli could taste so good?

Casper blanched. “Are you serious?” He leaned in, his quiet voice teasing. “Did the therapist replace my boyfriend while you were in there?”

“Well, maybe half a cheeseburger.” So far, Casper was the only one willing to tease him about the eating issues, and it helped more than anything else. “Actually, I think my throat is feeling well enough that we can try some of the softer solid food from the approved list they gave us. Maybe some tuna or something tonight.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“I thought maybe we could swing by the shop for a bit this afternoon. I feel up to doing some work. Nothing too strenuous, I know.” Not being able to prepare for the store’s opening week was causing Kevin nearly as much pain as the postsurgical effects.

Casper shook a fork-skewered piece of chicken at him. “Nothing doing. Even if I was willing to disobey the doctor’s order, I wouldn’t be willing to risk your moms’ murder attempts on my life as retribution.”

Though it was pointless, Kevin started to argue.

Casper cut him off with a sly grin. “Although I do have a surprise for you, and I want to point out that I’m learning some manipulative strategies from you and Renata. Notice I saved it until you brought up the store.” He held out an opened envelope. “Now, validate my new relationship skill and let this suffice.”

Kevin took the envelope and glanced at the return address. “Devina Malloy!” Hurriedly, he pulled out a short, handwritten letter on soft cream-colored stationary and scanned it quickly. “Yes! She can come to the Grand Opening! That is awesome!” A thought hit him, and he looked up from the letter. “Exactly how long have you had this?”

“It came in this morning.” Casper chuckled. “Don’t worry, I know better than to withhold for too long.”

“Hmmmm. You’d better.” Kevin returned to the letter, a happy excitement beginning to build. He’d been so caught up in everything, even before his acid reflux had upped its attempt at eating him alive, he’d forgotten to enjoy the wedding dress shop. “You know, as much as it’s killing me, it’s nice to take a short break from everything. Getting that place ready was so stressful, and so much was going wrong, I think it stopped being enjoyable for a bit.”

“It’ll be fun again. Endless work, but fun. I can’t wait to see what Devina thinks when she sees the shop in person.”

Kevin waved him off. “She’ll love it. The brownstone is perfect. Look at her designs. She’s got taste.” He shook the letter. “And good handwriting.”

“I thought you’d notice that.”

Kevin took another spoonful of the mashed potatoes. He never wanted soup again. “Let me tell you who doesn’t have good taste. That Dr. Wynn. I swear to you, she might be smart and insightful or whatever, but something in that woman is batshit.” He let off an exaggerated shudder. “It’s like the fourth dimension of tacky hell in that office.”

Worry sounded in Casper’s voice. “But you said you liked her, right?”

“Yeah. I think I do. I think she’ll help.” He knew he’d probably been driving Casper crazy, but he couldn’t help but check again. “She was pretty clear about this being a long process. One that I might not completely beat, but just figure out how to manage. I hate that you—”

Though kind, Casper’s voice was firm. “Nope. Not doing it again. I will tell you and show you how much I love you as much as you need. But I will not listen to you trying to convince me to run for the hills anymore. So knock it off.”

Kevin couldn’t help but grin. “Has Mom been giving you bossy lessons?”

“Something like that. But not the one you’re thinking.”

That was ominous. Before Kevin could ask anything else, Casper changed the subject.

“So, I have another surprise, if you’re up for it.”

“Oh yeah?”

He nodded. “Feel like walking a bit?”

“Anything if it keeps me out of the house a bit longer.”

“Good! Now hurry up on those potatoes, and we’ll get out of here.” Casper stood, picking up his tray. “Actually, I’ll be right back. I saw some cinnamon rolls that have Noelle’s and my name written all over them. You and Renata can have the cinnamon-flavored applesauce if you feel jealous.”

THIRTY MINUTES
later, they pulled into a parking lot at a large strip mall. A wave of love washed over Kevin once more. “You really do get me, don’t you?”

Casper motioned to the Container Store. “I don’t understand the appeal, but I do know nothing makes you feel quite as relaxed as organization. I thought walking up and down endless aisles of closet organizers, file folders, and color-coded storage boxes might make you happy.”

Kevin let out a happy sigh. “I love you.”

“You should.” Casper laughed. “And, if you’re good, I might let you pick out something to use in my sock drawer that’s been driving you so crazy!”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“Well, thank God!” Kevin clapped his hands and then reached for the door handle. “Let’s go!”

CASPER

KEVIN’S VOICE
called up from the lower level, interrupting the planning Casper and Charu were doing on the custom order form. “Casper, can you come down here, please?”

Casper grinned at Charu. “Just do it however you want. You know I trust you.”

He hurried down the steps into the wedding dress shop. “What’s up, babe?” He paused when he saw the heavy man glaring at Kevin. It was only supposed to be the two of them and Charu and Annie. Even the rest of the Bivantis had agreed to let the final day be the four of them.

Kevin motioned toward the man, his gaze communicating his irritation more than his tone. “Casper, this is Mr. Russo. He is the owner of Mr. Wang’s Sushi Emporium.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Russo.” Casper strode forward, his hand outstretched, then paused as the name clicked. “Oh.”

He could swear he saw a smirk at the corner of Kevin’s lips. “Yes, that Mr. Russo. He seems to not be quite satisfied that the bakery got the go-ahead from the city.”

Casper had never had direct contact with Mr. Russo. The issue had all been dealt with through filing permits and paperwork. However, the owner of Mr. Wang’s Sushi Emporium couldn’t have looked any more different from what Casper had expected. He supposed that was a lesson in stereotyping. This man looked more like an older, overweight Robert De Niro than the cantankerous Asian grandfather he’d been expecting.

“You are the baker?” Mr. Russo ignored the hand that Casper had yet to drop.

“Uhm, yes, sir, I am.” This was the last thing they needed today. “I assure you that I have the license and permits that—”

“I do not care about that. I want proof.”

“Proof?”

Mr. Russo just nodded.

Casper spared a wondering glance toward Kevin. Was this guy for real? “You want proof that I am not going to be serving sushi in my bakery?”

“Yes.”

“Okaaay.” He so wanted to tell the guy to get lost. However, it was probably better to attempt to appease the crazy instead of pissing it off. Casper turned to the stairs. “Why don’t you follow me? I’ll be happy to show you what we do in the bakery.”

He tried to give Charu fair warning before Mr. Russo made it up the stairs, but failed. “Charu, this is Mr. Russo. He’s the owner of Mr. Wang’s Sushi Emporium. He’d like to make sure we aren’t rolling sushi up here.”

Charu’s puzzlement turned to astonishment when she saw the man behind him. Casper barely caught himself before laughing out loud at her bug-eyed expression. It seemed he hadn’t been the only one to do some racial stereotyping.

Casper led Mr. Russo to the marble counter and made a sweeping gesture. “Here it is. A bunch of cakes, tarts, cookies, marzipan. I could go on, but fish is nowhere to be found.”

Mr. Russo actually began to inspect the pastries, going so far as sniffing a few of them. Charu and Casper gaped at each other, and Charu had to cover her mouth to keep from giggling.

“I can assure you, we aren’t hiding raw fish in our tarts. And unfortunately, customers are not allowed behind the counter. Health regulations, as I’m sure you understand, Mr. Wang.” He couldn’t help himself.

The older man stood rigid. “It is Mr. Russo, and I
assure you
that I am not a customer.”

“Very well, then. I am certain we will miss your business.” Casper motioned toward the stairway. “Are you satisfied?”

“For now.”

Oh great. “Good enough. Let me walk you out.”

After a seemingly intentionally slow pace down the stairs and across the dress shop to the door, Casper turned the dead bolt behind him.

Kevin crossed the room toward him. “That go okay?”

“Not to be racist, my love, but is there something wrong with your people?”

“Hey, now. My family might be a little intense, but none of us are pretending to be Japanese.”

Casper shrugged playfully. “I don’t know. I’ve gotten a close look at Italian culture the past couple of weeks as you were healing. Granted, none of them are crazy enough to think they might find sushi hidden in a wedding cake, but still.”

“Actually, there are a couple in my family who might.” Kevin gave him a quick kiss. “By the way, I hear that you’re finally starting to get everyone’s names right.”

“I think I’m doing pretty well. There’s only six dozen of you all flitting here and there at any given time.”

At that moment Annie came up to them. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I just want to clarify one more time, Mr. Bivanti. Are you certain you want me to ask women their price point on the garments when I book appointments? That seems a little insulting.”

“Annie, you can call me Kevin, remember?” He patted Casper’s arm and started to walk away with his new employee. “Can you afford a twelve thousand dollar gown?”

She shook her head.

“Well, me neither. Now imagine you’re shopping for your wedding dress on a three thousand dollar budget, and trying on a twelve thousand dollar gown. Every dress you try on in your price range is going to be a disappointment after that. We don’t want our brides leaving disappointed.”

Casper watched them go, smiling to himself. Kevin had put on weight over the past couple of weeks. He almost looked like he had when they’d first met. Though he still needed some Tums from time to time, the change was unbelievable. It even seemed to affect his stress level. There had been a meltdown or two, but not nearly as many as Casper had expected as Kevin was at home while the rest of his family was helping get Bella Dolce ready for business. Explaining the rationale of wedding gown pricing to Annie must not have been one of the things covered.