The Imperfection of Swans (36 page)

Kevin wasn’t sure what he had done to make the doctor dislike him. Though she hadn’t said so, her tone pretty much screamed, “Serves you right, serves you right!” If he weren’t in pain and so weak, he’d walk out of her office and find a different doctor. “When I was diagnosed with GERD”—he hated that word as well, so much uglier than acid reflux, though that wasn’t pretty either—“they mentioned that this was a risk that could happen over time.”

“True.” Dr. Horn assented begrudgingly. “Unfortunately the effects of your bulimia escalated this particular outcome.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Noelle grip Renata’s arm again. Even her tone was less than cordial. “So, Dr. Horn, can we please jump to what we do next?”

Kevin was pretty sure, if he listened close enough, he would be able to hear the doctor’s teeth grinding together. “The surgery is called Nissen Fundoplication. I will wrap your gastric fundus around the esophagus, and sew it in place, which will strengthen that closing. I will also narrow your esophageal hiatus with sutures to keep the fundus from sliding up into the diaphragm.”

Kevin’s skin began to tingle, and the office walls began to close in. He’d understood about three words of that. “Will there be a scar?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “There will be five small incisions between the top of your abdominals and your navel, one for a camera to be able to see and the rest for surgical equipment. Do you have any other cosmetic concerns?” She didn’t wait for a response. “You’ll be in the hospital for just a few days, and your recovery will be around three to four weeks. If you need a letter for your work, I can provide that. Any practical questions?”

Kevin felt for a pill.

Oh, right. He’d taken it before coming into the doctor’s office.

SEVERAL HOURS,
a meltdown, and much ranting later, the four of them were gathered around the dining table in JP. Actually the ranting hadn’t quite ceased.

“I just can’t get over it.” Renata’s anger didn’t seem close to subsiding. “It’s like she hated Kevin. I am definitely going to write a complaint. As if she is in any place to judge someone with an… with food issues. She was so thin she could star in a commercial to raise money for starvation.”

“Renata! Good grief.” Noelle shook her head.

The thought had occurred to Kevin as well. He kept seeing the woman at the gym in his mind. That’s probably how he would have told her similar news. He actually wanted to go apologize to her. Because that wouldn’t be weird.

I’m sorry that I’ve hated you for so long. I know you didn’t know that I hated you, but now you know and I’m sorry.

He was losing it! “Let’s hold off on the complaint until I actually have the surgery, Mom. I don’t want her to take out vengeance while she’s messing around in there.” He grinned at Casper. “Aren’t you looking forward to the boyfriend who has five scars on his six-pack? Sexy, huh?”

He’d tried to be funny, but apparently his voice had betrayed him. Casper squeezed his hand supportively. “You’ll never have a boyfriend with a six-pack at all, so I’d say I win there. And I’m looking forward to a boyfriend who’s not in pain and who can eat. It will be worth it when you feel better.”

Though meant to encourage, the words only sent more panic rushing in. “Right! In… how many weeks did she say? Four? How the hell are we supposed to do that? We’re opening next month, and the Grand Opening is the first week in October. That’s little more than six weeks away right now, and I haven’t even had the surgery yet. We’ve already sent out invitations. I haven’t trained Annie on how I want things to go. She’s still got another two weeks at her old job.” The air was being sucked out of the room. “Charu is starting next week. I’ve still got to hire servers for the Grand Opening. We can’t postpone opening the shop. We’ve got to start having revenue coming in.” No way. There was no way he was going to do this. “We will just have to put off the surgery until spring. By then we’ll be more settled. Things will be on their way. I can hire someone else to help Annie during the busy season. Oh shit, that’s the busy season. Never mind. I’ll need to put off the surgery until next summer. There’s no way that it will work any other way.”

“Kevin!”

The room came back into focus, mostly. All three were gathered around him, but it was his mother’s yell that had cut through.

He took a haggard breath.

He was not going to lose it. He wasn’t. He’d already lost it once that day. There was not time for another episode.

There was work to do.

“I’m okay. Really.”
Lies. Lies. Lies.

Clearly they didn’t believe him, but they sat back down, Casper not breaking contact with Kevin’s hand. “Why don’t we take a break? We can hash all this out later. We can go watch a movie or do something relaxing.”

God, that sounded even more anxiety producing. “No. I need to figure this out. There’s no way anything will be relaxing with this over my head.”

Renata took charge. It was what she did best, and Kevin was willing to bet that she felt the same as him. Get it done, then relax. If there was even such a thing as relaxation. “You’re having the surgery, though I do wish we had time to get a different doctor who isn’t a total bitch. But that is what it is. As far as getting Bella Dolce ready to be opened, we’ll all pitch in. The whole family.”

“Mom, you all have jobs and—”

She cut him off. “I’m not asking permission, Kevin. And I’m pulling the trump card. Your family is financially invested in this business, so if you don’t want to feel guilty about us doing it out of love, then look at it that way. Until you are back to normal, we are stepping in and taking over.” She glanced at Casper. “You have complete charge of the bakery, of course. And you will have veto power about some things on the wedding dress side as well.” Her eyes narrowed. “Probably.”

Casper’s laugh was so out of the blue that it made Kevin jump. And then he and Noelle were laughing as well.

For her part, Renata looked offended. “I fail to see the humor in this.”

They laughed harder, tears rolling down all three of their faces.

God, it felt good. Even though it made the burning worse. Kevin couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed.

Though he was still laughing, Casper spoke up again. “Oh, Renata, I love you. I’m glad you’re going to be one of my mothers-in-law, even though you’re going to give me a run for my money.”

The laughter instantly ceased.

Kevin gaped at Casper, so shocked that he didn’t even feel the gurgling of bile.

“What?” Casper grinned unapologetically. “We’ve moved fast in everything else. We both know it’s going to happen.”

HOURS LATER
Kevin was propped up on two pillows to help keep the acid at bay. He whispered into the dark. “Casper, you awake?”

It took a moment, but the sheets rustled and the bed shifted as Casper rolled over to face him. “You okay?” His voice was husky with sleep.

The sound made Kevin wish he felt up to having sex. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Casper snorted. “Really? You woke me up to tell me you’re okay?”

Kevin had woken nearly an hour ago, stresses of limitless variety warring in his brain. So far, he’d been able to manage it, though, without giving in to panic. “You really were serious back at the house, weren’t you?”

Though sleepy, Casper must not have needed any more clarification on what was on Kevin’s mind. “Of course I was.”

“That’s a little scary.” More than a little, actually.

“Yeah. It is. It seems we like to do scary things. Brownstones with barely a moment’s notice. Dating before advisable.”

“Yeah, but marriage….”

“I wasn’t proposing.”

“You weren’t? Sounded like a definitive to me.”

Casper chuckled. “We are getting married, but it doesn’t mean it’s tomorrow or even this year. And maybe I’m the one who wants to get proposed to, even if you’re the one who will wear the dress.”

Kevin sat up, though he instantly regretted the sudden motion. He waited for the burning to lessen. “I am not wearing a dress at our wedding.”

Casper propped himself up beside Kevin. “And that sounds pretty definitive to me.”

Kinda did.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make any grand statement or throw new stress onto things. Although I can see how it is kinda dumb of me to think otherwise.” Casper’s voice grew hesitant. “I just made an assumption and wasn’t thinking.”

Kevin inspected Casper’s face in the dim light that snuck past the curtains. He looked so different without his glasses. It had almost startled Kevin when he woke up the first few times in the brownstone, uncertain of where he was and who he was with. Though Kevin preferred the glasses because they were just so Casper, Casper was actually better-looking without them. There was almost a feminine beauty about him. And if Kevin were honest, though he’d not allowed his brain to go there quite yet, he realized he had assumed as much as well. Why pretend otherwise? “Do you think it would be appropriate for a power bottom to do the proposing?”

A teasing smile worked at Casper’s lips. “Is that your way of proposing?”

“No.” Kevin shook his head. “But I do think I want to be the one proposed to.”

Casper shrugged playfully. “So do I. I guess we will have to wait to see who caves first.”

“Might take a while. We’re both pretty stubborn.” Actually, the thought of marrying Casper was relaxing.

“I’m okay with that. Could be fun.”

CASPER

THE WAITING
room might as well have been rented out for a family reunion. Casper truly had grown to love the Bivanti family, but the number of people was ridiculous. Seriously, hadn’t they heard of cell phones? It wasn’t like they would all be allowed in the room once Kevin was out of surgery. That, and didn’t any of them have jobs?

All of Renata’s siblings were there, along with the aged grandmother and several others. He couldn’t remember how they fit in. He wondered if they all knew of Kevin’s eating disorder or if they all assumed it was his acid reflux. He could just see the doctor entering after surgery and announcing that the operation was a success and that Kevin would be fine if he could just quit sticking his fingers down his throat.

Although, did doctors come in after surgeries anymore? Maybe that was just in the movies.

As much as he wasn’t a fan of Dr. Horn’s bedside manner, Casper was thankful for her. She’d taken Kevin’s case seriously enough to pull some strings with scheduling and get him in three days after their appointment. Though he was thankful, it also scared him. For her to act so quickly, Kevin must have been a higher need than he’d thought. Which made sense, with how much weight he’d lost.

Plus, since her initial consult, Casper had overheard Kevin and Renata talking about his eating disorder, and actually calling it by those terms. He couldn’t help but feel that naming might take away some of its power.

Casper managed two and a half hours with the Bivanti clan and then excused himself. It was starting to feel claustrophobic. Too many people. Too many voices. Too many questions. And Renata’s worried pacing was starting to get to him.

He wasn’t worried. Of course surgeries had risks, but he felt certain that things would go all right. And the idea that Kevin wouldn’t be in constant pain any longer—anything was worth that. He’d honestly not understood that part of it. He’d been battling that guilt since finding out Kevin needed surgery. He’d assumed it was an irritation, but figured the greater issue that kept Kevin from eating was the eating disorder, which was part of it, he knew, but still….

After wandering down to the cafeteria and grabbing a snack, and then stepping outside for fresh air, Casper forced himself to go back up to the waiting room. However, once he was there, he couldn’t bring himself to open the door. He could hear them already. His nerves couldn’t take any more at the moment. Instead, he leaned his back against the wall several feet away. Close enough to see if a nurse arrived and far enough away so he couldn’t hear the Bivanti racket.

“Hiding from the family?”

Not far enough, it seemed. Casper turned toward the voice, reminding himself to keep his face placid. “Oh, hey, Noelle.” Okay, Noelle he could handle.

She closed the distance between them and copied his position supporting the wall. “Let me fill you in on my rule. It took me nearly fifteen years to discover the secret. I call it the twenty-twenty rule. Twenty minutes with the family and then twenty minutes to yourself, however you can find it. I’m pretty sure a lot of the family thinks I have bowel issues, as I’ve often taken refuge in the bathroom for much longer than is acceptable. However, on more… lively occasions, shall we say, it switches to the twenty-thirty rule. Like today.”

No wonder he loved her. “So twenty to myself, thirty with the family.”

She scrunched up her face. “Are you nuts? On days like today, when the volume level is nearly as loud as the tension? Twenty with family, thirty to yourself, or more if you can figure out a way without offending someone. You gotta take care of yourself if you hope to make it with this bunch. And you’ve got to do a better job than five feet away.” She motioned to the waiting room door.