The Impostor, A Love Story (31 page)

“Baby, I miss you so much. I can’t wait to
hold you again,” he began. Before long, I told him about the
trouble with the nanny and how I was unable to work. He told me to
use the money he had given me to move out and find my own nanny. I
didn’t have the heart to tell him I gave all the money to Steve. I
felt so stupid.

“Nicole, I really don’t like you living
there. Steve kind of rubbed me the wrong way.”

“I’m fine, Dylan, but when you get back,
maybe you can help me find something of my own. That way you could
stay with us when you are in town.”

I hoped by then I would have the money back.
I heard the clicking on the phone again. Then the phone call seemed
much clearer. “Listen, I have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow and
we can talk more. I really want you to move out of there.”

A week went by. Most evenings Steve entered
the house cursing under his breath. Timothy, Steve complained, went
back to the Lower 48 after he was paid and so he was left to work
in the shop by himself. He was so busy that he was unable to make
it to the bank before closing. I wondered why Timothy left,
especially since the week before he said he wasn’t going
anywhere.

Three days later, we still hadn’t heard
anything from the nanny. I set Jess on the bed and kissed her
goodnight, then returned to my room, trying to figure out what I
could do.

Resting on the back of the chair was the
sweater I had worn the last day Dylan and I were together. I picked
it up, sitting on my bed, and brought it to my face. The sweet
smell of his cologne filled my nose. I really missed him. He never
called back. When I told him we could stay together when he was in
town, maybe he figured I was asking him to move in with me and it
freaked him out. I curled up with the sweater on my bed and closed
my eyes. Why didn’t he call? I needed to talk to him.

I heard the rumbling of our car pulling into
the driveway. I looked at the clock. Emily arrived home hours
early. I sat back up on my bed, upset about the nanny and sad about
Dylan. I needed someone to talk to and get advice on how to ask
Steve for the money back without offending him.

The sound of her footsteps pounded on the
stairs as she rushed into her room and slammed the door shut behind
her. I opened my door and walked down the hall—a slight whimper
escaped through the walls.

“Emily, you okay?” I knocked gently. “Emily?”
She didn’t answer. “Emily?” I turned the knob and it was unlocked.
I entered. She was lying on the bed, her head buried in her pillow.
I closed the door behind me and ran over to sit on her bed.

“You okay Emily? What is wrong?” She didn’t
answer me. I rubbed her back as she lay there in tears. “Is it
Chris? I will kick his ass.”

She finally rolled over, her face smeared
with wet mascara. “It’s my dad.” She was hyperventilating. I
searched for a bag or something she could breathe into. I found a
little paper one with nail polish in it and emptied it onto her
dresser. She sat up on the bed, steadying her breath with the small
paper bag.

“Your dad? What’s wrong? I thought he was
getting better.” I continued to rub her back.

She pulled the bag from her face. “We all
did.” Hyperventilating again, she returned the bag to her mouth. It
puffed up like a balloon. As she sucked in the air, it deflated
again.

Finally, her crying subsided, and she was
able to breathe on her own. She continued, “They just found out he
has cancer. He’s not doing good, Nicole. He’s not doing good at
all. I have to go back.”

Cancer
? “I’m so sorry. I wish there
was something I could do. I love your dad.”

“I think I’m going to leave in two weeks.
They need me there.”

Two weeks
? “I understand.”
Poor
thing
. I couldn’t imagine. Her dad was wonderful. Emily had his
smile. He loved his kids so much. Ever since the first day I met
him, he made me feel like I was part of the family. So funny, so
friendly, I couldn’t imagine him ill. I couldn’t imagine what Emily
was going through.

“I talked to my sister today when I was on
break. Brad let me off early; he could tell I was upset.”

“What can I do to help?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think right now.” She
cradled her head in her hands and wiped away the tear that was
cascading down her cheek. “Can we talk in the morning? I just want
to be alone. Don’t say anything to anyone, okay?”

“Of course not. Are you sure you’re going to
be okay?”

She wiped her eyes again. “I think so.”

“Emily, if there is anything I can do, you
have to let me know, okay? I will leave now, but I reserve
permission to reenter if I feel you need company.” I held her for a
minute. “I’m just a few rooms away. Do you want something to eat?
To drink?” She shook her head no.

We didn’t have any tissues. I grabbed a
toilet paper roll from the hall bathroom and brought it in to
her.

Her father’s illness was really difficult for
her. Every so often, throughout the next week, she would break down
in tears. She was truly my best friend and it was hard to see her
go, but even harder to watch her suffering.

Chris would be out of town for another month,
and she had no way to contact him when he was on contract—he had to
be under the radar. She didn’t want to leave without saying
goodbye, but she had no choice.

“He will understand, Em. I’ll make sure he
knows how to get in touch with you.”

“I’m scared, Nicole. I’m really scared. My
dad’s voice seemed so weak on the phone.”

I held her tight as the tears poured out of
her eyes. I wished there was something I could do to relieve her
pain.

Chapter
Thirty-eight

One evening, Steve offered to watch Jessica.
I needed to make money more than ever. I’d be paying for everything
myself now that Emily was leaving.

Steve drank a couple beers. I didn’t feel
comfortable having him babysit, but Brad told me I should come in
for part of the night to make sure Butch wouldn’t take me off the
schedule forever. Steve wasn’t drunk, and I had no one else to turn
to.

With Emily leaving, I decided I wanted to
move back to Anchorage as soon as I could. I was really starting to
doubt the nanny would ever show up. Steve told me, however, that he
would get my money, which relieved me. He just asked if I could
wait until Wednesday when he finished the rush job he was working
on.

I wanted to stay at Steve’s at least until he
paid me back. We had already paid him for the month, so I had a
place to stay and as soon as I got the money back, it would be easy
to get a place on my own. I didn’t love the idea of living in the
house without Emily there. And I knew Dylan would be furious if I
stayed, but I didn’t have the money to move anywhere else yet. I
was stuck. I had gone through almost all of my savings.

“Honey, I’ll come home as soon as I can.” I
kissed Jessica. “Did you know Mr. Steve made the gingerbread house
outside? I will come home as soon as I can, okay honey?”

“She will be fine. I have ice cream and the
Little Mermaid
movie. I’m sure she will be asleep before you
know it,” Steve assured me.

Emily and I started driving away.

“She will be fine. He has kids of his own.” I
was trying to convince myself I wasn’t making a mistake. “Obviously
he was a good dad or he wouldn’t have gotten sole custody.”

We made it out to the highway when I heard
Dylan’s voice in my head.

“He is a stranger. You can’t move in with a
stranger.”

I felt safe around Steve, but the idea of
leaving my daughter with him was starting to freak me out a little,
especially since I knew he’d had a couple beers. I began thinking
even more. It had been another week, and the nanny still hadn’t
shown up. He still hadn’t returned my money. Questions started
building up in my mind.

“Emily, I’m sorry, but we have to turn back.
I can’t leave her there by herself. I’m really sorry. I have a bad
feeling.”

Emily turned the car around.

The knot in my stomach made me feel like
something was wrong. I walked quietly to the front door and opened
it. Jessica was sitting on his lap. Another opened beer rested on
the coffee table.

“Mommy, you’re home.” She jumped up and ran
to me.

“Did you forget something?” His eyes darted
around the room, and his voice sounded a little tense.

“No, I’m actually not really feeling well. I
figured Jessica and I could turn in early.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you want to watch a
movie or something?”

“Not tonight. I’m not going to make you watch
another kid movie. You can watch whatever you would like.”

I carried Jessica to my room. We sat on the
bed as I slowly brushed her hair.

“Mommy, sometimes do people have secrets?”
Her sweet little voice pierced me with her words.

What
? “Like what kind of secrets?” I
started to get a sick feeling in my stomach but knew I had to
control my reaction.

“I don’t know . . . the special kind.”

Maybe I came home at the right time. The idea
sickened me. I swallowed. What did she mean by that?

“Honey, you never have secrets from me, okay?
Little girls never have secrets from their mommies. Do you have any
secrets you want to tell me?”

“No, Mommy. Mr. Steve asked me if I was good
at keeping secrets.” My stomach twisted, and I could feel the
muscles in my face contort out of disgust.

“Did he ask you to keep a secret? Did he . .
. touch you?”

“No Mommy, he just put me on his lap and
asked me if I was good at keeping secrets.”

I embraced my little girl, slowly rocking her
in my arms, terrified at what may have happened if I had not come
back home.

Jessica fell asleep in my arms. I laid her on
my bed and slowly tucked the covers around her, kissing her on her
forehead. The lights were out, but I couldn’t sleep. My head spun
and I kept imagining what could have happened if I hadn’t
returned.

Around midnight, I heard footsteps creak down
the staircase. Jessica’s door slowly squeaked open. I held my
daughter tighter.

Dylan’s words haunted me.
He is a
stranger. You can’t move in with a stranger
.

I could hear the footsteps creak back up the
stairs. It can’t be. He’s got two sons. My heartbeat rose.

Different memories invaded my head like
popcorn, overlapping each other.

I have this nanny coming in. She will get
here this month,
I remembered him saying. Two months had come
and gone. Was there even a nanny? All of a sudden, my mind flashed
back to the night I told Carl I needed a nanny and a place to stay.
I realized Steve had been at the table right next to us.

Could it be that he had heard I had a child?
Could he have lied about the nanny so I’d move in with my
daughter?

I made a lot today and thought I would pass
on some of the profit. You can buy a stuffed animal for your
daughter or something. I have two kids of my own, so I know how
important it is.

I never told him I had a daughter. He must
have been listening to our conversation.

A chill came over me.
Am I being
paranoid
? I wished so much that Dylan would call me or that
Chris was still in the country. Why haven’t his sons gotten here by
now? Does he have sons?

I hadn’t seen any pictures. What about their
room? I had never been upstairs. Did they even have a bedroom?

The video he showed us with his wife and all
of their houses—there wasn’t video footage of his sons. Why would
you take video of your houses, but not video of your children?

I considered everything as if I was analyzing
it through a magnifying glass, trying to remember every detail that
may either convict him in my mind or get him off.

If he had sons, why would he build a pastel
gingerbread house with curtains, filled with pots and pans and
little plastic food?

For the boys, he would build a tree house,
workshop, or something not so frilly. If he had sons, he would have
movies like
Bob the Builder
or
Thomas the Tank
Engine
, not the
Little Mermaid
,
Mulan
,
Pocahontas
, and
Disney Princesses
.

Tomorrow I would check for signs boys lived
here. Maybe all of these things were to attract little girls. I
hoped it wasn’t true, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance with
my daughter.

I had to send Jessica home with Emily—back to
the safety of her grandmother—until I knew it was safe. I shook my
head.
Why did I give him all of the money Dylan let me
borrow
? I thought Steve was a millionaire and could just pay me
back in a day or two. That was before I found out he was possibly
lying about everything.

We have to get out of here.
I didn’t
know how to do it safely.
Where could I move? With what
money?
I needed to call my mom to see if Jessica could stay
with her a little while longer. I looked around the room…We had to
pack things so Steve wouldn’t be suspicious. Maybe Emily could get
a storage unit in town, and we could take things there that were
important to us.

So many things penetrated my head.
Did it
make sense to go home
? Ronald was still angry.
What if I
ended up in the hospital again
? Mom and Dad assured me that
there was no way that Ronald would find Jess. They lived far enough
away. But if I went back and spoke to any of my old friends, it
could put not only me in danger, but all of us.

I really needed money.
At work I’ll be
safe.
Brad and Pete wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
When
Emily and Jessica are safe in the Lower 48, I’ll pack up the car
with everything else and leave this stupid house forever
. I
just needed somewhere to stay.