The Invisible Husband (10 page)

The younger man
apparently didn’t hear the question or the implied outrage at being
disturbed. “Oh, I see now you’re not alone. My wife thought you
were just another smelly bush by the lake, but I said to Mrs
Roberts that I was sure it was Lord Latham out for a stroll. She
didn’t believe me so I said I’d prove it; I’m always right. Good
evening Lady Latham, I’m pleased to see you’ve recovered from your
fit.”

“Thank you, but
I fear another one coming on.”

Adam felt Eve’s
hand on his sleeve silently begging him to send the interlopers
away. “You’d best leave before she starts foaming at the
mouth.”

“Oh dear, it’s
lucky we came when we did. Shall we walk with you Lord Latham
perchance you needs assistance to restrain her?”

“No. We wish to
be alone.”

“We’d best stay
with you. I could help rescue her if she runs into the lake.
Perhaps it would be safer to carry on our conversation inside?”

The man Roberts
was clearly immune to subtlety. Adam hissed through clenched teeth,
“I’m making love to my wife. Go to the devil!” A man couldn’t be
clearer.

Roberts
appeared to be exceptionally dim. “Ah, there’s nothing like a
stroll in a dark garden with moonlight shining on a nearby lake to
put one in a romantic mood. Ah yes, it’s quite a pretty scene. It
reminds me of our honeymoon…doesn’t it Mrs Roberts?”

Mrs Roberts was
clearly as dim as her husband. “Yes…that large moon looked like it
would roll out of the sky and crush us as we lay unrobed in the
grass on that hill top. Our Cabbage will grow up grateful for that
moon; its conception certainly wouldn’t have been as enlightened
without it. If only you had some goats in your garden I might be
persuaded I was reliving that magical evening. Their bleats and
tinkering bells made a most pleasant rhythm…” The awful Mrs Roberts
tittered in amusement as Adam blushed in horror and mentally cursed
the pair to hell. His sweet longing for his wife wilted at the
unpalatable thought of the two idiots cavorting naked on some
moonlit hillside surrounded by a herd of goats. He shivered in
disgust; they might as well have pushed him into the icy lake. “All
new lovers should take off their clothes and worship the moon. To
be honest I thought you were making love to your wife over there in
the grass, but after watching for a while I realised the lump
wasn’t moving and you know you can’t make love without moving. It
must have been a fallen tree. Personally I think it’s rather chilly
for dangling one’s tender parts in this freezing wind. Best to
marry in June or July if one wants to consummate the wedding feast
in the moonlight; don’t you think?”

The awful
couple were ruining the most romantic evening of his life. Feeling
Eve remove her hand from his sleeve he panicked. Was she disgusted
with the thought of sharing his bed? His heart wailed in horror at
the thought. He put an impulsive arm around her waist and sighed in
relief as she leaned against him and pressed her face into his
shoulder. “Take your vulgar wife back to your room before I forget
I’m a gentleman.”

Mr Robert
chuckled as if Adam had shared a manly joke and slapped him on the
back. “Why do you think I’m out here walking her in the garden my
Lord? You’d think with her belly fit to burst she’d allow me one
night of peace out of seven. Just you wait till your Lady Latham
acquires a taste for pleasure. After she learns the ropes you’ll be
sleeping in your bath, sleeping in your porridge, sleeping through
her demands for a new wardrobe. You’ll be so exhausted from
pleasuring your good Lady you won’t be able to think to ask her how
much she’s spending on baubles. Ah, the life of a husband is a hard
one. The ladies think we’re insatiable, but we know Eve had a
sweeter tooth than Adam.”

Shaking with
fury Adam realised that if he was to escape the awful pair he’d
have to do the moving. He whispered into Eve’s ear, “Give me your
hand.” Without another word he pushed past the rude couple and
pulled Eve at a run. Into the house, up the back stairs, and
sighing in relief he locked her chamber door behind them; but what
could he say to salvage the evening? The awful Mr and Mrs Roberts
had created an awful new worry. Did his wife even know what the
marriage bed entailed? She seemed to, but did she? He slowly turned
his back to the door to find his wife removing her cloak and
emptying her pockets on her dressing table. Watching her reflection
in the mirror, he was disconcerted. She didn’t look in the least
embarrassed. What did that mean? Had she been in love before? Had
she fallen for some other man’s kisses? The thought made him feel
sick with envy. Had some man with a handsome face claimed a corner
of her heart?

Catching her
breath, Eve unbuttoned her cloak and draped it over the chair in
front of her dressing table. Glancing sideways in her mirror she
could see Adam standing by the door as if unsure his presence was
wanted. Feeling the heavy miniature bump against her leg she took
it out of her pocket and put it on her dressing table. “I won’t
blame you if you wish to crow.”

“About
what?”

The cloaked man
hesitated before slowly crossing the room to the fire with his hood
pulled down low. He looked like a large silhouette; a cloaked demon
cut from black paper. “Mr and Mrs Roberts; I’d kick them out myself
if it wasn’t dark. I think they ruined our enchanted evening on
purpose.”

The black cloak
sighed in agreement. “May I ask you personal question?”

The tension in
his whisper stiffened the muscled in her neck. Had she done
something wrong? He sounded upset. “Of course…”

The hood
started to turn in her direction and then halted obscuring any hope
of seeing his face. “Have you ever been in love?”

“No, why?”

The cloaked
shoulders appeared to relax. “Have you ever…I mean, have you…never
mind.”

“It’s hard to
believe a demon-lord would be too embarrassed to ask his wife a
personal question. Have I what?”

“Have you ever
kissed another man?”

“Ah…Adam is
afraid Eve has been cavorting with snakes.”

“Who was
he?”

“They were just
men I thought amusing. I was young.”

The demon
silhouette visibly trembled. “You’re twenty, you are young! Who
were they?”

“It doesn’t
matter. I can barely remember their faces and their insipid
offerings were never as pleasant as your kisses.” Eve picked up the
miniature off the dressing table and approached the fire. “I won’t
be able to sleep if I don’t show you this.” She held out the
picture and waited as the hood stared down at her hand.

“Why do you
have a portrait of Cousin Herbert?”

Eve looked down
at the handsome young man and burst out laughing as her heart
sneered at her stupidity; it hadn’t been fooled. It knew that face
didn’t belong to its owner. She looked down at her chest as it
throbbed in smug omniscience and shook her head in disbelief. How
could her heart know what the demon looked like? “Mrs Roberts gave
it to me. She said it was a gift from your mother.”

“You thought
this was me?” The shoulders shook with silent laughter. “I was much
better looking than Herbert…before…” The demon’s shoulders were no
longer shaking with laughter. “I’d give almost anything to look
like Herbert.”

Eve looked down
at the miniature and felt her heart snub the young insipid face.
“No you wouldn’t.”

“Yes I
would.”

“No you
wouldn’t.”

The hood jerked
towards her with visible exasperation. “I would!”

“You wouldn’t,
because if you looked like Herbert I’d never fall in love with
you.”

“You can’t know
that! And what do you have against Herbert’s face? Heaven help me.
If you don’t like his face, you certainly won’t like mine.”

“I disagree; I
imagine your face has character. Herbert looks like a bore.”

“My lady, are
you going to make a habit of disagreeing with my feelings?”

“Probably; I
certainly can’t imagine falling in love with a man named Herbert
who looks like his most interesting thought might be, ‘I wonder if
I should pay my tailor before I order my next coat?’”

He’s not that
dull…”

“He’s dull, not
just that dull? So I’m right?”

“It doesn’t
matter if Cousin Herbert is a dullard; you can’t disagree with my
feelings. If I had Herbert’s face I’d still be me. You still enjoy
my kisses. There’s nothing to disagree with.”

“I disagree. Is
Herbert a bore because he feels drawn to all that is boring or is
he a bore because he was born with a boring face and so celebrates
all that is boring to compensate? I’d suspect the latter.”

“It doesn’t
matter; if I looked like Herbert I wouldn’t be a bore.”

“How do you
know? If you’d been born with a boring face can you be certain
you’d have made exciting friends? Can you imagine this boring face
married by proxy to a woman he’s never talked to in the hope that
she’d fall in love with him?”

“I’m not
Herbert!”

“Thank
goodness; I doubt boring Herbert would have given me the option of
an annulment. I’d be doomed to die of boredom.”

The demon-lord
whirled away from the fire and stomped into the shadows near the
bed. “Enough!” The whisper was full of anger; was this the real
demon? “My feelings are not debatable; I feel what I feel and
that’s the end of the matter. I don’t wish to spend the rest of my
life defending my feelings to my wife as well as my mother.”

Feeling hurt by
his angry tone she barked back, “Luckily you can still annul me
from your life if you find me obnoxious company.” Eve grimaced as
her heart screamed in horror as it pummelled her chest in fury for
suggesting it.

The demon
whipped round to face her. “No!”

“Then why do
you find my questions threatening? I’m merely searching for
truth.”

“Then ask me
questions, don’t question my feelings!”

“Just because
you think you feel something doesn’t mean you do. What if you’re
lying to yourself? What if you’ve convinced yourself that you feel
a certain emotion when you really feel the opposite?”

“That’s
ridiculous!”

“Is it? Earlier
today you told me you weren’t angry with me when clearly you were.
Were you lying to yourself or to me? Are you sure you love me?”

“Yes; though
right now I’m questioning the sanity of my heart.”

“That at least
proves you’re a good man. I suspect if faced with the same
situation Herbert would simply slap me about until I cowered in
deference. You still haven’t told me who you were lying to.”

The cloaked
demon hissed, “I was upset that you’d questioned my feelings.”

“So you knew
you were angry?”

“Of course I
knew I was angry.”

“So you lied to
me.”

“I didn’t want
you to think I was angry with you. I was afraid you’d think ill of
me.”

“We all feel
angry at times. It’s a natural response to having one’s life turned
upside down by an irritating wife…” The black hood showed no
response to her peace offering. “You don’t have to lie if you’re
angry. I’m sorry I upset you. I was definitely in the wrong. I wish
you’d ignored me and had those horrid people thrown out. Now I’ve
upset you again because I couldn’t love you if you looked like
Herbert.”

“You
could.”

“I
couldn’t.”

The demon put
his hands on his hips in irritation. “You would!”

“I wouldn’t…I’d
rather marry a one eyed demon.”

“And all these
other men you’ve kissed; they were one-eyed monsters too?”

“No.”

“So if you
didn’t love them why did you kiss them?”

“Because they
made me laugh and I wanted to.”

“You wanted to?
Surely you had some feeling for them.”

“Yes, I thought
they were attractive. It’s the feeling of wanting to kiss a man. If
you’ll be so good as to come back to the fire I’ll give you a
demonstration.”

“Why would you
want to kiss me?”

“Because I
enjoy kissing you…” Her heart snorted in contempt at her logical
answer and continued moaning for its Master. She ignored the
strange longing in her chest and licked her lips in hope. “Could we
please forget boring Herbert and start the evening over? I was
having such a lovely time before those horrid people
interrupted.”

“Will you
promise not to debate my feelings?”

Eve rolled her
eyes in irritation. “You’re not upset because I’ve questioned your
feelings; you’re upset because I’ve kissed other men. You’re
jealous!”

The black hood
turned away in sullen disagreement. “No I’m not.”

“Yes you
are.”

“I’m not.”

“You are!”

The cloak
appeared to snap taut with irritation. “My feelings are not pinned
to my chest. You can not know what I feel unless I tell you. Accept
what I say as fact and leave it at that.”

“If you insist,
but you’re inordinately interested in men I’ve kissed and your tone
of voice is decidedly envious when mentioning my previous beaus.”
The demon silently swivelled and headed for the secret door. “Where
are you going?”

“To my
room.”

“Will you have
supper with me?”

“No.”

“…will I see
you again before morning?”

“No. Good night
my Lady.” Eve’s heart groaned in mutinous fury as the secret door
closed with a soft ominous click. Why couldn’t she keep her mouth
shut? If she’d held her tongue she’d be tucked under his cloak
sharing his sweet kisses instead of shivering alone by the fire
listening to her impertinent heart calling for her husband.

There was
nothing soothing about the soft patter of rain against the window
panes. It was merely an unpleasant reminder of her spoiled walk in
the garden. Would he still be upset with her in the morning? The
possibility made her eyes water. She didn’t ask herself why she was
crying; personal truth was far more daunting than someone else’s
truth. She knew she was upset at being deprived his kisses, but her
heart wailed in its cage as it hissed, ‘You fool! You’ve driven him
away. Who cares if he’s jealous? I want his kisses…how could you
deprive me? Now he’ll hide away and make us wait days for another
kiss…I hate you! How could you do this to me? Adam… Adam…Adam…’ Eve
watched the secret door until bedtime hoping he’d return, but her
panting heart was left to moan in disappointment.