The Invisible Husband (17 page)

“What were they
doing on the floor?”

“What do you
think?”

“No?”

“Oh yes…they
didn’t notice him come or go. I don’t think anyone’s told them.
”

“Best not
to…who could look the master in the eye and tell him he was seen by
the vicar on the floor? You couldn’t pay me to deliver such a
message. They’ve been married over a year; I’d have thought they’d
have tired of each other by now. How many times can a man bed his
wife before he dies of exhaustion?”

“I hope she
isn’t barren. I’d have thought she’d be increasing by now the way
they go on.”

“Why roll
around the floor when there’s a perfectly decent sofa?”

“Who knows why
the aristocracy do anything; they’re all mad. Did you hear what
happened yesterday?”

“No. What?”

“Lord and Lady
Latham were eating in the dining room, actually sat at either end
of the table like respectable people for once when her Ladyship
jumped up and ran down the length of the table and jumped backwards
onto his lap. She broke the arm of his chair and crushed his
Lordship leg, but he just laughed. They sat there canoodling for
over an hour without any thought for the poor footmen. Davis said
his bladder nearly burst before they finished.”

“Frankly I
don’t know how she can stand kissing him. He looks like the devil
without his eye patch.”

“I had a
nightmare once where Lord Latham chased me down a hall and threw me
out a window. I’d scrubbed the floor and he’d slipped and fallen.
That eye…it’s so frightening.”

“I’d rather
kiss Harry the stable lad, the one with the bad spots. Look…what
are they doing now?”

“It looks like
he’s dragging her off into the bushes for some cold canoodling. The
woman’s going to catch a chill and die. Can you imagine His
Lordship having to bury her?”

“He’d probably
shoot himself before she went stiff.”

“That would be
awful…”

“Yes, Master
Jonah would inherit. Let’s go tell Mrs Good that we happened to
look out a window and see Lord and Lady Latham playing in the snow.
She’ll have everything ready for when they come in freezing
wet.”

“They look like
a couple of idiots, throwing snow balls at each other. I can’t
remember the last time I threw a snowball.”

“Lord Latham
should know better at his age. The man’s nearly forty, but then he
would choose a much younger wife. He should pretend to have some
dignity, if only for his reputation. Davis says in London they’re
called Lord Adam and Eve. After that forest of potted fig-trees his
Lordship ordered, the permanent town servants are distraught;
they’re laughed at everywhere they go.”

“What if they
carry on like this till they die of old age?” The two maids eyed
each other in horror as the falling snow muffled the laughing
lovers in the garden.