The Last Testament: A Memoir (67 page)

Oakland Raiders,
156
,
157

Oasis, reunion concert of,
346

Obama, Barack Hussein:

lead in polls by,
344

Martians noticed by,
353

as Messiah,
136

mischievous smile of,
349

Ohio crowd insulted by,
351

Palin insulted by,
351

poll numbers of,
351

surprise campaign move by,
352

Odyssey, The
(Homer),
231

Old Testament,
291

as dictated to Moses,
6

as eclectic goulash,
117

Godlib on,
212

Olsen, Susan, death of,
348

Osteen, Joel, possible sexual orientation of,
33

Olympics,
154

Operation Enduring Salvation,
173

oral sex,
320

O’Reilly, Bill, no-spin zone desired by,
342

Osama bin Laden Hideout Family Funhouse,
333

Oswald, Lee Harvey, as acting alone,
146

Othniel,
117

overpopulation,
57

ozone layer,
56
,
62

Palin, Sarah:

election of,
354

endorsement of,
353

God’s dislike of,
114

interesting menstruation of,
352

Jesus plagiarized by,
351

new slogan of,
349

political appointments of,
354
,
355

poll numbers of,
351

as pro-afterlife,
350

speaking in tongues by,
353

waving and smiling by,
348

Paltrow, Gwyneth, bathroom habits of,
112

Panama Canal, disappearance of,
351

Panturkham,
355

Parables,
185
,
186
–87

Paran,
89

Parasites,
29

Parton, Dolly, dissipating face of,
110

Passion of The Christ, The
(film),
163

Passover,
76
,
97

Patrick, Saint,
268

Patterson, James,
254

P. Diddy, Diddy name disgraced by,
113

Pentateuch,
169

People,
108

Perry, Tyler, new show of,
113

Peter, Saint,
195
,
196
,
275
,
358

Pharaoh,
69
,
70
,
73
,
76
,
78

Pharisees,
169
,
181
–82,
197

Phelps, Michael,
346

Philip,
195
,
196

Philistines,
122

Phreculea,
287

pi, ominous value of,
338

Pillars of Islam,
61

Pinsky, Drew, prayers of,
110

Piper, “Rowdy” Roddy, fight scene of,
45

Pitt, Brad, Fight Club rules used on orphans by,
112

Pixar,
343

planets,
6

plants,
6

Plato,
117

Plumb, Eve, death of,
348

Plymouth Rock,
288

Pollock, Jackson,
232

pollution,
57

Pompeii,
53
,
54

Pontius Pilate,
199

Pope:

corruption of,
278

indulgences sold by,
274

pornography,
304

prayer,
217
–26,
244

God’s answering of,
222
–26

God’s favorite,
220

God’s least favorite,
220

prayer caloric expenditure (PCE),
221
,
223

prayer-per-believer rate (PPB),
221
,
223

pre-misinterpretations,
360
–61

Presly, Elvis, vision of,
347

Prodigal Son,
187
–88

Project Runway
(TV show),
307

prophets,
126
–28

Protestantionalism,
278

Protestantism,
278
–82

Islam vs.,
279

spread of,
284

Proverbs,
125

Psalms,
111
,
123
–24,
125

Psuedo-Dionysius,
25

Puck, Wolfgang, Paltrow’s revenge on,
112

Punxsutawney Phil,
333

Puritans,
135
,
137

Ramadan,
244

Raphael,
26
,
80
,
173
,
267
,
296

Catholicism/Protestantism joke of,
284

Mary’s pregnancy and,
176

on Sistine Chapel ceiling,
273

Ten Plagues and,
74
,
75

Rastafarianism,
253

Real Housewives
(TV show),
306

reality TV,
306
–7,
332

Rebekah,
40
,
43

recognition of own insignificance (ROOI),
223

Red Sea,
89
,
294
,
296

Reformation,
284

Reid, Tara, alcohol and math problems of,
109

reincarnation,
249
–50

Rembrandt,
45

Renaissance,
271
,
286

Republican National Convention, singers at,
348

Revelation, Book of,
100
,
196
,
324
,
329
–30

Revere, Paul,
288

Reynolds, Burt, face lift of,
110

Rhode Island, in dispute with icebergs,
334

Rice, Tim,
47

Richie, Nicole, as abusive,
109

Robertson, Pat,
44

Robitussin, prestigious award won by,
351

Rodriguez, Alex,
345

Rogers, Kenny, dissipating face of,
110

Roman Coliseum, renaming of,
335

Roman Empire,
53
,
202

Roman Society of Aqueduct Salesman,
177

Rome,
265

Rose, Axl,
112

Rosetta Stone, new languages of,
347

Rosh Hashanah,
242

Rove, Karl,
342

Russell, Bertrand,
254
–55

Ruth,
182
,
201
,
203
,
268
,
303

God’s courtship of,
165
–66

in intervention with God,
296
–97

mothering skills of,
166
–67

Ruth, Book of,
117
,
165

Ryan, Meg, collagen sucked by,
110

Saban, Nick,
157

Sage from Hannibal, The,
146

St. Patrick’s Day,
336

Salem Witch Trials,
288

Samson,
120
–22

Samuel,
117

San Francisco earthquake,
54

Sarah,
30
,
37
,
260

death of,
40

Sassanid Empire,
239

SAT,
336

Saul,
117
,
122
,
123

Schlierenzauer, Gregor,
158

Schwarzenegger, Arnold, second love child of,
352