The Lonely Hearts Club (29 page)

“This is new territory for me.” Liz took Reilly’s hand and pressed it low on her belly. “This is new.” She carried Reilly’s hand to her breast and held it over her heart. “What’s going on in here is new too. I don’t know when Julia started to move out of my life, out of my heart. I didn’t notice the emptiness until it was so huge nothing we could have done would have changed things.”

“Not even the baby?”

“Especially not the baby.”

Reilly frowned. “What did she say when you told her?”

“She said it was wonderful.”

“She’s right. How could she not think—”

“Reilly, Julia didn’t know I was pregnant because she called me from California the day I was scheduled to be inseminated and told me she didn’t want to have a baby.”

“She was in California? Wasn’t she going with you?”

“We’d been talking about the insemination for a few months, and we had finally decided to go ahead. Or at least,
I
had decided, and Julia had gone along with it. Everything was scheduled and then Julia had a meeting come up that she couldn’t get out of.” Liz shook her head. “We both decided that if the timing was right while she was away, I would do it alone. After all, it wasn’t the mechanics that mattered, at least that’s what we said.”

Reilly grit her teeth to keep from commenting. She had no right to criticize Julia. Her lover hadn’t been able to count on her, either, or at least that’s what Annie must have believed. “Then she changed her mind, but you went ahead?”

“No,” Liz said quietly. “She called from California that morning to tell me not to keep the appointment. She left a message on my cell. Maybe she thought I was in a meeting or something, but my appointment had been moved up from the afternoon to the first thing in the morning. By the time I got the message, it was already done.”

“Jesus,” Reilly muttered. She couldn’t even imagine how Liz must have felt when she got the message from Julia telling her not to go ahead. “I’m sorry. You must have been shocked.”

“I didn’t know what to think. I was numb. I guess I didn’t quite believe that she actually meant it until she got home and I confronted her. That’s when she told me about her girlfriend.”

“She doesn’t deserve you,” Reilly snarled.

Liz pushed Reilly over onto her back and climbed on top of her. She propped herself on her elbows and smiled down at Reilly. “You are very good for my ego.”

Reilly tangled her hands in Liz’s hair and kissed her throat. “She’s an idiot.”

Liz grasped Reilly’s wrists and pinned her arms to the bed. Then she leaned down and nibbled on Reilly’s neck. “I need to go home before we start in again. Because the next time I come, we’re not going to have any clothes on and you’re going to be inside me for real.”

Reilly didn’t struggle to break free of Liz’s grip, even though what she wanted was to roll Liz under her and lose herself in her. Instead, she turned her head and kissed Liz on the mouth, sliding her tongue inside when Liz didn’t pull away. They kissed until they were both breathless.

“Okay, that’s it,” Liz gasped. “Curfew time.”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m leaving?”

“No. Whatever you want. Whatever you need. It’s all right.”

“What if I don’t know?” Liz asked.

“Then we’ll wait until you do.”

Liz sat up, straddling Reilly’s hips. “What do you want?”

“I want what you make me feel.”

“What is that?”

“Alive.”

*

“God, she’s hot,” Candace moaned as Jae stalked onto the stage. This time she wore a black leather vest and chaps with a band of black satin between her legs that barely covered her clitoris.

“Isn’t she,” Bren said, sliding in behind Candace’s stool at the far end of the bar so she could watch the stage over Candace’s shoulder. The room was so dark, she doubted Jae could see her, but she wanted the privacy to watch Jae without Candace watching her.

Much like the night before, Jae posed and strutted, her attitude arrogant, her expression remote. When she strode to the very edge of the platform, unbuttoned her vest, and shrugged it from her muscular shoulders in one motion, Bren barely managed not to groan out loud. When she thrust her hips forward, daring those at the nearest tables to reach for her sex, Bren felt a wave of heat surge through her that settled between her thighs and left her wet.

“I would love to go down on that,” Candace muttered.

“Forget it. Tonight, she’s mine.”

Candace swiveled on her barstool. “You really are Melanie Richards, aren’t you?”

“I really am.”

Bren kept her eyes on the stage, her pulse racing as Jae gave one last insolent pelvic thrust inches from the groping hands, then pivoted and sauntered to the spotlit silver pole. The room went completely black except for that bright cone of light. Jae reached above her head and fisted one hand above the other, the pole a gleaming phallus protruding from her clenched fingers. She tilted her head back, and through half-closed eyes stared directly at Bren.

“She knows you’re here,” Candace whispered.

“She can’t.”

“She
does
.”

Again, the blood-tipped fingers reached from out of the blackness and roamed Jae’s body. Tonight, her skin glistened with sweat within seconds and the muscles in her stomach rippled convulsively. Her breasts flushed and her nipples tightened.

“Ooo, look at her. Whoever’s playing with her is doing a number on her tonight. I bet you she comes.”

“She won’t,” Bren said.

Jae’s tormentor slid two fingers into the cleft between Jae’s thighs, and when she slowly drew them out, they glistened wetly. The muscles in Jae’s jaws bunched as she clenched her teeth, and her thighs trembled. Bren could almost feel the harsh, hot breath of Jae’s arousal on her neck and sensed her body careening to the edge. Watching her, she saw the instant she began the inevitable climb to orgasm. Jae writhed, her back a taut bow, struggling to contain the uncontainable. She was beautiful in her utter need. The room was so quiet, Jae’s agonized groan carried through the stillness like a desperate plea. Her suffering was palpable and Bren took pity on her.

“You may come,” Bren whispered.

“No,” Jae cried. She pushed the hands from her body and collapsed to her knees. She fell forward, head bowed, barely catching herself on outstretched arms. “No!”

The crowd gasped as one and the spotlight blinked out, leaving them all teetering on the razor’s edge of desire.

“I have
got
to get laid tonight,” Candace moaned.

Bren bit back the wild urge to laugh in triumph, certain that part of Jae’s out-of-control arousal had been because Jae knew she was watching. Watching, and forbidding her the pleasure she craved. The lights came up just enough for customers to move around the murky room. The stage was empty.

Bren signaled the bartender, and surprisingly, he came over immediately.

“Get you something?”

“I want a dance.”

“Fifty bucks. Grab an empty table if you can get one.”

“No. A private dance.”

“Way to go, Bren,” Candace murmured.

The bartender regarded Bren calculatingly. “Who?”

“You know who. She left me a message last night.”

He nodded, bent over, and pulled something from under the bar. He handed her a key. “Fourth room on the right.”

“How much?”

He shook his head. “It’s paid for.”

“Thank you.”

He shrugged and left to attend the swarm of men and a few women who clamored for drinks.

“Can I watch?” Candace asked.

“Not this time,” Bren said.

Candace gripped her hand. “Are you saying I might be able to, sometime?”

“I don’t know. It might be more fun to make her watch us.”

Candace’s mouth dropped open.

Laughing, Bren put two fingers beneath Candace’s chin and gently closed her mouth. “You are so much fun to play with.”

“You have no idea.”

“Will you be okay if I leave you out here alone?” Bren asked.

“Will you be okay in there alone?”

“Absolutely.” Bren jiggled the key. “After all, I’m just going to watch.”

Liz and Reilly held hands as they walked from Reilly’s apartment on Twenty-second and Pine to Liz’s condo a few blocks away. Although after eleven, couples strolled toward Rittenhouse Square and soft jazz drifted out the open doors of a wine bar as they passed. If Liz let her mind drift, she could pretend she was on a date. She could imagine being free to go wherever her feelings took her, to embrace the joy and excitement of a new relationship. The euphoria lasted for a few seconds, and then she remembered that she was far from free. She had a commitment to something far more important than chasing a dream that might never be. In a little more than six months she’d be so busy juggling her work and the new baby, she wouldn’t have time to think about her own needs, let alone those of another person and a new relationship.

“What are you thinking about?” Reilly asked.

“Oh, nothing. Why? Was I muttering to myself? I have a tendency to think out loud.”

“No mumbling, but you just sighed as if something made you unhappy.”

Liz couldn’t believe Reilly was that sensitive to her mood. No one else, except possibly Candace or Bren, had ever been able to see beneath the surface of calm control she had perfected. She released Reilly’s hand and slipped her arm round Reilly’s waist. Reilly put her arm around Liz’s shoulders.

“I’m not unhappy,” Liz said. “I had a most amazing night. When I’m with you, I tend to forget about everything that’s bothering me.”

“Is that bad?”

“No. It’s great.”

“Good.” Reilly kissed her temple. “I don’t remember the last time I felt happy. I do, tonight.”

“And that’s enough?”

“Why not?”

Liz pondered the question. Was it all right to be happy, if being happy meant someone else might pay the price, even if they wanted to? Was that fair? And just how high a price was unacceptable?

“What if tomorrow you’re unhappy because of tonight?” Liz asked.

“Are you going to come to the game tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll be happy.”

Liz grabbed the waistband of Reilly’s jeans and dragged her into the shadows cast by an awning in front of a grocery store that was closed and gated for the night. Reilly let herself be pulled along, and Liz backed her up against the wall. Then Liz leaned into her and kissed her, seriously and thoroughly. She played with Reilly’s tongue and sucked on her lower lip, taunting her with little nips before plunging into her mouth again. Reilly gripped Liz’s ass and maneuvered Liz’s thigh between her legs. Liz had started out wanting to taste her, but now she wanted to devour her. She pushed her hand between their bodies and squeezed Reilly’s crotch.

Reilly’s head banged back against the building, and she gripped Liz’s wrist. “Don’t go there. I already can’t think.”

“Sorry,” Liz gasped, reluctantly moving her hand to the outside of Reilly’s hip. She rested her forehead on Reilly’s shoulder. “I’m not usually like this.”

“Like what?” Reilly’s chest rose and fell erratically.

“Like I can’t get enough. Like I want to climb inside your skin. Like I’ve been cold forever and you’re the only promise of heat in the universe.” Liz raised her head. “I sound crazy, don’t I? This can’t be just me being pregnant, can it?”

“I hope that’s not it, because I’m feeling a lot the same myself.” Reilly rubbed her hands up and down Liz’s back, then cupped her ass again, keeping their bodies fused. “And I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant.”

Liz laughed. “Oh, thank God.”

“This morning when I saw Julia in your apartment—”

“God, I’m so sorry about that.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand.”

“I just didn’t want you to think—I hated that you might think I’d been with her.”

Reilly kissed Liz, then held her a little more tightly. “I did think that, when it looked like she’d been there all night. Part of me thought that was a good thing. I can’t imagine anyone letting you go, and I know you must have loved her.”

Liz murmured in protest, but she didn’t say anything, letting Reilly talk.

“The other part of me didn’t want her to have a claim on you. Didn’t want
anyone
to. I was having a pretty good running battle with myself all morning, arguing both sides of things.”

Liz laughed a little shakily, and Reilly grinned.

“Yeah,” Reilly went on, “I was pretty much losing all the way around. Anyhow, by the time I saw you on the street outside my apartment this afternoon, I was just so damn glad to see you I didn’t care about Julia. Those few hours with you in the car this afternoon were the happiest I’ve spent in years. And tonight was beyond amazing.”