The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (108 page)

Keep the tip.

How do you get a leper out of the bath?

With a sieve.

Did you hear what happened when the leper ran into a screen door?

He strained himself.

What do you call a leper in a hot tub?

Soup.

What’s the defnition of self-destruction?

A leper with epilepsy.

What’s green and melts in your mouth?

A leper’s dick.

How do you fit thirty-five lepers in a Mini?

With a blender.

What do you do when a female leper bats her eyes at you?

Catch them and shout, “You’re OUT!”

Why was the leper hockey game called off?

There was a face-off in the corner.

Did you hear about the man who picked up a leper at the gay bar?

After he pulled it out, he got himself a nice piece of ass.

How do you make a skeleton?

Put a leper in a wind tunnel.

Why did the prostitute leave the leper colony?

Business was dropping off.

Which was the favourite Beatles tune in leper colonies? “

Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song . . .”

What is the best part of marrying a woman with leprosy?