The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (114 page)

Who was a magnifcent farter.

On the strength of one bean

He’d fart, “God Save the Queen”

And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

There once was a girl called Louise

Whose pubes hung down to her knees.

So the crabs in her twat

Tied her hairs in a plait

And constructed a flying trapeze.

There once was a rector from King’s

Whose mind was on heavenly things.

But his heart was on fre

For this boy in the choir

Whose arse was like jelly on springs.

There was an old woman from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seeds.

In less than an hour

Her tits were in flower

And her cunt was covered in weeds.

There was a young lady from China

Who had an enormous vagina

And when she was dead

They painted it red

And used it for docking a liner.

There was a young gaucho called Bruno

Who said, “There’s one thing I do know.

A woman is fine,

A boy is divine,

But a llama is numero uno.”

There was a young girl called Dolores

Whose fanny was covered in sores.

The dogs in the street

Used to snap at the meat

That hung in green gobs from her drawers.

There was a young sailor from Brighton

Who said, “Shit! Your hole is a tight one!”

Said the girl, “Shut your face! You’re in the wrong place!

There’s plenty of room in the right ’un.”

There was a young fellow called Runyon,

Whose penis developed a bunion.

With every erection, This painful infection Gave off a strong odour of onion.

There was a young vampire called Mabel

With periods exceedingly stable.

By the light of the moon

She sat down with a spoon

And drank herself under the table.

There once was a lady from Crewe

Who filled her vagina with glue.

She said with a grin,

“If they pay to get in

They can pay to get out of it too.”

There was a young stud from Missouri

Who fucked with astonishing fury,

Until taken to court