The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (46 page)

A bullet.

What’s the difference between Kurt Cobain and a pint of cider?

A pint of cider always looks better without a head.

What’s the difference between Grace Kelly and Kenny Dalglish?

Kenny Dalglish could take corners.

Why did Bob Geldof take up karate?

Because he heard he could kill Michael Hutchence with a black belt.

What did Kermit the frog say when Jim Henson died?

Nothing.

What’s the difference between Michael Hutchence and Princess Di?

Hutchence wore his belt.

Why was Paula Yates attracted to Michael Hutchence?

Because he was well hung.

Paula Yates was being considered for the position of England cricket coach at the time of her death. The English Cricket Board thought that her experience of fucking Australians and bringing home the ashes would be invaluable.

What did Elton John sing at Mother Theresa’s funeral?

“Sandals in the Bin”.

What’s red and gathers dust?

Natasha Richardson’s passport.

What’s black and white and goes to bed hungry?

Heath Ledger’s cat.

What was Marc Bolan’s last hit?

Tie a yellow mini round the old oak tree.

What’s black and very pissed off?

The reincarnation of Bernard Manning.

What’s black and shoots across a room?