The Mason List (31 page)

Chapter 37

When
I was twenty-two…

I watched
from the safety of my dark sunglasses, with sweat dripping down my forehead. 
Sadie sat next to me in the adjoining chair; her rambling words echoed faintly
in my left ear while I remained immersed in the volleyball game.  I just wanted
to watch the boy without feeling the weight of the world. 

He tossed
the white ball a few feet above his head.  As he jumped in the air, every
muscle across his chest constricted then released, sending the serve hurling
across the net.  The other team missed with a face dive into the sand.  Jess
lifted his baseball cap, running his fingers through his sweat-soaked hair. 
His long eyelashes winked in my direction as he walked back for the next
serve.  Jess looked sexy today.  My cheeks burned at the thought.

“Don’t
you agree?”

“Hmm?” I
absently muttered.

“You are
so exasperating right now.  The belligerent sexual tension, filtering back and
forth between you two, is worse than usual this week.”

“Stop
being ridiculous,” I spat at Sadie.  Everything about her was driving me crazy
today.  Her blonde curls were tucked elegantly under a large derby hat that was
more appropriate for the running of the horses than a spring break volleyball
game.

“Really? 
What did I just say?” She reached into her pink cooler that matched her magenta
Ralph Lauren sundress.  Pulling out a wine bottle, Sadie filled an actual
crystal glass with Sauvignon Blanc. 

“It
started with boring blah, blah and ended with insult, insult.” 

 “Alex,
I’m trying to be completely serious here.” Her sculpted eyebrows lifted with
contempt in my direction as she took a sip. 

“It’s
spring break.  Nothing is supposed to be serious.  Why can’t you just sit back
and enjoy it for a change?”  I gestured out toward a crowd lounging and
drinking while Flo Rida played through the speakers.

“Just
agree to at least talk to Jess about it.”

“I agree
that wine glass is over the top for Padre.  I’m not getting in a brawl for you
when someone punches you.”

“I guess
your
boyfriend
can defend me.”

“Really? 
You promised to keep those little comments to yourself on the trip.”

“What am
I supposed to do? You can’t even carry on a conversation because you’re too
obsessed watching Tatum Channing out there.”

“It’s
Channing
Tatum and Jess looks nothing like him.”

“Ok, Ben
Affleck in that beach movie?”  She took another sip, leaving lipstick prints on
the glass.  “Or that vampire guy.”

“Taylor
Lautner?  He’s not the vampire.  Stop pretending you actually watch movies. 
It’s embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing? 
I’m not the one imagining Jess naked right now.”

She said
the words right as he grinned at me again from the volleyball court.  He was
flirting from thirty feet away and not even trying to hide it.  I shook my
head.  “I’m not picturing anyone naked.  Let it go or I will be the one to
punch you.  That’s your two-minute warning.”

“I’m
trying to warn
you
.  It’s impossible to escape the inevitable.  You know
that, Alex.”

“I’m not
talking about it Sadie.”  Avoidance.  I was good at it.  I relaxed back in my
chair to watch.  That boy never looked better than he did today.  There was
only one Jess Mason, and not a single actor could ever compare.

“Fine. 
But don’t blame me when everything explodes in your face.  You both walk around
in some unrequited, catastrophic ball of frustration aimed at each other.  You
have to be honest with him and yourself.  I’m not pulling you out of some
disgusting pile of your own filth when this backfires.  Once was enough.  Just
stop staring and do something about it.”

“It can’t
happen,”  I muttered.  “Not at this point.”

“Yes, it
can, sweetie.  It’s called having a discussion about your future.  Not
everything is diabolical, relationship killer news.”

“I’m not
in a relationship.  Besides, it won’t be your problem.  You and your fancy
clothes will be walking the streets of Chicago.”

“Alex,
stop making me sound like a hooker and be reasonable.  Jess deserves to be
treated better than these passive, self-indulgent moments you give him.”

“Just
watch the game, Sadie.”

And
let me have this little moment
,
I wanted to scream at her.  And I wasn’t self-indulgent.  Everything I did was
for his own good.  I wish Sadie would keep her perky nose out of his life.

Three
months ago, something had changed Sadie’s view of my situation with Jess.  It
all started when she took him to a social function with the campus young
Democrats.  She needed a last minute date and Jess agreed to go with her. 

The next
day, neither Jess nor Sadie bothered to divulge the details, but I knew
something had changed.  I felt it every time they crossed paths in a room; not
flirty but something else that just failed to make sense.   Sadie always liked
Jess.  After the night of the party, she shifted into full-fledged defense
mode, leaving me perplexed and just plain confused as hell.  I questioned Jess
a few times and never got an answer. 

“Are you
listening to me?  If you just tell him everything, you could make this work.”

I ignored
her and looked at the sand.  I was tired of hearing Sadie so I blocked out her
voice.  I just wanted to listen to Flo Rida and not think about anything, but
my current view of the volleyball court. 

Jess
glanced over at me again.  My skin felt hot as he watched me, like I was the
only person here and not surrounded by thousands of other spring breakers.  He
watched me and my breath caught in my throat.  My whole body burned and it
wasn’t from the sun.  Jess winked again and went back to the game.

Sadie was
completely right.  The pull between us was different this week.  Maybe it was
the fact Jess and I never had been somewhere on spring break together.  Maybe
it was the fact graduation loomed just a few weeks away.  Maybe it was because
I knew how things would change once he went back to Arlis for good.

Over the
last couple of years, Jess didn’t get much of the full college experience. 
This trip to Padre was unusual for him.  He spent all his free time, trying to
learn everything he could from Frank.  We all knew the days with his uncle were
limited, and Jess would soon be in control of Sprayberry.

I would
never forget the day Jess received the news that he would truly graduate.  His
face had frozen in this momentary pause of disbelief and then he went full on
crazy.  Jess scooped me up like a rag doll, shaking my body around while I
laughed.  The more I laughed, the more he laughed in gasps of insanity.  The
race was over.  He won.  Jess accomplished the impossible.  He had worked at
Sprayberry and would still graduate.

Actually,
his diploma resulted from the redemption promise I made to him.  I swore come
hell or high water, I would pull us both across that finish line, even if that
meant long stretches of no sleep.  My own double major had consumed all my
daylight hours.  More often than not, Jess had rolled into town late in the
evenings, right before a test or major homework assignment.  We had spent night
after night, cramming and half sleeping on the floor of my apartment.  I didn’t
care.  Every moment was worth seeing the smile on his face.

Jess
received his graduation news and we had celebrated.  Mine came and I had lacked
the guts to tell him.  A week before spring break, I received my plans for the
future.  Only Sadie knew the truth, which she wanted to discuss over and over
again on this trip.  Avoidance.  I liked to
pretend
I was good at it;
except keeping this news from Jess, hurt like salt on wound.  The achy feeling
of dread was always there even as I watched him play volleyball.

Jess took
his position, wiping sand off his forearms.  He queued up the final serve,
allowing me a perfect view of the blue trunks, hugging every curve of his ass. 
The white ball flew over the net, continuing in a volley back and forth between
the teams.   It floated much like my relationship with Jess; an unspoken bliss
destined to crash after years of avoidance. 

I had
accepted the fact I liked this connected to him.   I liked the way he looked at
me from across a room.  I liked the flirty way we fought with each other.  I
liked the way he made my cheeks burn red with just a wink from his blue eyes. 
I liked how our thoughts passed between us without a single spoken word.  I
liked his sweet face.  I liked the way he kissed.  I liked the way I still knew
how it felt even though it happened years ago. 

I took my
sunglasses off and rubbed my eyes.  All of these feelings still lived in the
shadows of his family and my very existence.  However, the news I got a week
ago, would finally send me in a different direction.  For the first time since
I was eight, I would be financially free of the Masons and I had no idea how to
tell Jess.

A gasp
came from the crowd in our section.  The boys failed to score, giving the other
team another chance to serve.  Sadie lifted that annoying hat, letting the sun
reflect off her curls like shiny gold.  She tucked the stray pieces back under
before settling into her serious pose.  She really was classic beautiful;
flawless peach skin without a single spot.  Her life would be exactly the way
she chose it to be, with every twist and turn just part of a carefully
constructed plan.  Her first stop after graduation was Chicago; the beginning
of Sadence McAllister's world domination.

“Hey
Sadie, promise me something?”

“Sweetie,
that depends.  I am not making a promise without the details.”

“You are
going to one movie before we graduate.  Just one for all those sleepy-ass
lectors you made me sit through to better myself as a woman.  You are going to
one real movie.”

“I can
agree to it, but I have standards.  The film can’t be anything related to
superheroes.  And I detest violence and those disgusting, strange horror movies
you adore.”

“Whatever. 
I pick the movie and I will let you sneak in sanitary wipes for the seats. 
Deal?”

“Fine.” 

The
people around us cheered, pulling my attention back to the game.  The boys
won.  Jess and his old fraternity brothers would play in the finals tomorrow. 
He sauntered up in our direction, obviously happy with himself.  His white
t-shirt stayed draped over one shoulder, leaving his bare chest exposed with
spatters of sand and sweat. 

“What'd
ya’ll think?  Good game?” 

“It’s
settled.  The voice is definitely McConaughey.” Sadie lowered her glasses as
she watched him.

“What's
she talkin’ ‘bout?”

“I have
no idea.”  I wanted to kick Sadie, but Jess stood right in front of me, bumping
the front of his legs against mine.  “You're getting sand on me.”  

As I
dusted off my knees, he reached down and stole my water bottle.   “We just made
the finals.  How ‘bout a little congratulations?”  Taking the sweat-soaked,
baseball cap off his head, Jess ground the canvas right into my clean hair. 

“I hate
you.”  I yanked it off, throwing the hat back at him.

“I
know.”  He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the seat.  “Come on.  Seth
wants to go over to the concert stage.”

“Who’s
playing?”

“Does it
matter?”

“Gross.” 
Sadie’s face ripped into a horrified pout.  “I don’t want to be in the middle
of all those nasty, sweaty people touching each other.” 

That was
enough for me to agree.  My dear old roommate needed to have fun for a change. 
“Get up, Sadie.  It’s time to party.”  I yanked her out of the chair and threw
that ridiculous hat right back in the seat.

“No,” she
protested as I pulled her along beside me. 

The four
of us trailed through the crowd to get closer to the area with the band.  I
felt like I was trapped in a Kenny Chesney video.  Beer splashed down like a
rain shower, leaving sticky traces across my shoulder.  Sadie squealed. 

“Come
on.  It’s not going to kill you.”

The
band’s tempo picked up to a steady frenzy.  The crowd changed from dancing
to jumping in place; a beautiful synchronized rhythm. The buildup brought
palms pointed to the sky; some were empty and others clutched brown
bottles.  My head dipped back in abandonment; the strands of loose hair
tickled the back of my neck.  My eyes closed.  The world went black. 
The only conscious sound came from the band on stage with guitars and drums,
beating into oblivion, getting wilder with every chord change.

I bumped
against another sweaty body.  Opening my eyes, I saw Jess watching me with
a grin on his lips.  He was flirting again.  I rolled my
eyes.  He grabbed my hand in the air above my head and sent my
body around in a spiral.  My feet gently rotated on each jump in the
sand.  Jess extended his arm out then pulled me back closer to him. 
We moved.  We danced.  We laughed.  I let the music take me back
to that place; the place where everything disappeared and I felt alive.