The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (10 page)

“The Data Overmind held interest in the life forms categorized as humans that occur on Earth. Perhaps they possessed the potential to break free of the cul-de-sac of autoevolution into which data life forms have fallen.

“Unlike data life forms, which were complete from the genesis stage, humans began as imperfect organic life forms that achieved a rapid rate of autoevolution. They increased their capacity for data retention while creating, processing, and storing new data.

“The emergence of self-awareness among the universe’s maldistributed organic life forms was a common phenomenon; however, terrestrial humans were the first instance of evolution to a higher order of intelligence. The Overmind carefully continued thorough observation.

“And three years ago, we observed a data flare unlike any other witnessed on this planet. An explosion of data erupting from the region of a bow-shaped archipelago instantly shrouded the planet and diffused into outer space. At its center was Haruhi Suzumiya.

“Neither cause nor effect is known. The Data Overmind found it impossible to analyze the data. It could only be read as meaningless junk data.

“What’s critical is that humans should only be able to handle a limited amount of information, yet only one of those terrestrial humans, Haruhi Suzumiya, was able to trigger a torrent of data.

“Haruhi Suzumiya continues to transmit intermittent torrents of data at completely random intervals. Furthermore, Haruhi Suzumiya herself is unaware of this.

“Over the past three years, a number of inquiries have been performed examining the entity known as Haruhi Suzumiya from all perspectives. However, her true identity remains unknown. Regardless, a sector of the Overmind believes that for humanity and, furthermore, all data life forms, Haruhi Suzumiya is the key to their autoevolution and thus, has commenced analysis accordingly.

“They, as data life forms, are unable to directly communicate with organic life forms, for they possess no language. Humans lack the means to transmit ideas without words. That is why human-purpose interfaces such as myself were created. The Overmind is able to come in contact with humans through me.”

Nagato finally lifted her teacup to her lips. Her throat might have been parched after speaking a year’s worth of words.

“…”

I had nothing to say.

“Haruhi Suzumiya holds hidden potential for autoevolution. It is likely that she possesses the ability to control data in her surrounding environment as she wishes. That is why I am here. Why you are here.”

“Hold on.” I said this with my mind all a jumble.

“I’ll be frank. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Believe me.”

I had never seen such an earnest expression on Nagato’s face before.

“The amount of data transmittable through verbal means is limited. I am merely a terminal, an organic interface for contact with humans. My processing facilities are unable to fully convey the Data Overmind’s thought process. Please understand.”

Easier said than done.

“Why me? Assuming that I believe you’re an interface for that Overmind or whatever, then why are you revealing your identity to me?”

“You have been chosen by Haruhi Suzumiya. Whether or not Haruhi Suzumiya is aware of it, her consciousness has an effect on the environment in the form of unconditional data. There must be a reason why you were chosen.”

“There isn’t.”

“There is. You are probably the key to Haruhi Suzumiya. You and Haruhi Suzumiya hold all potential within your grasp.”

“Are you serious?”

“Naturally.”

I looked extremely hard at Yuki Nagato’s face for the first time. Here I was, marveling at how the tight-lipped wonder had finally opened her mouth, and out came this winding freakish spiel. I knew she was odd, but I never would have imagined she was out of her mind.

Data Overmind? Humanoid interface?

My ass.

“Now look here. If you go tell Haruhi this story, she’ll be overjoyed. Quite frankly, I don’t understand any of this stuff. Sorry.”

“A large sector of the Data Overmind has recognized that if Haruhi Suzumiya becomes aware of her own value and ability, there is the potential for indeterminable risks. We must observe the situation for now.”

“Isn’t it possible that I’ll tell Haruhi everything I just heard?”

“Even if you do, she won’t take the data you feed her seriously.”

She had a point.

“I am not the only interface placed on Earth by the Data Overmind. A sector of the Data Overmind intends on initiating proactive activity and observing the resulting fluctuations in data. You are the key to Haruhi Suzumiya. When crisis approaches, you will be first.”

I can’t take any more of this.

I prepared to make my leave. “The tea was good. Thanks.”

Nagato didn’t stop me.

She was staring at the teacup with her customary expression devoid of emotion. She looked a bit lonely, but I was probably just hallucinating.

After answering my mom’s inquiry as to where I had gone with some vague reply, I returned to my room. I lay down on my bed and mulled over Nagato’s long speech.

If I believed everything Nagato said, that would mean she isn’t human. Not even of this world. Long story short, an alien.

A mysterious existence. What Haruhi had been passionately searching for.

And it was right next to her all this time. I guess that’s what they mean by “Can’t see the forest for the trees.”

… Ha. Ha. Ha. Retarded.

My eyes fell upon the thick novel I had dropped. I picked it and the bookmark up and stared at its colorful cover before placing it near the head of my bed.

Nagato probably got those bizarre delusions running through her head because she sits alone in her apartment reading these sci-fi books all the time. She probably doesn’t talk to anyone in her class either. Just stays in her little shell. Forget your books. Try to make some friends, even if they’re superficial. Just enjoy normal school life. The poker face has to go. She’s probably pretty cute when she smiles.

I suppose I’ll return the book tomorrow…. Well, I might as well read it.

After school the next day.

Since I was on cleaning duty, I was late to the club room and found Haruhi playing with Asahina.

“Stay still! Stop struggling!”

Haruhi had again half-stripped a resisting Asahina.

“Kyaa!”

Asahina screamed upon seeing me enter the room.

I took one look at Asahina standing in just her underwear before taking one step back through the mostly opened door and shutting it.

“Excuse me.”

I waited ten minutes. The duet of Asahina’s lovely shrieks and Haruhi’s shouts of enjoyment came to an end. In its wake, Haruhi spoke. “You can come in now!”

I entered the room and was promptly struck dumb.

A maid stood before me.

Clothed in dress and apron, Asahina, on the verge of tears, sat in a chair and quickly turned to give me a forlorn look.

A white apron and wide-hem flared skirt with blouse. The pristine white stockings had a very fine luster.

A flawless maid.

“Well? Isn’t she cute?” Haruhi said proudly, as though she had something to do with it, while patting Asahina’s hair.

I can agree with that. I feel sorry for Asahina, sitting dejectedly with a pitiable look on her face, but she looks ridiculously cute.

“Anyway, that’s a job well done.”

Ignoring the whispered “No, it isn’t,” from Asahina, I turned to Haruhi.

“What’s the point in dressing her up as a maid?”

“When it comes to turn-ons, you can’t forget about maids.”

Again, I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“I thought hard on this matter.”

You only think about things that are better left alone.

“Stories set in a school always have an alluring character present. In other words, stories begin wherever an alluring character is present. You could say it’s inevitable. Understand? Mikuru is a Lolita and a timid person and also possesses an important element of turn-ons, being well-endowed. If you put her into a maid outfit on top of all that, her turn-on factor will jump up like crazy. Anyone can see that she’ll set records for turning on people. It’s like we’ve already won.”

What are you trying to win?

While I was basically struck speechless, Haruhi had gotten her hands on a digital camera and was saying something about taking pictures to commemorate.

Asahina, face flaming red, shook her head.

“Don’t take pictures….”

You can get on your knees and pray or whatever. If Haruhi says it will be so, then it must be so.

Haruhi forced the entreating Asahina into a number of poses as the flash went off over and over.

“Ahh…”

“Look this way. Tilt the chin a bit. Clutch the apron. That’s it. Bigger smile!”

Haruhi relentlessly took pictures as she rattled out commands. When I asked her where she got the digital camera from, she said that she borrowed it from the photography club. Isn’t it almost certain that she swiped it?

During this photo shoot, Yuki Nagato sat in her usual spot, engaged in her usual activity of reading. She said a lot of crazy stuff yesterday, but she was as tight-lipped as ever today. I was somehow relieved.

“Kyon, take over as cameraman.”

Haruhi handed me the digital camera and turned towards Asahina. She grabbed Asahina’s little shoulders the way an alligator would creep up on water fowl.

“Haha….”

Haruhi smiled kindly at the scrunched-up Asahina.

“Mikuru. Let’s make you a little sexier.”

The moment she said that, Haruhi removed the ribbon from the bodice of the maid outfit. She then quickly unbuttoned three buttons to reveal cleavage.

“Hey! No… What are you…”

“It’s fine! It’s fine!”

How is this fine?

Asahina was then forced to place her hands on her knees and lean forward. I had to avert my eyes from the ample valley of her chest, a mismatch with her petite body and baby face. Except that if I averted my eyes, I couldn’t take pictures, so I was forced to look through the finder.

I repeatedly pressed the shutter per Haruhi’s orders.

Cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she was forced into poses accentuating her chest, Asahina awkwardly smiled at the camera, her eyes watering close to tears. She was oozing incomparable charm.

Crap. I think I’m in love.

“Yuki, lend me your glasses.”

Nagato slowly looked up from her book, slowly removed her glasses, handed them to Haruhi, and slowly went back to reading. She could read without glasses?

Haruhi placed the glasses on Asahina’s face.

“It looks good when they’re slightly slipping off. Yeah, it’s perfect! A Lolita with shapely breasts in a maid outfit wearing glasses! It’s magnificent! Kyon, keep taking pictures!”

I wasn’t refusing to take pictures, but what were all these pictures of Asahina dressed as a maid going to be used for?

“Mikuru, from now on, wear these clothes when in the club room.”

“You can’t be serious….”

Asahina did her best to voice her objection, but Haruhi continued.

“ ’Cause it’s so cute! Man, even a girl like me can’t help herself!”

She grabbed Asahina and rubbed her face against hers. Asahina cried out while struggling to escape before finally succumbing to Haruhi’s will.

Hey, now. I’m getting pretty envious here, Haruhi. Or, like, yeah, I should be stopping her.

“That’s enough now, Haruhi.”

I grabbed the back of Haruhi’s neck as she continued her open sexual harassment of Asahina. I was having a hard time pulling her away.

“Hey. Cut it out already!”

“What’s wrong? You can do perverted things to Mikuru, too.”

A fine idea. But seeing as how Asahina was rapidly turning pale, I could not offer my consent.

“Whoa. What is this?”

That would be Itsuki Koizumi, standing in the doorway, his bag in hand, watching us struggling.

He looked curiously at Haruhi, trying to thrust her hand down Asahina’s open dress, me, holding back that hand, Asahina, trembling in her maid outfit, and Nagato, calmly reading without her glasses.

“Is this some kind of game?”

“Koizumi. Great timing. Let’s all have fun with Mikuru!”

What the hell are you saying?

The corners of Koizumi’s mouth turned upwards. If he expressed assent, I’d have to treat him as an enemy.

“I’ll pass. I’m scared of what will happen afterward.”

He set his bag on the table and took one of the chairs propped against the wall and unfolded it.

“May I sit in and observe?”

He sat down and crossed his legs, looking at me with an amused face.

“Don’t mind me. Please continue.”

You’ve got it wrong. I’m helping her, not assaulting her.

Confusion over with, I managed to get between Haruhi and Asahina. As Asahina weakly collapsed backward, I hurried over to support her. I was surprised by how light she was as I guided her to a chair. The sight of Asahina exhausted in her disheveled maid outfit was, quite honestly, extremely hot.

“Oh, well. We already took a bunch of pictures.”

Haruhi removed the glasses from the beautiful face of Asahina, her body slouched back with her eyes closed, and returned them to Nagato.