The Memory Child (10 page)

Diane used to say she could come in here after a long day at work and just relax. She once confessed that she’d sometimes escape during the day for a glass of wine. Marcello had created an area specifically for Diane to relax in. He’d asked for her help in creating a little sitting area, so she’d shown up one day with a leather chair and footstool, a few side tables, lamps, framed mirror, and even a small bookshelf. Every so often, Diane would bring in books and leave them there, sometimes left open, other times with a bookmark. It was her little touch, she’d say. A little touch in her littl
e heaven.

“Her book is still on her table, you know. She hasn’t come in for a few weeks now to read. I can’t help but be
worried.”

Brian toyed with his wineglass. “Things have been a little busy for her at the office.” It was killing him that he couldn’t shout out to the world that they were havin
g a baby.

“I heard about her promotion.” A frown marred the large man’s face as he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s abo
ut time.”

“What’s with the fro
wn then?”

“It should have happened years ago.” Marcello took a wineglass offered from one of the servers who approached before waving the
man off.

The front door opened and a couple walked in, hand in hand. A server approached them, offering to take their coats before leading them t
o a table.

“Ah, I remember when the two of you would come in like that, holding hands. You’d stare into each other’s eyes, sharing your meals and dessert. You’d spend hours here, relaxed and enjoying life. Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?” A speculative gleam filled Marcello’s eyes as he glanced
at Brian.

Sadly
, it did.

“You know what
you need?”

“A vacation? Trust me, I’ve thought about it. Now’s not a good time for Diane. Maybe a weekend away, though. Any sug
gestions?”

“No, no, not a vacation. Although”—his brows wiggled as a smile grew across his face—“a weekend away might be perfect. My cousin owns a cabin up in the mountains if you’re interested. But no, what you need, my dear friend, is a little bambino.” His hands flew outward, as if he were announcing to the whole restaurant his brilli
ant idea.

Brian only wished he’d kept his voice down, for at that moment in walk
ed Diane.

He studied her as she crossed the room toward him. Her shoulders were stiff and there was a frown on her face. Had she heard? God, he hoped not. That was the last thing he needed to deal wit
h tonight.

“Diane!” Marcello rose and held out
his arms.

Diane threw Brian a wary look but returned Marcel
lo’s hug.

“We were just talking about you.” Marcello pulled back and took her hands in his. “You look tired. Weary. You work too hard. You don’t come here enough anymore.” He pouted. Brian pushed his chair back
and stood.

“I’m sorry, Marcello,” Diane said. “Work has been…difficult lately and I haven’t been able to get away as often as I wou
ld like.”

Brian studied his wife. Her words were stilted, her posture tight. Something
was wrong.

“Come, come. Sit down and I’ll get you a glass of your favorite wine.” He led to her a chair beside Brian, pulled it out, and waited for he
r to sit.

Diane glanced down at the glass of water in front of her and shook her head. “Not tonight, Marcello. Water is good. Maybe some tea later,
please?”

The bushy brows on the man’s face rose before he turned and gave an overly dramatic wink to Brian. “Of course, of course. Anything
for you.”

Brian shook his head as Marcello walked away and couldn’t stop the smile as it grew on
his face.

Unfortunately, the moment he turned his attention back to Diane, that smile me
lted away.

“You
told him?”

CHAPTER TEN

B
rian sat back
in alarm.

“Of course not. Why would you th
ink that?”

Diane gave him
the
look. The one that made him feel like a fool for even asking such a stupid question. The look that had him wishing he were anywhere but here.
That
look.

“It was kind of hard not to hear him shout out the word ‘b
ambino.’”

Brian tried to break the tension by laughing but it came out like a snort
instead.

“No, no. He was telling me how you needed to slow down, enjoy life, and that a baby was the way to do it. That’s all.” He reached for her hand. “
Promise.”

Diane remained skeptical. She withdrew
her hand.

“Does he honestly think a baby would slow down ou
r lives?”

Brian shrugged. It didn’t matter what he said; he wou
ldn’t win.

“Try make it busier. I don’t understand how some of the women at the office do it, juggle family and work.” She sipped at her water while the server came and brought the Parmes
an bread.

“Hope you don’t mind. After the way you reacted to my garlic bread last night, I wasn’t sure how the bruschetta would make you feel. I thought the Parmesan might be a better choice.” Brian babbled, like he often did when he was u
ncertain.

Diane reached for a piece and smiled. “Actually, today’s a good day. I’m hungry, believe it or not.” She bit into the Parmesan-coated bread and sighed. “This is so good,” she mumbled betw
een bites.

The knot in Brian’s stomach uncoiled while the weight on his shoulders lifted. Maybe he was worried ove
r nothing.

“You mean you’ll actually eat tonight? This calls for a celebration,” Bri
an teased.

“Can you believe some women have morning sickness for months? I couldn’t do that. I love food too much.” She took another piece and devoured it. Brian reached for the last remaining slice and bit into it before Diane even
noticed.

“Do you think yours
is over?”

Diane nodded. “God, I hope so.” She leaned forward, rested her elbows on the table, and glanced around the re
staurant.

Tables were starting to fill up and the noise level rose around them. Marcello’s booming voice welcomed people as he met them at their various tables while waiters scurried around
the room.

“Why didn’t we do this sooner?” When Diane smiled at him, there was a light in her eyes, something he’d missed seeing for a
long time.

“We need to make it a priority again, don’t we?” He reached for her hand again and entwined his fingers with hers. When she smiled at him, all was right in his world. It was funny how one person made that much of a differenc
e to him.

He never believed in soul mates until Diane came into his life. He’d known the moment he caught sight of her that she was the one for him. It had been an early morning and they were the only two in a small coffee shop. He’d sat down beside her in the armchairs by the fireplace and pretended to read the morning paper, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. Within minutes, they’d started to chat; the next thing he knew, she was asking him out on a date. They ended up having a picnic, watching the fireworks light up the sky, and the rest was history, so
to speak.

Diane completed Brian in a way he never thought possible. She inspired him to be a better man, a better husband. Believed in him when no one else did. She didn’t just complete him; she made him want to be someone he never thought he
could be.

“It’s been a while since we last went on a date. What happened to us, Brian?” Diane’s voic
e hitched.

“Life. Work. Busy schedules. It happens.” He shrugged. “Remember what the counselor told us a few years ago? That sometimes we’ll have to take a backseat to life, but as long as we remember not to get too comfortable back there, that we can’t always be on autopilot, we’ll be fine.” Brian s
wallowed.

He’d hated those counseling sessions. He’d thought they were fine, that their marriage was smooth sailing, until he started noticing all the marriage help books lying around the house. Apparently, Diane had other
thoughts.

“Are you traveling again anyti
me soon?”

Brian shook his head. “No, with Marie heading up the new office in London, I’m homebound for the next little while. It’ll be nice to not travel so much, to just be home.” He smiled. “Who knows, I might tackle some of those projects on the honey-do list you have.”
He winked.

“Oh really?” He heard the skepticism in
her voice.

“Or maybe find a handyman,” he admitted. As much as he hated it, his skills were with computers and not with tools. The last time he’d tried to fix a leaky faucet he’d caused a slight flood in thei
r kitchen.

He wasn’t sure if now was the time to mention this, but what the heck. “What do you think about
moving?”

Diane pulled her hand away from his. “Move? As in houses or
cities?”

“Houses. Maybe something a bit larger, with m
ore room.”

The smile disappeared from Dian
e’s face.

“Why? I like our condo. It s
uits us.”

Brian took a sip of his wine. “I know. But we’ve been there a long time. I did some looking, and in today’s housing market, we could make a pretty penny on our p
lace and—”

Diane held up her hands. “Wait. You’ve been looking? For how long, and why am I only hearing about this now?” She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to move. There’s no reason to, and especially not now. I don’t have the time
, Brian.”

“You wouldn’t have to do anything. I’d take care of it all, and we’d hire movers to come in.” He leaned forward and almost cringed at the pleading tone to his voice. “This is the perfect time, Diane. Just think about it. Our house isn’t big enough for a baby. We don’t even have an extra
bedroom.”

Diane bit her lip. “The baby. You want the baby to have its own room. That’s what this
is about.”

“Of course,” Brian agreed. Did she only just real
ize that?

“Brian…” She sighed and took a sip of her water. “There’s something we need to talk about.” She stopped, glanced away from him, and leaned back, crossing her legs, as if trying to distance herself from him as much as
possible.

No way. He wasn’t going to allow that to happen. He’d hoped to have this conversation later, after dinner, but that idea was ruined. If they were going to talk about this, they were going to do it the right way. He moved his chair closer and forced her hand into his. She tugged for a bit, as if not wanting any contact with him, but he refused t
o give in.

“Diane, I know that the idea of us having a baby has turned your world upside down, but we can figure this out. Together.” He needed her to hear the sincerity in his voice. He needed her to be
lieve him.

“What if I like my world exactly as it is ri
ght now?”

Of course she did. She wasn’t one for change. Unless it was planned. And this baby was anything bu
t planned.

“Our baby will make it even
better.”

She gave a tight shake of her head. “Brian, what if I don’t want this baby? W
hat then?”

He rubbed his forehead. “You don’t mean that. I know you don’t.” Didn’t they just have this d
iscussion?

“I do. I know you didn’t believe me this morning when I said that, but it’s true. Having a baby is the last thing I want. There’s nothing inside of me that is happy about this. Nothing. I’ve tried, I really have.” She leaned forward and started to rub his hand with her thumb. “Brian, I’ve thought long and hard about this and in the end, I only see one outcome that is beneficial to
us both.”

At that moment, their server arrived with their plates
of food.

Brian pulled his hand away from Diane, not wanting to touch her. He picked up his knife and fork once their waiter left and sliced into his steamed chicken and pasta. When his knife scraped across his plate, a shiver ran along his spine. He refused to look at Diane, to see the expression on her face, to read the unspoken words in her gaze. So instead, he took a bite of his noodles and struggled to
swallow.

Moments of awkward silence bound them together, neither saying a word. The only noise he heard was the clatter of their silverware against their plates. Everything else dis
appeared.

“Nothing scares me more right now than what might happen once this child is born. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t cope?
What if—”

“Stop.” The nerves in his body were strung tight and he could feel his muscles bunching together. What little food he eaten settled in his stomach like a hard stone, and he knew he couldn’t eat another bite. “We can’t play the
what-if
game, Diane. We can’t. What happened to your mother will not happen to you. I
t won’t.”

“You don’t know that. Even the doctor said there was no gu
arantee.”

Brian’s jaw
clenched.

“No.” He breathed deeply and refused to show his anger. “No, that’s not what he said. He told us that they couldn’t be positive that psychosis was hereditary.” He played with the napkin on his lap before folding it and laying it by
his plate.

“Please tell me you haven’t thought about having…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. The word just wouldn’t make it past h
is tongue.

Diane leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, the rest of her food forsaken. Brian set down his fork and swallowed the food he had struggled to chew. It tasted lik
e sawdust.

Diane said the words he didn’t want to hear. “Have an abortion? Yes, actually,
I have.”

His world crumbled in that moment. His mind blanked, unsure of how to process something he’d never thought he’d have to deal with. Abortion. How
could she?

“I’m too old, Brian. We’re
too old.”

He shook his head. He wanted to deny her words, deny the truth of them. They weren’t too old. They hadn’t even hit their mid-thir
ties yet.

“Plus, it’s too late in the game for me. If I were at the beginning of my career, maybe, but I’m not. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am now and I don’t want to give
that up.”

He just blinked. He couldn’t believe what she was saying. One moment it was her fear of history repeating itself and the next it was about her career. It was as if she couldn’t make up her mind. He thought she’d be past all this by now, that she’d realize their child wasn’t an inconvenience, that she wasn’t giving up anything, but getting something that would change th
eir lives.

“I don’t want my life to change,”
she said.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish here?” He blurted that out but he didn’t regret it. She was being selfish. This wasn’t the woman he married. Not at all. Hormones alone couldn’t account for th
is either.

“Selfish? I’m being selfish? Who are you to say that? Are you the one who had to deal with being sick? Are you going to stay home and raise our child? Are you willing to sacrifice everything for a baby?” Her nostrils flared as she shot her word
s at him.

His jaw hurt from clenching it
so tight.

“I would sacrifice everything. Not just for our child, but for you as well.” Each word was said with measured p
recision.

A flash of doubt crossed her face moments before the mask he hated with every essence of his being covered
her face.

Disdain. As if she were better than him. Knew more tha
n he did.

“You say that now, but push come to shove you wouldn’t,” she went on. “You’re a man. You have no idea what it’s like to be a woman in a man’
s world.”

“Oh, come on, Diane. It’s not like you’re going to get fired for having
a baby.”

“No. I won’t get fired. Walter wouldn’t do that. You’r
e right.”

He couldn’t believe what he wa
s hearing.

“Let me get this right. You’re choosing your job over our baby.” He cracked his knuckles and held h
is breath.

Diane rolled
her eyes.

“Get over yourself already. I’m not choosing anything. You asked me a question and I answered. I should have known you couldn’t handle the truth. You ne
ver can.”

Brian’s heart sank. Did she honestly see him
that way?

“Abortion, though? That should be a last option, not the
only
option.” Brian needed her to see h
is point.

She rolled her eye
s at him.

“I never said it was. God, would you just listen to me for a change? What is
with you?”

“I
am
listening.” Brian folded his arms over
his chest.

“No, no, you’re not. You haven’t listened to me sin
ce the mo
ment you found out I was
pregnant.”

“That’s not true. You know it’s not. Don’t turn this around on me, Dee. That’s n
ot fair.”

Diane’s mouth opened and then closed. Tears glistened in
her eyes.

“You haven’t called me that i
n years.”

“Sure I have.” He called her that all the time,
didn’t he?