The Missing Husband (26 page)

‘You mentioned that David told you how much he was looking forward to having the baby.’

‘Yeah, he was quite excited about it – you’d just been for the scan.’

‘And he didn’t seem scared about it at all? He didn’t say anything that might explain why he left?’

Simon was shaking his head. ‘No, he was determined to be a good dad. If he was bothered about anything, it was about that brother of his. He was frustrated that Steve wasn’t facing up to his own responsibilities, which isn’t exactly news to me and I’m sure it’s not to you. I don’t know Steve that well but whenever I bumped into them with that little boy of his, it was always David looking after him. To the casual observer, you would swear he was the dad. David was a natural which makes it so hard to believe he could have left you.’

There was a moment’s pause as the waitress arrived with two cups of coffee and removed Jo’s lukewarm cappuccino. ‘I’ve lost track of the number of times people have told me that David wouldn’t do this, that he wouldn’t leave me, but all the evidence suggests that’s exactly what happened,’ Jo said and then proceeded to outline the case for the prosecution, everything except how Jo had trapped him – there were limits to how much she was prepared to share with all but close family and friends.

‘It couldn’t have been someone else at the cash machine?’

‘Wearing David’s coat? A Nelson’s one?’

‘It’s not unique,’ Simon offered.

‘But his pin number is. And let’s not forget his passport going missing.’

‘Could someone have taken it?’

‘You have no idea how spotless I keep my house,’ Jo said. ‘Believe me, I would know if anyone had sneaked in to take it.’

Simon rubbed his hand against his forehead as he tried to make sense of it all. Jo watched, almost enjoying the look of confusion and frustration on someone else’s face instead of her own. ‘So you know he left, you just don’t know why,’ he concluded.

‘And that’s the part that’s tearing me up inside,’ Jo confessed and the crackle of emotion in her voice took them both by surprise. She could feel her pulse starting to race and put her hand over her chest to steady her breathing. ‘I don’t believe it’s enough to say he was simply scared of becoming a father, that just doesn’t wash, does it?’ When Simon shook his head, she continued, ‘Maybe he did leave me, maybe he
is
out there living off the money he’s taken from his account while he sorts his head out or his problems out or whatever it was that made him leave, but Archie is almost two months old now and the David I know would have been in touch, he would have come home. If it was that simple.’

Jo waited for Simon to offer a theory of his own but he could only shrug.

‘Could he have been …’ she began but was too afraid to finish her sentence. Her hand was still on her chest and she almost had to push the next words out. ‘Do you think he was suicidal?’

Simon’s reply was slow and measured. ‘I’ve seen suicidal, Jo and that’s not what it looks like.’

‘Sorry,’ Jo said.

There was a moment’s awkwardness but then there was a flicker of a memory that passed like a shadow across Simon’s face and Jo leapt on it. ‘You’ve remembered something, haven’t you?’

‘He mentioned his dad, something about him being depressed,’ Simon said although he looked to Jo for confirmation.

‘He had a stroke and died a few months later. What did David say exactly?’

Simon scratched his head as he wracked his brain. ‘It was only a passing comment; he knew I was on anti-depressants and wanted to know if I’d had any side effects.’

‘And?’

‘I told him that other than feeling like I’d been dropped into a vat of syrup, not much else, not that I noticed at least. Is it important?’

Jo had been leaning forward, desperate to hear the one piece of information that would make everything else fit. This wasn’t it and she let her shoulders sag. ‘His dad changed in those last couple of months. He said things that made his family challenge everything they thought they knew about him, and about themselves. The stroke could have affected his personality but I suspect David was trying to work out if the cocktail of drugs he was on could have played their part too … Anything that might give him some reassurance that the things his dad said in those last months, what he claimed to think about his family, wasn’t true.’

‘Sorry, I don’t think I gave him that reassurance.’

Jo tried to smile. ‘You have nothing to apologize for. You were dealing with your own problems. You’ve come a long way in the last few months, Simon.’

‘And there’s still a long way to go. I don’t fool myself that it’s all behind me, not yet, probably not ever, but today is a good day.’

As he spoke, Simon didn’t break eye contact and she felt somehow envious. He had fought his battles and come through the other side while she had barely begun to understand, let alone defeat, the invisible enemies her mind conjured up to send her into a blind panic.

‘How are you coping?’ he asked as if he already knew the answer.

‘I have good days,’ she said with a weak smile.

‘And today?’

The smile faltered. Today she had escaped motherhood for a few hours and she had thought she would savour every moment but she felt even more bereft than she had become accustomed to. If she didn’t know better, she would say she missed Archie. ‘Today will be another day I have to get through without David and without answers.’

‘I wish I could have been of more help.’

Jo took a last gulp of coffee. ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. Every time I churn up new theories it only ever muddies the water but I have to keep trying,’ she said, trying not to let her disappointment show. ‘Do you mind if I make a move? I told Irene I wouldn’t be long.’

‘Of course,’ Simon said and then went to say something else, stopped himself, but then said it anyway. ‘He couldn’t wait to be a dad, Jo. That’s the part I don’t understand.’ He laughed softly to himself. ‘He couldn’t wait to find out if the baby would have a dimple like him.’

Jo had already stood up and when she shrugged on her coat she felt another layer of guilt weigh her down. She had looked at her son’s face and seen nothing more than a crying, demanding baby who was intent on rejecting her. She hadn’t seen the suggestion of a dimple in the middle of Archie’s chin; she hadn’t even been looking.

Jo hung around by the exit while, at his insistence, Simon paid the bill and then they both stepped out into the cold afternoon that was already draining of colour and light.

‘Are you all right?’ Simon asked when he realized Jo had come to a sudden halt just outside the door.

‘Sorry,’ she said, blinking her eyes in disbelief. She had been looking for David as always but had caught sight of someone else. ‘Do you see the young girl over there with ginger hair, the one arm in arm with that boy? Well, she’s my niece, and having spoken to my sister only a couple of hours ago, I know for a fact she’s supposed to be over at a friend’s house cramming for her mocks. And by friend, I mean
girl
friend.’

‘Young love, eh?’

Jo laughed and considered, only briefly, phoning Steph to tell tales on her niece. ‘Yes, young love,’ she agreed.

When she and Simon parted there were no formal handshakes; he felt more like a friend than a colleague now and the hug seemed natural, far more natural than the butterflies that started to build in her stomach as she walked back to the car. She knew it was ridiculous to feel so nervous about picking Archie back up; she tried to remind herself that she was his mother, but another voice asked if she would ever feel worthy of such a title.

When her mobile began to ring and Irene’s name appeared, Jo was half-hoping to be told that the baby was fast asleep and she should stay out longer. But at first, Irene’s ramblings were unintelligible.

‘What’s wrong? Oh, God, Irene, is it Archie?’ Jo demanded.

She could feel the searing rush of panic rising through her body, her mind collapsing in on itself as she waited for Irene to draw enough breath to speak. In those painful milliseconds while she prepared to hear the worst she quickly concluded that if she was about to lose her son as well as her husband, then her life was over. She couldn’t come back from that.

Jo’s body ached from the physical effort of fighting off the panic attack. She held her body taut and forced herself to breathe slowly and deeply as she drove the three miles to her mother-in-law’s house where she found Archie sleeping peacefully in his bassinet. She had been able to drag enough information from Irene on the phone to reassure herself that the baby was safe – the latest Taylor crisis had something to do with Steve going missing – but as soon as she had hung up, the desire to hold her son was overwhelming and surprisingly strong enough to silence her doubts and insecurities about motherhood. She had driven to Irene’s clinging on to that feeling, her knuckles white as she gripped the wheel.

But before Jo could satisfy her own needs, the trembling figure of her mother-in-law demanded her attention. It was barely two hours since she’d dropped Archie off with her and the change was remarkable. ‘Tell me what’s happened,’ Jo asked softly.

Irene grabbed Jo’s hand and squeezed the life out of it as she made her sit down next to her on the sofa. Jo stole a glance towards the bassinet but she was too low down to catch even a glimpse of her son.

‘I haven’t seen Steve since Tuesday, Jo, when he came over to see if he could fix the back fence,’ Irene said as she struggled to resurrect the details of the last time she had seen her youngest son, knowing painfully well how precious that memory might prove to be. ‘And now he’s gone, just like David.’

Although Jo was at a loss to understand exactly what had sparked Irene’s sudden panic, she couldn’t help wondering if this new development might be a positive thing rather than the awful news Irene feared. What if the two brothers had been in league together all along? What if Steve was about to leave a fresh trail that would lead all the way to David? ‘Have you spoken to him at all since then?’

‘He phoned yesterday to say he’d call in at the weekend,’ she said. ‘Oh, why is this happening to us, Jo? Wasn’t losing David bad enough? I couldn’t bear to lose them both.’

With what little feeling was left in her fingers, Jo gave her mother-in-law’s hand a squeeze. ‘It won’t come to that,’ she said. It felt strange being the one offering consolation this time. A long list of platitudes came to mind but she knew only too well that they would do no good, so Jo held her tongue and concentrated on gathering the facts. ‘What did Sally say? When did she last see him?’

‘He stormed off at lunchtime,’ she said. ‘You know how difficult their relationship’s been lately. One of them was bound to snap eventually.’

‘Lunchtime?’ Jo asked as she extracted her hand from Irene’s grip of iron. ‘He’s only been missing since
lunchtime
?’ This was the one key fact that Irene had failed to mention before. ‘So, let me get this straight. Yet again, he’s had an argument with his wife and yet again, he’s stormed off to the pub and, judging by past experience, he’ll stagger home again when he’s run out of money.’

Irene was shaking her head. ‘Sally’s adamant and she won’t listen to reason. She says she’s given him enough chances and this is the last straw. They’re getting divorced.’

The news was by no means a surprise to Jo; the only surprise was how Sally had put up with him for so long. ‘OK,’ Jo said patiently, ‘if he doesn’t turn up there then he’ll turn up here.’

‘That’s what that nice policeman said.’

‘You phoned the police?’

‘I couldn’t just sit here doing nothing,’ she said, a sting of accusation in her words. ‘I’ve phoned and phoned Steve’s mobile but there’s no answer.’

Jo stood up, no longer able to fight the urge to pick up Archie. He didn’t even murmur as she lifted him tenderly into her arms. He calmed her heart and her thoughts enough so she could keep her voice level. ‘If this had happened six months ago, you wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Irene, it’s happened in the past, plenty of times. I know, because it was usually David who was dragged out in the middle of the night to talk him down.’

‘But David isn’t here for Steve to turn to now.’

When Jo had arrived at Irene’s house she had been prepared to stay for as long as she was needed. Irene had weathered plenty of heartbreak in the last few years but she had had her sons there to support her. She was on her own now and after everything she had done for her, Jo wouldn’t have objected to stepping into the breach. But now that she knew all of the facts, she couldn’t face the prospect of spending the evening watching Irene driving herself mad with irrational fears only for Steve to turn up drunk and unrepentant. She didn’t trust herself.

‘I have to go,’ Jo said. ‘But I promise I’ll come back over tomorrow if he hasn’t made an appearance.’ But he will, she wanted to add, bad pennies always do. ‘If I were you, I’d make up the spare bed and have a glass of water and some paracetamol at the ready because Steve is going to be nursing a serious hangover when he does show up.’

Jo set about slipping Archie into extra layers as if preparing him for a trip to Antarctica. Only when she had strapped him into his baby carrier did she turn back to Irene who had stayed where she was, deep in her own thoughts.

‘I know I’m overreacting,’ her mother-in-law said. The tears she had managed to staunch were welling in her eyes and threatened to spill over.

‘It’s understandable, but this isn’t history repeating itself. I still can’t find a convincing reason why David disappeared but with Steve, I could make a list as long as your arm.’

Irene sniffed. ‘I know,’ she said.

‘Phone me when he turns up, no matter what the time.’

Irene gave Jo a hug and kissed the top of Archie’s head. ‘I will,’ she promised.

When Jo left, she worried about Steve for only as long as he deserved, which was about as long as it took her to take her first breath of fresh air.

Archie’s eyes opened as soon as Jo stepped through the front door and switched on a light. She didn’t feel the familiar flutter of panic that normally arrived when Archie awoke. She could still recall how agonized she had felt when she thought he was in danger. She had been shocked by the strength of the connection between them, a connection that she had convinced herself hadn’t even existed, but it was still there now and she was desperate to hold on to it.