The Naked Pint (39 page)
Authors: Christina Perozzi
Stock the Fridge
N
ow that you have an array of empty glasses, you need a variety of beers to put in them (empty beer glasses are sooooo sad). You probably already have a small collection of spirits, a few bottles of quality
red and white wine, but what about your beer selection? If you want to be a craft beer lover, you gotta keep some of these babies close. It can be frustrating to go to the fridge for a hoppy beer and find that all you have is milk and OJ. You don’t want to boast the benefits of drinking craft beer and then not be able to deliver when a friend comes over. And you never know when a social evening will require a little impromptu beer lesson. You’ll need to have a few good beers on hand to demonstrate.
ow that you have an array of empty glasses, you need a variety of beers to put in them (empty beer glasses are sooooo sad). You probably already have a small collection of spirits, a few bottles of quality
GRRROWLERS!
You’ve heard talk of them, they have that funny name, but WTF are growlers anyway? Tiny bears? Disgruntled pub-goers? In fact, no, growlers are just jugs o’ craft beer. They are half-gallon jugs that people fill up from their local brewery or brewpub and take to go. They are usually made of glass and come in a variety of shapes. Growlers were supposedly named such because of the sound of the carbonation escaping as the top was opened. Some believe growlers gained popularity in areas where liquor was not available for purchase on Sundays, so people would stop by the brewery or pub to fill up a jug instead (you can close the liquor store, but we’ll find a way!).
Growlers are a great way to take home some fresh beer. If sealed correctly, they can keep for over a week, but people usually get them for immediate consumption. Growlers are not sanitized, so they aren’t meant for long-term storage because the beer could go bad. There’s nothing better than showing up at a friend’s BBQ with a growler of fresh beer from your local brewery. If you do that, be prepared to be loved.
It’s good to make a grocery list of beers to have on hand for any occasion, if only for yourself and your many moods. Here are our recommendations for styles to have at the ready: Pilsner, Hefeweizen, Amber Ale, Pale Ale, IPA, Porter/Stout, Saison, Dubbel, and something for dessert (either a chocolaty Stout, a sweet Lambic, or a fruited ale). If you have a nice base of varied styles, you can then experiment with different beers the next time you hit the store.
Here is our advanced grocery list for beers that pair well with certain situations, be they good or bad:
AFTER-WORK BEER:
Racer 5 IPA—the hops cut through all the bullshit your boss spewed at you all day.
PRE-PARTY BEER:
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale—a nice crisp start to an evening that won’t mess up your palate or get you too drunk before the fun begins.
LIQUID COURAGE BEER:
Arrogant Bastard Ale—the name makes you feel strong, and the ABV is a nice 7.2%. The bold hops will make you ready to face any frightening future event.
THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING OVER BEER:
Duvel—a strong beer that you can drink fairly quickly. It looks light in the glass, so if they show up before you’re done drinking, you can pass it off as a Pilsner and no one’s the wiser.
JUST GOT FIRED BEER:
North Coast Russian Imperial Stout—dark, bitter, lots of alcohol.
YOU JUST LOOKED AT YOUR CREDIT CARD BILL BEER:
PBR—’cause you’re poor.
BEAUTIFUL SUMMER DAY IN THE BACKYARD BEER:
Kölsch—light and lovely.
GONNA GET LAID BEER:
DeuS—subtle herbaceous quality and fruit give you something to talk about, high alcohol greases the wheels, cork and high carbonation make for lovely romance and ritual.
DINNER WITH FRIENDS BEER:
Saison DuPont or Saison Foret—to impress your friends because of the big bottle and cork finish. The dryness of the Saison style will go with most meals.
LIFE SUCKS!! BEER:
No beer.
HAVING A BBQ BEER:
Rauchbier—to bring out the smoke in the meat. Or try a Dales Pale Ale served in a can—to remind you and your friends of the BBQs you had in college when you couldn’t cook to save your life.
LATE-NIGHT BEER:
Allagash Curieux—aged in Jim Beam barrels. This complex Belgian-style ale has a bourbon whisky flavor that is perfect for those used to a brandy snifter and cigar after dinner.
DEUS EX MACHINA BEER:
Quelque Chose—actually made for heating up for that unexpected surprise! Serve it for dessert with a scoop of cinnamon gelato; no matter what happens at dinner, this will be the memory people will retain.
AFTER-WORK BEER:Racer 5 IPA—the hops cut through all the bullshit your boss spewed at you all day.
PRE-PARTY BEER:Sierra Nevada Pale Ale—a nice crisp start to an evening that won’t mess up your palate or get you too drunk before the fun begins.
LIQUID COURAGE BEER:Arrogant Bastard Ale—the name makes you feel strong, and the ABV is a nice 7.2%. The bold hops will make you ready to face any frightening future event.
THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING OVER BEER:Duvel—a strong beer that you can drink fairly quickly. It looks light in the glass, so if they show up before you’re done drinking, you can pass it off as a Pilsner and no one’s the wiser.
JUST GOT FIRED BEER:North Coast Russian Imperial Stout—dark, bitter, lots of alcohol.
YOU JUST LOOKED AT YOUR CREDIT CARD BILL BEER:PBR—’cause you’re poor.
BEAUTIFUL SUMMER DAY IN THE BACKYARD BEER:Kölsch—light and lovely.
GONNA GET LAID BEER:DeuS—subtle herbaceous quality and fruit give you something to talk about, high alcohol greases the wheels, cork and high carbonation make for lovely romance and ritual.
DINNER WITH FRIENDS BEER:Saison DuPont or Saison Foret—to impress your friends because of the big bottle and cork finish. The dryness of the Saison style will go with most meals.
LIFE SUCKS!! BEER:No beer.
HAVING A BBQ BEER:Rauchbier—to bring out the smoke in the meat. Or try a Dales Pale Ale served in a can—to remind you and your friends of the BBQs you had in college when you couldn’t cook to save your life.
LATE-NIGHT BEER:Allagash Curieux—aged in Jim Beam barrels. This complex Belgian-style ale has a bourbon whisky flavor that is perfect for those used to a brandy snifter and cigar after dinner.
DEUS EX MACHINA BEER:Quelque Chose—actually made for heating up for that unexpected surprise! Serve it for dessert with a scoop of cinnamon gelato; no matter what happens at dinner, this will be the memory people will retain.
Other books
Salvation by Igni, Aeon
Love Thy Neighbor 1: Seducing Mr. Peterson by Joelle Cummings
My Stupid Girl by Smith, Aurora
Shiver by Amber Garza
Miser of Mayfair by Beaton, M.C.
Poison by Zinn, Bridget
Menage by Alix Kates Shulman
Odd Mom Out by Jane Porter
Bouncers and Bodyguards by Robin Barratt
Montana Wildfire by Rebecca Sinclair
