The New Rule: (The Casual Rule 2) (33 page)

“Fuck, Jules,” Allie’s voice comes out from nowhere.

I look up, and she’s standing in front of me with an annoyed expression on her face. Her hands planted firmly on her hips.

“Allie? What are you doing here?” I ask.

“A little birdie told me you were in trouble and where to find you.”

I look at Pierce. “Your text?” I ask sarcastically.

“Technically, I texted Vince—who I
am
meeting… tomorrow. I thought you could use a friend… other than me.”

“You’re a good man, Pierce.”

He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “Remember that.” He stands from the bench. “I’ll leave you in the capable hands of Allie. Maybe we can have dinner sometime?”

I nod slightly. “Maybe. Thank you, Pierce. You always seem to pop up just when I need you.”

“If you ever change your mind…” He smiles warmly and winks.

“You’ll be the first to know.”

Allie looks suspiciously between the two of us, then sits on the bench next to me.

“Ladies,” he says, politely bowing his head.

I smile at him. Allie looks completely baffled as Pierce jogs away in the opposite direction of the fountain.

I look down at the brick pavement and see the pigeons, who have been curiously watching us during our entire exchange take flight toward Pierce. Pierce ducks and covers his head with his hand.

I cringe.

“What’s that cringe about?” Allie asks.

“Ben’s grandmother just took a shit on Pierce.”

“Huh?”

“Forget it. It’s nothing. Thanks for coming out here.” As the words leave my mouth, all the emotions I bottled up while I was talking with Pierce bubble over.

Allie is home. Allie is comfort. Having her here makes it all real again. When I look back at her, my chin quivers and the tears fall again.

“It’s that fucking son of a bitch boyfriend of yours, isn’t it? What did he do?”

Chapter 20

Once Pierce is out of view, I break down, leaning into Allie’s shoulder and sob.

“I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking kill him,” she hisses.

She twists around until she has both arms wrapped around me, rocking me back and forth.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” she says.

I nod, sniffling into her T-shirt.

“Come on, we’ll go back to our apartment.”

I look up at her, shaking my head in panic. “No. I can’t go there.”

“Is Vince’s place okay?” she asks without questioning me as to why.

“I’m sure Vince doesn’t want a crying idiot moping around his apartment.”

“Vince isn’t home. He went to some job site. And even if he were, I’d kick his ass out. Let’s get out of here.”

“Okay,” I choke out.

We stand and walk through the park with my head leaning on her shoulder and her arm protectively around me. After exiting the park, we hail a cab and head to Vince’s.

“It’s going to be okay, Jules. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

She grabs hold of my hand in the taxi and stares at me sympathetically.

I look up at her and nod slightly, then look out the window and watch the city go by.

~o0o~

“Nice place,” I say as we walk into Vince’s living room. It’s modern… and normal. There’s a beige sectional sofa, a honey oak coffee table over a gorgeous blue and tan area rug, and a big screen TV.

“What were you expecting?” Allie asks, smirking.

“I don’t know… a sex dungeon?”

She bursts out laughing. “Yeah, that would go over well when his parents drop by.”

“You’ve met his parents?”

“I may have had dinner with them recently,” she states casually.

“Interesting.”

“I know what you’re doing, Jules.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re avoiding talking to me about why you’re upset. I’m making some perverted lemonade then you’re going to tell me what that asshole boyfriend of yours did.”

“Ex-asshole boyfriend,” I whisper.

“Ex? Shit.” Her eyes widen, and she grabs my arm. “We need to drink and talk.”

She disappears into the kitchen while I stroll around Vince’s place. Mindlessly, I stare out a window and watch the people on the sidewalk below walking around like they haven’t a care in the world.

She quickly reappears holding two glasses of lemonade. Years of drinking Allie’s alcoholic concoctions tell me that “Perverted Lemonade” means a glass of vodka with a splash of lemonade.

“Come over here. Relax.” She tilts her head in the direction of the couch, and we sit. “First take a sip. Then tell me what happened.”

I take a sip and cough. “God, it tastes like grain alcohol.”

She ignores my complaint and takes my hand in hers, gazing directly into my eyes.

“What happened?” she asks softly, her concern unmistakable.

I place the glass down on the table and shake my head. “I don’t know. I thought after last night things were finally getting better and we were back on track. Then out of nowhere, he sucker punched me and told me he wanted to end things.”

“Ben? We’re talking about Ben? Tall, good-looking, dimples?”

I nod.

“So I guess ‘after last night’ means sexy time was back in the rotation?”

“Yes. And Al, it was perfect. Everything about it felt right. I thought after so much time, we might be a little off… but… I don’t think I ever felt so close to him. Then boom! Out of nowhere, he breaks up with me over breakfast. And my whole world fell apart.”

She releases my hand, placing her hand on her forehead. “I’m speechless. What reason did he give you?”

“He said he was making me unhappy. He couldn’t do that to me anymore.”

“That’s fucking crazy.”

“He told me we had to talk. And I knew.” I look up at her. “I knew from the tone of his voice it was going to be bad. The first thing that crossed my mind was he was going to tell me he slept with someone else. How crazy is that? I half expected it.”

“Were you relieved when that wasn’t the case?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. What’s worse? I love you, but I slept with someone else, or I love you, but I don’t want a relationship anymore.”

“What the fuck is wrong with him? He screws you then dumps you?”

“He tried to tell me last night… you know, before we… but I wouldn’t let him.”

“Ben? The guy who can’t keep his eyes off you? I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Julia, he adores you… even a blind person can see that.”

“He said he loves me, but he’s too fucked-up to make me happy. Do you see how successful his ‘Happiness for Julia’ plan is?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“We were supposed to be the adorable elderly couple who sat on the boardwalk bench. He stole that from me. I didn’t get a choice; he just took it. All I wanted was the happily ever after with him… and you know what I got? After. That’s all I got… After. I gave him my heart. And he doesn’t want it.”

“Oh, Jules.”

“Why is he doing this? You don’t do this to someone you love. I thought he wanted us as much as I do. I waited for him once. When we broke up last time, I sat on my floor in tears and stared at the back of my bedroom door for weeks. I prayed he’d change his mind and want a real relationship, not just something casual. I waited for him to burst through the door and sweep me into his arms. Five weeks I sat there crying and waiting. Five excruciating weeks. And he never came.”

She nods sympathetically and lets me continue.

“Allie, I can’t stare at the back of doors anymore.”

“I know,” she says softly.

“I thought we were worth fighting for, but I’m the only one fighting. I will not beg him to love me. That should come as easily as breathing. And I know he’s hurting, but what’s it going to be next time… twenty weeks, a year? Never? I can’t wait around for him every time he doesn’t know what he wants.”

“You’re right. It’s not fair to you,” she says.

“I asked him what he saw when he looked at me. Know what his answer was? ‘I don’t know.’ He doesn’t know. I see love every time I look at him. Every single time. Maybe we weren’t meant to be together.”

I take a big gulp of my lemonade. It’s so strong; it burns going down my throat. I welcome the pain.

Allie shakes her head. “I don’t believe that for a minute. Neither do you and neither does that asshole boyfriend of yours.”

“
Ex
-boyfriend,” I correct her. “He said he’d never hurt me. He promised. And I believed him.”

“Pain makes liars out of honest people, Jules. I’m sure he meant it.”

“Then why am I here, ready to curl into a ball on the floor?”

“He’s just fucked-up in the head right now.”

“He hurt me once and he just did it again. My heart can’t be the sacrifice. I feel like I’m dying.”

“Aww, Jules.”

I take another gulp. This lemonade concoction is terrible. But as long as it numbs me, I don’t care.

“I felt things with him. Things I never felt before. Even after all these months together, I still get butterflies when I see him. Loving him is effortless. He pays attention to all the little things no one else would notice. He toasted a damn marshmallow on his stovetop because he knew I liked them. When I'm with him... I don't know if this makes any sense, but I miss him before we're apart. And I know that's stupid and corny... but it’s the truth. I know he loves me. Sometimes I’d catch him looking at me, when he doesn’t think I see him, with so much love in his eyes, I’d tear up. You can't fake the little things like a look... a touch... or a toasted marshmallow. Why is he walking away from it?”

“I don’t know.” Allie looks as lost as I am.

“Before I left, I said some terrible things to him.”

“You were upset. People say things they don’t mean when they’re in hurt.”

“I wanted to hurt him. What I said was cruel. I knew it when I said it and I didn’t care. It was beneath me. The last thing I want is for him to have more pain. He’s in enough.” I scrub my hands over my face then turn to Allie. “Why did he have to fuck this up? I would have done anything for him. I’d take whatever he could give.”

“I wish I knew what to say. I just don’t know.”

“It never occurred to me that we would ever be apart. I can't picture my life without him. It’s unfathomable to me. He’s the love of my life. I don't understand how we could love each other and not be together. When he said he loved me... I thought it meant forever.”

“You got over Mikehole. One day you’ll get over him.”

“Yeah, when forever ends. Remember when you asked me how I knew it was love? I have a new answer... because you'll never feel pain like the pain you do when that love is ripped away.”

She takes my hair in her hands and braids it while I continue to bare my soul. I know it’s her way of comforting me.

“We were perfect. And then, just like that…” I snap my fingers. “We weren’t anymore. I would have waited out this dark period. But he didn’t give me a chance.”

I take the last sip of the lemonade then inhale a deep breath and continue to rattle on.

“It all used to come so naturally for us… but the deadlines, the travel, his father, the lawyers, and his grandmother’s death. It was more than he could handle. He hid the pressures well. I knew they were there, but he always seemed to be in control. I guess, looking back, maintaining a healthy relationship under all that stress was just too much. It was the perfect storm. And we didn’t survive it. He’s burying all the good. He only wants the bad.”

“Seems like he built walls. I’m just wondering if he built them for himself... or he built them to protect you,” she says.

“Protect me from what?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know… he didn’t want you to hurt like he was.”

“Are you defending him?”

“No. I’m trying to make sense of the non-sensible.”

“Yeah, well, good luck with that,” I snicker.

 “Walls can be torn down, even you know that,” she says.

“I don’t know if I have the strength anymore. Loving him is powerful. Sometimes I love feeling that power, and other times I wish it didn’t exist.” I yawn. My head is feeling fuzzy, and my eyes are starting to droop.

“Perverted lemonade hitting you?”

I nod and yawn again. “MmmHmm. The lemonade and crying for the past two hours. Exhausting.”

“Why don’t you sleep it off for a while? Lie down.”

I’m so drained and buzzed; I do as she says. She grabs a throw blanket from the corner of the couch and spreads it over me.

“A little rest will do you good,” she says softly, then smiles slyly. “I bet his dick isn’t as pretty as you claim, anyway. There are prettier ones out there to find,” she jokes, trying to lighten my mood.

I sigh. “No, it is. There isn’t any part of him that isn’t pretty.”

“How about his brain?” She smirks, lifting a brow.

“Does pretty stupid count?”

“Sure.”

“Then yes,” I say unhappily. “He’s one hundred percent pretty.”

“Sleep now.” She kisses the top of my forehead.

I turn on my side and look at her. “Am I going to be okay?” I whisper.

She nods. “Yes. I promise. We’ll get through this.”

“It feels like I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken, maybe just temporarily out of order. Remember what we’ve always said; no man will ever break us,” she tells me.

I sigh and shake my head. “I think he’s the only man who can. I don’t want to let him go. I already miss him.”

She sweeps a few strands of hair off my face and smiles wistfully. “I know you do.”

“Thank you for finding me. I can always count on you.”

She sits on the floor, resting her elbow on the edge of the couch and her chin in her fist.

“You know when I knew we'd always be friends,” she whispers. “Fourth grade. I was the new girl in school and wasn’t particularly interested in making friends. The mean girls were giving me grief during recess. They didn’t like the way I dressed. Mrs. Shithead, the lunch aide, pretended she didn’t see them ganging up on me. You saw what was going on and stormed over to the head bitch, Stacey Fuckface, and told them to leave me alone. You threatened to get your sisters to beat the crap out of them. When they left, you told me you liked my outfit. You barely knew me, but you had my back. That was the moment I decided to devote my life to having your back too.” She smiles warmly.