The No Cry Discipline Solution (3 page)

• 28 from Canada:
Alberta, British Columbia, Chilli-

wack, Manitoba, Nova Scotia, Ontario, Quebec, Saskatchewan,

Yellowknife

• 17 from the United Kingdom:
Abingdon, Aldershot, Ando-

ver, Bristol, Devon, East Sussex, Hampshire, Newark, Surrey,

Leicestershire, Nottinghamshire, Wales

• 9 from Israel:
Hadera, Jerusalem, Modiin, Moshav Olesh,

Nof Ayalon, Ramat Gan, Tel Aviv

• 5 from New Zealand:
Cambridge, Hibiscus Coast, Hunts-

bury, Lower Hutt, Whangarei

• 5 from Australia:
Canberra, Deception Bay, Melbourne,

Victoria, Umina

• 3 from Saudi Arabia:
Dammam Eastern, Hail

• 3 from Bahrain:
Diraz, Manama

• 2 from France:
Nates, Haute Savoie

• 2 from Mexico:
D.F., Guatemala City

Acknowledgments

xix

• 2 from Brazil:
Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais

• 2 from South Africa:
Atlasville, Cape Town

• 1 from Iceland:
Kefl avik

• 1 from Ireland:
Athenry

• 1 from Japan:
Tachikawa

• 1 from Russia:
Moscow

Children

• 202 Girls

• 209 Boys

• 4 sets of Twins

• 247 Toddlers (12 months to 3 years)

• 142 Preschoolers (3 years to 6 years)

• 22 School-Aged Children (7 years to 10 years)

I would like to express my gratitude and affection to every one

of my test mommies, test daddies, and their children: Aanyah,

Aaron, Abby, Abigail, Adam, Adren, Aeryn, AhLana, Aidan,

Aisling, AJ, Aja, Alan, Aleksandar, Alexander, Aliza, Allen, Ally,

Amanda, Amani Elizabeth, Amara, Amber, Ameila, Amelia Jun-

Die, Amy, Andra, Andreia, Andrew, Aneese, Angela, Angelique,

Ann, Anna, Anne-Marie, Annette, Annie, Annik, Arabella Mia,

Ariana, Arianna, Ariella, Arley, Asher, Ashlea, Asphyxia, Auila-

lei, Aurora, Ava, Avery, Avital, Axa Elisabeth, Aylitamae, Aysha,

Bader, Bailey, Barb, Barbara, Basil, Beatrix, Beckie, Becky, Ben,

Benjamin, Bennett, Benny, Bethany, Betsy, Bill, Bittani, Blaze,

Bobbie, Bonnie, Brandy, Brian, Brianna, Bridget, Brinley, Britt,

Brittany Alexis, Brooke, Bruce, Caden, Callum, Candace, Car-

ley, Carole, Caroline, Carter, Caspar, Catherine, Chana, Chester,

Choshen, Christian, Christine, Christion, Christy, Ciara, Cindy,

Claire, Clayton, Clement, Cole, Conall, Connor, Constanze,

Corrine, Cristina, Dakari, Dakota, Dale, Damien, Damon, Dan-

iel, Danielle, David, Deandra, Deanna, Debbie, Deborah, Deion,

Devan, Devanie, Diana, Diana, Diogo Souki, Dionna, Dominique,

xx

Acknowledgments

Donna, Donovan, Doreen, Dovi, Dylan, Eithan, Ekatarina, Elana,

Eleanor, Eleese, Elena, Eli, Elias, Elijah, Eliot, Elise, Elizabeth,

Ella, Elliot, Emaya, Emerson, Emily, Emma, Emmett, Erin, Esther,

Ethan, Eva, Evalin Julie, Evan, Ezia, Faith, Felicia, Flynn, Fran-

ces, Gabi, Gabriel, Gabriela, Gabrielle, Gale, Garrett, Gary, Gen-

evieve, George, Gino, Gracie, Graciela, Graeme, Grayson, Greg,

Hadar, Hadley, Hailey, Halene Isabelle, Hannah, Heidi, Henry

III, Holly, Ian, Iftach, Isabel, Isabella, Isadora, Isla, Jack, Jackson,

Jacob, Jacqueline, Jacquelyn, Jaimie, Jameel, Jamie, Jane, Janell,

Janice, Janie, Janos, Jason, Jayda, Jaylah, Jazmine, Jen, Jenna, Jen-

nifer, Jesse, Jessica, Jessie, Jim, Joanne, Jobe, Jocelyn, Jodie, Joe,

Joel, John, Jolene, Jordan, Jose, Josef, Joseph, Josh, Joshua, Jubal,

Judy, Juliana, Juliane, Julie, Julietta, Kaitlyn, Kalani, Kara, Karah,

Karen, Kari, Karolyn, Katherine, Kathi, Kathryn, Katie, Kayla,

Kaylie, Keara, Keelin, Kekoa, Kelly, Ken, Kendra, Khalid, Khi-

dar, Kia, Kieron, Kim, Kimberly, Kinder, Kirsten, Krista, Kristi,

Kyleigh, Kylie, Laetitia, Langston, Laura, Lauren, Leanne, Lee,

Leigh, Liam, Liat, Lila, Lili, Lily, Linda, Lindsay, Lindsey, Liora,

Lisa, Liz, Loddie, Logan, Lois, Lorenzo, Lorna, Lorraine, Louise,

Lucas, Lucie, Lucy, Luis, Luke, Lynee, Maayan, Mackenzie, Mad-

dison, Maddy, Madeline, Madelyn, Madison, Maia, Maisha, Mala-

chy, Malcolm, Mara, Marc Jonah, Marcie, Margaret, Margot, Mari,

Marianna, Marianne, Maribel, Marie, Marin, Marisa, Marissa,

Mark, Marlee, Marlo, Mary, Mason, Mathieau, Mati, Matthew,

Maverick, Max, Maya, Megan, Meilin, Mel, Meleila, Melissa, Mel-

vin, Menachem, Michael, Michel, Michelle, Miguel, Mike, Mila,

Miles, Mira, Miriam, Misha, Molly, Monica, Mordechai, Morgan,

Moshe, Myles, Natalia, Natalie, Natasha, Nathan, Neko, Nicho-

las, Nicole, Nikki, Noa, Noah, Noreen, Ole, Olga, Oliver, Olivia,

Omar, Orrin, Osama, Oscar, Paige, Pamela, Patti, Phylicia, Pnina,

Prophet, Rachael, Rachelle, Raizel, Ransom, Raymond, Reagan,

Rebecca, Renee, Rhonda, Ric, Rina, Rivka, Rohana, Romi, Rory,

Rosa, Rosalee, Rosie, Rosina, Ross, Rus, Ryan, Sachin, Safi ya, Sage,

Acknowledgments

xxi

Saige, Sakina, Sam, Samantha Belle, Samuel, Sara, Sarah, Sean,

Sedona, Sekou, Seth, Shaila, Shamshon, Sharalyn, Sharon, Sheila,

Shelley, Sheri, Sherisse, Sherry, Shmuel, Shooni, Simeon, Simon,

Singer, Skye, Skyler, Sofi a, Solanne Bianchi, Sonja, Sophie, Spen-

cer, Stacey, Stanley, Stephanie, Strahnn, Suzanne, Tara, Tasneem,

Taylor, Theo, Theresa, Thomas, Tiane, Tiffany, Timmy, Timothy,

Tina, Tobias, Tomas, Toni, Tonia, Tracy, Treston Hart, Tristan,

Troy, Umar, Umar, Valeria, Victoria, Vincenzo, Wanda, Waylon,

Wendy, Wiley Dennison, Will, William, Willow, Xenia, Yaffa, Yas-

min Walters, Yedidya, Yenny, Yolanda, Yonathan, Yoni, Yonina,

Yusuf, Zack, Zahava, Zane, Zayd, Zion, Zoe.

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Pa r t 1

-

The Foundation for

No-Cry Discipline: Essential

Parenting Attitudes

Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.

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Discipline

A Complex Job Made Easier

with the Right Outlook

Raising your children may be the most wonderful and rewarding

job of your life. However, when it comes to discipline, it can

also be the most complicated, challenging, and frustrating profes-

sion in the world. Just the word
discipline
is enough to make many parents cringe as it stirs up visions of a strict parent doling out

punishment and a crying child sitting in the corner. But discipline

is not about punishment, and it doesn’t have to result in tears. As

defi ned by Webster’s,
discipline
means “training that develops self-control and character.” This defi nition might lead you to believe

that the process is all about teaching, and in a sense it is. Teaching

is your part of the discipline equation, and there is no substitute

for quality lessons. However, your child’s part of the equation is the

most important—learning.

My oldest child, Angela, is now eighteen years old and in col-

lege. Her dad and I vividly recall an inspirational moment that

occurred when she was seven years old. She was trying to explain

something important to him and questioned his attention. He said,

“I’m listening.” To which Angela replied, “Dad, you listen, but you

don’t understand.” It was an enlightening moment for Mom and

Dad, and that simple exchange has popped up in many conversa-

tions through the years as we raise our four children. We want to

understand them, and we want them to understand us as we go

about the many lessons we must teach them. Teaching that falls

on deaf ears is lost, and we have learned that crying plugs a child’s

3

Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.

4

The Foundation for No-Cry Discipline

Key Point

\“ Education is the kindling of a fl ame, not the fi lling of a

vessel.”

—Socrates, Ancient Greek philosopher

ears almost every time it occurs. Crying gets in the way of accept-

ing, understanding, and learning.

Parental discipline is about helping our children create a foun-

dation of strong values, morals, and guidelines that they can use

for a lifetime of self-discipline. The teaching of these principles

occurs with nearly every exchange we have with our children.
No-

cry discipline
means helping children be receptive to the lessons you teach by avoiding the tears and anger that serve as a barrier

to learning.

None of us are born knowing how to be a parent, nor how to

go about teaching our children important life lessons. Most of us

fi nd that this job is much more complex than we ever dreamed

it would be. Taking care of a baby is our fi rst step on the jour-

ney of parenthood, and the lessons that we teach during the baby

years are about love, connection, and basic human interaction.

Just when we feel confi dent with our skills and ideals for raising

babies, we turn around to fi nd that many of those skills that we’ve

learned do not apply to a walking, talking toddler. We adjust our

approach, only to fi nd that disrupted when our toddler turns into

a preschooler, and again when he becomes a grade-schooler, and

again when he enters the teen years . . . and yet again when our

child graduates and moves on to college or adult life. There is no

stop
button for when your parenting job ends; once a child enters your life you remain a parent forever. We actually have a
brand-new
parenting job each time our child passes from one milestone