The No-cry Potty Training Solution (14 page)

Relax About Accidents

Accidents are going to happen during the training period. Use the same approach you use when she buttons her sweater the wrong way or spills some milk.

“Oops. Missed the potty that time. Don’t worry. Pretty soon, you’ll get it right every time.”

Accidents are very normal, especially at the start of training. However, if your child is having far more accidents than successes, or if either you or your child is getting distressed about these accidents, you may want to retake the readiness quiz to see if perhaps you’ve started a bit too early.

Accidents are inevitable at first, but they should gradually decrease. If they continue long after your child has completed training, however, you might want
A Menu of Potty Training Ideas

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to examine the reasons for them. If your child is simply too busy to stop her activity to get to the bathroom, perhaps you’re making it too easy for her to recover from these episodes. You might want to get her more

involved in the cleanup process. Teach your child how to help wipe up any mess, change her own clothes, and put her dirty things in the laundry. If she has to help you take care of all of this, it may help reduce these accidents. If busyness isn’t the reason, look over the suggestions in Chapters 7 and 8, which cover common potty training problems.

It’s typical for a child to master one aspect of potty training before another, so don’t be surprised if accidents happen for a while. Just keep praising her successful efforts and keep working on the less-consistent process.

Offer Praise and Encouragement—but

How Much?

If you research this seemingly simple question, you’ll get adamant advice on both ends of the spectrum. Some experts say that you should give lots and lots of positive feedback, including a partylike atmosphere—even with noisemakers, cake, and party hats. Others say that you should avoid getting overly excited or emotional and simply acknowledge that your child’s done well.

The right answer is that the
right answer
is different for every parent and child pair. Some parents are naturally more enthusiastic about everything their children do; others tend to be more reserved. Some children

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Mother-Speak

“I think you should remind parents on every single page of this book to be calm and patient, since that’s the hard-est part of toilet training!”

—Patti, mother of twenty-nine-month-old Maddison and four-month-old Mason

thrive on their parents’ energy, other children are easily overwhelmed. Even two different children in the same family will respond better to different levels of enthusiasm.

Probably the best advice is to do what comes naturally. What’s most important is that you want your child to know that you support him, that you are proud of his efforts as well as his successes.

One More Reminder to Be Patient

This whole process takes time. You probably won’t feel confident to completely turn over your child’s toileting to him for many months. So relax, be patient, and enjoy the journey. Children are only little for a very short time—embrace every moment.

6

Bed-Wetting

When your child uses the toilet all day, every day, with only rare mistakes, you can consider your toilet training job complete, even if your child still wears a diaper to bed. Potty training is about daytime toilet habits. Nighttime dryness is a totally separate subject.

Doctor-Speak

“Toilet training is accomplished when a child uses a potty chair or toilet for bladder and bowel functions during waking hours.”

—Barton D. Schmitt, M.D., Contemporary Pediatrics, 2004

No Place for Punishment or Shame

I was talking with a friend about this book, and the topic of bed-wetting came up. She told me this story:

“Not too long ago, my friends and their son stayed at our home as houseguests. After dinner the talk turned to parenting issues. The father said that his son, William,* had

*Name has been changed.

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still been wetting the bed in kindergarten. ‘A few spank-ings, making him sleep in his wet bed, and hanging up his wet sheets in the morning for everyone to see, and we stopped that in short order,’ he bragged. That night, around 2 a.m., I woke to hear the kids still chattering away downstairs, as kids having a sleepover often do. The following morning I was up early, at about 5:30, and went down to make coffee. William was sitting on the sofa, reading. ‘What are you doing up so early?’ I asked. ‘I never sleep much,’ he said. By the way, did I mention this?