The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (12 page)

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:7

WHAT DOES YOUR SPOUSE complain about most often? We usually interpret complaints as negative criticism, but they are actually giving us valuable information. Complaints reveal the heart. A person's recurring complaint often reveals his or her love language.

If a husband frequently says, "We don't ever spend time together. We're like two ships passing in the night;' he is telling his wife that quality time is his primary love language and his love tank is sitting on empty.

If a wife says, "I don't think you would ever touch me if I didn't initiate it," she is revealing that physical touch is her love language.

If a husband returns from a business trip and his wife says, "You mean you didn't bring me anything?" she is telling him that gifts is her love language. She can't believe that he came home empty-handed.

If a wife complains, "I don't ever do anything right;' she is saying that words of affirmation is her love language, and she is not hearing those words.

If a husband says, "If you loved me, you would help me," he is shouting that his love language is acts of service.

Do you feel frustrated because you don't seem to be communicating love to your spouse? First Corinthians 13 reminds us never to give up. Things can improve when we maintain hope. Discovering and speaking your spouse's love language is one way to help your relationship grow.

Father, I want our relationship as a couple to grow. Please help me to discover my spouse's love language, and show me how to speak it effectively.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love-not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. i JOHN 4:9-11

I BELIEVE OUR DEEPEST emotional need is the need to feel loved. If we are married, the person we most want to love us is our spouse. If we feel loved by our spouse, the whole world looks bright. If we do not feel loved, the whole world looks dark. However, we don't get love by complaining or making demands.

One man told me,"If my wife would just be a little more affectionate, then I could be responsive to her. But when she gives me no affection, I want to stay away from her." He is waiting to receive love before he gives love. Someone must take the initiative. Why must it be the other person?

Why are we so slow to understand that the initiative to love is always with us? God is our example. We love God because he first loved us (see 1 John 4:19). He loved us even when we were sinful, even when we weren't responsive, even when we had done nothing to deserve it. That's the ultimate example of love that takes the initiative. If you choose to give your spouse unconditional love and learn how to express love in a language your spouse can feel, there is every possibility that your spouse will reciprocate. Love begets love.

Father, you have shown us the way to love-unconditionally, by taking the initiative and not waiting for the other person to reciprocate. Please help me to express that kind of love to my spouse.

My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me."And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming" PSALM 27:8

MOST OF US GOT MARRIED not because we wanted someone to help us cook meals, wash dishes, maintain the car, and rear children. Rather, we married out of a deep desire to know and to be known, to love and to be loved, and to have a genuinely intimate relationship. How does this lofty goal become reality? It helps to look at the five essential components of an intimate relationship, which we'll do in the next few days.

First is intellectual intimacy. So much of life is lived in the world of the mind. Throughout the day, we have hundreds of thoughts about life as we encounter it. We also have desires, things we would like to experience or obtain. Intellectual intimacy comes from sharing some of these thoughts and desires with our spouse. These may focus on finances, food, health, current events, music, or church. Whether or not they're important in and of themselves, these thoughts and desires reveal something about what has gone on in our mind throughout the day.

Psalm 27:8 describes a way to increase our intimacy with God-by responding when he invites us to talk with him. The same principle applies to human relationships. In marriage, we have the pleasure of learning some of the inner movements of our spouse's mind. That is the essence of intellectual intimacy.

Father, thank you for wanting to talk tome and hear from me! 1 know that conversation builds relationships. Help me to share my thoughts freely with my loved one and listen carefully to his or her thoughts as well.

lambent over and racked with pain. All daylongI walk around filled with grief. PSALM 38:6

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY is one of the five components of an intimate relationship. Feelings are our spontaneous, emotional responses to what we encounter through the five senses. I hear that the neighbor's dog died, and I feel sad. I see the fire truck racing down the road, and I feel troubled. My wife touches my hand, and I feel loved. I see her smile, and I feel encouraged.

Your inner life is filled with emotions, but no one sees them. Sharing your feelings builds emotional intimacy. Allowing your mate into your inner world means being willing to say, "I'm feeling a lot of fear right now" or, "I am really happy tonight." These are statements of self-revelation. Psalm 38:6 gives just one of many examples of the psalmist pouring out his heart to God. King David and the other writers of the psalms were honest about their feelings of sadness, depression, anger, and grief, as well as their feelings of joy, adoration, and celebration. And that kind of straightforward self-revelation only increased their intimacy with God.

Learning to talk about emotions can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. Such sharing requires an atmosphere of acceptance. If I am assured that my spouse will not condemn my feelings or try to change my feelings, then I am far more likely to talk about them.

Lord, thank you for wanting to hear our feelings. I know sharing emotions as a couple will help us grow closer. I pray that you will help us cultivate a loving, accepting atmosphere where we can share freely.