The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (11 page)

Father, when I can't see the end of this difficult situation, please renew my hope. Renew my faith that you can heal and restore. You care, and you are with us. Thank you, Lord.

No one is righteous-not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one. ROMANS 3:10-12

DO YOU EVER WONDER why we can't just forget the past and move on? It's usually because we haven't dealt with the past appropriately. Harsh words and selfish attitudes may have left their mark on the soul of our relationship. But healing is available, and it begins with identifying past failures so we can confess them and ask forgiveness. The wall that has been built between you and your spouse must be torn down one block at a time. The first step is to identify the blocks.

Why not ask God to bring to your mind the times you have failed your spouse? Get your pencil ready and write them down. Then ask your spouse to make a list of the ways he or she thinks you have failed in the past. Consider asking your children or your parents to share times they have observed you speaking harshly or being unkind to your spouse. As you make your list, you may discover that the wall of past failures is high and thick. That's okay. The Bible is clear that everyone has sinned-against God and against others. Admitting and identifying past failure is the first step in "wall demolition"

Lord God, you know all the sinful failures in my past. I have failed you, and 1 have failed the ones I love. Please bring these failures to my mind so I can address them.

Have mercy on me, 0 God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. PSALM 51:1-2 (NIV)

YESTERDAY WE TALKED about identifying the past failures in your relationship. Today I want to talk about confessing the failures. Both of you know that there is a wall between you. So why not tear down the wall?

Once you've made a list of the ways in which you have failed your spouse, confess these things to God. Psalm 51, written after King David's greatest moral failure-committing adultery with Bathsheba and conspiring to murder her husband-offers a heartfelt model for confession. Thank God that Christ has paid the penalty for your sins, and ask him to forgive you.

Next, go to your spouse and confess your failures. Confession says, "I was wrong. I'm sorry. I know that I hurt you, and I don't want to do that again. Will you forgive me?" True confession opens the door to the possibility of forgiveness. When you have been offered forgiveness, your side of the wall is torn down. If your spouse is also willing to confess and receive forgiveness, the entire wall can be demolished, and your marriage can move forward.

Father, l confess my sins to you-sins of selfishness, impatience, and lack of love, among others. Thank you for yourpromise of forgiveness. Please give me the strength to confess also to myspouse, whom 1 have hurt greatly.

Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

COLOSSIANS 3:13

IN THE PAST TWO DAYS, we have talked about how to identify our failures and how to confess those failures to God and to our spouse. Now I want to talk about forgiveness.

When your spouse confesses past failures and requests your forgiveness, it is time to forgive. In fact, refusing to forgive is to violate the clear teachings of Jesus. He taught his disciples to pray: "[Father,] forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us" (Matthew 6:12). If we refuse to forgive when others confess to us and repent, we jeopardize our own forgiveness from God. The apostle Paul underscored this point in Colossians 3:13, when he wrote that we must forgive others because the Lord has forgiven us. And one of Jesus' parables made clear that our "forgiveness debt" to the Lord is far greater than the debt anyone can "owe" us.

Nothing is to be gained by holding on to past failures. By contrast, a willingness to forgive opens the door to the possibility of future growth. Trust can be rebuilt and love restored. When a couple is willing to confess and forgive past failures, a marriage can move from a place of bitterness and hardship to a place of renewal and joy.

Father, lam so grateful for your forgiveness. Help me to extend that same gracious forgiveness to my spouse when he or she requests it, even when that's hard. I know the benefits will be great.

Let love be your highest goal! i CORINTHIANS 14:1

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW your spouse's love language? Then observe how he or she most often expresses love to you. Is it through words of affirmation? gifts? acts of service? quality time? or physical touch? The way a person expresses love to you is likely the way he or she wishes you would express your love.

If he often hugs and kisses you, his love language is probably physical touch. He wishes you would take initiative to hug and kiss him. If she is always weeding the flower beds, keeping the finances in order, or cleaning up the bathroom after you leave, then her love language is probably acts of service. She wishes that you would help her with the work around the house. If you don't, then she feels unloved. One husband said, "If I had known that my taking out the garbage would make her feel loved and more responsive sexually, I would have started taking out the garbage years ago" Too bad it took him so many years to learn his wife's primary love language. As the Bible says, love should be our highest goal. To reach that goal, we need to put forth an effort to know how our spouse can best receive love.

Lord Jesus, help me to make love my highest goal-both in life and in my marriage. Please give me wisdom as I observe my spouse and try to figure out his or her love language. I want to love him or her well.