The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (13 page)

All night longl search for you; in the morning I earnestly seek for God.

ISAIAH 26:9

MUCH OF LIFE CENTERS on encounters that happen throughout the daythings people say or do or situations that develop. When my wife and I share these with each other, we feel that we are a part of what the other is doing. We develop social intimacy and sense that we are a social unit. In other words, what happens in my wife's life is important to me.

Another aspect of social intimacy involves the two of us doing things together. Attending a movie or athletic event, shopping or washing the car together, or having a picnic in the park are all ways of building social intimacy. Much of life involves doing. When we do things together, we are not only developing a sense of teamwork, but we are also enhancing our relationship. In the verse above, we see that the prophet Isaiah wrote about strongly desiring to spend time with God. That same sense of urgency to be in anoth- er's company-which often is prompted by our good memories of previous encounters-is beneficial in marriage.

The things we do together often form our most vivid memories. Will we ever forget climbing Mount Mitchell together? Or giving the dog a haircut? Social intimacy is an important part of a growing marriage.

Lord Jesus, lam grateful for the memories we have developed as a couple. Thank you for fun and laughter and times we can just enjoy being together and doing things together. Help us to cultivate social intimacy as we grow in our relationship.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. COLOSSIANS 1:11-12

MARITAL INTIMACY has five essential components. We've talked about intellectual, emotional, and social intimacy, and today we'll look at spiritual intimacy. We are spiritual creatures. Anthropologists have discovered that people from cultures around the world are religious. We all have a spiritual dimension. The question is, are we willing to share this part of our lives with those we love? When we do, we experience spiritual intimacy.

It may be as simple as sharing something you read in the Bible this morning and what it meant to you. Spiritual intimacy is also fostered by shared experience. After attending a worship service with her husband, one wife said, "There is something about hearing him sing that gives me a sense of closeness to him." Praying together is another way of building spiritual intimacy. If you feel too awkward praying aloud, then pray silently while holding hands. No words are uttered, but your hearts move closer to each other.

You might also consider praying for each other as a way to strengthen your relationship. Many of Paul's epistles contain beautiful prayers for those to whom he was writing, including the one above from Colossians 1, which asks the Lord to strengthen the believers and give them patience, endurance, and joy. Praying passionately for your spouse's relationship with God can be a supremely intimate experience.

Father, I know there is nothing more important in our lives than our relationship with you. Help me to bean encouragement to my spouse in this area. Let us be willing to share our thoughts and prayers with each other. Draw us closer to each other, Lord, as we draw closer to you.

The husband should fu 111 his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fu 111 her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

1 CORINTHIANS 7:3-4

BECAUSE MEN AND WOMEN are sexually different, we often come at sexual intimacy in different ways. The husband's emphasis is most often on the physical aspects. Seeing, touching, feeling, and the experience of foreplay and climax are the focus of his attention. The wife, on the other hand, comes to sexual intimacy with an emphasis on the emotional aspect. To feel loved, cared for, appreciated, and treated tenderly brings her great pleasure. In short, if she truly feels loved, then the sexual experience is but an extension of this emotional pleasure.

Sexual intimacy requires an understanding response to these differences. In 1 Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul writes directly that each spouse should fulfill the other's sexual needs. In other words, sexual intimacy requires selflessness. For the sexual relationship to be a source of relational closeness, each spouse must think first of the other and how best to make sex a source of joy for him or her.

It should be obvious that we cannot separate sexual intimacy from emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual intimacy. We cannot attain sexual intimacy without intimacy in the other areas of life. The goal is not just to have sex, but to experience closeness and to find a sense of mutual satisfaction.

Father, forgive me for the times when I've seen physical satisfaction as the only goal of sex. Help us as a couple to focus on the intimate, emotional connection that comes when we think of each other in our sexual relationship.

Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! The more you have, the more people come to help you spend it. So what good is wealth-except perhaps to watch it slip through yourfingers! ECCLESIASTES 5:10-11

SOMETIMES IT SEEMS as if the more we have, the more we argue about what we have. The poorest couple in America has abundance compared to masses of the world's population. I am convinced that the problem does not lie in the amount of money that a couple possesses, but in their attitude toward money and the way they handle it.

I think a lot of us have a mental "magic sum" that seems to be the benchmark of what would make us happy. We get there and then realize, No, that's not quite enough. In Ecclesiastes 5, King Solomon-who was himself one of the wealthiest kings on record-writes bluntly about the never-ending search for "enough" money. If we think a certain amount of money will bring happiness, we're doomed to disappointment.

Author Jeannette Clift George has said, "The great tragedy in life is not in failing to get what you go after. The great tragedy in life is in getting it and finding out it wasn't worth the trouble!"

When our life focuses on "getting more money," we have the wrong focus. Our marital relationship and our relationship with God are far more important than how much money we have. Getting our priorities straight is the first step in making money an asset to marriage rather than a liability.

Lord, you know how easy it is for me to think everything would be better if I had just a little more money. Thanks for the reminder that if that's the way! think, I'll never be satisfied. I pray for better priorities and a stronger sense of contentment.