The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (51 page)

[Jesus said,] "To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge." MATTHEW 13:12

YOU CANNOT OVERESTIMATE the importance of listening to your spouse. Listening says, "I value you and our relationship. I want to know you"You can never have an intimate marriage if you don't know your spouse.

Respecting the other person's ideas, even when they differ from your own, is essential to communication. Few people will continue to communicate if their thoughts are always condemned. Also, responding too quickly gets in the way of effective listening. Listen twice as much as you talk, and you will know your spouse much better. Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 13:12 that listening brings knowledge. The more we listen and the better we listen, the more we understand. That's certainly true of Jesus' teachings, but it also applies to conversations with our spouse.

If your spouse starts talking, take it as a "holy moment." The one you love is about to reveal something. When your spouse begins to reveal his or her inner self, don't do anything to stop the flow. Drop everything else and focus on listening. Nod sympathetically. Smile if your spouse says something funny. Let your eyes show concern if your spouse expresses pain. Ask questions to make sure you're getting the message. Good, active listening stimulates communication.

Lord, I want to listen well to my spouse and gain more and more understanding of this person I love. I know that needs to start with valuing the times when he or she shares thoughts and feelings with me. Please give me the self-discipline to be an active, alert listener so our communication will be stronger and stronger.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.... When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. PROVERBS 31:10-12, 26

WHAT'S A WIFE TO DO when her husband refuses to "get with the program"? You have asked him again and again to change. You've told him exactly what you want, but he doesn't budge. So what are you to do?

Let me suggest that you take a different approach. Since he isn't changing, start with yourself. Look carefully at your own behavior and ask yourself, What have I been doing that I should not be doing? What have I been saying that I should not be saying? Your answers may include trying to control him, speaking unkindly, or harboring bitterness. Once you've identified them, confess these things to God and then to your husband. Even if your husband is 95 percent of the problem, the place for you to start is with your 5 percent. After all, you can change that, and when you do, your marriage will be 5 percent better.

Consider this approach from a wife who tends to treat her husband like hired help: "It was unfair of me to ask you to get rid of that tree stump right after you mowed the lawn. I know I've piled tasks on you before, and I'm sorry. I want you to know that I appreciate the work you did this morning." Whatever his initial response, she has just changed the climate of her marriage.

Strive to be a wife who, like the famous "Proverbs 31 woman;' speaks wisely, kindly, and brings good to her husband.

Heavenly Father, please forgive me for the wrong things 1 have done in my marriage. I sometimes get frustrated with my husband's actions, but 1 forget that Icon tribute to the problems in our relationship as well. Please help me to admit my part and start by changing myself. Mayl bring good to my husband.

Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. EPHESIANS 5:28

WANT TO HAVE a more loving wife? Before criticizing her for all her faults, remember that criticism rarely works to effect positive change. But here are some ideas that do.

First, find something you like about her and express your appreciation. Do it again two days later, and then do it again. When you develop a pattern of compliments, you may be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Second, speak kindly. Don't allow your emotions to dictate your tone of voice. If you have something to say, even if it involves negative feelings, say it as kindly as possible. Remember that the Bible says, "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare" (Proverbs 15:1). Don't stir up anger unnecessarily.

Third, don't give orders. Demands create resentment. Instead of saying, "I want this done today;" try asking, "Is there any chance that you could work this into your schedule today? I'd really appreciate it if you can." The way you talk to your wife makes all the difference in the world.

Above all, remember that your responsibility is to love your wife as you love your own body. That means caring for her and treating her respectfully, no matter how she acts or how she responds to you. Let love be your goal, and everything else will fall into place.

Father, loving my wife as Ilove my own body is a huge challenge that sometimes seems insurmountable. I want to learn more about how to do that. Please help me grow in the way 1 treat my wife, so that our marriage may become stronger and more intimate.

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ROMANS 12:10

THE DESIRE FOR ROMANTIC LOVE is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. Almost every popular magazine has at least one article on keeping love alive. So why is it that so few couples seem to have found the secret to a lasting love after the wedding? I'm convinced it's because we concentrate on "getting love" rather than "giving love."

As long as you focus on what your spouse should be doing for you, you'll come across as condemning and critical. How about a different approachone that says, "What can I do to help you? How can I make your life easier? How can I be a better spouse?" In Romans 12, Paul writes that when we love each other, we should "take delight in honoring each other." Giving to the one we love does not have to be a chore; if our affection is genuine, giving and serving can be a joy. Giving love will keep your relationship alive.

Father, help me to concentrate on giving love today. Mayl focus lesson what my spouse can give me, and more on what 1 can give to him or her. Thanks for being the ultimate example of selfless, giving love.

Seek the LORD while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgivegenerously. ISAIAH 55:6-7