The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (88 page)

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.... For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. EPHESIANS 5:21-22, 25

A MUTUAL ATTITUDE OF SERVICE on the part of both husband and wife leads to a growing marriage. But the service must be mutual. A submitting, serving wife and a tyrannical, demanding husband will never create a happy marriage. A domineering wife and a passive husband will also fail to find marital fulfillment.

The husband must learn to serve his wife as Christ served the church. The wife must serve her husband as she serves the Lord. Mutual service brings mutual joy.

Tennis players spend hours each week improving their serves. Should you give any less attention to improving the one aspect of your relationship that has the potential to make it great? Developing your serve could make the difference between success and failure in your marriage.

Are you willing to ask God to give you the attitude of Christ toward your spouse? To help you serve as he served? It's a prayer God will answer, and it will lead you to a growing marriage.

Father, l ask that you will work in my heart and give me a Christlike attitude toward my spouse. Help me to serve as you served-wholeheartedly, lovingly, and not expecting anything in return.

You have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. GALATIANS 5:13

IN THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS, we've talked about developing our serve. We must learn to accept the servant attitude of Christ. When you and your spouse serve each other, you both become winners.

One thing that encourages service is the expression of appreciation. Has your spouse served you in some way this week? Think! Has he or she taken out the trash, cooked a meal, washed dishes, mowed the grass, changed the baby's diaper, or washed the dog? If so, why not express your gratitude? You might say, "You know, I didn't tell you this earlier, but I really appreciate your washing the dog. That's something that I find very difficult. I know it's messy, and I appreciate it"

Look for something your spouse has done for you and express appreciation. Then do something good for your spouse. Mutual service and mutual appreciation lead to a great marriage. They aren't required, but they can be given freely, as the above passage from Galatians points out. And it is in giving our lives away to each other that we discover the joy of service.

Father, thank you for all the ways my loved one serves me. Help me not to take those actions for granted but to express my appreciation wholeheartedly and often. Help me to serve him or her as well.

God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right. God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day. PSALM 7:10-11

ANGER IS OFTEN SEEN as an enemy to a good marriage, but I believe God intended it to be a friend. The emotion of anger is a gift from God. It reflects our concern for right and our love for people.

The passage above from Psalm 7 shows that the Lord is angry toward those who do wrong. Why? The psalm goes on to talk about these people setting traps for others and intending violence. Their capacity for harming others is large, and that disregard for others makes the Lord angry.

In the same way, if our spouse is committing a wrong, we may become angry because we know it will hurt people-including our spouse. In the example from Psalms, God's anger and resulting actions may lead the wrongdoers to repentance. Our anger, likewise, should motivate us to try to influence our spouse to stop the wrong behavior and do what is right.

In God's plan, anger serves a good end. However, as with all of God's gifts, Satan seeks to pervert God's plan. Often, he is successful. When we succumb to Satan, our anger makes the situation worse rather than better. Perhaps we respond in judgment rather than with concern, or we're self-righteous or cutting in the way we express ourselves.

The best thing we can do when we are angry is to pray. We need to ask God to show us how we can have a positive influence on our spouse. Remember, the purpose of our anger is to motivate us to cooperate with God in helping our spouse turn away from sinful behavior.

Father, when 1 am angry with my spouse, please help me to figure out the reasons why. When my anger is justified because my spouse is doing something wrong or harmful, give me wisdom about how to respond. I know my focus needs to be on encouraging my spouse back to the right path.

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. GALATIANS 6:1

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME you were angry with your spouse? What did you do? Did your behavior make the situation better or worse? The Scriptures say that when we encounter a brother or sister in Christ who is doing wrong, we are to seek restoration "in the spirit of meekness" (Galatians 6:1, KJV). In other words, we must be gentle and humble because we ourselves also do wrong from time to time. We are not in the position to judge, but we can gently remind our spouse of the right way.

Loving confrontation is the most positive approach when you are angry with your spouse. Perhaps you are angry because you believe your spouse has done or said something that is wrong. Or perhaps she failed to do something you think she should have done. A meek approach might be, "Honey, I may be misunderstanding this, but I'm really feeling hurt and angry and I need your help. Is this a good time to talk?"

Share your perception and then listen to your spouse. You can't make him do right, but you can influence him. You will know your anger has served its purpose when you hear, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. With God's help I will not do that again. Will you forgive me?"

Heavenly Father, help me always to be gentle and humble when I confront my spouse about something he or she is doing that is wrong. I know how prone 1 am to failure, and 1 want to extend grace to my spouse as well. Please help me to use my anger wisely-not to lash out, but to motivate me to lovingly confront when it is needed.

Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper-it only leads to harm.

PSALM 37:8