The Other F-Word (33 page)

Damien remained in the car waiting for me. The cold wind snapped my hair all around my face. He got out to open the door for me, tucking a strand back before I got in. We sat in silence for a moment. “We can’t fly out because of the weather, so I reserved a hotel—separate rooms of course.”

“Thank you. I’ll never be able to repay you for this.”

“You already have, Jessie.”

The Luxemburg hotel had a view of the Manhattan skyline. The posh, expensive façade was far too extravagant for a night of sleep.

I sat on the king-sized bed in my room, leaning my head against the wall, imagining him doing the same. I chided my ridiculous thoughts. He was over me. Damien was the best kind of man, one who wouldn’t turn his back on someone, but his eyes lacked the heated desire they’d once held for me.

Despite the luxurious bed, I tossed and turned. I yearned for his touch so deeply that I actually felt an ache in my body. The diffused sound of music made its way through the insulation and drywall that separated us. I stood up and pressed my ear to the wall. It was muted, but I was pretty sure he was playing
Feels Good at First
by Train. I smiled, remembering I’d once told him Pat Monahan’s voice made me hot. Was it a coincidence? Was he thinking about us? I pressed my body against the walls, wanting to call out to him. I imagined him lying on the bed, working on his laptop, dark hair damp from a shower. Then I made the mistake of adding myself to the dream. His clean, musky masculine scent drifted against my skin. He held me, shirtless of course, showing off that sexy tattoo of his, with all its spirals and patterns. His sex vex just visible against the band of his boxers.

My body reacted to the image. Damn…I was humping the wall.

How did he make me like this? I marched to his room and knocked on the door before I could talk myself out of it.

He opened it…shirtless and in nothing but his black boxer briefs.

“Hiya, Jessie,” he said, smiling.

I felt dumb standing there in my pink pyjamas with the hole in the thigh while he looked so damn delicious.

“You always answer the door like this?” I asked, taking in his perfect physique.

“Only when I know it’s you doing the knocking. Cute pyjamas.”

I laughed. “Do you want to hear something weird?”

“Always up for something weird.”

“I just humped the wall.”

He shrugged. “Not that weird.”

“You don’t think it’s creepy?”

“Only if the wall humped you back.”

He took hold of my arm, pulling me into the room. “This song did it, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

His expression puzzled, he arched his brow. “I’ve been playing music for the last hour, trying to convince you to come to me.”

“I didn’t hear it.”

“Fuck, I should have turned it up. The walls are more insulated than I thought.”

“I’m here now.”

His mouth was on me before I knew it. Oh, how I’d missed that mouth. He kicked the door shut and led me to the bed, which was not an easy task since he never took his lips off me.

“What are we doing?” I struggled to find reason in the midst of my overpowering desire.

“We’re having a weak moment. We’re allowed.”

Once he said that, the last of my defences resigned. He threw me on the bed and climbed up my body, marking each advance with a soft wet kiss or flick of his tongue. In a trance, controlled by his touch, I watched him, my body squirming with each action. He pulled off my pyjama pants in one graceful motion. He ripped off my panties like a true predator and unfastened the ridiculous number of buttons on my top with the patience of a practiced lover.

I squirmed beneath him when his hands travelled down my body, rubbing every part of me, followed by his tongue and lips. He pinched my nipples, rolling them between his nimble fingers before sucking on the hardened peaks. He came back to my mouth, nibbling on my lower lip. He trailed kisses down my waist.

“I missed this little guy,” he said, kissing my pink bear tattoo then licking it repeatedly. “Oh and I’ve been dreaming of this pussy every damn night,” he said. His tongue penetrated my sex. “So fucking delicious.”

I shivered with the muffled words he moaned into me.

He sucked my clit and pushed his fingers into me until I came undone. I was still reeling when he came back to my lips, rolling his tongue against mine. He cupped my ass, rubbing and gripping it with large hands while he sucked on my earlobe. Then he repeated the process, coming back to my lips once more. I mentally begged him for release, but it didn’t work. So…I verbalized it.

“Damien, I need you to fuck me right now.”

“Not yet. I’m taking my time.”

“You’re torturing me.”

“I miss how you taste. I plan to sample every part of you.”

He brushed his mouth against mine before trailing kisses over my jaw line. I pushed him away, moving out of his grasp.

“I’m not finished,” he said, lying back on the bed.

I straddled him, bringing my face to his. Even through the darkened curtain of my hair that surrounded us, I could still see his eyes, glowing bright. “It’s my turn to sample. Although what I have in mind isn’t exactly sample size.”

I travelled down his body, following the same pattern he’d laid out, but I immediately went for the object of my search. I took his long, hard erection in my mouth, managing to slide all the way down, deeper than I’d ever been able to. His mangled grunts rewarded me, encouraging me. His fingers threaded through my hair before he pushed it back to watch me. I tightened my lips on him, letting my tongue graze against his velvet skin with each decadent descent.

“Oh my God, baby. You have to stop. I’m going to come.”

“That’s the idea,” I mumbled, because my mouth was full.

“I want to come inside you,” he pleaded.

“You don’t think I can make it happen again? And again?” I retorted.

He managed a chuckle, but it was hard to tell because his voice strained on the edge of liberation. I sucked his shaft, squeezing his tight balls, tasting the first drops of his release. I lifted my eyes, watching him as he looked down at me.

“Jessie?” We knew each other so well that it was apparent he was asking me a question.

I nodded in response, continuing in a pattern that pleased him. My mouth filled as Damien cried out my name. I waited for him to regain his breath. I wanted him to hear my triumphant swallow. The audible gulp incited another growling grunt from him.

I crawled up his body, wiping my mouth, and dropped my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and tangled his legs with mine.

“Thank you,” he said, after expelling a deep breath.

“For what?”

“For making my dick so happy. It’s been so depressed lately.”

I giggled against his chest.

He ran his finger down one side of my cheek while kissing the other. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

My mind wandered to the photo I’d seen of him in the newspaper. “You’re dating again.”

“I’m dating for the first time,” he admitted.

“We dated.”

He smiled, running his finger across my bottom lip. “No, I fell in love with you, and then I manipulated my way into your life.”

“Damien, it was inevitable. I don’t know how a woman can’t fall in love with you.” The words were true and they tasted completely bitter to me. I reigned in my jealousy, giving him a reassuring smile. It was what I wanted for him. It was what I told him to do. He was in a relationship and happy.

And fuck…I’d just given him a blowjob.

Every muscle in my body constricted with a new dreadful thought that washed the sickening feeling of guilt over me like a blanket. I sat up, covering my face in my hands.

“What is it?” He grasped my shoulder. “Are you hyperventilating? Breathe, Jessie.” He rubbed my back, but I slapped his hand away.

“Oh my God, are we cheating? Am I cheater?”

“Calm down, baby. I broke up with her. I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.”

I instantly relaxed. It helped that he massaged my shoulders and kissed my neck. I thought of asking him why he’d left her. The girl was close to his age, gorgeous, and I was sure she’d give him all of the things he wanted, but I stifled the words. I was going to be selfish and keep enjoying him for as long as possible.

He pulled me down on the bed and rained kisses against my face, relaxing me. “I wouldn’t do that.”

It was true. He wasn’t a cheat. He’d told me once he wouldn’t be able to forgive it if someone cheated on him, and Damien was no hypocrite.

“Am I a horrible person for feeling relieved you’re not seeing anyone?” he said, punctuating each word with a desperate kiss.

“How do you know? You didn’t ask.”

“You wouldn’t be in here if you were.”

I felt ashamed for questioning him.

He nibbled on my ear and his hot breath felt like a deep caress. “Don’t pull away from me again. Second thoughts and regrets are for tomorrow, but tonight you are mine and only mine.”

“I won’t regret it,” I replied honestly. “I could never regret anything with you.”

“The same here. I fetish you so bad, baby.”

I leaned up on my elbows, placing my mouth close to his ear, breathing out one single hushed word, “Extrapolate.”

He growled, pushing me down on the bed. He spread my legs apart, licking his lips before he kissed each of my knees. He entered me with a hard thrust. I dug my nails into his back.

“That’s right, baby. Mark me. I want to feel you tomorrow and the next day.”

I raked his back, digging my nails so deep that I knew I’d drawn blood. His eyes radiated fire and lust as his lips curled into a wicked smile.

He grabbed my wrist, placing it on his chest. I rubbed the area, but he shook his head. “Claw away.” He growled the demand.

I complied.

Then I touched the pads of my fingers to his lips. He sucked them into his mouth, closing his eyes as he propelled into me.

He drew himself all the way out before slamming back into me, halting any further words from passing between us. His fingers twined into mine and our moans echoed through the room in rhythmic, repetitive harmony. I bent my legs over his ass, coaxing him deeper still. I yearned to feel him the next day and the next after that too. His eyes never left mine, holding me in place, commanding me with every movement. I didn’t want to come, but I couldn’t hold back.

“Damien!”

“Yes, now,” he directed, drawing out each word with additional slow, sexy syllables.

He didn’t take much longer. He closed his eyes, rearing his head back, chanting my name. Our name. He fell against me. I wrapped my arms around him, not wanting to let go. I felt his heart beat with mine, and his ragged breath against my neck, filling the space between us.

“I don’t want to get out,” he whispered.

“Out where?” I gasped.

“Out of you.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

He’d held me all night, and we’d talked. Not about us, but easier subjects. He asked if I’d had any offers on the house. I asked him about his latest acquisitions and business dealings. I think we both just wanted to hear each other’s voices. Inevitably, the morning came with its glaring sun and harsh light. If only I could pull the shades down and keep us together for a few more minutes, a couple of hours, several days…fuck—how about forever?

We stopped to check on Billie before we left. He became unusually quiet. It was funny how I understood his actions. The behaviour was rare for him, unless he was sad. I had a feeling it was about more than just us. In fact, when I stepped outside my own self-indulgence, he’d seemed this way since he picked me up. I’d been too selfish and distracted to notice it.

When we were in the air, he got a phone call and all my suspicions confirmed themselves.

“I don’t know if I’m going,” he told the caller. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise his schedule was so important. I mean, he’s the one that’s really suffering right? I don’t fucking care.” Each sentence was spoken in louder octaves, filled with sarcasm. I’d witnessed Damien on business calls many times. He was cool and collected, never letting his temper flair. He never got emotional.

“Who was that?” I asked, when he hung up.

“Derek,” he grumbled.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. When we get back, the limo can drop you off. I’ll take a cab back to my office.”

I clasped his hand. “Don’t lie to me, Damien. You’re not a good poker player either. Tell me what’s going on.”

He laughed with some cynicism. “Thank you for last night. I needed it. God knows, I needed it, but you don’t have to concern yourself with me.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t push me out. I know we’re not a couple. I know that things between us are tense and awkward, but I still love and care about you. You can’t turn that off, no matter how much you want to. Talk to me. I’m here for you.”

He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The man who killed my wife is up for early parole.”

“Already?”

“Yes, the bastard’s had good behaviour and the prisons are overcrowded, so yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Damien.”

“My lawyer tells me it’s unlikely he’ll get off, but there is a slim chance. I’m invited to attend the hearing. To give my input, so to speak. If they’d let me have my way, they’d lock me up in a cell with him. I’d just need a few minutes to exorcise my own brand of justice.” There was venom in his voice like I’d never heard.

“Are you going?”

“I don’t know. I received the letter a few weeks ago and I’ve been avoiding it. I’m trying so hard to move on, and this would be like reliving what happened. I keep thinking about Belle though. She deserves a voice. I don’t know if her mom’s going to be there, and if she’s not, Belle doesn’t get to be heard unless I go.”

“Why wouldn’t her mother go?”

“They had a falling out, over me.”

“How could any mother not love you, Damien?”

“Think about it, Jessie. What would you say if one of your daughters told you her poor, college dropout, ex-stripper boyfriend got her pregnant?”

“I guess on the surface it comes across differently.”

“Belle’s family was wealthy and her mother never thought I was good enough for her daughter.”