The Power of Forgetting (11 page)

‘He’s a
policeman.’ I said.

‘That figures.’
Sam retorted, ‘he likes poking his nose into other people business.
And from a professional point of view I’d like a few more
credentials on the guy before I let him in the house.’

‘He’s my
sister’s date.’

‘Date or
walnut?’ Sam grimaced and started to hunt round for another pack of
fags.

‘Have you a
different view of the matter?’

‘Your sister is
a woman. And I think that she is thinking like a woman does. When
some hansom young chap wipes her normal brain in a clean erase and
replaces it with the slow programme of possession; you need to
watch him. That’s all I’m saying. He’s not the others side. But he
isn’t one of us either….’ Sam rolled his eyes to the side to stop
me from commenting on this. The person in question had just come
into the room through the other door.

The girls came
back in. then Leo, and lastly Davey. Wisely he came and sat next to
me.

‘I found
something out.’ He whispered, ‘are you ready for this?’

‘Ready for
what?’

‘The truth?’ He
seemed to genuinely serious.

‘I found out
this afternoon that I have a connection with all your lot through
my mother.’

Now he’s got my
attention! ‘Any strange experiences. Or err…. odd things happened
to you since you got here?’

‘Apart from
this afternoon?’

‘Well of
course…. apart from that.’ He stared into my eyes with that clear
penetrating gaze. He eventually sighed, and said, ‘Do you still
have bad dreams?’

‘Up until
yesterday. Yes.’

‘I feel uneasy.
I think we need to do something practical and systematic that will
help clear up if these anomalous readings really do have anything
to do with us. I don’t think any of us are in a together enough
state to deal with something well…. odd.’ Davey frowned and then
smiled as Janey came in the room.

‘That
connection,’ I asked, ‘it would be as in related?’

‘Yes, how did
you guess?’

‘I get my
levity from my dad and my gravity from my mother.’

‘Oh?’

‘I’m good at
guessing. Let’s just say that.’

We were stuffed
with every kind of pancake. Even Morel was enjoying himself.
Mother…. dear Laura had put him in the “green room” as she called
it. Decorative order rather than a place to contemplate one’s
performance. But with him I wondered if that was what he was doing.
I wasn’t ready to trust him. But Karis obviously felt he was
something special. Weird, considering her general revulsion for
men. And that off-putting line in mathematical equations that she
used to get rid of rejected suitors. But perhaps I was giddy with
relief. I was happy. So unusual an emotion that I scarcely had time
to consider the ramifications of what had actually happened
earlier.

‘Not in a bad
way then?’ it was Davey again. He did that, carried on with a
conversation that we might have broken off hours ago. And just
picked up as if it had been left on pause.

‘I’m feeling
better that I did when I arrived if that is what you mean.’ I
said.

‘I like your
Mum.’ said Davey looking down.

‘She already
knows what’s happening;’ I said quietly, ‘please don’t wait.’

‘What?’

‘You know
what.’ I said.

‘No…. I mean, I
think I know. But I like things nice and obvious.’

‘It is
obvious.’

‘Marcia keeps
saying that to me…. it’s obvious. But it isn’t to me.’

‘Just have a
little faith Davey. Everything will be alright. It really
will.’

‘Yeah…. I know.
But I’m not sure that I’m going to pick the right moment for….’ he
just seemed to tune out then; and picked up one of the puzzles from
the low table. I watched fascinated as he broke the puzzle into the
scatter of wooden pieces. And then turned them over in his hands,
‘You know.’ had said to me, ‘if I can do this then I can do
anything. I have confidence in my ability to do this. Let’s see if
it is justified.’

He turned the
pieces over and over examining each one, not trying to fit then
together. Then all at once he took one piece after another and
swiftly built it back into a complete shape.

He placed it
carefully in front of me, and met my eyes, ‘Would you like us to be
more closely related Jared?’

‘I think that
would be agreeable.’

‘Do you think
Janey would agree?’

‘I think she
might…. I am well…. pondering something similar myself.’

‘You are? I
mean you are!’ he pushed the puzzle back to its place on the
table.

‘Yes. I am.’ I
whispered it firmly. Davey turned away. I think it must be scary
feelings of difficulty that put him off. He has so much to give,
but doesn’t see it.

Janey was over
near the window. She caught my eye, it was thoughtful, quiet....
she talks with her eyes sometimes just like Mother. This was: Are
you going to let me in on what's happening? And: why have you
shaved off your beard? I'm not very good at this, but I tried to
communicate: I might tell you something later and: I just felt like
it.... She stuck her tongue out at me, and then pouted when Marcia
came over to me. She's there! Mouthed Janey. I know! I mouthed
back.

'Hello Jay....'
Marcia's expression is complicated. She must have seen Davey and me
talking. I suddenly felt nervous. Then sad; because when we were
out in the ice fields everything focused on the mission: getting
there and back without freezing to death; and gathering the science
results. When it changed; I saw her differently: Marcia has been my
reason to stay on course. She leaned close and stroked her hand
down my cheek. I shivered. Strange how Love works. She eclipses
everything, still water, the moon and the sun; she is all those
things and more. Marcia comes and sits with me, she touches my hand
and I cannot move. Nose to nose now, she is close to my eyes. Her
eyes are dilated in the dimness of the room, the iris a gold-green
with an outer ring of sage green, and tiny gold strands flecked
around the pupil. She has a warm glow like sunlight on warm earth.
I can feel her aliveness. She is potent like wine, or clear bracing
sea water. I cannot think of anything else.

She comes
closer; her lips parted breathing softly a sigh.

One kiss. I
felt so light; and she has me in her embrace. She tastes of
apricots and honey today. Maybe I over interpret such things; but
she is the sweetest thing to me.

‘Eve….
please….’

‘What is it
Jay?’

‘Would you walk
with me in the garden?’

She stands and
holds out her hands. She linked arms and pulls me up against her
bosom. She seems so certain of herself today. She leads me by the
hand out to the little brick path. And then to a little secluded
bench.

‘Come Beloved.’
She pulls me into her, and I can feel my breathing become rapid and
uneven.

‘I….err wanted
to say….’ But it is blurry.

‘What is wrong
Jay?’

‘I will tell
you.’ I lay my head on her shoulder as if I’m drunk, but it is that
crowded feeling of weakness.

‘I will take
you inside.’

‘No…. you must
know what has occurred. I don’t know what to make of it. So I’ll
just tell it straight, and then you judge for yourself….’

‘Alright,’
Marcia stays cuddled up to me with her arm around my waist as I sit
up in a more comfortable position.

So then I tell
her. I backtrack a few times, and refer to things that have
happened before, as well as today. She listens without
interrupting.

‘That is it….
Well; all that I know.’ I said.

‘Mmm; very
interesting…’ Marcia isn’t reacting at all how I thought she might.
She has leap-frogged over doubt, disbelief, and prejudice; and is
apparently deconstructing what I’ve told her in order to work out
more of what has been going on than I’m consciously aware of.

‘You believe
me?’ I feeling a little put out that she isn’t gobsmacked with
surprize. But then I meet her eyes, and see the bright glow of
childlike amazement. She is both boggled and challenged by her own
memory and logic at the same time. A regular genius. Marcia doesn’t
need to waste time going through the preliminaries to get to the
ultimate conclusion. She has already arrived. I am just as fast.
But I don’t have the capacity for remembering all facts; that is
Marcia’s speciality.

‘The alternate
version of this house; is it indistinguishable from this one or
not?’

‘There are
differences,’ I said, ‘there are always things that are similar but
not quite the same.’

‘Give me an
example.’

‘I could be
something like the shape of something. Like say, a rounded vase
instead of a straight one. Or the colour of a smaller object could
be different.’

‘How do you
know all this? You must have swotted it up pretty recently.’

‘I…. think I
must know it from a long time ago. It’s just been dormant until
today.’

‘And Cloud
Field?’ she stared away from me then, and I felt lost, ‘do you
remember what you said to me at the pool?’

‘I…. don’t
know. I want to know but I’m not sure if it’s right…. Marcia, I’m
sorry.’

She turned back
to me, tears in her eyes. ‘You mustn’t apologise. That is in the
remit of the bastards who locked us in that experiment for all that
time. But I remember all the times you were with me by that pool. I
hide them all in my heart Jared. You know I do.’

‘Forgive me.’ I
said and reached out to her.

‘I do.’ She
kissed me again, ‘there is nothing we can do about it. I will just
remember.’

‘Please tell
me.’ I begged her, ‘Please say those things word of word. Then I
will say them again. And keep saying them.’

‘Do you want
that? Your alternate self…. laid bare?’

‘I suppose I
do. I don’t want to miss something because I didn’t understand what
had actually happened between us from your point of view.’

‘You would do
that?’ She looked into my eyes, ‘you would do this, for me?’

‘Yes…. anything
for you Eve.’

‘Jay I Love
you. I have loved you from the first time I met you. I loved you
when you had other girls, and even when I had other men. Do you
see? I was avoiding you. I was running away too. And now I’ll stop
running. In all those times there were two things that stood out
the most; one was your tenderness….and the way you….’ In the dim
light I couldn’t see if she was blushing or not.

‘Tell me
more.’

‘And then you
said something….’ She stopped.

‘What? Tell me.
I can tell you again.’ I tried to get her to face me. But she
resisted.

‘You will think
that I have the power to trick you. I could say anything, and you
have only my word for it….’ She looked at me again, confusion
clouding her hazel eyes.

‘I don’t need
to know. Because I think I already know. I think I asked you to
come home with me. To stay with me. I asked you…. If you would bind
yourself to me?’

‘Yes….’
Marcia’s eyes were alive again.

And together we
spoke those same words “Will you bind yourself to Me?”

There on the
edges of memory was the trace of gold, a sparkle of something. I
struggled to remember. It seemed so important.

‘I was swimming
in the pool. There was just me and you. And then…. I dived down to
see the rocks at the bottom……and, and…. I brought something to the
surface.’ Here I was struggling, ‘Please tell me.’

‘You brought
something to the surface.’ Marcia continued, ‘And you gave it to
me.’

‘Wait! Yes… I
think I recall something. Something bright. The sunlight on the
water. No, in the water, from the bottom of the pool. Something
small. Something Gold!’

Marcia pushed
something she had been holding into my hands.

‘What is
it?’

‘Open it.’

It was a small
drawstring bag. We eased apart and out of the little bag spilled
six small glowing stones. They had a heart of fire that was more
than just reflected. Red gold. Beautiful gems from Summerland.

‘Six? Oh dear
God Marcia! Six times!’

‘Yes.’

‘Why are you so
patient?’

‘A little faith
goes a long way.’ She said.

‘Then….’ I
could feel my chest getting tight with nerves, ‘I want to complete
the set. Marcia Anne Eve Ellis…. Please, please Marry me?’

She jumped up
and dragged me to my feet. The little gems glowed on the bench like
miniature fairy lights.

‘Will all my
heart I will say Yes! Yes…. yes…. yes!’

We kissed and
kissed until I simply had to breathe. ‘I have an exhibition in
May,’ I said while kissing her again, ‘the next painting becomes a
gem for you. A ring fit for a lady!’

‘I know a good
designer.’ She said, ‘they wanted to make something to order for
me. But I think this would be right.’

‘A friend?’

‘Yes. She’s
wanted to make a special piece for me for a while. I made a lot of
chocolate fudge cake for her birthday.’

‘I glad she
liked it. Shall we tell anyone?’

‘Oo err. I
hadn’t honestly thought about that.’ Marcia carefully gathered up
the little gems into the bag again.

‘Well; can I
tell Laura?’ I asked her.

‘Can I tell
Davey?’ Marcia looked at me, and suddenly squeezed my hand; ‘Who is
going to tell your sister?’

‘Which one?’ I
said and kissed her neck through a foam of chocolate bubbled hair.
She wriggled round and looked at me, then broke into a smile. ‘If
they don’t notice what’s happened,’ she said, ‘they’re all being
thick. I vote for act casual and tell only when questioned.’

‘Okay.’ I
said.

‘Okay it is….’
She seemed so bright, ‘just one thing before we go back in….’

‘What is
it?’

‘Will you come
to my room later?’

‘Yes, whatever
you wish for…. it’s yours.’