The Power of Forgetting (17 page)

‘Oliver
Reece.’

‘Yes.’ He
climbed into the driving seat.

‘Marcia Anne
Ellis.’

‘Here.’

‘David Jonathan
Milnes.’

‘Yes.’ He
glanced at me and scrambled in.

‘Adam
Shepard.’

‘I’m here.’

‘Janey
Amber.’

‘Right.’ She
said shortly and swung herself up the high step.

‘Joseph
Burgess?’

‘Yes, and it’s
Joe!’ he climbed in with a grin.

‘James
Burwood.’

‘Yep.’

‘Jared Jay
Arden.’

‘Yeah sure
thing George.’ I was being overly casual, and clambered in after
the others.

‘This is the
team.’ George says into the Dictaphone, ‘Technicians George Carter
and Sam Wright; with Chief Scientist Julian Alexander Rosen are in
attendance. The time is now twenty-one hours, and thirty-six
minutes; on the Eighth of April 2014. This is confirmed by me,
George Carter, and witnessed by Sam Wright.’

Sam nodded, ‘I
mean yes…. yes!’ he said. ‘that is correct.’

George clicked
the recorder off, and slipped it away in one of his many
pockets.

‘That’s a
relief!’ he said, ‘So now I can say…off the record; if you lot put
a dent in this baby, you’ll be paying for it!’

‘Yes Boss!’
shouted Oliver from the front seat. He was clearly enjoying the
prospect of driving the transport again.

‘See you
Captain.’ said Jules to me through the side window, just before it
started to close up, ‘be careful.’

‘Okay Jules,’ I
reached out and grasped his hand, ‘I’m always careful.’

‘Yeah! Sure.
But you’re not always lucky.’ He smiled at me in a slightly worried
fashion.

‘You know I
don’t believe in luck.’ I said to him.

He just waved
as the windows slid shut and the electronic locks engaged. The
engine roared into life a settled down to a soft purr.

Smoothly we
trundled forward towards the anomaly. It looked as if we were about
to pass through a water fall. It was a lot bigger than it had been
the other day. I watched fascinated as we smoothly slid forward.
There was a slight juddering as we first entered it, and then we
moved a little quicker. I was in the last seat at the back, and
could see the effect as it edged down the sides. A ripple of watery
flow; almost exactly like being in a carwash. It traced along,
spilling over the mid-parts of the transport. Then…. it was over my
head, a rumbling like water on the roof could be heard as we slowly
passed through. I twisted round in the seat, as we moved away from
this side of the doorway. The ripples were foaming with bubbles and
the centre was flexing like the midpoint of a slack drum skin. We
turned to the left and then it was over. I couldn't see it any more
as the dripping trees obscured the view. The light level increased.
And we were going up slightly as the ground rose in front of the
vehicle. We came out of a belt of trees and onto level ground. The
first thing I noticed was the light. Here it was late afternoon.
And a damp mist hung in patches on a forest that was like ours but
wetter, as if it had rained at some point very heavily within the
last hour.

We rounded
another corner, and the sunlight glowed form the edge of every
leaf, and blade of grass. The transport was still sealed. The
others were checking readings from outside, temperature, air
quality; usual stuff. Adam, who was reading the dials, gave the ok
to Marcia. She turned slightly in the front passenger seat and
caught my eye; ‘Alright boys! Time to crack all seals. Let’s have
the relay set up quick sharp!’

We stopped in a
small glade, and Marcia, Adam, and Oliver climbed out. James and
Joe passed all the cases out and then followed.

I sat in an
uncomfortable silence with Janey and Davey. I was right at the
back, and Davey was just in front of me on the opposite side. Janey
sat with her back to him in the next row. She had her arms folded
and stared stonily ahead. A moment or two later James came back.
Janey was summoned to help check the relay signal strength.

Davey turned to
me without speaking. But I knew that look. She’d been in a rotten
mood all day. And I think that something had boiled over.

‘What’s wrong
with her?’ he said in a depressed tone.

I held out both
hands in helplessness; ‘I haven’t talked to her today.’ I said.

He put his head
down. I wasn’t in any mood to sort out other people’s love lives so
I turned away and looked out the back window towards the group.
Janey was smiling and talking in an animated way, like she did when
she was getting all the attention and doing things her way.

‘It’s not like
before,’ said Davey from behind me, ‘she isn’t the same…. something
happened. She’s not the same person…’

I turned back
towards him, ‘I can’t help you,’ I said.

‘Jared….
please…. what can I say to her?’

‘I’m the last
person you should be asking.’ I told him.

‘You’re the
only one I trust.’

‘That’s not a
wise thing to do.’ I said, ‘Not after everything. Do you really
want me to be responsible for your fate?’

‘No.’ he looked
away, and then back at me, ‘but you care about her.’

‘I have to.
She’s my sister.’

‘I mean you
love her.’

‘Yes. I love
her.’ I turned away then. It’s going nowhere, and I want to stop my
eyes from giving me away. I hate myself for having the sort of
thoughts that are not exactly impure…. but certainly aren’t what
you would call brotherly ones either. I’m trying to shut her from
my mind. Davey will just have to suffer on his own. There’s nothing
I can do.

We travelled
into evening. And night took over fine and starlit. We needed to
travel swiftly and quietly. Oliver had prepared for the long stint.
I would take a turn as we neared the mountains and the going became
difficult and requiring of my peculiar skills. Turning this thing
almost in its own length was my favourite trick. But for tonight I
was redundant. I was quite clear about the reasons. Because of
Dieter I was here. Jules had refused to ever consent to a team in
which I wasn't included. There were reasons that were harder to
define. Oliver (who was the most devout believer) had gone with my
mother to morning prayers. And had said that he felt that he knew
who must take the journey. His list was approved by all in the end.
It would seem odd that I didn't share his perception of things. But
yet there was something blocking my sight. I couldn't fight my
doubt so easily. Even with a house of wonders. It is clear now....
I could not believe until I knew what I was supposed to find at the
end of the journey. You may not understand. Considering my visions
of angels, but nothing convinces if it is born only from fear. Such
things quickly drop away. And then doubt eats away at it, until you
remember being mistaken in what you saw. That day I thought of the
old man Heelio, and his patient wisdom. Almost the last thing he
had said to me.... a test lay ahead; and a time of darkness. I had
thought I was already passing though that valley, oblivious to the
things that would overtake us all. How foolish I was! And yet that
small time of blank inbetweeness helped me in a way that was only
clear a lot later. I huddled in my corner at the back for all those
hours, and by Two am we had reached some rocky outcroppings. Here
we made camp. It was done swiftly and with a harsh practical speed
that exhausted everyone. Marcia, with spectacular motivation of
everyone concerned; made us pull together so well that we had our
camp set in 40 minutes all in. That rush of energy before it began
to crash; she had pulled from us all in a way quite miraculous. I
followed her in to the very small kitchen area.

'Tea?' I
said.

'Or hot
chocolate.' she spun round with a soft smile hovering on her lips.
She, like all of us, was grindingly tired. Yet she was full of a
life that glowed. As if she took strength from being on this side
of the curtain of the anomaly.

'Let me....' I
helped her then.

Marcia finished
off making the drinks, I took them out. In the lamplight I saw
Janey and Davey exchange a kiss. I handed cups to Adam and Joe and
went back to get the last two. A moment later those two looked at
me eyes upturned, as they sat fingers entwined in a quiet
reconciliation at the hard end of a day.

As Janey took
the cup from me, I dropped my eyes and drew back from them both. I
went to my seat. Marcia came and sat by me, and touched my wrist. I
took the cup she offered. The steam obscured my vision. Dreamlike,
the lads passed by us into the dark pods and to sleep.

We four were
left. Those Fifteen minutes had drawn us further to the dead hour
of the night. Marcia put her arms around me. Her curls clung to my
neck and shoulder. I felt that strangely tranquil presence, and the
scent of her was like bergamot with something rich and deep behind
it. I inhaled that scent, like the drunken taste of the quiet red
earth.

Davey and Janey
came towards us. There was something in the way they clasped each
other that told me they wanted to go to the same pod.

Marcia sat up a
little.

'I'm asking
permission.... for...' Davey spoke to Marcia.

'Granted.' she
said. And when they didn't move, 'Go on. Off you go. Shoo,
shoo!'

We were left
glancing sideways at each other.

'It's actually
6 am.' I said.

'Seven.' said
Marcia, 'this must be what jet lag feels like.'

'Do you want to
sleep now?'

'Oh Jared!' she
turns to me so we are facing each other nose to nose, 'I want to
sleep? Do you know what is in here?'

She touched
herself lightly on her chest.

'What?' I asked
and waited.

‘Everything….and nothing. All things….and a space just waiting….
I’m just waiting. Remember the first time we met?’

‘The
party?’

‘No,’ she sat
back in her seat smiling, and took hold of my hand, ‘it wasn’t
then…. you don’t remember, do you?’

‘I….’
perplexity silences me, ‘tell me.’ I said after a few moments.

She stood up,
and drew me into a standing position. I felt weak. Memory was
grinding through the files. I wanted to find it… that clue to all
this reason…. this reason to live.

‘Dance with
me.’ she said.

Then we slow
danced to invisible music in another place. I saw there were
flowers. And the scent was strong. Night flowers. I was young.
Maybe almost a teenager? There was a celebration. And I was in a
garden. Music spilled out from open French windows. Someone’s
anniversary? I was hiding and she found me. And we danced. We
danced then…. when we were so young. Marcia’s mother and mine both
knew someone…. a woman in a red dress, a laughing girl. A wedding
anniversary. Her mother and father. They had their silver wedding
party. I was then a shy kid, still at school. And this girl came
pirouetting into my hiding place. She looked at me, and tilting her
head on one side, regarded me solemnly. But unlike others who would
have demanded an explanation, she did not speak but broke into a
smile, and pulled me round and round dancing to the music. She
obtained from me a rare thing then. I smiled back. She spun round
me while I stood entranced. The girl in a green dress. She had
yellow ribbons in her dark ringlets. She kicked off her shoes. She
took hold of both my hands. I was just about to ask her who she
was. But then someone was calling….

She held one
finger to her lips then; and suddenly leaned over and kissed me on
the cheek. Involuntarily I closed my eyes for a moment. When I
opened them, I was by myself in the garden. And that brief moment
she had gone. I went directly and found Laura. She looked at me,
and said she thought I looked pale. She ignored the dismissive
comments of the over-partied group who stood near, and made her
goodbyes. In ten minutes we were on our way home. I saw the garden
recede from my sight and that was all I remembered.

‘No shoes.’ I
said.

‘Quite right.’
Marcia replied, and this time silenced me with a kiss.

I closed my
eyes as our music continued. And we swayed to that song again. When
it was over she took me to the private pod that was mine.

‘Now get to bed
Captain. Dawn will arrive soon enough.’

‘Yes. As you
wish.’ She left to go to the kitchen area and switch of the small
lamps. I quickly undressed. We both knew the rules. And personal
relationships; while not actively denied as existing were
definitely not to be indulged in as Team Leader. Marcia was doing
the Deputy’s job well and making sure that the Group’s Leader was
sticking to the schedule. I sighed and put my boots under the
raised cot.

I lay in my
sleeping bag listening to the rain. Marcia came back in.

‘Take this.’
she said, ‘doctor’s orders.’

‘I don’t want
to sleep just yet.’ I ached in every joint in a bruised kind of
way.

‘We are going
to need you later tomorrow. And sleep is essential now.’

‘Alright.’ I
let her place the tablet under my tongue. Marcia sat by me for a
few minutes then, until I was sleepy.

‘What day is it
tomorrow?’ I asked her.

‘Officially day
Two.’ she said.

A few minutes
passed. All the world was fading into hazy darkness.

‘I’ll wake
you.’ she said. Then I relaxed and sank into a dreamless deep
place, floating on that ocean of night.

I heard music.
But it is cheery music. Morning music. Marcia is there as I open my
eyes.

‘Coffee
Captain.’ She makes sure I know where it is then leaves to attend
to breakfast.

A few minutes
later I’m blinking in the bright morning light. The tent flaps are
pulled back to let in the air. It’s surprisingly warm. I hadn’t
expected that. Mild like early spring weather.