The Power of Silence (10 page)

Belisario
confessed to don Juan in a barely audible murmur that to make sure the monster
never came after him, he was going to the state of Durango to learn sorcery. He
asked don Juan if he, too, would consider learning sorcery. And don Juan,
horrified at the thought, said that he would have nothing to do with witches.

Don Juan
held his sides laughing and admitted that he enjoyed thinking about how his
benefactor must have relished their interplay. Especially when he himself, in a
frenzy of fear and passion, rejected the bona fide invitation to learn sorcery,
saying, "I am an Indian. I was born to hate and fear witches."

Belisario
exchanged looks with his wife and his body began to convulse. Don Juan realized
he was weeping silently, obviously hurt by the rejection. His wife had to prop
him up until he regained his composure.

As
Belisario and his wife were walking away, he turned and gave don Juan one more
piece of advice. He said that the monster abhorred women, and don Juan should
be on the lookout for a male replacement on the off chance that the monster
would like him enough to switch slaves. But he should not raise his hopes,
because it was going to be years before he could even leave the house. The
monster liked to make sure his slaves were loyal or at least obedient. Don Juan
could stand it no longer. He broke down, began to weep, and told Belisario that
no one was going to enslave him. He could always kill himself. The old man was
very moved by don Juan's outburst and confessed that he had had the same idea,
but, alas, the monster was able to read his thoughts and had prevented him from
taking his own life every time he had tried.

Belisario
made another offer to take don Juan with him to Durango to learn sorcery. He
said it was the only possible solution. And don Juan told him his solution was
like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Belisario
began to weep loudly and embraced don Juan. He cursed the moment he had saved
the other man's life and swore that he had no idea they would trade places. He
blew his nose, and looking at don Juan with burning eyes, said, "Disguise
is the only way to survive. If you don't behave properly, the monster can steal
your soul and turn you into an idiot who does his chores, and nothing more. Too
bad I don't have time to teach you acting." Then he wept even more.

Don Juan,
choking with tears asked him to describe how he could disguise himself.
Belisario confided that the monster had terrible eyesight, and recommended that
don Juan experiment with various clothes that suited his fancy. He had, after
all, years ahead of him to try different disguises. He embraced don Juan at the
door, weeping openly. His wife touched don Juan's hand shyly. And then they
were gone.

"Never
in my life, before or after, have I felt such terror and despair," don
Juan said. "The monster rattled things inside the house as if he were
waiting impatiently for me. I sat down by the door and whined like a dog in
pain. Then I vomited from sheer fear."

Don Juan
sat for hours incapable of moving. He dared not leave, nor did he dare go
inside. It was no exaggeration to say that he was actually about to die when he
saw Belisario waving his arms, frantically trying to catch his attention from
the other side of the street. Just seeing him again gave don Juan instantaneous
relief. Belisario was squatting by the sidewalk watching the house. He signaled
don Juan to stay put.

After an
excruciatingly long time, Belisario crawled a few feet on his hands and knees
toward don Juan, then squatted again, totally immobile. Crawling in that
fashion, he advanced until he was at don Juan's side. It took him hours. A lot
of people had passed by, but no one seemed to have noticed don Juan's despair
or the old man's actions. When the two of them were side by side, Belisario
whispered that he had not felt right leaving don Juan like a dog tied to a
post. His wife had objected, but he had returned to attempt to rescue him.
After all, it was thanks to don Juan that he had gained his freedom.

He asked
don Juan in a commanding whisper whether he was ready and willing to do anything
to escape this. And don Juan assured him that he would do anything. In the most
surreptitious manner, Belisario handed don Juan a bundle of clothes. Then he
outlined his plan. Don Juan was to go to the area of the house farthest from
the monster's rooms and slowly change his clothes, taking off one item of
clothing at a time, starting with his hat, leaving the shoes for last. Then he
was to put all his clothes on a wooden frame, a mannequin-like structure he was
to build, efficiently and quickly, as soon as he was inside the house. The next
step of the plan was for don Juan to put on the only disguise that could fool
the monster: the clothes in the bundle.

Don Juan
ran into the house and got everything ready. He built a scarecrow-like frame
with poles he found in the back of the house, took off his clothes and put them
on it. But when he opened the bundle he got the surprise of his life. The
bundle consisted of women's clothes!

"I
felt stupid and lost," don Juan said, "and was just about to put my
own clothes back on when I heard the inhuman growls of that monstrous man. I
had been reared to despise women, to believe their only function was to take
care of men. Putting on women's clothes to me was tantamount to becoming a
woman. But my fear of the monster was so intense that I closed my eyes and put
on the damned clothes."

I looked at
don Juan, imagining him in women's clothes. It was an image so utterly
ridiculous that against my will I broke into a belly laugh.

Don Juan
said that when old Belisario, waiting for him across the street, saw don Juan
in disguise, he began to weep uncontrollably. Weeping, he guided don Juan to
the outskirts of town where his wife was waiting with the two muleteers. One of
them very daringly asked Belisario if he was stealing the weird girl to sell
her to a whorehouse. The old man wept so hard he seemed on the verge of
fainting. The young muleteers did not know what to do, but Belisario's wife,
instead of commiserating, began to scream with laughter. And don Juan could not
understand why.

The party
began to move in the dark. They took little-traveled trails and moved steadily
north. Belisario did not speak much. He seemed to be frightened and expecting
trouble. His wife fought with him all the time and complained that they had thrown
away their chance for freedom by taking don Juan along. Belisario gave her
strict orders not to mention it again for fear the muleteers would discover
that don Juan was in disguise. He cautioned don Juan that because he did not
know how to behave convincingly like a woman, he should act as if he were a
girl who was a little touched in the head.

Within a
few days don Juan's fear subsided a great deal. In fact, he became so confident
that he could not even remember having been afraid. If it had not been for the
clothes he was wearing, he could have imagined the whole experience had been a
bad dream.

Wearing
women's clothes under those conditions, entailed, of course, a series of
drastic changes. Belisario's wife coached don Juan, with true seriousness, in
every aspect of being a woman. Don Juan helped her cook, wash clothes, gather
firewood. Belisario shaved don Juan's head and put a strong-smelling medicine
on it, and told the muleteers that the girl had had an infestation of lice. Don
Juan said that since he was still a beardless youth it was not really difficult
to pass as a woman. But he felt disgusted with himself, and with all those
people, and, above all, with his fate. To end up wearing women's clothes and
doing women's chores was more than he could bear.

One day he
had enough. The muleteers were the final straw. They expected and demanded that
this strange girl wait on them hand and foot. Don Juan said that he also had to
be on permanent guard, because they would make passes.

I felt
compelled to ask a question.

"Were
the muleteers in cahoots with your benefactor? I asked.

"No,"
he replied and began to laugh uproariously. "They were just two nice
people who had fallen temporarily under his spell. He had hired their mules to
carry medicinal plants and told them that he would pay handsomely if they would
help him kidnap a young woman."

The scope
of the nagual Julian's actions staggered my imagination. I pictured don Juan
fending off sexual advances and hollered with laughter.

Don Juan
continued his account. He said that he told the old man sternly that the
masquerade had lasted long enough, the men were making sexual advances.
Belisario nonchalantly advised him to be more understanding, because men will
be men, and began to weep again, completely baffling don Juan, who found
himself furiously defending women.

He was so
passionate about the plight of women that he scared himself. He told Belisario
that he was going to end up in worse shape than he would have, had he stayed as
the monster's slave.

Don Juan's
turmoil increased when the old man wept uncontrollably and mumbled inanities:
life was sweet, the little price one had to pay for it was a joke, the monster
would devour don Juan's soul and not even allow him to kill himself.

"Flirt
with the muleteers," he advised don Juan in a conciliatory tone and
manner. "They are primitive peasants. All they want is to play, so push
them back when they shove you. Let them touch your leg. What do you care?"
And again, he wept unrestrainedly.

Don Juan
asked him why he wept like that.

"Because
you are perfect for all this," he said and his body twisted with the force
of his sobbing.

Don Juan
thanked him for his good feelings and for all the trouble he was taking on his
account. He told Belisario he now felt safe and wanted to leave.

"The
art of stalking is learning all the quirks of your disguise," Belisario
said, paying no attention to what don Juan was telling him. "And it is to
learn them so well no one will know you are disguised. For that you need to be
ruthless, cunning, patient, and sweet."

Don Juan
had no idea what Belisario was talking about. Rather than finding out, he asked
him for some men's clothes. Belisario was very understanding. He gave don Juan
some old clothes and a few pesos. He promised don Juan that his disguise would
always be there in case he needed it, and pressed him vehemently to come to
Durango with him to learn sorcery and free himself from the monster for good.
Don Juan said no and thanked him. So Belisario bid him goodbye and patted him
on the back repeatedly and with considerable force.

Don Juan
changed his clothes and asked Belisario for directions. He answered that if don
Juan followed the trail north, sooner or later he would reach the next town. He
said that the two of them might even cross paths again since they were all
going in the same general direction - away from the monster.

Don Juan
took off as fast as he could, free at last. He must have walked four or five
miles before he found signs of people. He knew that a town was nearby and thought
that perhaps he could get work there until he decided where he was going. He
sat down to rest for a moment, anticipating the normal difficulties a stranger
would find in a small out-of-the-way town, when from the corner of his eye he
saw a movement in the bushes by the mule trail. He felt someone was watching
him. He became so thoroughly terrified that he jumped up and started to run in
the direction of the town; the monster jumped at him lurching out to grab his
neck. He missed by an inch. Don Juan screamed as he had never screamed before,
but still had enough self-control to turn and run back in the direction from
which he had come.

While don
Juan ran for his life, the monster pursued him, crashing through the bushes
only a few feet away. Don Juan said that it was the most frightening sound he
had ever heard. Finally he saw the mules moving slowly in the distance, and he
yelled for help.

Belisario
recognized don Juan and ran toward him displaying overt terror. He threw the
bundle of women's clothes at don Juan shouting, "Run like a woman, you
fool."

Don Juan
admitted that he did not know how he had the presence of mind to run like a
woman, but he did it. The monster stopped chasing him. And Belisario told him
to change quickly while he held the monster at bay.

Don Juan
joined Belisario's wife and the smiling muleteers without looking at anybody.
They doubled back and took other trails. Nobody spoke for days; then Belisario
gave him daily lessons. He told don Juan that Indian women were practical and
went directly to the heart of things, but that they were also very shy, and
that when challenged they showed the physical signs of fright in shifty eyes,
tight mouths, and enlarged nostrils. All these signs were accompanied by a
fearful stubbornness, followed by shy laughter.

He made don
Juan practice his womanly behavior skills in every town they passed through.
And don Juan honestly believed he was teaching him to be an actor. But
Belisario insisted that he was teaching him the art of stalking. He told don Juan
that stalking was an art applicable to everything, and that there were four
steps to learning it: ruthlessness, cunning, patience, and sweetness.

I felt
compelled to interrupt his account once more.