The Rocker That Holds Her (The Rocker...) (9 page)

Hope

I woke with the world’s most perfect ass snugly resting against my dick. I had one hand full of Emmie’s tits and the other over the life we had created together four months ago.

In other words, I woke up in paradise.

When she shifted slightly and her breathing changed I knew that she was awake, and I gave in to the need to kiss her neck. “Morning, baby. How did you sleep?”

“
If I said that it was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had would you believe me?”

Her answer brought a smile to my lips. “Yes. It was one of the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had too.”

She turned in my arm. “
One
of the best?”

Her irritation made me even happier. If she was jealous, even a little, then there was hope for us. Biting back a smile, I nodded. “Yep.”

Those big, beautiful green eyes narrowed on me. “What were the other ones?”

Despite my efforts to fight it, I couldn’t contain my happy grin. “Let me see… a few weeks ago when you crawled in beside me on the bus. When you couldn’t sleep last year and we spent the night in my hotel room just talking until I fell asleep…” I shrugged. There were countless other nights that I could remember sleeping peacefully, only because she had been right beside me all night long. “All of them seem to involve you sleeping in my arms.”

Her brow relaxed, a sure sign that I was out of danger. “I don’t know why I keep you around sometimes, mister.”

I laughed, happy to my core, as I gazed down at her. “Let’s grab a shower, baby. I’m starving.” If we didn’t get out of bed now, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep my hands off her for long. Even after spending most of the night making love to her, I was still hungry for more. I prayed to all of Emmie’s gods that I would always want her this much.

I heard her stomach growl and grinned down at her. “How about some bacon?” I loved that she had developed a craving for one of my favorite breakfast foods. Our kid was more like me than Emmie so far, and it made my heart fill with love.

She laughed. “I’m going to end up hating bacon before this is all over.”

After breakfast, which we ate alone because the guys were still in bed, I took Emmie shopping. If she wanted sexy new clothes, then I was going to get the pleasure of watching her try them all on. Of course I was pretty clueless as to where to take her, and Emmie was stubborn about not wanting over the top designer brands.

We ended up at the mall. Not my best idea. A truth that became blatantly obvious to me as soon as we stepped into American Eagle. A sales girl that barely looked old enough to be working there screamed, and I felt Emmie jerk beside me. The girl attracted attention and soon I was surrounded by females ranging in age from fifteen to forty.

This was the norm, and I had gotten used to it over the years. Someone recognized me, especially a girl, and everything else stopped. I laughed, more annoyed than flattered, because I had only wanted to spend the day with Emmie.

By the time I untangled myself from the group, I found Emmie had disappeared on me. What the fuck? Why would she just run off on me like that?

Muttering a curse, I pulled out my phone and called her. It rang three or four times before it suddenly went to voicemail, telling me that she had diverted my call on purpose. I glanced around, trying to spot her in the crowd. “Em?” I called her name.

I had searched the entire first floor of the mall before getting the security staff to help. I was going out of my mind. Emmie didn’t just go off without a word. If she was mad at me, she wouldn’t have wasted a minute in telling me to my face, so I knew there had to be something else wrong. Fear of not being able to find her chilled my heart.

For a brief second I imagined the beating I would get if I had to return home without Emmie. Jesse sure as fuck wouldn’t hold back from breaking something valuable this time around, and Drake and Shane would make sure I begged for mercy before finishing me off. But that didn’t matter. It was my own sanity I feared for if I didn’t find Emmie. I was nothing without her.

The second floor was producing nothing, and I was starting to reach my breaking point. My throat ached and I was fighting both tears and rage. How dare she just wonder off? She wasn’t a kid anymore. For fuck’s sake, she should act more mature than playing hide and seek with me in a busy ass mall.

Three security guards met me outside of one of the smaller stores and told me they hadn’t found her yet. There was the small possibility that she was having lunch on the third floor, which basically consisted of the food court and nothing else, but I knew she wouldn’t be up there. Emmie wasn’t much on fast foods any more than I was these days.

Still, I was desperate so I turned to follow the men.

“Nik!”

My head snapped around at the sound of Emmie calling my name. Everything around me seemed to stand still for a moment as my eyes zeroed in on Emmie standing inside the store I had just passed. My heart lifted into my throat, and for just a second I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I looked at her.

Then I was moving fast. I ran toward her and when I was close enough to touch her I pulled her hard against me. I was trembling from head to toe. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again!” I practically yelled at her.

Her cheeks were slightly pink, and I could see the hurt and anger in her green eyes. But she just gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. “I figured you were having so much fun with the fan club that you wouldn’t even miss me.”

Her tone was dismissing, as if the subject bored her. But the way she was standing, with her head at a stubborn angle and her shoulders set in that way that told me she was anything but bored, suggested otherwise. “Were you jealous?” It filled me with both hope and dread at the possibility that she was
that
jealous.

Hope because that told me she had stronger feelings for me than just desire. Dread because I didn’t want her to hurt for any reason, ever.

Instead of answering me she turned around to face the girl standing behind the counter. “Thanks for all your help, Beth. Nik, Beth has been so much help today. I spent three grand of your money without even realizing it.”

I was surprised and delighted that Emmie had spent so much on herself, but offered the girl a grin. “Thank you, Beth.”

The girl must have been incredibly helpful because Emmie pulled out one of the shirts she had bought and scribbled her name on the back with a sharpie before handing the marker to me to do the same. After offering the girl a signed poster, Emmie was ready to leave. I handed the signed shirt over to the cute sales girl and picked up Emmie’s bags.

Dammit, I had wanted to watch her try these things on!

--

Emmie ignored me the rest of the day.

Every time I walked into a room she was in, hoping to talk to her about what had happened at the mall, she left. By bed time I was frustrated, annoyed, and a little desperate. I wanted to bend her over my knee and spank her, then make love to her until she was no longer blind to how I felt.

I knocked on her bedroom door before turning the handle. My frustration shot up to an all new level when I found the door locked. Emmie and her fucking stubbornness! “Em, please don’t do this.”
Don’t shut me out. Don’t push me away.

I stood outside her bedroom door until Drake walked upstairs in search of one of his bottles of Jack Daniels. “She kick you out already?”

“Something like that.”

“
I knew she was smart,” he muttered to himself as he walked on down the hall toward his bedroom.

I grimaced. Of my three band brothers, Drake was the only one that seemed to be having trouble with the thought of me with Emmie. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I knew Drake’s reasons for not wanting a man like me with the girl that he had spent so many years protecting. And it was only because I knew his reasoning that kept me from feeling like he had just punched me in the gut as hard as Jesse had the day before.

Running my hand through my hair in frustration, I went into my room and slammed the door. Not bothering to shower, I flopped down on my bed and glared up at the ceiling. Time to start working on Plan B.

After finally falling asleep around two that morning, I woke ready to tackle the situation with Emmie. Jesse was camped out in front of the flat screen in the living room watching ESPN.

“Em up yet?’

“
Haven’t seen her,” he answered without looking my way.

Shane was in the kitchen, getting ready for a run. “Want some company?” I asked, needing to work off some of my frustration before I saw Emmie.

Shane raised an eyebrow. “You want to go running with me? On the beach?”

I shrugged. “Seems like a good idea to me.”

It fucking wasn’t. I had barely ran a mile before my legs felt like they were going to give out. Running on the beach was ten times harder than running on a treadmill. Cursing myself, I stopped in front of a beach house and just sat down. I needed a case of water and a few energy drinks before I was going to be able to stand again.

Shane noticed I wasn’t still beside of him and ran back to me. Seeing my sweat covered face, he burst out laughing. “Dude! Not even a mile. You’re more out of shape than I gave you credit for.”

Unable to catch my breath, let alone tell him to fuck off, I gave him the finger instead and rested my head on my bent knees. It took a good five minutes before I could breathe without panting. By that time we had attracted some attention from the house we had stopped in front of.

Shane let out a whistle, and I knew that there were girls coming our way. Groaning, I reluctantly got to my feet and turned to watch the ladies approach. Tight little bodies in bikinis that just barely covered what needed covering had Shane salivating beside me. All thoughts of his run were now wiped from his mind as his own form of paradise walked toward us.

I wasn’t impressed in the least by the girls that used the house as a timeshare. If anything, I was bored as they talked with us for a while. I stuck around only because Shane grabbed my arm when I started to walk away. Not surprisingly, Shane talked all of the girls into coming back to our beach house.

Jesse and Emmie were gone by the time we got back. Drake had just woken up so he had no idea where they went or when they would be back. I didn’t even bother to go up to my room and grab my phone. I trusted Jesse now and knew that he didn’t want Emmie the way I did. The longer I waited for them to get back, the more stupid my thoughts became. I kept thinking of how jealous Emmie had been the day before and an idea that had nothing at all to do with the plan I had made just the night before started to form.

When I heard the SUV pull into the driveway, I let two of the girls cuddle up to me. For some reason I needed to know for sure if what Emmie had felt the day before came close to how jealous she could make me. Okay, I’ll admit it. Maybe I was still stinging a little over the kiss that Emmie and Axton shared and I wanted just a little payback now that I knew she had some feelings for me.

I was an asshole.

I watched Emmie peeking out the living room window and didn’t try to untangle the girls who still had themselves pressed up against me like a second skin. I waited until I couldn’t see her in the window anymore before I stepped away from them.

Jesse came out a few minutes later, his face a thundercloud as he stepped up beside of me. “Dick move, Nik. Don’t make me have to mess up that pretty face.”

Guilt washed over me and I sighed. “I’ll fix it,” I assured him before introducing the two girls that had just been all over me to Jesse. Then I got the hell out of there before I dug myself into an even deeper hole and went inside. 

Emmie had locked herself in her room again, and I decided to give her time to cool off before I confronted her. I loved that girl with everything inside of me, but she could really be a stubborn little bitch at times. Of course, I liked that shit.

With ESPN playing in the background, I relaxed on the couch in the living room and surfed the net on my phone as I tried to find the perfect place to take Emmie for dinner the next evening. I needed to take my girl on our official date.

Open Your Fucking Eyes

It was late when I finally went up to bed. Despite being stressed about Emmie and our future, I had relaxed watching a baseball game and pigging out on the pizza that the guys had ordered for dinner.

I glanced at Emmie’s closed door with a feeling of longing making my chest ache. I wanted to be behind that door with her, cuddled up after making love to her for the third time that night. My dick jerked at just the thought of being inside of Emmie’s tight little body. Grimacing, I bypassed my bed and went on into the bathroom for a cold shower.

I was still half awake when I heard a vehicle in the driveway. Wondering if Jesse or one of the other guys had come back early, I stood and went to the window. It took me a few seconds to really register what I was seeing and then my heart stopped.

A taxi pulled into the driveway and Emmie was standing there talking to the driver who had yet to get out of the car. The only light was from a street lamp, but I saw her suitcases as if it were plain as day. I hadn’t even thought of the possibility of her running away. She had been a part of my life for so long, had stuck with me and the guys through some really horrible shit. But now she was leaving us …

She was leaving
me
!

I turned from the window and ran. If I didn’t get to her in time I might never see her again. My heart clenched at just the thought. I nearly fell running down the stairs but somehow kept my footing. I barely paused to unlock the front door and hauled ass.

“Em!” I shouted her name.

She said something to the driver that I couldn’t hear because the blood was rushing through my ears. Fear had my adrenaline pumping and I could barely breathe from the way my heart constricted in my chest.

“Stop!” I yelled. “What the fuck are you doing?” She started to get in the back of the taxi but I reached her before she could even get the door closed. My fingers shook as I grasped her arm. I was less than gentle when I forced her to turn and face me. I instantly regretted touching her like that, but my fear in losing her had my mind all kinds of jumbled up. “Where are you going?”

“
Away!”

I could actually feel the color draining from my face. Oh fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh. FUCK! “The fuck you are! You aren’t leaving. You can’t leave.” My voice cracked, and I could feel the tears forming as my throat and sinuses started to burn. “Get back in the fucking house!”

“Why?” she challenged me. “Why should I stay here? So you can torment me with all of those skanks? So that you can rub it in my face with what I can never have?” She laughed and the coldness of the sound sent chills down my spine. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m tired of it all. Tired of seeing the different women flowing in and out of your bed. Tired of dreaming of something I know I can never have.”

“
What the hell are you talking about?” Had she lost her mind? “There hasn’t been anyone in my bed in months! Jesus Christ, Emmie. Are you blind? Can’t you see how I feel about you?” Even after our amazing night together two nights ago she still couldn’t see how I felt?

Her brow wrinkled and I was too upset to notice how cute she looked. “What feelings?”

Her question gutted me. She was still so blind. I wanted to scream at her to open her fucking eyes. Instead, I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. “Please, Em. Come back into the house and let’s talk. Don’t leave, baby. Please don’t go.”

She didn’t say a word and I could actually see the wheels turning in that beautiful head of hers. Emmie was stunned that I had confessed to having feelings for her. Instead of giving her time to make up her mind, I grabbed Emmie’s purse. I was only in a pair of boxers and didn’t have my wallet, so I grabbed what cash she had and handed it over to the driver.

The man unloaded the cases while I stood there watching Emmie closely, terrified that she was going to make a run for it if I took my eyes off her for even a second. Only after the taxi’s taillights had disappeared into the night did I grab her suitcases. “Come on, baby.”

I left her cases by the front door. Needing to touch her, I took her hand, tugging her up the stairs. I thought about taking her into her room but knew that I wouldn’t get much talking accomplished with the memories of making love to her on that big bed constantly filling my head every time I looked at it. I took her into my room and locked the door.

I gently pushed her onto the edge of my bed and crouched down before her. “Where were you going, Em?” My throat ached from the lump of emotion still choking me.

“
Somewhere where there aren’t groupies and skanks everywhere I turn around.”

I grimaced, regretting even more that I had hurt her today. But with the regret came more hope. “Are they really that upsetting to you? Now, after all the years you have lived with us?” Had I ruined everything today?

Her glare was full of ice. “What do you think? Should I want to have this baby and subject her to all of those sluts on a daily basis? Should I let her see what you are like? The egotistical rocker who has to have all of his adoring groupies hanging off his arm while I, her mother, has to watch from the sidelines?”

Was that really how she saw me? It hurt worse than if she had actually hit me. “That’s how you feel? Like you have to watch from the sidelines?” I cupped her face, forcing her eyes to stay locked with mine. “Don’t you know that I want you beside me? You and only you.”

A very Emmie-like snort escaped her. “That’s pretty hard to imagine, Nik. What with those sluts pushing me away from you yesterday. And today with two skanks rubbing against you like they were in heat.”

“
So you were jealous!” I couldn’t help it. I grinned. I was so happy, so excited to know for sure that she cared about me just as much as I cared about her. The sheer joy of it, something I had rarely felt in my life, spilled over and I laughed out loud.

I heard the crack of her hand hitting my cheek before the sting registered. It knocked the smile off my face and I touched the place she had hit. “I’m so glad that you find rubbing those whores in my face so funny. Who the fuck cares that a little piece of my heart dies every time I see it, right?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” I shook my head in frustration. “You really need to open those beautiful green eyes of yours.” I took the hand that she had slapped me with and kissed the reddened center. “The only reason those girls were in my arms was so I could find out the truth. Yesterday I suspected, but today I confirmed it.”

“
What are you talking about?” she demanded.

“
I had to know if you felt just as deeply for me as I do for you. Em, you have been driving me insane with jealousy. Do you know that I have come close to killing my best friend at least a hundred different times in the past six months alone?”

Those eyes I loved so much widened in surprise. “Jesse? But why would you do that?”

It was time to lay it all out there now. Tell her everything. I sucked in a deep breath for courage. I had never been so nervous in my life. “For the same reasons why I went crazy when you told me you were pregnant, Emmie. I didn’t want anyone but me to touch you. You are mine, Em. It’s taken me forever to admit that to myself, but when I did I couldn’t stand the idea of Jesse or Ax or someone else touching you.” I shook my head. “The night Ax took you to the hospital? He called me ten times before I listened to the messages. I had watched you let him kiss you. Fuck, I couldn’t see straight I was so jealous. Then I sang that song and expected you to jump into my arms when I walked off stage …”

I broke off with a grimace at the memory of how that had felt. “But you were gone. I went crazy with rage. Stormed off and refused to answer my phone when Axton called the first time. So when I finally listened to one of the messages he left I …” Emmie lying in a hospital bed with an IV and heart monitor attached to her made me swallow hard. “You were so sick and there I was acting like some petulant child because you weren’t falling into my arms like I had been dreaming about.”

“I didn’t stick around long to listen to your song, Nik. I started throwing up when I realized you were…in love.” I had to strain to hear the last word.

“
Sweet, sweet Emmie,” I murmured, leaning forward to brush my lips over her neck. “Still so blind. How can I open your eyes, baby girl? Do you need me to spell it out? Have I been such a fool in not realizing that you couldn’t see just what you have done to me?” I licked the spot under her ear I had recently learned was a weakness of hers. “Yes, I am in love.
There is this Ember in my heart that has hold of me and won’t let go
.” I sang a line of the song I had written for her.

A tear spilled from her eye and landed on her cheek. She didn’t try to wipe it away as it rolled down her flawless cheek and landed on my jeans. I could see that I had finally gotten through to her. That she was really opening her eyes and seeing me for possibly the first time.

“I love you, Em. With everything inside of me, I love you. You are my favorite dream come to life and I never want to let you go.” I brushed my lips over her eyes, wiping her tears away with my tongue. “I need you to breathe. You keep the world afloat when everything else is going insane.”

Her entire body shook. “I have loved you for so long, Nik,” she confessed softly. “You were my dark prince in rusty armor when I was a kid. Now you have become my reason for getting up each morning. The last few years, watching you with a revolving door of one night stands, has slowly killed me. I instantly hate any female that looks at you.”

I was surprised that I was still crouched down in front of her. Her confession of loving me back made me weak. I had been just as blind as I had accused her of being. How could I have not seen how much she cared?

“
Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” I cupped her face. “They didn’t mean anything, Emmie. I swear it. They were just something that distracted me from doing what I knew I shouldn’t. When you came to live with us I wanted you then. I thought I was turning into some demented pedophile and I hated myself.” I still remember how sick I had felt after waking up from that first dream of her. She had been seventeen and I had felt like such a pervert. “Then I realized that it was just you, but that didn’t make me feel any better. So I used the other girls to take my mind—and other things—off of what I wanted most.”

I grimaced. “The dreams started a few years ago. I would wake up in the middle of the night with my dick so hard, and it would take all of my will power to keep from seeking out the warmth of your arms so I could make my dreams a reality.” As I talked to her I couldn’t help but trace the lusciousness of her bottom lip. “That’s why our night together didn’t surprise me. I just brushed it off as another dream.”

Her chin trembled. “I thought you didn’t know it was me. I hated myself for taking advantage of you like that. But I lived off the memories.” Her fingers combed through my hair, tangling in the ends. “That night was more than I could have ever hoped for …”

For one brief moment I thought that maybe I was dreaming again. She was telling me everything I had ever longed to hear. Then her fingers tugged roughly on my hair and the pain told me that this was real. I brushed a kiss over her lips, lingering for a moment to get a better taste. Knowing that she loved me back gave me the feeling that I could take on the world and win. The longer we talked, the more sure I was of what I really wanted.

It was risky asking her now. I knew I was rushing her, and that could always backfire when it came to Emmie. But I couldn’t keep from asking her.

I kissed her again. “You aren’t going to leave me, are you, Em?”

“No, never.”

“
And you love me?” I brushed my nose against hers.

“
Yes,” came her breathy reply.

“
Will you marry me, my Ember?” I held my breath as I waited for her answer, playing with her fingers to soothe myself as she seemed to think about her answer.

“
Yes,” she said as tears spilled from her eyes once again.

At first I was sure I had heard wrong. “Yes?” I repeated.

She nodded. “Yes, Nik.”

I pushed her back against the pillows, my mouth already on hers as I tried to show her how happy she had just made me. Emmie was going to marry me!

I tried to go slow but it was hard when all I wanted was to be inside of her. My hands were already stripping her of her jeans and T-shirt. My mouth couldn’t make up its mind where it wanted to taste her next as I moved from kissing her neck to sucking on her nipples. Her short nails raked over my scalp as she whimpered in pleasure.

I sat up long enough to tear my shirt off and toss it over my shoulder. “When?” I demanded as I kissed her shoulder. “When will you marry me?”

Emmie stopped pushing my boxers down. “After the baby is born.”

I wanted to argue, demand that she start planning our wedding tomorrow, but if she wanted to wait until after our child was here then I would respect that. For a brief, insane second I had the fear that she would change her mind between now and then but forced those thoughts to the back of my mind when she started pulling my underwear off again. 

“Oh gods!” Her eyes were glued to my dick as it sprang free of my boxers. “You’re perfect.”