The Scarlet Thread (46 page)

he will ride west as far as the ocean and then head

north. He is riding James’s horse and taking his

own for packing. I gave him what money we had

left for supplies. It was the last of what Aunt

Martha give me.

God, please, help him find his way there and

back to us.

Joshua has been gone four days. We have no

food and no ammunition. The fish are not biting.

God, I won’t ask you to help me. But please

help my children.

You must be watching over us, God. I can think

of no other reason for the Strange Occurrence.

A grizzly came into our meadow. I called a

warning to the children. The boys made it to the

wagon, but Beth froze. I told her to run, but she

was too scared to move with that she-demon coming straight for her and making a roar from hell

itself. I never even stopped to think. I just started

running for her and praying. Oh, God, did I pray.

Out loud. The words just came pouring out of me

in Pure Terror. I have not prayed so hard since

Mama was sick.

And You answered! You told me to sing to

that beast from hell and I did. Oh, I did. I

thought I must be going crazy with fear, but

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I did it anyway. I remember now MacLeod told

the men guarding the stock once to sing to the

animals during a storm. And we were in the

midst of a storm, hard rain, thunder and lightning and that Terrible beast coming from the

woods. I sang loud enough to wake James.

I sang whatever came into my head, mostly

hymns Aunt Martha used to play on the piano

and Mama taught me. Hymns I had not sung in

years. They come back. The bear was up on two

hind legs and only twenty some feet from us.

I thought we were dead for sure. That grizzly

was eager to tear us limb from limb and there

I stood with Beth tucked behind me singing like

a crazy woman.

But that bear stopped! Oh, Lord, she did.

She came down and cocked its head, and

looked at me. I did not look it in the eyes but

up at heaven, singing with all my might. The

beast moved its head back and forth. I was

afraid my voice would dry up, but it did not.

The words kept coming back to me, one hymn

after another. The bear stayed right there and

listened for so long I thought my hair was turning white! And then she just lumbered off, calm

and quiet as you please and disappeared into

the woods.

I sank down on my knees and laughed and

wept and held Beth to me. She said—Mama, it

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A Blessed Miracle.

I feel changed inside myself. Something gave

way or cracked open or something.

Oh, Jesus, You are there! Mama was right

after all.

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20

the light breeze crisp, the air clear. She’d taken the children

down to the Plaza and bought them donuts from the deli while

they wandered around, looking in shop windows.

Now, going up the steps of the old house, she felt the tug of

grief again. When they drove up the drive last night, she’d expected to enter a cold, empty house. Instead, someone had

turned on the furnace. A fire was going in the parlor, the

screen in place and wood in the basket. In the kitchen was a

Pyrex dish of warm enchiladas and a note from Alex’s mother.

“We look forward to seeing you and our grandchildren tomorrow. Dinner at three. Love, María and Luís.”

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safely and to thank them for their thoughtfulness. “Your brother gave

us the key,” María said. “We left it under the mat on the back porch.”

She called her brother to let him and Melissa know she’d arrived. “We’ll come by tomorrow morning,” Mike said. “There’s

something I need to talk over with you. It’s important.”

“What time?”

“Eleven. We’re supposed to go to Melissa’s parents for turkey

dinner. We’ll have to leave by one to get there on time.”

“Eleven it is.”

She and the children had just shrugged out of their coats when

Mike unlocked the door and his family poured in. For a few minutes, all Sierra could hear were the excited voices of reuniting

cousins. She kissed her niece and nephews and announced she

had brought back a bag of donuts from the deli.

Mike got right to the point. “A couple wants to buy the house

and turn it into a bed-and-breakfast.”

Sierra’s stomach dropped. “Buy the house?”

“They’ve been looking for property in the area for over a year.

They liked this house. Apparently they stopped by once, and

Mom invited them in for coffee and cookies. She gave them the

grand tour but said she wasn’t interested in selling. She told

them to check back in a year or two. They took her at her word

and came by a week ago. When they found out Mom had passed

away, they traced me through the church pastor.”

“Did you tell them we don’t want to sell?” Sierra said.

Mike exchanged a look with Melissa. He sat down and leaned

forward, his hands clasped between his knees. “No, I didn’t. I

wanted to talk it over with you first.”

“I thought you loved the house as much as I do.”

“I do, Sis, but I’ve already got a home in Ukiah. My business is

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there. If I were to sell out and move, I’d want to go farther north

to Garberville. Or Oregon. I haven’t the money to hang on to

this place for sentimental reasons.”

Sierra got up and walked over to the fireplace. She ran her

hand along the dusty mantle and looked at the old Seth Thomas

mantle clock. It had run down months ago. Even with the furnace on, the house had a musty smell of disuse.

“The only other alternative is to rent the place out, and I don’t

want to do that either. I’ve heard nothing but horror stories from

friends who’ve rented property and had their places destroyed.

The law being what it is, someone can move in and wreck a place

before you get them out.”

Melissa rose. “I’ll make some coffee,” she said softly and left

the room. Sierra knew her sister-in-law was making it clear to

both of them that she had no say in their decision. It was up to

them what they did about the house.

Her family had lived in Sonoma County for over a hundred years.

Mary Kathryn McMurray had been the first one to put down roots

in the fertile soil now covered by tract houses. Ah yes, Mary Kathryn

McMurray, who had come with all the eagerness and joy that she

herself had felt when Alex had moved her to Los Angeles!

“Do you want the house, Sis?”

Oh, God, do I have to give up my home? You know how much I love this

old house. What do you want me to do?

Again, the answer was clear.
Let go.

“Sierra?”

She leaned her head against the edge of the mantel. What choice

was there? “No matter how much I want it, it’s beyond possible. I

don’t have enough left of my inheritance to buy out your share in it,

and then there are the taxes.” She lowered her hands and turned.

“And I just bought my condo. I’d take a loss if I tried to sell it now

with the market being what it is. That’s why I got it for such a good

price in the first place. And then, if it did sell, I’d be out of work up here.”

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She knew her brother would bend over backward to make

things easier on her, even at cost to his own family finances. “I

want what’s best for all of us,” she said quietly.

“So what do you think that means?”

She forced a smile for his sake. “What’s this couple like?”

A look of relief filled her brother’s face so that she knew

exactly what he wanted. No more burdens to bear. And could

she blame him? She was the one living in Los Angeles, too far

away to pitch in and help with maintaining the house. He had

been taking care of everything since their mother had died.

“They’re nice people, in their midforties, financially set. They’ve

been living in San José for the past twenty-two years. They have

two children, a boy and girl. The boy’s off at Bible college studying

to be a pastor. The daughter’s married with a baby on the way.

Jack’s hobby is woodcrafting, and Reka’s into gardening.”

Sierra thought of her mother’s backyard going wild. It would be

nice having someone pour love back into it and make it bloom

again. Hadn’t Mom invited these people in for coffee and cookies

and given them a grand tour? Hadn’t she been the one to say come

back in a year or two? She’d known she’d be gone by then. Full realization struck her, tightening her throat with tears. “It’s just like

Mom to tie up all the loose ends, isn’t it?” she said with a smile.

“Yeah,” Mike said, his voice husky with emotion.

“So,” she said more lightly. “Do you have their number?”

He nodded.

“Why don’t you call and ask if they’d like to come up on Saturday and we’ll talk turkey.”

He laughed, his eyes moist. “Sure.”

She debated telling María and Luís the next day. They were upset enough over Alex’s broken marriage, without adding to

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their worries of never seeing their grandchildren. One word

about selling the Mathesen Street house and Thanksgiving

would be ruined for María, who lived for her children and

grandchildren.

There were a dozen running around when Sierra arrived.

Clanton and Carolyn piled out of the Saturn and joined in the

games. They remembered their Spanish, picking it up as though

they’d been jabbering it nonstop at home.

Luís hugged her tightly when she came into the house and

then kissed her on both cheeks. She hadn’t seen him since Alex

had left her, and his greeting brought a lump to her throat. María

was right behind him, crying, and talking in rapid-fire Spanish.

Alex’s brothers and sisters treated her with the warmth they

always had. His older brother, Miguel, a vintner for one of the

Sonoma wineries, even flirted outrageously with her. His sister,

Alma, let it slip that Alex had brought Elizabeth Longford home

for a few days to meet the family.

“Papa wouldn’t let them stay here. He said Alex could take her

to a motel room, but he wouldn’t have them sleeping together under his roof. Alex rented a suite at the Doubletree. She refused to

come back with him the next day. Alex and Papa had words.

He’s called and talked to Mama, but I don’t think he and Papa

have talked since.”

Grandfather. Father. Son.

Sierra changed the subject, but Alex’s name kept coming up.

And then he called. He talked to his mother. Then he talked to

Clanton and Carolyn. Papa went outside for a walk. When he

came back, Alex had long since hung up. For the rest of the evening, she could feel Luís watching her. María, too.

God, how much we hurt others without even thinking about it. We think

we can make a decision without it tearing other people’s hearts in two.

Sierra took Clanton and Carolyn aside when she found an

opportunity. “How would you feel about coming and spending a

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eager responses, she knew she could approach Luís and María

about the idea. She found the chance while helping María wash

and put away dishes.

“Would you and Luís like to have Clanton and Carolyn spend

a few weeks with you next summer?”

María started to cry.
“Sí, sí,”
she said. “As often as possible.

What about Christmas?”

Sierra hugged her. “We can’t come Christmas, Mama. We’re

in a pageant at the church. Easter. We’ll come for Easter, if that’s

all right with you.”

“Sí.
You come home Easter.”

Most of the relatives had already headed home to Santa Rosa

or Cloverdale or the Bay Area where they lived. Clanton and

Carolyn were the last of the younger generation lounging

around in the small, neat country house on the edge of the

vineyard.

“The family is scattering,” María said, teary as each one left.

“Alex off in Connecticut—”

“Mama!” Luís hissed and gave Sierra an apologetic look.

“It’s all right, Papa,” Sierra said, trying to ease their discomfort. “I know about it.” The children reported everything, even

when she wished they wouldn’t.

Luís walked her to the car. “When are you and the
niños
leaving?”

“Sunday morning. Early. It’s a long drive.”

“I’m going to six o’clock Mass.” He looked old—old and

hurt—and she loved him unbearably.

She kissed his cheek. “We’ll meet you there.”

He cupped her cheek. “My son is a fool.”

Sierra’s eyes filled. “No, Papa.
I
was the fool.”

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Dear Lord, since that bear I have been thinking.

And I have been looking and seeing lots of

things different from before. It is like something

changed inside me. It seems to me everything

around me now cries out You are here. You have

put your stamp on every created thing. I can hear

Mama from so long ago pointing out flowers and

trees and birds and animals and saying how they

are all gifts from You. She said to me once that

You decorated the world from the depths of the

sea to the heavens just for us.

Maybe I am wrong, but I do not think You did

all that purely for our pleasure. I think now you

did it so we could see You.

I see things differently now, Lord, and spent

a good part of my day choked up with grief over

the hard things I have said about You.

It rained today and I kept thinking how it

washes everything clean and the earth drinks and

becomes fertile. Aunt Martha used to talk so

much about the Word being a double-edged

sword revealing to us our sins so that we could

confess and ask forgiveness and receive Your

Mercy and Grace. The
so that
part always eluded

me. Now it seems to ring in my ears day and

night.

And I was thinking too about time. I suppose

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I am glad I have more of it.

The fog last night reminded me of how clouded

my thinking has been where You are concerned,

Jesus. I could feel the oppressing Fears that have

been my companion for so long closing in again

like that misty gray blanket. I was awake most of

the night worrying over so many things. And then

Dawn came pink and orange and took my breath

away and the fear with it. How could I think of

dying and my children starving before such

Glory?

A good night’s sleep is a precious thing, Lord.

Sometimes I am so tired I ache for rest and sink into

a cottony place where even hard ground feels like

a feather bed. Maybe tonight will be like that now

that I have told You what has been on my mind.

I guess if You heard my prayer over that bear,

Lord, You can hear me about this. We are hungry, Jesus. We made do with two fish Hank

caught today, and I am thankful to You for them.

But it is not enough to keep us going. So, I am

asking You again to save us from death. Please,

Lord, help us again or we will starve just like

those poor folks who did not make it through the

mountains.

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21

“ W H A T H A P P E N E D ? ” S I E R R A S A I D W H E N C L A N T O N

unlocked the door and walked in at three in the afternoon on Saturday instead of ten in the evening when Alex usually brought

him home.

“He dropped me off,” he said, slinging his backpack onto the

wing chair she’d just finished recovering.

“Did you have a fight?”

“Not with him.”

The look of defiance on his face and swelling across his left eye

made her stomach drop. Had Alex hit him? “Did you say something to Elizabeth?”

“Yeah, you could say that, but she said something to me first.”

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