The Scarlet Thread (41 page)

Kavanaugh does not say much about what is

ahead. His silence fills me with disquiet. If the

going was easy he would tell us so. Summer has

its heavy hand upon us.

Joshua asked me who his father is. I said James

but he said he means his Real father. I asked him

why he wanted to know and he said he had wondered about it for a long time. He said Clovis told

him I had him with me when I came to live with

Aunt Martha. I told him James was the only

father he ever had. He was not satisfied. He said

a man has to know where he comes from. So I

told him my brother Matthew McMurray married Sally Mae Grayson and he is her child. He

wanted to know what happened to her and I told

him she died giving birth to him. Then he wanted

to know what happened to his father. I said he

died too. He wanted to know how and I said what

difference does it make. He is dead. Joshua got

mad and wanted to know why it was so hard for

me to tell the truth. I said I had never lied to him

or anyone. I said it was hard talking about people

I loved who were gone. I said the past did not

matter anyway because he is as much my son as

Henry and Matthew. He said he is not. I did not

think words could hurt so much. I told him I have

loved him from the moment I helped bring him

into the world.

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at me like he knew there was more than what

I was telling him.

Joshua rode on ahead. I am afraid for him.

James said he has common sense and Kavanaugh

will watch out for him. I am afraid for other

reasons.

Stern Janssen lost a wheel today. The wood had

gotten so dry the spokes fell out. James is helping

him fix it. They have taken the wheels off and are

soaking them overnight in the Humboldt.

Joshua is not back. Kavanaugh said he saw

him and he is well but not ready to come back.

We have fallen into the practice of gathering and

supping together. Nellie has been feeling poorly

and I have been cooking. The men give me what

I need of their supplies to stretch the meal for all

of us. While I cook, Nellie reads from her Bible

and the men make what repairs need doing on the

wagons. The children are too tired and cranky to

get into much trouble.

Joshua killed two rattlesnakes before the oxen

were even unyoked. Kavanaugh said they are

good eating. I told him he could fry and eat them

both with my good wishes. He did just that and

Joshua joined him.

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The oxen were too tired to be frightened by the

snakes but Beth is in the wagon and will probably

stay there until California. I may join her. The boys

are bedded down under the wagon with James.

We had trout for supper. Binger caught enough

for all of us.

Joshua is on guard tonight with Wells.

We passed more dead cattle today. We are using

sage for fuel.

Kavanaugh said there is another company of wagons twelve or so miles ahead of us. I am glad to

know there are others ahead and surviving.

Passed two dead oxen today.

The sand is deep and very heavy on our teams.

Wells got stuck and we had to use our oxen to

pull him free. The grass is very poor but the water

is plentiful. The skies are clouding up. I can hear

the rumble of thunder in the distance.

It would be nice to have a break in the awful heat.

Our oxen scented water and went wild trying to

get to it. We turned all but one and it drank from

alkaline water. James and I doctored it. James

held the animal while I poured grease down its

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it will survive.

The milk cow has gone dry. We may have to use

her to pull if we lose another ox. I expect we will

because we have passed a dozen carcasses in the

last four days.

We passed a grave today. Tobias Wentworth.

Binger lost another ox.

Nellie said we are wandering like the Israelites in

the desert. The land is cruel and the heat unrelenting. We are pulling out with first light and

stopping when the sun is high. We wait a couple

of hours in whatever shade we can find and then

go on until sunset. But even then the going is so

hard I sometimes want to lay down and die and

have done with it.

Maybe we are like the Israelites. God watched

them die on the edge of the Promised Land.

The Humboldt has drained away into nothing.

Kavanaugh just told us we got forty miles of

desert ahead of us.

I do not think I can make it.

Stern Janssen’s wagon was so deep mired in sand

he had to unharness the oxen and leave it. We

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pulled three oxen out but the other just laid down

and died.

Nellie is so sick from the heat she is riding inside

their wagon. Wells is afraid she is going to die.

If this desert does not kill us all, the mountains

I see ahead surely will.

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18

“Go! Go!” the base coach said, urging her on.

“Run, Sierra!
Run!”
others shouted from the stands as she

crossed second.

“Come on, Mom!” Clanton hollered, jumping up and down

near third and waving her on. “Go for it! Go for it!”

She rounded third and headed for home. The second baseman

caught the ball from the center fielder and was turning to zing it

toward home plate. She knew she’d never make it before the ball

did. “Oh, Lord, help!” she said. Clanton would never forgive her if

she made the last out. Giving it everything she had, she charged

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ball. She plowed right into him, knocking him off his feet. The ball

bounced off her helmet as he came down in a heap on top of her.

“Safe!”
the umpire shouted amidst exuberant laughter.

“That’s the way to do it!” Dennis was laughing as he ran over

from his position as coach.

She and the catcher untangled themselves. “What do you

think this is, Madrid? The World Series? Or professional wrestling, maybe?”

Rolling over, she made it to her hands and knees. “Sorry,

Harry. You OK?”

“I will be in a minute,” he said, flopping over onto his back,

arms and legs splayed.

“Don’t worry about Harry.” Dennis grinned, giving her a

hand up. “He’s tougher than he looks. He just likes playing for

sympathy.”

Harry raised his head off the ground and scowled. “You

taught her to slide, didn’t you, O’Malley.”

“My father taught me,” Sierra informed him, laughing. She

brushed herself off as her team surrounded her and began beating the dust off with their hats and pounding her back with congratulations.

Harry got up and pulled off his catcher’s mask. “I tell you,

there ought to be a regulation against plowing your elders down

like bowling pins.”

“Batter up!” the umpire shouted.

As Sierra headed for the bench with her teammates, she heard

Carolyn calling her. “Mom! Mom!” Turning, she walked backward and waved. Her heart leaped as she saw Alex sitting in the

grandstand next to Carolyn. Where had he come from?

The last inning of the game passed in a blur. She couldn’t pay

attention. She hadn’t seen Alex in six months or talked to him in

two. Her heart was hammering. Her palms were sweating.

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Shame filled her. He couldn’t stop by the condominium, could

he? No. Of course not. He had to come to a baseball game looking as if he’d stepped out of
Gentleman’s Quarterly
and see her

wearing faded Levi’s and covered in dirt and grass stains. No

makeup. Her hair tumbling down. Dirt under her fingernails

and in her teeth after sliding home. Perfect timing. She blew a

strand of hair out of her eyes.

“You OK?” Dennis said, putting his hand over hers.

“Alex is here.”

“I wondered who that guy was sitting beside Carolyn.”

“Did you happen to notice when he arrived?”

“About two minutes before you went up to bat.”

“Great,” she muttered, thinking of how she must have looked

plowing poor old Harry down at home plate.

Dennis glanced over at the stands. “Did Clanton know he was

coming?”

“I
didn’t know he was coming.” She took a deep breath, blowing it out through pursed lips, trying to slow her ricocheting

pulse. “Kick me if I cry, Dennis. Kick me
hard.”

“You cry and I’ll haul you off to the slammer.”

She laughed.

The team gathered in a circle and gave a cheer for the Lutherans they’d been playing. “We only lost by two runs,” Clanton

said as Sierra put her arm around his shoulders. “We’ll get

them—” She knew the instant he spotted his father. His whole

body went rigid.

“It’s OK,” she said softly.

Alex was holding Carolyn’s hand as he walked toward them.

He was looking straight at his son. He didn’t even spare a glance

at her.

Sierra noticed he’d lost weight, but then, so had she over the

past six months. Fifteen pounds, to be exact. Thankfully in all

the right places.

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and started to turn away.

She gripped his shirtsleeve. “You will not.”

“I don’t have anything to say to him.”

“Then you’ll listen.”

Alex looked between them as he came closer. It was hard to

miss the fact that she and her son were having a slight difference

of opinion. He did look at her then, his eyes narrowed and suspicious. What did he think she was doing? When he stopped in

front of them, his eyes flicked over her mussed hair, dusty

T-shirt and pants, right down to her scuffed tennis shoes. Her

face filled with heat. One side of his mouth tipped. “Good hit.”

“Thanks,” she managed, feeling dismissed.

Courtesy dispensed with, he looked at his son. “You played

well out there, Son.” When Clanton didn’t say anything, she saw

a muscle tighten in Alex’s cheek. But it wasn’t anger. It was hurt.

He looked more vulnerable than she’d ever seen him.

God, please, don’t let Clanton say anything cruel. Please.

Clanton didn’t say anything. He just stood beside her, rigid

and silent, her champion.

“What do you say I take you out for a hamburger?” Alex said.

Clanton uttered a soft laugh, glaring up at his father. “The

team’s going out for pizza,” he said coldly and looked away.

“Why don’t you join us?” Sierra said impulsively.

Clanton shot a look at her that would have withered an oak.

“He doesn’t play baseball,” Clanton said. He looked at Alex

again. “He plays around with other women.”

Alex’s face went dark red.

Sierra didn’t know if he was embarrassed or ready to explode

with rage.

“You’re such a jerk, Clanton!” Carolyn said, her mouth trembling.

“Shut up! What d’you know?”

“I know more than you do!” she said, her blue eyes filling with

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