The Second Virginity of Suzy Green (21 page)

“I think I can
hack it.” She laughs. “As long as you don’t try and change my closet.”

“As if I dare
try. I didn’t realize how fierce you could be until earlier. Seriously scary.”
We both start to giggle.

“What about
school? You’re not going to drop the AP classes are you? You need them for your
college applications. You are still going to college aren’t you?”

“I don’t know,”
I say, and Lori’s face drops. “I think so. I might take a year out first,
though. I promise I won’t go back to my old ways. Well, not all of them anyway,
and—” I stop as an awful thought crosses my mind. I raise my hand to my mouth.

“What’s wrong?”
Lori asks.

“I’ve just had a
thought. What about Guy? If he’s told everyone about last night then it will be
a total nightmare at school next week.”

“He won’t say
anything if it’s going to make him look stupid. Trust me.”

“Are you sure? Why
would it make him stupid?”

“Boys like Guy
have an image to live up to.” This sounds so much like Maddie it’s not funny.
“He won’t want people to think you gave him up for Ryan.”

“But I didn’t.”

“We know that,
but Guy doesn’t. And now it’s over, I’ll admit to being pleased.” What?

“Pleased? How
come?”

“Look, I like
Guy. But he can be totally controlling. I think that’s one of the reasons Carla
dumped him.” Now she tells me.

“Why didn’t you
say anything before?”

“Because you
seemed so into him. And he might have been different with you.”

“I don’t think
he was, when I think back to some of the things he said to me. Though at the
time I didn’t notice.” Well, that sure eases the guilt some.

“So, come on.
Introduce me to Ryan. Your friend,” Lori says, and I give her a pretend slap.

“I’d love to,
except he’s not allowed to mix with customers when he’s working. You can wave
to him if you like.”

“Okay I will.
But you’ll have to introduce him to me sooner or later. I have a feeling
there’s more to you and him than you’re admitting.”

If I didn’t know
better I’d say Lori is Maddie incarnate. The similarities are ridiculous.

“Look, after
what I did to him I’m lucky he’s talking to me at all.”

“What do you
mean?”

“I made a
choice. Be a virgin, or admit to having a relationship. And by taking the
virgin route I hurt Ryan badly. What sort of person does that make me?”

“You did what you
thought best. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’ve sorted it now and that
what counts.”

“I know. And
it’s not even that I regret what happened between us. If I went back in time
I’d do it all again. I’ll never forget it.”

“And you say you
only think of him as a friend? Um—I don’t think so. Oh, there he is.” She
points toward the bathroom and gives a huge wave.

She’s so cool.

“No dinner for
me, thanks.” I say to Mom when I get home. “I’m going to the movies.”

“You could have
given me more notice, I’ve already taken the steaks from the freezer.” She
huffs and puffs, and moves things around noisily—a sure indication she’s not happy.

“Sorry. I didn’t
know until a little while ago. I told you as soon as I could. I’ll have it
tomorrow.”

“It doesn’t
matter,” she says stiffly. “Your dad can have two. They’re not that big. What
are you going to see?”

“Not sure yet.
I’ll see what Ryan fancies.”

“Ryan? You’re
going with Ryan?” She spins around from the sink, knife in one hand carrot in
the other. Carrots, yuck. My most unfavorite vegetable. Yet another reason not
to stay in.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Last night you
went out with Guy. Tonight you’re going out with Ryan. And you don’t see
anything wrong? How many times do I have to tell you about playing boys off
against one another?” I take a step backward as in her excitement she’s waving
the knife and getting perilously close.

“I’m not playing
them off. For a start Ryan and I are just friends.” Even if something inside my
head is trying to make me want more than that. “And also I finished with Guy
last night.” I prepare myself for the barrage. Finishing with Mr. Perfect (her
view, not mine) won’t go down well.

“You gave Guy his
marching orders?” she says incredulously. “Why?”

“Mom, I’m sorry.
I know how much you liked him. How he was everything you and Dad want in a boy
friend for me. But I couldn’t do it. I tried, honest I did. And—”

“Wait,” she says
cutting across me. “What do you mean he’s everything we want for you? Are you
saying you only went out with him because you thought we approved?”

“No. It wasn’t
that. I did like Guy. Do like him. But we’re so different. And he doesn’t even
know the real me—” I pause mid-flow to process what she just said. “Hey. Isn’t
Guy everything you want for me? He’s rich, good looking, has good prospects. As
close to one of Rosie’s boyfriends you’re going to get, and you loved all of
them. So you must think Guy’s perfect.”

Mom places the
carrot and knife down on the counter. She then pulls one of the wooden kitchen
chairs out from under the table and sits down, signaling for me to do so as
well.

“Sweetheart. I
like Guy. He’s a nice boy. But if you ask me who’s more suitable for you, Ryan
or Guy, I’d say Ryan every time.” I shake my head. This is so surreal. “Our
feelings for Rosie’s and your boyfriends are not based on their prospects. Yes,
we did like Rosie’s Steve. They were a perfect match. But remember that awful
Harry?” I nod my head. “For all his money and potential, your Dad and I were
more than pleased when she finished with him.” And I thought it was just me who
thought him such a slime-ball.

“Oh.”

“Think about it.
How shallow would it make us if we base our feelings about people on their
material possessions?” She’s so right. That thought didn’t even cross my mind.
Sometimes I’m such a freakin’ idiot.

“I’m sorry Mom.”
All I seem to be doing at the moment is say sorry to everyone. Mind you, after
all the things I’ve done I guess there will be a few more ‘sorrys’ before I’m
done. “I don’t think you and dad are shallow. You’re not. I just got carried
away with trying to do the right thing. Except I’ve had enough. I can’t carry
on. The real Suzy wants to come back.”

“Yes, well it’s
not a moment too soon for me. And your father. Watching you these past few
months hasn’t been easy, let me tell you.” She shakes her head.

I can’t believe
I’ve been causing them all this hassle, without even realizing it.

“Why didn’t you
say something?”

“You wouldn’t
have listened. You had to work it out for yourself.”

“All I wanted to
do was make up for Rosie. To be a daughter you’d be proud of.”

“Suzy. We love
you for being you. We don’t want an unhappy Suzy trying to be Rosie. We want Suzy,
who has us worrying all night when she comes in late. Well, maybe not that.”
She gives a small laugh. “But the Suzy whose ridiculous pranks at school make
us laugh even though we have to tell her off. Suzy who smiles and is happy.”

“Apart from when
she totally loses the plot and gets arrested.”

“You couldn’t
help that. We all reacted differently to Rosie’s death and this was your way.
I’m not saying we weren’t disturbed by it. Of course we were. But we understood.”

“Yes but Mom,
when we came home from the police station I heard you say to Dad that you
wished I could be more like Rosie.”

“And that’s why
you’ve done all this?” An expression of horror crosses her face. “Oh, no. Suzy
I’m sorry. So, so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was confused. Didn’t know what to
do to help you. If I’d known you heard me—. Oh God. This is awful.” Her voice
cracks.

“Hey, Mom. It’s
okay.” I can’t bear to see her upset. She’s the rock in this family. I quickly
get up from my chair and rush around the table to where she’s sitting. I put my
arms around her and give the hugest hug ever. “It’s okay. Things will be good
from now on. We’re a family. And that’s what counts.”

She pulls away
and looks at me. Not in a normal way. It’s almost like she admires me.

“You’re right. And so grown up.”

***

“Hi, Dad. Bye,
Dad,” I say, squeezing past him through the front door. I stop momentarily to
kiss him on the cheek, then take off again.

“Bye, Suzy
love,” I hear him say. I pause, turn and blow him a kiss. He grins, looking a
tad bemused.

“Bye Dad, love
you.” I turn back and don’t stop running until I reach the bottom of the drive
and Ryan’s car.

“Hi,” I say
breathlessly as I open the door and get in. I really need to think about
exercising. Well, thinking about it is a step in the right direction, isn’t
it?

“Come on,
spill.” Ryan says.

“Spill what?” I
say feigning innocence.

“Look at you.
Relaxed and smiling. This isn’t the Suzy of the last few days. Or weeks for
that matter. Come on, tell your Uncle Ryan. What’s happened?”

“Wouldn’t you
like to know?” I say teasing.

“Suzy,” he says
in mock reproach.

“Okay, okay.
Things are so cool you won’t believe it. Mom and I had this totally amazing
chat about everything—me wanting to be like Rosie. And Guy. And school. We
even talked about you. She really likes you. As in really likes you. Not that I
said we were going out or anything, obviously as I don’t do lies any more. She
understands what I’ve been trying to do and said that no way does she want me
to spend my life trying to be like Rosie—”

“Told you,” Ryan
says, a tad on the smug side.

“How did I know
you were going to say that?” I punch him playfully on the arm and the weirdest
of sensations shoots through me.

Am I stupid or
what, trying to deny my true feelings for him? The feelings that Lori and Maddie
so keenly pointed out. And while we’re on the subject of Maddie, I can’t
believe she’ll be here in person in a couple of weeks. It will be so awesome to
see her. I can introduce her to Lori and re-introduce her to Ryan. We’ll have
such a cool time.

“Ouch. That’s no
way to treat someone who made you see sense and sorted you out.” Ryan says
cutting into my thoughts. He looks deep into my eyes and my insides go totally
squiggy.

“You’re so
right, I will treat you much better from now on. Promise.” I grin. “And while
we’re in being-nice mode. I just want to say thank you. For everything. For
understanding. For being here. For putting up with what I did. And I’m so sorry
for—” Ryan raises his finger and places it gently over my lips.