The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette (11 page)

And at the very worst?

Sunday, 3 April, Easter Day, Schönbrunn.

The Easter fast is finally over. We all went to church this morning to hear Mass and then returned to a special luncheon buffet of delicious treats, including all of the things that we have been missing the most. The first cake after the fast is over is always the most exquisite and Amalia and I grinned at each other as we drank delicious hot chocolate and filled our plates with spiced cinnamon biscuits,
vanillekipferl
and lovely little cakes.
 

'We will soon be as fat as grandmama was,' she whispered to me and I laughed. In her youth, our grandmother, the Empress Elisabeth,
 
had been a famous beauty with chestnut hair and bright blue eyes but in later life, a reported over fondness for cakes, rich cheese sauces and marzipan chocolates had made her quite fat to the unconcealed dismay of her husband. I wished that I might have known her but she died before I was even born.

Tonight there is to be a grand banquet to mark the end of the fast and the beginning of Carolina's wedding festivities. The palace has been filled with frantic activity all day long, while the most mouthwatering aromas float up from the kitchens. Max is a great favourite with the royal cooks and crept down there earlier on with Ferdinand to steal some almond tarts and have a snoop around. They reported back that there are to be mountains of cakes and sweets and biscuits and ices in all sorts of flavours.

'I can hardly wait!' he cried, dancing around Amalia's cosy sitting room, where we were all sitting together after luncheon. 'I wonder when it will be my turn to get married and go away?' He fell against a table and knocked a beautiful blue porcelain vase to the floor, where it rolled underneath one of her black lacquered cabinets.

Amalia rolled her eyes. 'Soon, I hope.'

Monday, 4
th
April, early morning, I have just returned.

I feel fat and rather sick. The banquet was wonderful and I do not think that I have ever eaten so much in all of my life. Joseph gave me champagne. I do not think I like it very much but it made me feel happy and light headed in quite a pleasant way.
 

Carolina sat at the centre of the most important table, splendidly dressed in gold spangled pink silk
 
and looking very small and pale and unhappy throughout. Amalia and I tried to make her laugh by flicking hard little bread pellets at her but to no avail. Even Joseph failed to make her laugh. Mama simply pretended not to notice and busied herself instead with the food, which was delicious and richly spiced, just as she likes it.

Ooh la la! The desserts! There was an immense cake decorated with gold marzipan cherubs, orange blossom flowers and the painted arms of Austria and Naples. Carolina looked as though she was about to burst into tears when a group of six tall page boys carried it out and placed it on a special table in the centre of the room before Joseph led her out in front of everyone and offered her his own ceremonial sword to cut it with.

'Just like a real bride,' I heard Elizabeth whisper with a titter behind her glittering fan to Amalia, who immediately shushed her.

Afterwards, Amalia and I went to the nursery to take our niece Theresia, who is too small to go to the state banquets, a plate of cakes and marzipan chocolates. I still fondly remember Amalia and Josepha doing the same for Carolina and me, when we were too young to be included in anything fun and it makes me feel very grown up to be the one who dispenses treats now.

'And one day you must do the same for a daughter of mine,' I made Theresia promise before giving her a kiss and a hug.

I had better go to bed as there is to be a ball tonight and I want to look my very best.

Monday, 4
th
April, later on.

I have had some sleep and feel considerably refreshed. My maid is just filling a bath tub that has been drawn close to the fire for my comfort, there is rose oil and rose petals to make the steaming water fragrant and also a special lily scented soap all the way from Paris to wash with. My beautiful new blue silk gown is laid out on the bed in readiness, I have lovely new shoes with real diamonds on the buckles and Amalia's own hairdresser will be along later to put my hair up.
 
I am so excited! It seems like so long since we had a proper ball here at Schönbrunn.

Everyone is in a fever of anticipation and the corridors, staircases and reception rooms are filled with swarms of liveried servants carrying orange trees from room to room, moving chairs, hanging floral garlands from the ceilings and preparing the thousands of candles that are required to light the long white, gold and crystal ball great gallery.

Tuesday, 5
th
April, late, I am so tired.

It was exactly as a ball should be. Amalia came to my rooms beforehand and together we went down the grand staircase, which was lined with dozens of fragrant orange trees, all standing proudly in their own glimmering, polished silver tubs. Amalia looked very beautiful in violet silk, heavily embroidered with gold and sprinkled with diamonds and I think that I looked my very best as well. Even Monsieur de Durfort looked appreciative as he bent over my proffered hand. It would be very easy for me to hate him for his unflattering remarks but even I can see that it would be most unwise to alienate a man upon whom my marriage depends. There will be time enough later on to resent him. Not pretty enough for Versailles indeed! I will show you, Durfort.

'You look quite delicious tonight, little Antonia,' Joseph whispered to me as Amalia and I walked, arm in arm, into the gallery. He took me by the hand and turned me so that I could see myself reflected in one of the huge, precious mirrors that line the room. I saw a very small, pretty girl in a pale blue silk dress with powdered hair, shining blue eyes and a rosy flush on her otherwise pale cheeks. 'You are adorable!' He fondly tweaked the ruffled blue silk ribbon around my neck, which matched my dress and dropped a kiss upon my hand.

'Our little sister is going to surpass us all soon,' Amalia agreed with him, smiling at me fondly. 'I should be quite chagrined at the prospect of losing all of my suitors to her.' She took my hand and unfurled her enormous ostrich feather fan, which had been dyed to match her dress. 'Come, let us go and slay hearts.'

Joseph reached out and placed a warning hand on Amalia's arm. 'Sister...'
 

A look passed between them and after a moment Amalia unwillingly nodded her head. 'Do not worry; I won't do anything to embarrass you.' We swept away into the gallery, passing through the great crowd of people that had gathered there in gorgeous new clothes and their finest diamonds. The air was heavy with the rich, voluptuous scents of hair powder, musky perfumes and the violet pastilles that almost everyone chews in order to sweeten their breath. I knew these people well, had seen them almost every day of my life and yet they all looked quite alien to me at that moment as their kohl rimmed eyes stared at Amalia and myself and they moved back and curtseyed to let us through, their brightly coloured silk and brocade skirts rustling and their high heels tip tapping on the polished wooden parquet floor, which still smelt faintly of beeswax and lavender.

'It is the youngest girl,' I heard them whisper to each other behind their painted and gilded fans, as I pretended not to hear. 'The one who is to be Dauphine. How pretty she is.'

Amalia turned her head and gave me a slight smile. 'Awful isn't it?' she mouthed with an understanding wink. 'Oh la la, how they all like to stare.' She led me up to the carpeted dais at the far end where Mama, dressed in her customary heavy black taffeta sat with Marianna, Elizabeth, Christina and Carolina, all of whom were dressed in thickly embroidered cloth of gold and silver and blazing with Imperial diamonds. 'You both look very fine,' Mama said with an approving nod after she had looked us both up and down. 'I am pleased.' She looked directly at me. 'Maria Antonia, you will dance the second cotillion with Monsieur du Durfort. Please be on your best behaviour.'
 

I curtseyed and looked past her to Carolina, who looked very stiff, unhappy and young in her gorgeous white and gold dress, which had an enormous
 
panniered skirt and a diamond and pearl encrusted stomacher. It was odd to be looking up at her in her seat of honour in between Mama and Christina on the dais, when once she would have been standing right next to me, giggling, skipping from foot to foot and wondering aloud where all the young men were.
 

'Carolina does not look very happy,' I whispered to Amalia as we made our way back down the gallery, bowing and curtseying to all of the dozens of courtiers as once again they parted to let us through. In the distance I could see Karl standing beside the door and watching us over the heads of the crowd, his eyes fixed on the lovely face of my sister.

Amalia sighed and shrugged. 'Marriage does seem to be a rather depressing business,' she said, fanning herself and curtseying to an elderly Duchess. 'I expect that she will perk up once the deed is done.'

'Do you really think so, Amalia?' I asked, accepting a glass of punch from a passing footman.

'No.'

Thursday, 7
th
April, Carolina's wedding day.

I can hardly believe that it is all over.
 

My maid woke me up early so that I could be quickly helped into my very lovely pink and silver brocade dress (the stomacher is sewn all over with diamonds from one of Mama's old dresses, not that you would ever know it for they gleam and dazzle so much in the sunlight) before running down the corridor to Carolina's room, where she was already dressed in her magnificent cloth of gold wedding gown and sitting sullenly silent in front of the mirror on her dressing table as her maids and the Viennese hairdressers hired at great expense fussed and cajoled and whispered as they smoothed cherry red rouge on to her cheeks, sprayed her with violet scent and pinned her powdered hair on top of her head with diamond stars. She looked up as I entered the room, but barely seemed to see me.

'Carolina?' I went to her and took her hand in mine, shocked by icily cold it was. 'Did you sleep well?' I did not know what else to say.
 

'No.' She sighed. 'I didn't.' A careless hairdresser tugged at one of her long blonde ringlets and she immediately slapped their hand away. 'Don't touch me, you imbecile!' she hissed, turning on them. 'Leave me alone!'

The door opened and Christina swept in, dressed to impress in deep blue satin and a gorgeous sapphire necklace. 'More tantrums, Carolina?' she enquired, with one elegantly plucked eyebrow raised. 'Come now, it is not so bad as all that.'

'Easy for you to say!' Carolina instantly replied, clenching her fists in her lap. 'Because of course Mama's precious favourite couldn't possibly be sent away to marry a complete stranger!' She glared at Christina for a moment before very deliberately turning her back.

'Really, Carlotta.' Christina gestured for the servants and hairdressers to leave, which they did in great haste, although I suspect that they all tried their best to listen outside the door. 'I do wish that you would stop making these absurd and really quite disgraceful scenes.' Her eye fell upon me. 'Really, I do not know where you and Antonia have picked up such dreadful manners.'

I stared at her open mouthed. 'But I haven't even done anything!' I protested.

'Don't be so childish, Maria Antonia!' Christina snapped, unfurling her painted fan. 'And shut your mouth please. There is no need for you to stand gawping like a maidservant!'

'For God's sake, Christina, leave Antonia alone!' Carolina snatched up a bottle of scent and seemed about to throw it when the door opened again and Amalia walked in, taking in the scene with one quick glance and immediately bursting into laughter. 'Oh, Christina, you never do learn do you?' she murmured, taking our elder sister by the elbow and swiftly steering her out of the door before she had quite realised what was happening. 'Why don't you go and bully some maids or something instead?' She closed the door and turned the key in the lock before turning back to Carolina with an enquiring smile curving her rosy red lips.

'Thank you,' Carolina muttered, putting the scent back on her table and then stretching her shaking hands in front of her. 'She makes me so furious. You can have no idea.'

Amalia smiled and went to kiss Carolina's forehead. 'Oh, I think that I can entirely understand. Remember that I have had to endure her for rather more years than you.' she said with a laugh before lifting up Carolina's chin with her fingers and frowning a little. 'Oh dear, you really do look quite the tragic heroine, my dear. Why so pale?'

'It is all so totally insupportable,' Carolina said, picking up a pair of precious diamond bracelets and clumsily clasping them on to her wrists. 'I don't want to be married and leave Vienna forever and yet, somehow, I find myself unable to resist. I want to kick and scream and bellow and make a fuss and yet somehow here I am after all, sitting here, waiting to be married to a boy that I have never even met.'
 

'But of course,' Amalia replied, calmly picking up a ivory backed hair brush and some discarded pearl headed pins and setting to work on Carolina's half finished hair. 'Mama isn't lying when she says that she raised us to be obedient to her in all things. I expect that I too will be unable to resist when the time comes.' She brushed out a long flaxen tress and then pinned it into place. 'Even though I have more to lose than you.' She paused then and placed her hands on Carolina's shoulders, meeting her gaze in the mirror.