The Stranger's Woes (30 page)

“Just for two days. It’s nothing compared to an eternity, right?”

“But I haven’t yet showed you how I can drive the amobiler. I still have a long way to go to catch up with you, but I think I stand a good chance to win the bet. One day I’ll beat you, Max. I swear to all the Magicians!”

“I never doubted it for a second, Melamori. Do you want to give me a ride?”

“Of course, I do,” said Melamori with a vigorous nod. “It’s so good to have you back, Max.”

“You didn’t think I’d be back?”

“Well . . . not all the time. Though Sir Juffin said you’d definitely come back. It’s just that sometimes I thought he didn’t believe it himself. But you came back after all. Here you are!”

“It’s me all right. Remember I told you it would take more than that to get rid of me?”

“I do, and I said I didn’t want to get rid of you in the first place. But you disappeared anyway. Praise be the Magicians, you didn’t disappear forever, but a year is still a long time.”

“If it were up to me, I would—”

“I know. And if it were up to me . . . Strange lives we have, Max. Do you think we’re capable of making our own decisions at all? It isn’t really up to us, is it.”

“I guess not,” I said. “I’m getting used to it, but there was a time I was really sorry about it. And I’m still kicking myself over it.”

Melamori forced a smile and nodded. “You know, just a few days before our little jaunt in the Magaxon Forest I had been thinking that maybe we shouldn’t make such a big deal about those ancient prejudices—the Quarter of Trysts, destiny, death, and all that. Maybe we should have listened to our hearts, and whatever happened, happened, you know? But as soon as I started thinking I could just ignore the ancient taboos, you almost got killed in the Magaxon Forest. It seemed like a sign, so ominous that I got scared all over again. And then I decided I should just leave well enough alone, that it was all for the best. A year is an awful long time, and I’ve learned to live without you, and without regrets. Well,
almost
learned.”

I leaned against the wall and wiped the perspiration off of my forehead. Boy, what a little exchange this was turning out to be! Certainly the first of its kind in the hallowed hallways of the Ministry of Perfect Public Order.

“The truth is, Melamori, I don’t consider the local notions and omens to be silly superstitions anymore,” I said after a pause. “I am glad that we’re both alive, though. That’s already a great thing, isn’t it?”

Melamori nodded, embarrassed, and I fell silent for a while. Then the dam broke, and I opened my mouth to speak.

“Time,” I said. “Everything takes time. I have learned tons of amazing things in the past two years, Melamori. Someday I’ll learn to fool fate. This is not one of those resolutions I can learn to keep a day before the Last Day of the Year, is it? But someday I will. I just hope it won’t be too late.”

“It’s never too late for that,” said Melamori. “Things like that always happen on time, or they don’t happen at all. We’ll see. I’m glad you told me, Max. I really am. But don’t hold it against me if I act as though we’ve never had this conversation. I’m tired of living with a void in my chest. I’ve got to cheer myself up. I’ve got to try, at least.”

“And you will,” I said, nodding. “You’ll see. And so will I. Or have I already? Oh, I don’t even know anymore.”

Melamori gave me a long, penetrating look, shook her disheveled hair, waved goodbye, and disappeared into the Hall of Common Labor. I stood in the hallway for a few moments, then unstuck myself from the wall and left the Headquarters.

Melifaro was waiting for me at an empty table in the
Glutton Bunba
, fidgety with impatience.

“Where in the name of Dark Magicians have you been, Nightmare? Are you back to your old habits? How many have you murdered? ’Fess up!”

“Hundreds. Thousands. I don’t know,” I said absentmindedly. “I’m sorry, buddy. Something came up. See, I was being crowned. Becoming a king is no trifling matter, believe me.”

“What do you mean ‘a king’?” said Melifaro, blinking. “Is this one of your lame jokes from the Barren Lands again?”

“No, I’m being absolutely serious. I’ll tell you everything on the way. Let’s go, or my subjects will swarm in here, begging us to take them along on the trip. I have no idea how I’ve survived this far without a retinue.”

“Boy do you have a warped sense of humor today,” said Melifaro. “Let’s stop by my place first. I need to pack a few things.”

“Okay. Then I need to stop by my place, too,” I said. “By the way, my subjects are way more practical that you. They carry all of their possessions with them. In rucksacks
this
big.”

I stretched my arms as wide as they would reach. There’s no harm in exaggerating a little bit for the love of my people.

Melifaro’s place on the Street of Gloomy Clouds was a spacious, well-furnished, yet fairly desolate abode. It felt like the owner was an infrequent visitor to his apartment and used it solely for hitting the sack. I also noticed that, like me, Melifaro didn’t keep servants. That was something I approved of.

“If you want a drink, look in the bookcase. I think I saw something there a couple of days ago,” said Melifaro uncertainly. He glanced around his living room in perplexity.

“No, thanks. I’m driving. By the way, until now I was positive I was the owner of the most gigantic mess on either bank of the Xuron. Now I see that I was basking in someone else’s limelight.”

“You don’t even come close,” said Melifaro proudly.

“I guess you have to have some kind of edge over me,” I said snidely in the direction of his back as he ran upstairs.

Melifaro pretended he hadn’t heard me. Maybe he just didn’t have a comeback ready.

A minute later he came down, waving a half-empty traveling bag in his hand.

“Let’s go, Max. Can’t bear looking at this filthy pigsty another minute. But that’s all right. In two days, this place is going to be crystal clean. I decided to follow your example and hire some mysterious cleaning service. They say my lair is not as hopeless as it appears.”

“I’d like to believe that. Actually, though, I like your place as it is.”

“Really? Well, I guess compared to the flimsy tents of your people this does look like a nice place. By the way, you said you’d tell me about your coronation. How did that happen?”

“It was a little misunderstanding. I told them my real name, and it turned out I was their king. Rather, I have the same name as a king of theirs who disappeared as a child. That’s about it.”

Melifaro’s jaw dropped. “Are you pulling my leg? Then again, knowing you, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you were a—”

“Oh, come on,” I said. “I’m a poor orphan with no kith or kin, gone astray in the murky darkness of remote memories of the past. A king? Of all the nonsense!”

All the way over to my place, Melifaro was silent, which was completely at odds with his usual habits. I think he was processing the new information. Then again, the ride wasn’t a very long one.

Chaos reigned in my living room. Almost a dozen gloomy workers were loafing around, and their supervisor paced the large room, pretending to be busy. I shook my head in reproach.

“You know what, guys? I’d really appreciate it if you’d get down to work, like right now,” I said. “I have to live here.”

The workers backed up toward the exit, and their supervisor opened his mouth to make an excuse. I could really feel for the guy. I wouldn’t want to be working for someone wrapped in the Mantle of Death, either.

“Don’t say anything. And don’t be scared,” I said. “Let’s make a deal. You fix the place up real quick—in two days—and I pay you three times the amount we agreed on. For a rush job.”

“But that’s impossible!” said the workers almost in unison.

“A man is rarely aware of the true extent of his abilities,” I assured them. “Especially in an emergency. And this
is
an emergency, trust me. Yours, not mine.”

Having issued this ultimatum, I went upstairs to pack.

You do have a kingly manner
,
my friend
. Melifaro’s Silent Speech reached me on the stairs.

We do
,
indeed
, I replied.

Ella and Armstrong were sleeping in my bed. I melted at the sight for just a short moment, then opened the closet. I grabbed a thin skaba and the first looxi I could find, and stuffed them into my traveling bag. That would be plenty, I thought. Then I ran downstairs. The sure way to kill Melifaro is to make him wait for more than a minute.

Melifaro was very much alive, though. He was talking to the supervisor.

“Oh, he will kill you, no two ways about it,” he said to the poor supervisor. “He’ll kill you first and ask questions later, believe me. You’d better do what he says.”

“I second that,” I added. “Excellent advice, Sir Melifaro. I’ll never cease to wonder at the depths of your wisdom. We’d better go now. If I stay here any longer, I’ll have to kill myself. And that will be a sad end to this fascinating story.”

“What story?” said Melifaro.

“The story of my life, silly.”

I rushed outside and settled behind the levers of the amobiler. I found it absolutely pointless to linger any longer in the construction site my house had become. Melifaro followed suit, satisfied after his meaningful exchange with the local proles.

I should really take a ride with Melamori, I thought, as we pulled away. I’m sure she’s getting better and better at it. Well, looks like I’m not a lost cause, after all. I can still do something useful and not just destructive.

“I think you drive even faster now,” said Melifaro. He was talking nonstop. “Now I know what you’ve been up to all year. You were made the personal driver of Magician Nuflin. The old man was longing for a rush of adrenaline. Am I right?”

“Yes,” I said nonchalantly. “But then he got motion sickness. That was the end of my career. Now my only option is to become king.”

Melifaro came up with a number of scenarios for my possible future, most of them quite risqué. I listened to him absentmindedly, speeding up even though I was driving at a dizzying speed already. I was overcome by a strange sort of stupor that left no room for words or thoughts. I had a vague premonition of something inevitable, vague, but vertiginous. The state I was in was more pleasant than not, though I couldn’t be sure of that, either.