The Tao of Stress: How to Calm, Balance, and Simplify Your Life (10 page)

situation if you want people to be open to your advice. In these

kinds of situations, you might want to start by saying something

more like ‘Have you considered…’ or ‘How about…’”

Penelope then went on to say, “When people don’t want to

hear your solutions or disagree with them, it’s best to back off.

Don’t get contentious, and know when to stop. If you continue to

push it, then it’s likely to turn into a situation like what you

experienced with Sam and Penny: a stressful argument. At this

point, you’re working against your original intention: trying to help the other person. Instead, you’re trying to demonstrate you’re right and the other person is wrong, and by forcing the issue, you’re

trying to control their behavior. As a result, you may say things

that are hurtful to others. Plus, the argument ends up hurting you, as you get really stressed. Does that make sense?”

Mildred sighed. Seeing the situation in this way, as Penelope

described it, was painful She felt ashamed, but she also recognized the truth in what Penelope was saying. After a pause, she said,

“Yes, it does make sense. I don’t feel great about it, but thanks to your insights and support, I know I can change my behavior. It

may take a while, but I’m determined to succeed. I’ll follow your

advice and remember to take deep breaths and let out a big sigh

when I’m starting to feel tense. Thank you so much.”

The next day at work Mildred went up to Sam and Penelope

and apologized for her behavior. She explained the situation to

them and asked them for any assistance they could provide,

especially if she reverted back to her problematic behavior. They

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both smiled and said they’d be happy to help. Sam then asked

Mildred if she’d like to join them for lunch. As sense of warmth

enveloped her and said she’d like that.

Practice Identifying Unresolvable

Problems

In this exercise, you’ll reflect upon two things: unresolvable problems that you try to solve, and the people and events in your life that you try to control but cannot. On a blank page in your journal, make

three columns. In the left- hand column, list the unresolvable problems you try to solve and the people and events you try to control but cannot. In the middle column, list the behaviors you engage in relative to those same two factors: trying to solving each of the unresolvable problems, and trying to control people and events that you cannot control. In the third column, list the feelings you experience as the result of each behavior. This kind of self- reflection is difficult. Take some time and be gentle with yourself. The point is not to criticize yourself, but to increase your awareness of your problematic behaviors and their costs.

Next, take some time to reflect upon what you’ve written in all

three columns. Then look at the third column and focus on anything you’ve written that indicates stress, particularly unpleasant feelings such as anger, hostility, depression, anxiety, tension, and so on. Recognize that the behavior that leads to these feelings is problematic because it doesn’t work and also causes you stress. Then ask yourself why you continue to engage in behavior that doesn’t work and that

causes you stress.

The next step is to remove the behaviors associated with absolute

beliefs that you must solve all the problems you perceive and that you can control people and events so they behave according to your expectations. Removing these behaviors may seem easier said than

done. You’re probably wondering how you can accomplish this.

You’ve already taken the first step by becoming aware of what

these behaviors are. Next, you need to be attentive, bringing guan to the occurrence of these behaviors. When you see and feel that

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The Tao of Stress

you’re starting to engage in these behaviors, simply tell yourself to stop. Don’t dwell on the behavior or the beliefs that spur it; instead, exhale with a big sigh. Sighing will change your focus and al ow you to begin to relax. Take a few complete breaths to further support your change in focus and enhance your relaxation. Then withdraw from

the situation and do something else.

Because you’ve probably been engaging in these behaviors for a

long time, they may occur automatical y. This is normal. However, it does mean that it will take some time to completely disrupt this automatic response. Again, this is normal. It’s also an ongoing process.

Throughout life, you will need to continue working on your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to simplify your life and to avoid chronic stress.

Interlude

Now let’s turn to the physical approach to changing behavior in order to eliminate chronic stress. Before I cover the third postures in the Baduanjin and Yijinjing Sequences, I’ll introduce brisk walking. Should you need any reassurance that you’re making progress, consider this: the simple fact that you’re learning and practicing the qigong postures, and that you’ll be adding brisk walking to your physical practices, indicates that you’re making proactive changes in your behavior.

Practice Walking Briskly

Research has clearly demonstrates that brisk walking is a beneficial form of moderate- intensity aerobic exercise (Harvard Health 2009).

Although it has the same benefits as running, it doesn’t have the

detriments, such as the pounding of joints that can lead to injuries.

When you’re walking briskly, you should notice that your heart rate and breathing rate increase. These changes are normal and indicate that you’re working at an aerobic level. In general, brisk walking is often defined as walking one mile in fifteen to twenty minutes or

walking 120 to 135 steps a minute. Of course, this depends on your
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fitness level. If you haven’t been exercising much, you’ll want to begin with a slower pace.

To practice, make sure you have enough time available to walk

for ten to thirty minutes. Find a place where you feel safe and where traffic, obstacles, and so on are minimal or nonexistent. You might try a park, around a track at a school, on the beach, or in your

neighborhood. Before you begin, do a few simple stretching exer-

cises, especial y for your legs. Then, as you walk, make sure you are practicing guan and smiling. For your own safety, be aware of your environment.

If this is all new to you, start slow, with just five minutes of brisk walking, and work up to twenty minutes. If you feel that you’re in good shape, start with ten minutes of brisk walking and work up

to thirty minutes. When you feel comfortable and fit at a particular duration, gradual y increase the amount of time you’re walking. You be the judge.

If time is a constraint, you can engage in several ten- minute brisk walking sessions during your day. Three brisk ten- minute walks spread throughout the day will be just as beneficial as one thirty- minute brisk walk. If you can, try to walk in the early morning, shortly after you get up. If this timing isn’t feasible, late afternoon is fine. If neither works for you, find a time that does. Try to avoid walking when the sun it is at its strongest, between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Also avoid dehydration. Make sure you drink an adequate

amount of water before and after your walk. You may want to carry

a water bottle with you as you walk. To conclude each session, walk slowly for a few minutes to cool down. You may also want to do a few stretches after walking.

The first few times you engage in brisk walking, spend some time

afterward reflecting upon what you felt and thought about while

walking, and then write about this in your journal. What did you notice in your body? Your mind? Were you able to stay focused on walking

briskly and practicing guan? Did you smile while walking? Did you

find yourself making any negative judgments about walking? Did you find yourself wanting to quit? Also notice and write about what you feel and think after you finish the walk. You may wish to continue to write about this in your journal from time to time, even after you’ve established the practice.

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The Tao of Stress

Qigong

Now it’s time to learn the third posture of the Baduanjin and Yijinjing sequences. First learn each new movement, then perform it in the

sequence, starting with the first posture and continuing through the second posture and into the new one. As you practice, remember to

apply guan, breathe naturally, and smile. Upon finishing each sequence with the new posture, reflect upon your experiences while performing it.

What were your body and mind telling you about yourself? Take some time to write in your journal about what you experienced while performing these movements.

Practice Posture 3 of the Baduanjin

Sequence: Beating the

Heavenly Drum

Maintaining the Sitting in Stil ness Posture, which you returned to from the second posture, Gently Clicking Your Teeth and Embracing

Kunlun Mountain, breathe natural y and once again lift your palms in front of your chest and rub them together until they feel warm. Then place your palms over your ears, with the tips of your middle fingers touching at the back of your head. Try to block out the sounds in your environment.

Next, place your index fingers on top of your middle fingers. Then simply snap your right index finger straight down onto the back of your head. You should hear the sound of your finger striking your

head. As you return it to resting on top of the right middle finger, snap down your left index finger. As you return it to resting on top of the left middle finger, snap down your right index finger. Essential y, you are simply alternating the strikes in a yin and yang format. As your fingers work together, one striking down while the other rises up, and moving back and forth (right, left, right, and so on), both take on the qualities of yin and yang.

Practice guan through these movements. Be aware of the feeling

of your palms covering your ears and your fingers snapping down on the back of your head. Be aware of the sound that occurs when each
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finger makes contact with your head. Complete a total of nine repetitions, with one right strike and one left strike being one repetition.

After completing the ninth repetition, let your hands return to their original position so that you are once again in the position Sitting in Stillness.

Beating the Heavenly Drum helps clear the mind. While click-

ing the teeth in the second posture moves from inside outward, the finger snaps in this third posture move from the outside inward. Both of these postures bring focus to the body, stil ing and emptying the mind.

Practice Posture 3 of the Yijinjing

Sequence: Holding a Ball in

Front of Your Abdomen

From the second posture, Holding a Ball in Front of Your Chest,

maintain the same hand, arm, and feet positions and, while breath-

ing natural y, simply lower your arms until your hands are in line with your belly button or thereabouts. Continue to breathe natural y. Stay in this position for one to two minutes, smiling and practicing guan.

This posture continues to help you root and center yourself and

clear your mind. It also helps you develop awareness of your body

for the purpose of listening to what your body tells you about yourself when in a new position.

Conclusion

This chapter focused on simplifying your behaviors— another aspect of simplifying your life, which is one of the three components of the Taoist path. It explored eating, drinking, sleeping, and exercise behaviors and the damage caused by attempting to solve unresolvable problems and change that which you cannot change. The next chapter explores one of
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The Tao of Stress

the most fundamental qualities across all forms of Taoism:
wuwei
, or noninterference.

The Taoist approach and the various techniques you’ve been learn-

ing and practicing may be quite new to you and perhaps quite challenging. I want to congratulate you for trying them and persevering. One of the most difficult barriers is overcoming resistance to simply taking the first step. At this point, you have traveled far beyond the first step.

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Not Interfering with Yourself or Others

Chapter 5

Not Interfering with

Yourself or Others

Qingcheng Shan, outside of Chengdu in Sichuan, China, is a famous

Taoist mountain that is home to many Taoist temples and is believed to be the location where Taoism originated. On this mountain is a large wall with the following Chinese words engraved upon it in very large characters:
Da
Dao
Wuwei
, which translates as “The Great Dao Does Not Interfere.”

“The Great Tao Does Not Interfere” refers to the observation that

Tao is the basis for existence and allows existence to follow its own course. Tao doesn’t interfere with the process. In Taoism, the natural noninterfering behavior of the sky and the earth, which simply behave without any self- imposed barriers, was observed and used as a role model for how to behave naturally in the world.

Wuwei
, or noninterference, is the fundamental Taoist way of being, behaving, feeling, interacting, and thinking. Basically, it means not interfering, physically or psychologically, with ourselves or others. It means being neither excessive nor deficient in our thinking and behavior.

Excessive or deficient thinking and behavior interfere with such basics as eating, drinking, sleeping, and exercise and compromise not only the body but also the mind. Such thinking and behavior give rise to and maintain chronic stress. Therefore, wuwei essentially means engaging in life without being chronically stressed. According to the Taoist text the
Zhuangzi
, true happiness can only be found through wuwei (Guo 1974).