The Tao of Stress: How to Calm, Balance, and Simplify Your Life (12 page)

wanted to know what was wrong. In that meeting, Susan finally

reached the point where she knew she needed to do something

different to try to improve her sleep, but she wasn’t sure what.

Susan’s usual route for walking home from work took her past

a building where taijiquan classes were taught. She had heard a bit about taijiquan, and although she was skeptical, she wondered if it might help. She did some research and found an article in the

journal
Sleep
. Its conclusion was that taijiquan was helpful in improving sleep. So one day on her way home from work, she

stopped in and talked with one of the instructors. She explained

her problem and then asked whether taijiquan might help with her

sleep. The instructor smiled and said, “It can definitely help. From what you describe, it’s clear that you’re thinking while you’re lying in bed, and this is cluttering your mind, stressing you out, and

interfering with getting to sleep. You need to learn how to empty

out your mind. In fact, right now, at no charge, I can teach you a simple meditative technique that will help you empty your mind

and get to sleep.”

Susan said she’d love to hear it, so the instructor told her,

“When you get into bed, make sure all of the lights are off, then

simply focus on following your breath and think of nothing else.

Focus on just inhaling slowly and deeply, and then exhaling slowly and deeply. As you inhale, let your abdomen naturally expand, and

as you inhale, let it retract naturally.” He demonstrated this

breathing technique and asked Susan to give it a try so he could

make sure she was doing it correctly.

He went on to say, “If you find yourself becoming distracted by

anything, such as sounds or your thoughts and worries, this is

normal. Don’t dwell on these distractions or make any judgments

about them, or about yourself for having them. Just refocus on

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following your breath. Practice this technique every night when

you go to bed. It will take a while to develop your focus and see

benefits. The key is to practice!”

Within a week Susan was falling asleep much more quickly

and wasn’t waking up in the middle of the night. Her headaches

were gone, her focus was much improved, and she felt energized.

She was no longer interfering with herself in regard to sleep.

Impressed with these results, she decided to start taking taijiquan classes to see what other benefits she might experience.

Wuwei and Exercise

Our bodies are wired for motion. While being active on a regular

basis was the norm for our distant ancestors, it isn’t the case for most people in affluent societies today. We have all kinds of machines that move us about, such as cars, trains, and buses, and endless other machines to distract us and keep us from moving about, such as cell phones, TVs, and computers. As a result, we live a sedentary lifestyle that’s detrimental to our health and well- being— something the obesity problem in this country amply demonstrates.

We need to exercise. Doing so is indisputably beneficial for our physical and psychological health. It also helps us eliminate chronic stress.

The evidence is in favor of exercising is overwhelming.

Unfortunately, most of us tend to interfere, physically and psychologically, with our natural need to exercise. One of the primary ways we interfere with ourselves is by making excuses why we can’t exercise (Waehner 2012), such as “I’m too tired,” “It’s too complicated,” “I don’t have enough time,” “It’s too hard,” “It hurts,” “I don’t like to sweat,” “I don’t feel like it,” “It’s too much of a commitment,” “I can’t do it on a regular and consistent basis,” “I can’t stay motivated,” “It’s too expensive,” “I don’t know how,” “Changes aren’t occurring quickly enough,”

and on and on. Most likely, these are generated from underlying absolute, threat- based beliefs and judgments about exercise.

In the Taoist approach, when we exercise, we need to be focusing

solely on exercising. Our minds need to be empty of any distractions. If we whine, complain, have hostile thoughts, and so on while exercising,
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we’re interfering with ourselves and stressing ourselves out. We can’t receive much benefit from exercise if we’re stressed while engaging in it.

If you currently aren’t exercising, you may wonder how to get started.

First, remember that the past is gone. Everything that you’ve previously done and experienced in regard to exercise is over. Let it go. Forget about it and stop judging yourself about what has happened or what you’re afraid will happen. Practice wuwei and guan.

Not Interfering with Others

The second aspect of wuwei is not interfering with others. In this context, wuwei means not trying to manipulate, control, or force other people to do what you want for your own benefit. It means not trying to coerce other people to agree with your opinions, worldview, political perspectives, values, or how you think people ought to behave. Practicing wuwei while interacting with others means not yelling, demeaning, belittling, criticizing, or judging them.

Do you remember Mildred’s story, in chapter 3? Her behavior with

her coworkers, Sam and Penny, is a prime example of not practicing wuwei. It was also symptomatic of how Mildred lived her life, constantly interfering with herself and others. All of the advice her sister Penelope offered basically encouraged Mildred to practice wuwei. Given everything you’ve learned in this chapter, you might wish to reread that story to see if you have new insight about the practice of wuwei.

Not interfering with others means listening to them, exchanging

ideas, and providing constructive criticism when warranted. It means positively supporting and facilitating others as they naturally work out their destiny. It means creating an environment where your interactions with others are conducive to growth and well- being.

Practice ReflectingonWuweiwithOthers

Take a moment and reflect upon recent interactions with other

people that felt stressful. Write about a few of these interactions in your journal. What was going on in those situations? Did you sin-cerely listen to the other person? Did you find yourself interfering with
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others in some manner? Were you trying to convince others that you were right and they were wrong? Was the interaction contentious?

What do you need to eliminate or stop doing to prevent these kinds of interactions in the future?

Practice Extending Wuwei to Yourself

This exercise (adapted from Santee 2007) asks you to make a con-

scious effort to practice wuwei with yourself. Pick a day to focus on practicing wuwei with yourself. Remember, wuwei means not interfering with yourself— getting out of your own way and not ruminat-

ing, complaining, or whining. This practice will help you eliminate self- imposed criticisms, restrictions, barriers, guilt, and doubt, which prevent you from moving forward and experiencing positive growth.

On the day you’ve chosen, throughout the day remember to

observe yourself, your thoughts, and your actions. Is your mind cluttered with negative barriers? What triggers the negativity? Does it arise due to certain events or situations, or is it just habit or your general worldview? How do you interfere with yourself, and how

often? How do you feel when you interfere with yourself? You might wish to write about all of this in your journal.

To practice wuwei with yourself, stay in the present and be non-

judgmental. This will require conscious effort on your part. It will be challenging and will take time and practice to develop. Negativity, doubts, and self- criticisms will continue to arise. You’ve been practicing these negative thinking patterns for years, and they’re well conditioned. However, they can only endure if you hold on to them with your judgments and thoughts. See what negativity and barriers you

can eliminate. If you remain in the present and are nonjudgmental, the negativity and limitations will fade away. They only persist if you feed them with judgments.

After practicing wuwei with yourself, reflect on how you feel. What do you experience? Compare this to your experience when you don’t

practice wuwei with yourself. What do you notice? Spend some time

writing about your experiences and the differences between them in your journal.

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Interlude

The first part of this chapter discussed wuwei, ziran, and emptiness from a mental perspective and explored ways to develop these qualities. The remainder of the chapter turns to the physical component: qigong postures that will help you experience and develop wuwei, ziran, and

emptiness.

Qigong

When practicing the qigong postures, it’s important that you not interfere with yourself while performing them. If you find yourself getting distracted, don’t dwell on those distractions or make any judgments about them or about yourself for having them; just refocus on your breathing and continue with the movements. This will train your mind to be

empty, much like the empty space of Tao.

As always, first practice the preceding postures in the sequence, then add the new posture. Regarding your qigong practice, don’t be deficient or excessive. Not doing enough won’t help your chronic stress. Doing too much will just create more stress. This approach embodies wuwei, or noninterference. The easing of chronic stress as you practice wuwei is naturalness, or ziran.

Upon finishing each sequence with the new posture, reflect upon

your experiences while performing it. What were your body and mind telling you about yourself? Take some time to write in your journal about what you experienced while performing these movements.

Practice Posture 4 of the Baduanjin

Sequence: Pushing the Mountain

Pushing the Mountain strengthens your core, stretches your back and arms, and loosens your neck. From the Sitting in Stil ness posture, which you returned to after Beating the Heavenly Drum, take a deep breath and bring your hands toward the center of your abdomen with your palms facing up and your fingertips touching. Pull your hands
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upward, palms still facing up and fingertips continuing to touch, until they are at the level of your chest (at nipple level). Exhale.

Take a deep breath. As you exhale, rotate your hands inward so

that your palms face first your chest, then downward, then outward, in one continuous movement, ending with your palms facing away from

your body. At the same time, slowly turn your torso and neck to the left and push your hands forward, away from your body. You should

be looking over your left shoulder.

Next, as you inhale deeply, slowly turn your torso and neck back

to center while rotating your palms downward and inward and simul-

taneously bringing them back toward your body, returning them to

earlier position: palms facing up and fingertips touching at nipple level. You should now be facing forward.

Repeat the same process on the right side: Rotate your palms

inward, down, and then out and push your hands forward while exhaling and turning and looking over your right shoulder. Then inhale

and return to center as you rotate your palms down, inward, and then upward while pul ing your hands in toward your body. Completing

both sides is one repetition. Repeat this process eight more times, for a total of nine repetitions. Remember to practice guan and smile throughout. To finish, stretch out your legs and stand up.

Practice Posture 4 of the Yijinjing

Sequence: Holding a Staff

Across Your Chest

Holding a Staff Across Your Chest (here adapted from Santee 2011)

releases tension in the hands, arms, upper back, and shoulders by

stretching these areas. It also helps loosen the shoulder joints. After completing the previous posture, Holding a Ball in Front of Your

Abdomen, take a deep breath. As you exhale, rotate your palms so

they face upward and let your arms arc out to the sides while also raising them to shoulder level. Your elbows should remain slightly bent. Extend your fingertips outward while twisting your hands and arms to the rear, like a screw being screwed into a wal . The tension
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in your arms should be quite apparent. Visualize a heavy staff running across your chest from your left palm to your right palm. The staff is being supported and pushed up by the two palms. The overall sensation should be feeling your arms moving in three directions— up, to the side, and to the rear— at the same time. Using guan, focus your mind on the center of your palms. Breathe natural y. Maintain this posture for one to two minutes.

Next, exhale and let your arms uncoil. Fol owing the same arc

in reverse, simply let your arms float down and return to the posture Holding a Ball in Front of Your Abdomen. You should have a distinct sense of an inward twisting of both your arms and your hands toward the center of the imaginary ball that you’re holding. Continue to

breathe natural y. Hold this position for one to two minutes. Then let your arms return to your sides and resume the Wuji Standing posture.

Conclusion

Practicing wuwei can be a challenge and, at times, frustrating. Remember that you’re trying to eliminate problematic physical and psychological behaviors that you’ve been engaging in for years. Be patient. Allow the awareness that these behaviors lead to chronic stress to motivate you to practice wuwei daily. Having read this far and dedicated yourself to practicing the various exercises and techniques in this book, you are well on the road to finding calm and balance and simplifying your life.