The Tao of Stress: How to Calm, Balance, and Simplify Your Life (11 page)

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Tao, Wuwei, and Naturalness

As noted in chapter 1, Tao is dynamic empty space. Everything that occurs requires dynamic empty space. Be it eating, drinking, moving about, breathing, reproducing, talking, just sitting, or what have you, everything occupies, surrounds, or is surrounded by empty space. It is the natural process from which everything arises and transforms, and to which everything returns. As such, everything is interrelated and linked by Tao. As dynamic empty space, Tao allows all things to follow their natural course. It does not interfere.

Our problem is that we don’t follow our natural course because we

focus on forms or things, both tangible and intangible, and believe separation is what is natural. We don’t realize that while form is beneficial, it is dynamic empty space that allows form to have a function. For example, the reason why a drinking glass (a form) is beneficial (holds liquids) is because of the empty space into which liquids is poured (function). As a result of our misunderstanding, we continually interfere with ourselves by piling up more and more stuff, physically and psychologically, compromising our view of what Taoists refer to as the natural behavior of existence. We are too full!

We make our life way too complex. Simple behaviors such as eating

are almost always subject to interference from distractions: computers, TV, cell phones, reading material, radio, worrying, whining, and on and on. We no longer just eat. There is too much stuff in the way. Our eating is guided by artificiality, not naturalness. The consequences of these kinds of behavior lead us down the path to chronic stress.

The focus of early Taoist writers was on ziran, or naturalness, and simplifying life. In this context, naturalness means being neither excessive nor deficient in our thoughts and behavior. We don’t interfere, physically or psychologically, with ourselves or others. As a result, our minds are still and empty of problematic thoughts, judgments, and beliefs. We simplify our lives by eliminating the clutter and barriers, both physical and psychological, that interfere with living in a manner free from chronic stress. It is an emptying out so to speak.

This process of simplifying life is, essentially, a movement toward integration and living increasingly in harmony with dynamic empty

space. The more barriers we eliminate, the more freedom we have to act naturally. So, in the example of eating, by eliminating all of the
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distractions that serve as barriers, we can eat in a natural, stress- free manner. We aren’t interfering with ourselves as we eat. Our minds are still and empty. We eat from the position of wuwei— empty, natural, and in harmony with Tao.

In Taoism, this movement toward integration, naturalness, and

dynamic empty space follows a natural progression that links the behavioral patterns of humans with the empty and noninterfering natural patterns of the earth, the sky, and Tao itself (Wang 1993). Thus, Taoism offers a model or guideline based on the natural behavior of the earth and sky that eliminates chronic stress and eventually, if this is your goal, leads to being in harmony with Tao.

The Path to Wuwei

The manner in which wuwei becomes the norm rather than the excep-

tion is a continual process of pruning, letting go, forgetting, and releasing artificiality, barriers, and hindrances. It is a process of emptying out—

essentially simplifying life cognitively, emotionally, and behaviorally. As wuwei increasingly becomes the norm, we become increasingly natural in our behavior. We become more harmonious with the earth, the sky, and Tao.

Wuwei is initially developed by focused and direct practice, con-

sciously directing our attention to the artificiality, barriers, and hindrances we need to eliminate from our lives so we can be free from chronic stress. We need to behaviorally remove them, be they physical or psychological. While this starts us on the road to wuwei, it is through the practice of meditation, moving and still, that we fully develop wuwei and root it into our lives.

Not Interfering with Ourselves

Not interfering with ourselves means just that. It is eliminating beliefs, thoughts, judgments, and behaviors that activate and maintain the fight-or- flight response. All chronic, absolute, rigid, black- and- white thinking, including whining, complaining, criticizing, moaning, demeaning, and judging, is threat based and interferes with our physical and psychologi-71

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cal functioning. This kind of thinking drives many behaviors that sabo-tage our health and well- being.

We each need to take an honest, nonjudgmental look at ourselves

and ask, “What am I doing that compromises my own physical and psychological functioning? How am I getting in my own way?” Although

there are many areas where we interfere with ourselves, in this chapter I’ll focus on three specific areas where we often interfere with ourselves: eating and drinking, sleeping, and exercise.

Mark, Gary, and Damian’s Story

Mark, Gary, and Damian were all in the same large psychology

class at the local university. Mark was always focused in class and loved learning. Even though Gary tried to pay attention in class,

he was anxious and spent a lot of energy doubting himself.

Damian didn’t pay much attention in class; instead, he usually

played games on his smartphone.

A few days before their midterm exam, Mark and Gary

decided to meet at the library to study. They invited Damian to

join them, but he said he didn’t think he needed any extra study

time and preferred to hang out around with his friends. Gary was

anxious about the exam, and as he and Mark studied, he kept

saying, “I’m not going to do well. This stuff is too hard. I can’t do it.” Mark tried to reassure Gary, telling him that he was smart and capable of learning the material. They studied together for a few

hours and then parted ways.

For the next two days, Mark studied for about an hour or so

each day. Mark was also in a religion class that had included a

discussion of Taoism early on. He had appreciated the concept of

wuwei, or not interfering with yourself, and had continued to do a simple breath- based meditation he’d learned in that class,

practicing it each day for about ten minutes. In addition, he went out for a brisk walk each day for about thirty minutes. The day

before the exam he studied, meditated, went for his walk, and

thought about wuwei. That night he went to bed early.

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Gary continued to worry about the exam and doubt himself.

Each day, he spent four hours studying for the exam. The night

before the exam, he stayed up half the night studying.

Damian continued to hang out with friends and play computer

games. He hardly even looked at his psychology textbook. The

night before the exam, he crammed for an hour. Figuring he’d put

in enough time studying to pass the exam, he went out with some

friends and stayed out late.

On the day of the exam, Mark felt at ease. Sitting in the

classroom with his mind empty of distractions, he read the

questions, smiled, and started to fill in his responses. Gary was

tired and anxious, and his mind was full of negative judgments and doubt. He looked at the questions, told himself the test was really hard, and wondered if he could pass the exam. Damian was also

tired, and as he looked at the questions, he realized he didn’t have a clue about how to answer. He became extremely anxious, his

mind racing and becoming cluttered.

Not surprisingly, Mark aced the exam. He had approached it

in a natural, holistic manner. Because his mind was empty of

distractions and problematic thoughts, judgments, and beliefs, he

didn’t interfere with himself. His behavior in preparing for the test, including how he studied, was neither excessive nor deficient. He

was free of chronic stress. His yin and yang were in harmony.

Gary barely passed. His mind was agitated, cluttered, and

highly distractible. His thoughts, judgments, and beliefs were

problematic. Gary interfered with himself by constantly worrying

and doubting himself when he looked at the questions. His

behavior in preparing for the test also interfered with his

performance because he was excessive in his studying, deficient in his sleep, and didn’t recognize his chronic stress or do anything to address it. His yin and yang were not in harmony.

Damian failed. His mind was agitated and muddled, and he

couldn’t focus. His thoughts, judgments, and beliefs were

problematic. Damian’s behavior in preparing for the test interfered with his performance because he was deficient in his studying,

deficient in his sleep, and excessive in having fun. In addition, he interfered with himself by getting highly anxious when he looked

at the questions. His yin and yang were not in harmony.

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Wuwei and Eating and Drinking

By not eating enough or eating too much, we interfere with our own well- being. By not drinking enough water or drinking too many unhealthful beverages, we interfere with our own well- being.

In chapter 2, I asked you to participate in the exercise Eating with Guan. Part of that exercise involved not engaging in any activities while eating. Essentially, you were asked to remove anything that interfered with focusing solely on eating. You were behaviorally participating in the process of wuwei.

Psychologically, when we eat we need to have our minds focused on

just eating, not thinking about anything else. We certainly don’t want any negative thoughts, such as worrying, complaining, criticizing, moaning, or whining, in our heads while we’re eating. As you now know, all of these forms of thinking are threat based and can activate and maintain the fight- or- flight response. It’s best if nothing interferes with eating, but stress is particularly problematic because it also interferes with digestion. When we remove these barriers, we are no longer interfering with ourselves. Psychologically, we are participating in wuwei as we eat.

For Taoists, eating is an occasion to slow down and enjoy a normal function of life. Moderation is key not only in what and how much we eat, but also in how we eat. Most people tend to eat too fast, which interferes with the natural functioning of the body. We aren’t wired to shovel food down our throats in a matter of seconds. We need to taste and thoroughly chew our food before swallowing. We need to take our time and eat in a natural, stress- free manner.

Practice ReflectingonWuweiwithEating

and Drinking

Take some time to think about how you interfere with your own eating and drinking. Consider meals, snacks, and various beverages that

you drink throughout the day. This includes when you’re eating with others. Is there anything that you do or anything about the context in which you eat that interferes with just eating and drinking? Make
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a list of anything that interferes with your eating and drinking in your journal and reflect upon it. What can you remove from this list?

Next, slowly start practicing wuwei by eliminating just one or two things that interfere with your eating and drinking. After you do so, come back to your journal and note what you notice about your

experience of eating and drinking after removing these things. This is a gradual process, so start small and remove more as you feel more comfortable with the approach. You can try this with just one meal or snack or even just part of a meal. The bottom line is that when you have a meal, it’s best to slow down and simply focus on eating and drinking. This will help prevent stress.

Wuwei and Sleeping

While there are many external factors that can interfere with getting enough sleep, one of the main causes of insomnia and other sleep problems is stress created by our own thinking and behavior (Colbert 2006).

We are interfering with ourselves. We need to learn how to stop interfering with ourselves. We need to practice wuwei.

Susan’s Story

Susan, a single woman in her late thirties who worked in a

crowded office, was prone to anxiety. Most nights after getting in bed, she would lie awake obsessing about social interactions of the day and her fears that she had alienated people and worrying

about what might happen the next day. This left her so stressed

that she couldn’t get to sleep. About an hour or so into her nightly rumination, she would think about how late it was and worry

about not getting to sleep. After another hour or so she usually

passed out— often only to wake up suddenly in the middle of the

night. Then she worried about waking up, and it usually took

another thirty minutes or so for her get to back to sleep.

Most mornings Susan was extremely tired. She frequently had

headaches and had a hard time focusing. She drank a lot of

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coffee— often an entire pot each morning— until she felt some

sense of being alert. This had been going on for some time, and it was affecting both her health and her performance at work.

Although she had tried over- the- counter sleep medications, they

left her feeling foggy and out of sorts. Besides, she didn’t want to become dependent on them. The last straw came when her boss

called her in to his office to complain about Susan’s last

assignment, which she’d turned in late and in terrible shape. He