The Three Sisters (49 page)

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Authors: Bryan Taylor

Tags: #Humour

BOOK: The Three Sisters
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Later
that day.

“Look, St. George is returning, and there’s
the dragon.”

St. George proudly rides up, followed by the dragon who is being led by a rope tied around his neck. “You needn’t fear this dragon anymore. I gave him several gallons of St. George’s Mouthwash, and now he’s as tame as
a kitten.”

“Aw, shucks,” says the dragon. “I was just trying to be friendly. I didn’t want to
hurt anybody.”

“Hooray!” cry the peasants who surround
St. George.

“My hero!” cries the girl who kisses him on the cheek. St. George smiles.

“Speaking for both Pat and myself, I would like to welcome you back to our live coverage of the Festivities and to extend a special welcome to those who are just now joining us. In case you missed it, Congress decided not to recommend that President Carter pardon the three sisters. The President followed Congress’s recommendation, and so the Festivities are proceeding
as scheduled.”

“You know, Mary, I’m really excited about what’s happening here because I’ve been watching the developments on my screen here in the booth, and I think the whole thing has
been fascinating.”

“It certainly has been. I’ve seen crucifixions in movies before, but I never thought I’d get the chance to see a real, live crucifixion. Yet, here we are, and in a few hours America’s first crucifixion will take place. I just hope nothing prevents us from seeing all of the Festivities planned
for today.”

“I don’t think anything will. As you can see from this shot of Pennsylvania Avenue, security is tight. So if any of the three should try anything, they’ll have no chance
of succeeding.”

“I might add that in the parade that’s coming up, our armed forces will also be marching to show the world what a strong defense we have. So we needn’t worry about anything
going wrong.”

“You know, except for the time when Detective Hole read to the three the list of crimes they’ve been convicted of, and when they answered the three presidents’ questions, we’ve hardly heard a word from them
all morning.”

“Yes, I know, Pat and one of our cameramen told me why. It seems that when Victor Virga visited the three last night to say good-bye to them, for some reason Coito blew up and
attacked Victor.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No, our cameraman said it looked like, if the guards guarding hadn’t stopped Coito, she would’ve
killed him.”

“And after all he’s done for them. I always knew Coito was a dangerous person. I guess she just broke under
the strain.”

“Word is the networks have orders to put Coito on TV as little as possible just in case she tries anything. Of course, with the fifteen-second delay, she’d be cut off before she could do anything, but the people in charge of the Festivities don’t want to take
any chances.”

“I don’t blame them. As far as I’m concerned, the less we see of her, the better, but let’s not waste our time talking about her. Our viewers may not know this, but the weatherman has blessed us with some lovely
weather today.”

“That’s right. There should be a few scattered clouds in the sky, and the temperature, though only about thirty now, should get up into the fifties by
this afternoon.”

“By the way, for those of you who don’t have a program of the Festivities, I’ll run down what has happened so far and what activities will be taking place later on in the—wait, I see the police escort approaching now, and there’s the car with the three sisters. I’m afraid that rundown will have to wait for a while. Yes, there they are, the three together in one limousine followed by the nine Justices in the two limousines behind them. After they stop, the Justices will officially assist them to the door of the Cathedral. Once inside, the three sisters will be sitting on a stage in front of the church specially made for them so true believers will be separated from
the atheists.”

“I’m surprised they’re even letting them inside
the church.”

“The church is already full, and I might add that many prominent statesmen, religious leaders, and businessmen are already inside awaiting the three. In case you don’t spot them, we’ll be pointing out some of them as the church
service progresses.”

“You can see the three going into the cathedral now, so we’ll switch you to the cameras inside the building. Though you won’t be able to see us, we will be commenting on the proceedings as
they occur.”

“Incidentally, Pope John Paul II’s sermon will be in English, so our viewers won’t have to worry about needing a translator or having to read those silly subtitles they put in
foreign movies.”

“Well, the Pope is on our screens now, and I think he’s ready to begin.”

“Throughout the history of Christianity, the Church has tried to establish a moral code which would hold society together, which would cement and maintain the social relationships which have been established by the wisdom of the ages. If this framework is attacked and derided, the seams which delicately keep civilization from falling into anarchy and ignorance will burst and untold suffering will result for millions. Because the Church desires that there be as little human suffering as possible, it is our mission here on earth not only to save people’s souls, but to uphold the just social structures which exist. The church has always worked to improve the standing of all men and women in society, but sinful greed has kept the Church from success. The Catholic Church must be an example
to others.

“Thoughtfully raised and carefully taught, you three should be willing to do as those before you have done for there is no greater consolation on this planet than helping others, but instead of showing compassion, you have turned to wanton lusts, corrupting yourselves and those you come into contact with. You have rejected the family and the state and tried to live by your own standards, but both you and your standards are destined to fail. You forsook all that you knew to be right, and because you rejected the Church’s role in your life, the Church releases
its protection.

“Do not think that the Church is releasing you to the civil authorities only because of the sins you have committed against God in Heaven, and do not think that it is only because you have broken the law of the land that you have been punished with death, but know you here and now that it is your spirits of rebellion, of disrespect, of heresy, your lack of concern for established morals, for all persons, and for all things not immediately affecting your own beings that have brought upon you the sentence you face. This unchristian spirit, together with your thoughts and deeds, has condemned each of you.

“It is a great burden upon my heart to see you here this morning, knowing what punishment you will soon face both in this world and in the next. If I knew of some way I could save you from this destiny, I would do all in my power to help you; however, you are beyond redemption. Therefore, I wash my hands of your fate because each of you has not only betrayed the Church, but even worse than that, each of you has denied the Lord Jesus Christ and so has blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. This, my children, is the unforgivable sin for which you shall suffer throughout eternity if it be
God’s will.

“Though you pride yourself with your blasphemies, you do nothing new, for even in the Bible your kind is mentioned, and in each case they too were justly punished. If Simon Magus was struck dead for reviling the Apostles, what greater punishment must await those who revile the Church of Jesus Christ, founded by Our Lord and passed on to Simon Peter and the Popes who have followed him? Though you have rejected two thousand years of history and tradition, I would that you could live to see tomorrow’s dawn; however, you must suffer this fate for the betterment of all mankind. Allowing you to live would only lead to more crimes and more sins against God. This I
cannot allow.

“Unless persons such as you are made examples of unto the young and the old, there will be no law upon this planet, no respect for the family and morals. As a result, those who respect the lives of others as well as their property will be the ones who suffer. Though the godless will always commit sins and crimes, we can only hope to minimize the injury they cause the faithful by punishing them here
on earth.

“I hope that those who are watching will remember this day which bears witness to the product of a sinful life. State and society begin their own decay when they no longer effectively encourage and protect marriage and the family. I warn everyone, young and old alike, do not look to the sparkle of modern life for it has no substance; it
is empty.

“Each of you has been given many chances to return to Our Lord and give up your evil ways, but each of those opportunities has been rebuked. Your spirits control your thoughts and your deeds, and for this your physical bodies must suffer. I ask you three one last time, why have you refused to return to the Church and Christ as our faith commands? Answer this one question that everyone
may hear.”

“When you can’t believe, you can’t believe, and nothing can change that,” Theodora solemnly replied. “I can
no other.”

“Then burn in Hell
you shall.”

“Now the Pope will read the declaration of their guilt, heresy, and sentencing,” interjected
the commentator.

“I, Pope John Paul II, by the mercy of God, seeing that you Coito Gott, Theodora Suora, and Regina Grant have been accused before us by public report and the information of credible persons of heresy, and that you persisted in those heresies to the great hurt of your immortal souls; and since we, whose duty it is to exterminate the plague of heresy, wishing to be more certainly informed of this matter and to see whether you walked in darkness or in light have diligently inquired into this accusation, summoning and duly examining you, we find that you are indeed infected with the
said heresy.

“But since it is the chief desire of our hearts to plant the Holy Catholic Faith in the hearts of our people, and to eradicate the pest of heresy, we have used diverse and various suitable methods, both by ourselves and by others, to persuade you to renounce your said errors and heresies in which you had stood, were standing, and even now defiantly and obstinately stand with stubborn heart. But since the Enemy of the human race is present in your hearts, wrapping you up and entangling you in the said errors, and you have refused and yet refuse to abjure the said heresies, choosing rather the death of your soul in Hell and of your body in this world than to renounce the said heresies and return to the bosom of the Church and cleanse your souls, and since you are determined to remain in your sins, we must release you into
civil custody.

“Therefore in as much as you are bound by the chain of excommunication from the Holy Church, and are justly cut off from the number of the Lord’s flock, and are deprived of the benefits of the Church, the Church can do no more for you having done all that was possible. I, Pope John Paul II, on behalf of the Faith, sitting in tribunal as Judges judging, and having before us the Holy Gospels that our judgment may proceed as from the countenance of God and our eyes see with equity, and having before our eyes only God and the truth of the Holy Faith and the extirpation of the plague of heresy, on this day and at this hour and place assigned to you for the hearing of your final sentence, we give it as our judgment and sentence that you are indeed impenitent heretics and as truly such to be delivered and abandoned to the secular Court; wherefore by this sentence we cast you away as impenitent heretics from our ecclesiastical Court and abandon you to the power of the secular Court: praying the said Court to temper its sentence of death against you. This sentence was given the twenty-fifth day of December in the year of Our Lord, one thousand nine hundred and seventy-nine.”

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