The Tragedy of Loving Jamie Clarke (16 page)

-25-

“There you are!” Amber says skipping in from the living room. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Her just-got-done-fooling-around-hair says otherwise. “Are you okay?”

“Well let’s see, my world is melting and I’m stuck at this freaking party and all I want to do is go home and eat a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream” I answer. 

I glide toward the stairs and nod to Amber, who follows me upstairs to the first empty room we can find, a bathroom where a porcelain monster came, threw up and then strung up two salmon curtains to cover its tracks.

“Okay what’s going on and tell me quickly. I’m afraid if we stay in here too long
we are
going to turn into porcelain,” Amber says and slides onto the edge of the bathtub.

The whole conversation with Jamie is playing on repeat in my head. “I thought I was okay with this but I guess I’m not,” Jamie’s words were as terrifying as him saying, “I don’t love you anymore.”

“I just had the worst fight with Jamie,” my voice cracks. 

“Oh geez, about what?” Amber asks as she takes a swig of the blue drink. Vodka and whiskey waft through the air with a sweet and tangy aroma. That wets my palate and I’m tempted to march downstairs and grab a drink myself.

“Erik,” I say, flatly.

“Are you serious? Why?” she asks as she chokes on the unfinished sip of alcohol.

“Because he thinks I still have a thing for Erik or something. I don’t really know. Trying to get him to talk to me is like pulling teeth.”

“Oh God come on dude! You had a small crush on the guy almost two years ago. Besides you’re all gaga over Jamie now, sickeningly so. I’m sorry Ape but your man needs to grow up and grow a pair.”

“I brought up Liza too and how flirty he was with her before,” I say lowering my head and tugging on a loose piece of string that dangles from the curtain.

“April Ruth Marks you did not accuse that boy of having a thing for Liza!” Amber shouts waving her drink around so it mists out of the cup. “What would possess you to do such a thing?”

Whenever either of us has a boy-related issue Amber and I will piece it together like one giant boys-are-impossible puzzle. Usually we do it with a peppermint latte but since those aren’t easily accessible I suppose her kitchen-formed-concoction will have to do. I lunge forward and swipe her drink. I take a large swig and the combination of the bitter whiskey and the sweetness of vodka makes my stomach churn.

“I don’t know, I panicked.”

“Whoa! Slow down. It is far too early for you to be wasted,” Amber says and takes back the drink. “Besides you’re going to need somewhat of a level head if we’re going to sort through this whole Jamie debacle. We have a lot of cleanup to do, especially since you brought up the L-word, and I don’t mean love.”

Gas rises from the pit of my stomach until it tickles the back of my throat and I release a loud belch. I’d normally be embarrassed but I’ve done far worse in front of Amber.

“Okay, April that was gross.”

“Whatever. Now can we please figure this Jamie thing out?” I ask. I really hope no one was listening because that burp sounded like a school of dying frogs and I have somehow managed to gross myself out. 

“Well, he’s an idiot for thinking you still have feelings for Erik, but we already knew that.”

“Hey, watch it. We might be in a fight right now but I still love the boy.”

“I know, I know,” Amber takes another swig of her drink and hands it to me. I take another sip and the room begins to spin. “But you’re also an idiot for trying to turn the blame around on him.”

“Okay, don’t let me have anymore. At least not until the room stops moving,” I say as moisture begins to soak my face. “How am I going to fix this, Amber? Why did I bring up Liza? He’s never shown any interest in her and I know it, I’ve always known it.”

Amber is always joking or making light of every situation but when she needs to be she can be incredibly serious and caring. When my grandma Maggie died Amber was at my house by 9 o’clock every morning for a month. She helped my dad with grocery shopping and doing the laundry, things that my mother and I were too distraught to handle. Even though we were barely teenagers, Amber helped me get through it and I know she’ll help me sort through this.

“
First,
you’re not going to lose it while sitting on a toilet in this porcelain hell,” Amber says and tosses the now empty glass into the garbage. “Secondly, this is Jamie we’re talking about. He’s crazy about you, nauseatingly so. The kid can’t survive without you. This isn’t the end of you guys, not even close. He is going to be mad for a little while, maybe for the rest of the night.” I squirm and whimper. Amber slumps off the tub and slides onto her knees in front of me. “But by the end of the night he will realize what an idiot he was being and he will beg for your forgiveness, despite your unwavering stupidity. Besides, he has nothing to worry about. Erik only has eyes for one girl.”

This is classic Amber. I already figured out that she and Erik were a thing now but what happened to Alex?

“Seriously, Amber? Like I couldn’t see the goo-goo eyes you two were throwing at each other earlier,” I say patting her head. “When did all of this happen and what about Alex? I thought you were really falling for him?”

Amber melts to the floor and throws her hand onto her forehead. “I don’t know how it happened, Ape,” she whines. “I was falling for Alex but then last week when my car broke down Erik happened to drive by and waited with me until the mechanic came and I don’t know, we got to talking and,” Amber slaps the floor and slithers around like a worm. “He is so much more than the dumb jock everyone thinks he is. He’s deep and sexy and ugh he makes me feel alive, you know?”

She used to call him, “Doctor Stinky Pants,” when we were in Kindergarten. She disliked him to the point where when I had my crush on him she’d say things like, “You don’t want Erik. I hear he’s got some irreversible disease.” It is eerie to hear her calling Erik “sexy” and what’s more she’s calling him, “deep.” I might have had a crush on Erik but even I know he isn’t
deep.

“So I take it he’s been cleared of all disease then,” I tease. “Seriously though, what happened with Alex?”

“He is such a good guy and he treated me the way any girl wants a guy to. I don’t know, when everything started with Erik, all the excitement I felt when I was with Alex disappeared. I feel terrible but wouldn’t it have been worse if I lead him on and continued to see Erik behind his back?”

Wow. With every breakup she’s ever had I am usually the first person to find out. Since Jamie and I got serious, Amber and I haven’t really been as close. We used to hang out every day and talk on the phone at least five times a day when we weren’t together, especially when her mother would pull her out of school for some new adventure. But lately we’re lucky if we talk on the phone more than once and when we do it’s usually a five minute conversation about how annoying school is. We don’t talk the way we used to.

“Hey Amber,” I stammer. Having deep conversations about our friendship has never been our strong suit, boys sure - but us - not as easy. “Why didn’t you tell me about Alex or Erik when it happened?”

“I tried, Ape but you were so wrapped up in your 6-month anniversary dinner,” Amber replies.

I am both the worst friend and girlfriend ever. “Amber, I’m really sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend lately.”

I have more to say but she throws a clammy hand
up
to shut me up. “No, no, no. We’re at a high school party, being thrown by the guy I happen to be hooking up with. We’ve already had our Lifetime movie moment and I’m too tipsy to have anymore.”

“No, but I feel really bad. You know you can always talk to me, right?”

“Oh geez, yes Ape I know. Stop being so dramatic. Now, if you’re not melting anymore, can we please go back to the party?

-26-

The house is roaring with conversations going at once and every room is crawling with kids from school; it is louder than sitting front row at a Backstreet Boys concert, not that I know what that sounds like…yet. Amber and I make our way into the kitchen.

“I know Eric said this party was going to be huge but this is ridiculous!” I yell. Less than an hour ago this house was enormous now it’s like standing in a powder room.

“Do you see Jamie anywhere?” I shout over the clamor of drunk teens.

She peeks around the crowd that is barricading the entrance to the kitchen, “No. All I see is too much gel and a lot of bad dye jobs.”

“Amber!” Erik calls from the middle of the teenage mosh pit.

I can’t see him but I see a beer bottle floating towards us. A patch opens enough for me to see a section of the kitchen but I don’t see Jamie. It is going to be hard to pick him out of this crowd of blue denim jeans and skirts so short they leave little to the imagination.

“Geez, did you invite the entire town to this thing?” Amber says as Erik reaches us and hands her a beer.

“It seems that way doesn’t it?” Erik replies and hustles us out of the kitchen and back into the foyer. “Whew. I really wasn’t expecting this many people. I mean I knew this party was going to be crazy but this is out of control. This must be Liza’s doing. She always had
a big mouth
.”

He would know. During our freshman year Erik and Liza dated for a few weeks. Well, actually they weren’t officially dating so much as they were hooking up. Liza is the first of the girls my age that I know of, to lose her virginity. She has always been a free spirit for lack of a kinder word. After they broke up or stopped screwing Liza and Erik had a massive blowout in the middle of the cafeteria but he still continues to invite her to these parties. I’m not really sure why.

“Erik! Bitchin party!” Michael shouts and waves his beer back and forth. It spills all over him. “Shit. This is a brand new shirt!” Amazing how all that stupid can fit into one person.

I roll my eyes, which Erik notices and shoves me playfully.

“He may be dumb but Michael is a freak of nature on the lacrosse field.”

Girls choose their friends based on the quality of their personality and their loyalty whereas boys choose their friends based on their level of talent on the sports field.

“Hey, where’s Jamie?” I ask.

In my head Jamie is sitting in the middle of a cluster of people so drunk they can hardly hold themselves upright. People are probably bumping into him and girls throw their drunken bodies at him but he’s ignoring it all. He’s feeling as badly as I feel and is trying to look for me too.

Erik bites his bottom lip and rubs my shoulder softly. “I’m so sorry, April but Jamie left.”

“What?” Amber shouts so loudly that a group of boys standing by the front door turn to look at us. “What do you mean he left? He’s our freaking ride home. His girlfriend is here! How could he just freaking leave?”

This is it. This is the moment I’ve been dreading since Jamie first kissed me on the Ocean Walk all those months ago. I know this isn’t a Hollywood romance but I had hoped we would be the ones to last. How can you say you want to marry someone and then let something as stupid as a fight turn everything upside-down? I think I’ve been preparing for this for the last six months. I feel sick and the liquor and beer are not sitting well. I need to
get out of here
.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you a ride home,” Erik says, placing his drink on the stairs.

“Did he say why?” I whisper trying to force the bubble in my throat back down.

“Why?”

“He left? Did he say why he left?”

I already know.

“Not really, no. He just said he had something he needed to do.”

Yeah, he had to ditch me at a party because he’s too afraid to face me and break up with me in person. Turns out he’s not perfect after all.

“Erik, do you think you can take me home now I’m not feeling very well.”

“I’ll get your stuff,” Erik says and grabs my shirt and purse out of the closet.

Amber grabs her purse and heads for the door but she came here to be with Erik and just because I’m heartbroken doesn’t mean she has to be miserable with me.

“You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to,” I say to Amber as she wraps her arm around my shoulder. She cocks an eyebrow at me and her lips flatten. “Really, I’ll be okay. Stay. It’s fine.”

“You sure?” I nod.

“I’m sure. Stay. I’ll be okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” this is the first time I have ever lied to her.

“Okay, but I’m there if you need me to be,” Amber pulls me in. “Whatever you need.”

“Ready to go?” Erik says as he twirls his keys around his finger.

“She’s staying,” I nod in Amber’s direction.

Why should they be upset just because I am? They are in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and if anyone knows how wonderful that can be it’s me. I guess that’s over now.