The Unlikely Hero of Room 13B (14 page)

He’d kind of been scaring himself lately.

“Honey? Adam, come down, baby, and keep your old mom company. I brought apple fritters from Sweet Jenny’s just for you.”

He nodded to himself. “Okay,” he called.

He read the List one more time, congratulating himself on his honesty and progress, before he ripped it to shreds. One more inhale, one more big exhale. Adam got up, dry-swallowed two Ativans and went downstairs.

“Coming, Mom!”

Group had just started and already Adam had trouble hearing through the blood rushing in his ears. That happened sometimes—okay, a lot. He’d have to cut down on the Ativan. It could be a new goal, a good goal. He strained to listen, which only elevated the sound of his own breathing. Chill. This was a
safe
place.

“So what do you say?” asked Chuck. “Shall we adjourn to more festive surroundings for our last session of the year. Field trip?”

“Like, you want to go back to the church? I’m up for it.” Green Lantern nodded with alarming enthusiasm.

What!?

“Yeah, the church was cool,” agreed Iron Man. “And I’d like to see Batman’s pope again.”

“Priest,” Adam managed. “Father Rick is a priest.”

Chuck shook his head. “No, not the church.”

“Well, I’m not doing that politically correct shuffle,” huffed Snooki. “I for one am not going to drag my ample ass to a mosque and then to a, a … what is it that you Jewish people go to?” She turned to Wonder Woman. “A temple or a synagogue?”

“Don’t look at me. I’ve been to a church now more than I’ve been to temple,” said Wonder Woman. “Anyway, I wouldn’t mind lighting more candles. I got a real buzz out of that.”

“Yeah! Yeah, for sure!” snorted Captain America, and this was followed by vigorous head-nodding from Iron Man. Wolverine looked bored.

“Whoa, guys!” Chuck put up his hand. “Not today, okay? You can go back to Batman’s church whenever you want, but for today I was proposing we go over to a coffee house. I called up Jeff at Slave to the Grind around the corner and he’s keeping that whole back area open for us. What do you say? Coffee, anyone?”

“I’m in!” Wolverine was up and ready.

Snooki yanked up Wonder Woman. “Us too. May we assume they do a nonfat latte?”

“Skim milk has calories too, you know!” sniffed Wonder Woman.

“I could do with a double espresso!” said Captain America. “A double espresso would be good. Double espresso. Ass up, Batman.”

Adam and Thor rose as one. Thor looked as baffled as Adam felt. He growled in Batman’s general direction and off they went, slipping into coats and scarves and mitts on
the way down. No one suggested it, or made excuses—they all just took the stairs.

At the café, Adam got separated from Robyn while they were lining up. Chuck was at the head, followed by Wolverine, then Robyn, then Green Lantern, then Adam with the rest of them in a fidgety formation behind Thor.

“Hey, Robyn, let me get this.” Wolverine waved a twenty. “My treat.”

Adam bit down and gritted his teeth. Wolverine had offered just as Adam was trying to figure out if he had enough money to pay for two coffees. This whole thing sucked! He needed an Ativan. Adam had never been in a coffee shop before. He was
so
not part of St. Mary’s after-school Starbucks club. How much would it be? What should he order? How should he order? They could charge him anything—fifty cents or fifty bucks—for all he knew.

Chuck stepped out of line and waved his arms. “Yo, superheroes, I’ve got this, okay? It’s on the house—” Then he stopped, realizing that everyone in the place was looking at him. He lowered his voice. “It’s on me. Enjoy, okay?”

The other customers were still staring. Again Adam wondered what they all looked like to regular people. It had gotten so that he could barely see them without imagining some aspect of their superhero costume magically appended. Except for Snooki, of course. Adam still had no idea what a Snooki was or what her costume would be, except that it would be formidable.

Without warning it was his turn. The girl behind the cash register asked him for his order. Robyn, Wolverine and Chuck were ahead of him, waiting by the “barista” for their orders.

Adam started to sweat energetically. Maybe they had tea, but he only liked Earl Grey and he couldn’t see Earl Grey on the chalkboard. What the hell was a green chai latte?

Thor leaned into him. “Americano black, double shot, and don’t put any shit in it. Milk and sugar are for pussies. They’re all watching.”

Jesus, the guy had turned into a motormouth.

“An Americano, double shot, please?”

“Small or large?”

“Oh, um, well, sma—”

Thor cleared his throat.

“Large, please,” he squeaked.

“And drink the whole damn thing, or they’ll know you’re a faker.”

Adam nodded. “Sure. Thanks, Thor.” Okay, how bad could it be?

Nine chairs were already arranged around three small tables. Since Thor and Adam didn’t need any embellishments for their manly Americanos, they caught up to Chuck, Robyn and Wolverine. Thor not so delicately blocked just enough space to allow Adam to wedge in and sit right across from Robyn. This way he could look at her
and
touch her. She pulled her braid around and forward. God she was beautiful. It shocked him every time he saw her. Her lips were all shiny and peachy again.
How do girls do that?
He’d swear he hadn’t taken his eyes off her since Group.

After a seemingly interminable wait for coffee ordering, sorting, running back for waters and a round of biscotti
for the table, Chuck raised his large cappuccino, extra-dry. “To us. Good work this semester, lots of—” He did a quick scan of the room to make sure that no one else was paying attention. “Lots of good progress. I wish you all great holidays, and I want you to know that you’re a terrific group of … well, you guys are awesome, and I mean that.”

“Aw hell, he likes us better than his other nutjobs.” Snooki raised her cup.

“To us!” offered Green Lantern. This was followed by clumsy cup-tapping, cheering and coffee spilling.

Even though he was unsure of the protocol, Adam also raised his cup and cleared his throat. “And I propose a toast to our teacher, healer and shrink, Dr. Chuck Mutinda, who’s responsible for making us the superheroes we are today.”

Thor came in with a “Hear, hear” so deep and rumbling that it sounded like a subway was running underneath them.

None of them quite knew what to do with the new Thor. His mouth was set in less of a grimace—if not a smile, then some neutral expression, which on Thor exuded goodwill. Robyn mouthed “That was so sweet” at Adam from across the table. He did not think his world could get any better.

Then he took a swig of his Americano.

That he did not projectile-spit it out was a testament to his love for Robyn. That he did not cough violently was a testament to his fear of Thor. Instead Adam gulped. It was like black tar thinned with diesel fuel and flavored with essence of dirty socks.

“How’s your coffee, Batboy?” asked Wolverine.

“Rich,” he said, taking another gulp. “Good.”

“The superhero stuff
was
inspired, Chuck.” Wonder Woman said this so softly that everyone leaned in. “And it’s kind of a hoot when you think about how the identities either line up to us or are, like, the exact opposite of us.”

“What do you mean, WW?” asked Wolverine.

“Well.” She took a sip from her black coffee, and Adam noticed that she was jiggling her left leg. She did that a lot in Group too. “Well, you’re a bit of a hypochondriac, right? And Wolverine has this magical healing factor.”

“Hmm …” Wolverine folded his arms. “I grudgingly concede your point.”

“And, like, Iron Man’s alter ego is a billionaire super-cool playboy,” said Iron Man. “And I … well, let’s face it, me not so much.”

“Yeah, and Green Lantern’s alter ego is always facing down his fears,” said Tyrone about his namesake, “while I just wish I could. And, and Captain America was like a frail little kid who was super-enhanced to the point of human perfection, and old Jacob here, he could do with a bit of enhancing.”

Captain America threw a wad of napkins at him.

“And Thor …,” continued Wolverine unwisely.

Sharp intake of breath all around.

Adam took another gulp of goo before declaring, “Mighty Thor is forever exiled from his homeland and therefore slips in and out of Warrior’s Madness. Nuff said, right, Thor?”

Thor growled.

“We’re definitely a sketchy mash-up of the Justice
League and the Avengers.” Adam took another deep swig of liquid dirt and willed his eyes not to water. “We should franchise. Am I right, or am I right?” Was he talking too loud?

“Damn straight, our ever-so-dark-and-handsome Dark Knight!” Snooki leaned over to high-five him, her breasts not quite delivering on the promise of tumbling out of her tube top.

Once the male superheroes got over that particular disappointment, the two Leagues settled back into little groups to dissect holiday plans, potential Christmas gifts and medication variations. Adam was buzzing with his newfound … well, he was just buzzing.

When it was time to leave, Robyn took Adam by the arm and drew him aside. “I’m not walking today.”

She was mad? Was it the Snooki thing? He shouldn’t have looked; she must have caught him looking. No, she was smiling at him. Why was she smiling at him? Thank God she had such a supremo smile, because if she didn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to take his eyes off her chest. Snooki’s seriously ample tube top had realerted him to the potential wonders of that real estate and now he couldn’t unalert himself.

“I’m meeting my dad at his office and then I’m going to help him buy the four presents he has to buy each year, including mine.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, but see … thing is.” Thing is, Adam wanted to give her his present. He had bought a small crystal bottle. It reminded him of her as soon as he saw it in the antiques store window on
Greene Street. The antiques guy said it was for perfume, but Adam had filled it with holy water from the church. Well, Father Rick had filled it for him. And Adam thought it was such a fine present that it might be deserving of a kiss. Never mind
might
—for
sure
it would be deserving of a kiss. Kisses, even. Multiple
kisses
. Yes!
Kisses, kisses, kisses
. Adam’s heart galloped at a speed unknown to him, even in midanxiety. “So I was actually thinking that, before you said you couldn’t … I mean, I was thinking that I wanted to, but then you said, and I understand, but …” Adam had that sinking feeling that he was making less than no sense.

“But”—Robyn touched his arm again, interrupting his high-speed bumbling—“but I hoped you’d come over one day. To my house, I mean. Over the holidays?”

He was stupefied into stone. Then he erupted again because he heard Thor’s
grrrarruh
somewhere in the distance. “Sure! Absolutely great. Yeah sure, you bet! Are you kidding!” Adam nodded so forcefully it felt like his head was going to fall off and roll under a table. What was the matter with him? “Great, great, great!” He was shivering but only on the inside. And he wanted to dance. He wanted to hold her close and dance. Where did one go to learn how to dance?

Wolverine, who had been bantering with the superheroes, socked Adam in the shoulder. Why
did
guys do that? “So Merry Christmas, Batboy, and see you in the new year, kid.”

Kid? Kid! Who is he calling a kid?

Adam wanted to slug him, was going to slug him, and
would have slugged him for sure, except that he had to pee real bad.

Wolverine turned to Robyn. “Heard you’re going downtown. Me too. Let’s catch the subway together.”

That’s it!
Just as he was winding up to hit him, Robyn put her hand on Adam’s again. “So call me, Batman.” She said that loud. The whole coffee shop heard. More importantly, Wolverine heard.

Adam wanted to jump up and down, really needed to jump up and down.

Then she leaned into him. “It’s the coffee. Don’t worry, it’ll pass.” And she winked.

He’d never seen that before. Well, not in real life. He winked back and then couldn’t stop.

Still winking, Adam looked up and over to Thor, hoping to catch him as he left. Thor looked disgusted.

People hugged him and punched him and shook his hand while wishing him the best holidays ever. And even though he felt like he was going to bust a kidney, couldn’t stop twitching and his heart kept revving, Adam couldn’t remember ever feeling this good. Coffee. Why had no one ever told him about coffee? Like, damn! He could conquer the world on coffee. Maybe Robyn would make him some at her house. He was going to call her and they would arrange a time for him to come over!

It had to be a date, for sure it was a date—calling and time-arranging sounded definitely datelike. It was official: they were dating.

God he loved coffee.

“It doesn’t last, honey,” his mom said. “I hate to burst your bubble, but your body gets used to the caffeine and the buzz goes bye-bye.” Carmella stood on her tiptoes and kissed Adam’s head. “Hey, cut that out! I can’t reach the top anymore.” She ruffled his hair. “Come here, let your old lady show you how to make a cup of filtered coffee. Use lots of milk and sugar or you won’t get it down.” She plugged in the kettle. “You can practice drinking it nonstop over the holidays so you’ll never get caught short with your friends again.”

“But at the coffee shop—”

“Yeah, I know you said you got down an Americano—straight.” Carmella smiled big, but only with her mouth, not her eyes. “I suspect that had more to do with the object of your affection being there than any real ability to drink that stuff.”

She knew. Somehow, his mom suspected that there was a girl. It was all the showering—he’d bet on it. He should have told her. When had he stopped telling her things? He should tell her now. They could have a “moment.”

The moment passed.

“Now, do you need any help with your Christmas gifts?”

“I got it under control, Mom.”