The Very Thought of You (9 page)

Miranda couldn't help but recall their first real date when he'd picked her up from her dorm and taken her to a small Indian restaurant.

“Can I ask you a question, Caleb?”

“You can ask me anything, beautiful.”

“What made you decide to become a doctor?”

His eyes had widened in surprise—and she'd lain in bed that night wondering what he'd expected her to ask. Maybe questions about his family, his wealth, his reputation as a ladies man.

“I guess it's more of a
when
than
why.
”

“How so?”

“In high school, I'd planned on majoring in finance and working alongside my brother at the company.”

“Why did you change?”

“One of my good friends had a severe seizure during class one afternoon.” Caleb took a sip of water. “My classmates and I sat there watching until the ambulance came. I didn't like the feeling of complete helplessness. It just became more evident in college that I was much better at being a doctor than a number cruncher.”

And she remembered their first kiss in the front seat of his car.

Sweet Jesus, his kiss had felt good. His kiss, his mouth was hot and firm, yet tender lips. They had moved over hers with gentle gliding motions. His cologne mingled with the scent of leather. He'd settled his lips on the corner of her mouth and teased her bottom lip with his teeth.

“Miranda?”

She blinked and her mind cleared of memories. “I'm sorry, can you repeat what you just said?”

“I'd rather know about the thoughts that are making your cheeks flush.”

Gathering together a semblance of calm, she met those brown eyes and her skin tingled. She picked up the napkin, patted her lips and then replied, “I was remembering our first date.”

“It was one of the best nights of my life.”

“I thought that was the night that we saw Alvin Ailey.” She smiled.

“I said
one of,
not
the best.
”

Miranda looked away and for the next hour they talked about everything from music to politics. They debated why the Canadian health-care system wouldn't work in America and what it would take for Medicare to succeed. They also had a lively discussion about the effects of television on the youth, and that they didn't produce programs like
The Cosby Show
anymore.

“So what is it that you do again?” Caleb asked.

“I work for the Justice Department's Witness Protection Agency. It's more of the ‘behind the scenes' support. Federal Marshals do a lot of the work. I just assist with the background stuff.”

“You're the details woman?” he said.

“Exactly.”

“It really fits with your personality. Helping the good guys and putting the bad guys behind bars. You save lives just like me.”

She chewed her lip for a moment as her mind processed Caleb's observation. Miranda felt a moment of discomfort as Caleb's assessing gaze grew all the more intent.

“So, as a person who is an expert on hiding people, I bet you'd be good at finding someone.”

“I never thought about it that way, but I guess it would be the same, just in reverse.”

As they returned to their meal, a mother and child were seated at a table alongside theirs. The little girl looked to be about a year old. She was taken with Caleb. She waved her rattle and cooed all the while those brown eyes watched Miranda's lunch companion like a hawk.

Smiling at Caleb, Miranda commented, “I think she's in love.”

“Who?” He looked up from his meal. She pointed to the little baby in the stroller. Caleb looked over, waved at the little girl and chuckled as the baby began to wave her rattle vigorously.

Caleb smiled, finishing his lunch. “I wish I could attract the attention of a certain beautiful project manager the same way I get attention from the under-one-year-old females.”

Throughout the meal, he'd watched her under the guise of eating. His pasta could have turned to sawdust for as much as he paid attention to the taste of his own meal. He'd thoroughly enjoyed watching her mouth as she ate her pasta. And the sight of her lips as she sucked in a string of fettuccine had taken the sensuality of Italian food to another level.

“Well, I hear that most men like them young and the women love them old.”

“Ouch.” He grinned and clutched at his chest in imagined pain.

“I'm curious, Caleb. Are you seeing someone? And why hasn't some handpicked southern belle put a ring around your finger?”

His response was cut off by the waiter's arrival with coffee. The answer when it came was surprising in its honesty. Caleb added cream and sugar to his cup. “Fear,” he said.

“How so?”

He looked at her with serious eyes. “Fear of waking up and realizing that I'd made a mistake. And the fear of a lifetime of regret for not being man enough to come after you.”

Temporarily rendered speechless, Miranda looked down at her coffee and groped for some witty or sarcastic remark to make light of his statement. But the harder she tried, the less she could think of a response.

“Look, Caleb…” she started.

Seeing her nervously chewing on the edge of her bottom lip, Caleb felt a protective pang in his heart. “Miranda, I didn't say that to force you to respond. I just wanted to be honest and put my cards out on the table. If it hadn't been for my actions, we could have been married with our own house full of kids. I believe that with every fiber of my being, and I'm warning you now that I'm not going to let this opportunity pass by.”

Miranda's brow arched while her gaze filled with curiosity. “And if I disagree?” she asked softly.

“Do you?”

She inhaled deeply. “I don't know. I think…”

“Tell me how you feel first.” His voice deepened and compelled Miranda to answer as he stared across at her. And for a moment, the attraction flared between them.

Miranda shook her head to try and pull herself out of the enticing spell he seemed to weave. “Confused, frustrated, scared.”

Their eyes collided. “You can be all those things, but you have to know that I would never purposefully hurt you.”

They sipped their coffee in the silence and afterwards made their way back to the hospital. Ever the perfect gentleman, he kept up a stream of small talk all the way.

Upon pulling into his designated parking space, Caleb turned off the engine but kept the stereo on. He reached over and turned down the volume. “You're not upset about lunch, are you?”

Miranda shook her head and inhaled deeply. The second the warm tantalizing scent of his cologne hit her nose she regretted it as she felt her nipples harden.

She looked over at him. “I could lie.”

“You don't have to.”

“I've missed you, Caleb,” she confessed. “I've had so many sleepless nights and regrets and dreams. I so wanted for you to be the one. The one my grandmother told me would come into my life and everything would be all right. And for those short years, it happened. But like a fairy tale, it ended. And I can't go through that again. I don't think I can handle it.”

He leaned toward her and trailed his fingertips over the soft curve of her cheek. “Maybe you can't,” he said softly, “but I can. I'll handle it for both of us.”

Her eyes dropped down and she nibbled on her bottom lip. If he didn't have to sign Darren's discharge papers and afternoon patients to see, Caleb could have taken advantage of the enticing view and kissed all of her doubts away. Inhaling deeply, he fought down the urge to take her mouth and instead took her hand and squeezed.

“We could be making a mistake, Caleb,” Miranda warned as a last-ditch effort to get him to change his mind.

“Warning duly noted. Now how about you grab your brother while I see some sick patients?” He impulsively leaned close to unfasten her seat belt and Miranda almost fell out of the SUV trying to avoid him.

“Relax, Miranda. I'm not going to kiss you…unless you want me to?”

“In your dreams.”

“Actually…” he started.

She put a hand over his lips. “Never mind, I don't want to know.”

Miranda tried to move away, but couldn't as he grabbed hold of the safety belt. This was exactly the kind of close physical contact she didn't need while being with him. It reminded her of the reasons she'd had to put hundreds of miles between them and why she'd given her mirror image a pep talk beforehand.

“Look, Caleb. If we're going to be seeing each other on a regular basis, I want to set a few ground rules.”

“Ground rules? I distinctly remember you, Miranda Tyler, being the best rule breaker in the entire women's dorm.”

Refusing to blush at the accuracy of his statement, she drew in a deep breath. “The new rules are as follows—no flirting, no kissing, no teasing, no brushing your fingertips across my cheek, no holding hands, no whispering in my ear, or telling me I'm beautiful.”

“So I can't tell the truth, either.” He looked her over from head to toe and Miranda had a hot flash.

“None of that, either,” she whispered.

“What did I do?”

“Don't give me that innocent look, Caleb,” Miranda said, irritation evident in her voice. “It only worked once. I don't want you looking at me like you've seen me naked.”

“I have seen you naked, and I am trying to see heaven every day for the rest of my life.”

“If you don't stop, this deal is over. You can find another patient.”

“What about your brother?”

“I can't see Darren getting all broken up if you decided to remove yourself from his case. Now do we have a deal?”

He let out what she could only describe as a growl. “This is going to be hell.”

“That's all up to you,” Miranda pointed out, giving him a serious look.

“Because you're afraid to get involved with me again?”

“Correction, I'm wise enough not to get mixed up with you again.”

“Wisdom has nothing to do with fear. I promise that I will never hurt you, if you give me a chance.”

“I don't need your promise because I can't give you a chance, Caleb. Now can you stick to the agreement?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“You always have a choice.”

“And if I choose to follow my heart?”

“More like your libido. And if you make that choice, you're going to have to find yourself another patient,” she warned.

“All right, you win.” He paused. “For now…”

Miranda let loose a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She'd needed him to agree to her terms more than she would have ever admitted. His comments had hit far too close to home. It hadn't taken her long to recall all the things she loved about Caleb, nor had it taken her body long to recall all the wonderful sensations he could coax from her body. In asking him to agree to her rules, she'd bluffed Caleb and won.

“Don't want to be late for your brother's discharge, do we?”

An hour later, after getting home from the hospital and helping her brother settle into his old room in their parents' house, Miranda was still distracted by Caleb's behavior. It was only Kelly's arrival back from school that shocked her back to the present.

Yet, later on that night after everyone was settled into bed, Miranda allowed herself to hope.

Maybe this time things would go her way.

Her cell phone rang and her heart gave a little thump as Caleb's name flashed up on the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Did I catch you before you went to sleep?”

Miranda sat up in bed and switched the phone to the other ear. “I was awake.”

“I enjoyed having lunch with you today. So much so that I forgot to tell you about that project I'd like your help with.”

“You've told me before that I've rendered you speechless. Are you telling me that I'm taking your memory as well?”

“You could be, little one. I know that when you're near me I can't seem to think of anything else.”

“Okay, enough of the flattery, Blackfox.”

“Do you know that you only call me by my last name when you're blushing? Are you blushing now, Miranda?”

Heat warmed her cheeks, but she'd be damned if he'd know it. “No,” she said quickly.

“Liar.”

“Was there a reason you called me in the middle of the night?” she questioned, needing to turn the topic of conversation to safer waters. “I'm sure you called for a better reason than to call me a liar, Caleb.”

“True. Before I ask for your help, can I tell you a story?”