This is What I Did (11 page)

But she didn’t have a swayey walk or anything.

Dad got a raise.

He’s happy.

Mom’s happy.

Mack and Ryan are happy.

Mom says the baby in her stomach is happy.

And I don’t care really.

No one came to find me after Dr. Benson’s appointment.

I just sat there.

I sat and sat and sat there.

There wasn’t anything I could think of to do or to think or to say.

I just sat and tried to be totally blank.

No nothing.

No Bruce, No Luke, No Toby, No Judge, No Alta, No NBA Live, No Cami Wakefield, No Dr. Benson, and especially No Zyler.

It was hard.

But this is how I did it.

I thought about if I ever got in an accident it would be okay.

I wouldn’t want to die, I didn’t think.

It would be better if I was in a coma.

A coma for a few months.

At least until after school got out.

Or it might be better if I was in a coma for three years.

I wonder if your brain keeps developing while you’re in a coma because I’d want to be ready to graduate from high school when I got out of it.

So I’d have to have been still thinking or else I wouldn’t be able to pass.

I bet Mom would read to me.

If she had time without the kids and her friends and her cramps from her pregnancy and Dad and their dates and sick stuff and everything.

She could also get those CDs that teach you Spanish and Japanese and Russian. Those would be the three I would like to learn while I was in a coma.

I’d just lie there and listen.

She could also get some astronomy books, and I wonder if they do physics books on CD.

It would be hard to explain the equations.

And I could have a physical therapist that would work me out every day. They would help me lift weights and do cardio in the pool even though I was in a coma. I think they do that.

And people would feel so bad and would stop stop stop.

And I think Laurel would visit me and bring my homework and tell me about how the play is going and say some palindromes and maybe we would watch videos together and she could hold my hand.

No, that was weird.

Because I’d be unconscious.

But she could come and visit.

I was still thinking about the coma when I heard people shouting my name.

People like my mom and dad and Mack and Ryan.

I didn’t get how they found out where I was.

I had run and run and run.

And why were they all there?

I stayed quiet for a while and listened to them wanting to find me. I wanted them to find me.

I wanted to find me.

And then I gave up.

I mean, and then I gave myself up.

When I finally let everyone find me, Mom was crying.

Dad just hugged me and so did the twins.

That night we had pizza and Coke and Twinkies.

Mom bought it and we all looked at her to see if she was going crazy, but she just smiled and said it was a special occasion.

A Zyler occasion.

I couldn’t believe she said that.

I don’t think anyone could believe it.

But then Mack said: Mom, what do you mean by that?

Mom: Zyler loved Twinkies and Coke and I know I never let you guys have it. But today is a special Zyler occasion.

Me: Why?

Mom: Because I think it’s time that we started talking about him and remembering.

Everyone:

Mom: Who wants pepperoni?

Everyone:

Dad: I’ll have one.

Mom: I’ll have one too.

Mack: Me too.

Soon everyone was eating except me. This was too weird for me. Too weird. Too weird. It wasn’t like Zyler was dead or something.

Zyler was pretty strong, like in everything. Like how he never ever cried.

Well, almost never.

Mom and Dad keep asking if I want them to find out — if I want to call him or talk to him.

He e-mailed once and then never again.

I think maybe he doesn’t feel like talking to me.

The first day I went to the
Peter Pan
set-making thing, I realized I was in the wrong place.

I thought it was going to be backstage but I guess it was in the drama room.

So I was going to leave.

But then, right when I really was going to leave, I heard some people talking. But it wasn’t just anybody talking. It was Toby and Laurel.

I think.

Toby: What does this note mean?

Laurel: Give it back — it’s none of your business.

Toby: DNA land? Is this some kind of code?

Laurel: It’s nothing. Give it back.

Toby: Are you swapping DNA with him?

Laurel: Shut up, Toby. You are so disgusting. Give it back.

Toby: He’s not what he seems. He’s not some quiet nerd. He’s sick.

Laurel: Why are you talking to me, anyway? You haven’t talked to me since fifth grade.

Toby: Because this is important. You don’t know about him and we’re trying to make sure we protect EVERYONE.

Laurel: Who’s we?

Toby: Us, the guys.

Laurel: Who? You and Luke and your master, Bruce? You guys are so stupid.

I was holding my breath. Holding. Holding and standing back behind a big black block they use for walls sometimes.

Toby: Look, I’m just warning you. Believe me, you need to be warned. Everyone does. Especially girls. You don’t know what he did to a girl at his last school.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Laurel: I’m sure it was totally awful.

Me:

Toby: Fine, at least I warned you. But when you want to know more, come find me. Here’s your stupid note. If I were you, I’d stay away from him — I mean it.

And then he left. Laurel took a deep breath and then she left too.

I didn’t leave.

After I heard Laurel and Toby leave the stage, I just stood there behind the side curtain for a really long time.

How did he see the note?

What should I do?

Should I do something?

Maybe they thought it was from someone else.

Or maybe I heard them wrong.

Or maybe nothing.

I knew they were talking about me. I knew it because I’d been hearing it for weeks.

I’d been hearing Bruce and Luke and Toby whispering and pointing and laughing and spitting at me.