This is What I Did (14 page)

I sort of tried to tell Jack I didn’t want to go on the Klondike Derby.

It took me a long time to tell him because I didn’t know what to say and he hated me anyway.

WUSS.

That’s what I am.

CRAPSTOCK.

Me at one of our preparatory pack meetings: Jack?

Jack:

He was helping some kid make a first-aid kit.

Me: Jack?

Jack: What, Paloney?

Me: Can I talk to you?

Jack: Does it look like you can talk to me?

Me:

I didn’t really get what that meant.

Jack: Talk to me later.

That was the first attempt.

The Klondike Derby is like this: You have to sleep in a snow cave and you have to make the cave yourself.

Dad took me to the Camping Outfitters to get a hiking snow shovel that’s small and you can fold up, some better boots, a down coat, a bivvy sack for my sleeping bag, a pair of good gloves and mittens to go on top, a little stove and gas just in case, and a bunch of hand and feet warmers.

We were going one night.

Dad said: I can’t tell you how exhilarating this trip is going to be for you. There’s nothing like the winter night air. Or the vigorous physical labor of building your own shelter or the warmth that comes from inside your own creation. It’s pure bliss.

Me: Uh-huh.

Dad: Did Jack take you all out and show you different methods of building your cave? Because there are lots of ways to do it.

Me: He’s going to next time.

Dad: I sure wish I could go. I really do, Logan. It would be a great adventure.

Me: Yeah.

Jack had invited Dad and I had prayed he would say yes but he couldn’t. He had a business trip that very weekend and he couldn’t change it.

No way.

So no Dad.

Just me, Jack, Bruce, Toby, and three other guys.

At least Luke wasn’t going.

He didn’t get good enough grades. Good excuse.

The day before the Derby, Jack came over to pick up my stuff.

He was loading his truck early so we could get up there with daylight.

It was, I guess, a really long drive.

Dad: Jack, this is really just great.

Jack:

Dad: I’m so glad Logan is getting this chance.

Jack: Yeah, Tom. It’s going to be great for all the boys.

There was definite irritation in his voice and I didn’t want him to say anything to Dad but I knew he might.

I mean, he said he wouldn’t but he might.

I was just sitting on the stairs watching my dad take things out. He gave Jack some extra stuff in case people forgot their pad or a shovel or whatever.

Dad: Is there anything I can do? I’m so disappointed I can’t go.

Jack looked at him and then he looked at me. Then he took Dad by the arm and they went outside.

Crapstock.

I went down into my room.

It wasn’t my fault.

I didn’t know what to do.

I don’t think it was my fault.

Was it?

I feel so bad about Cami and I was so sorry too.

I wonder if she still hates flies or what she does.

Sometimes I still want to call her and tell her so much stuff but especially that I didn’t mean to not do anything and that I’m sorry too.

When Bruce found that weight-loss shake in my bag
that
was pretty much my fault.

I mean, I’d left my bag open in science sort of and we were doing a lab and it was the first and only time I’d taken one to school.

Usually I just drink them down in my room and Mom thinks Dad’s drinking them, but I heard Dad say he thinks they taste like chalk, but I had lost three pounds so I decided to have one for lunch and so I put it in my bag under my books and forgot about it.

In science we were dissecting squid.

Mrs. Bernam: Everyone get with your lab partners. And one of you retrieve a tray from the back cupboards.

I was with this kid Eddie and he doesn’t talk or do anything so I just went to get the tray.

That’s when I guess Bruce took it.

I got back and I didn’t notice anything but Eddie was sort of giving me a look — like nodding at something.

He was nodding at them.

Taking sips.

Bruce: Oh, oh, this is so good. I love these shakes. They make my body lean and smooth.

Umm.

Toby: Maybe with these shakes I can lose my fat ass and I can get girls to touch me.

Yeesssss.

People were laughing and Mrs. Bernam was out of it helping someone unwrap their squid. Teachers are useless.

Bruce: Oh, I’m sorry, Logan. Did you need this today? Does your fat ass need it? Because we thought you’ve been looking so right lately that we’d like a try.

Me:

Bruce: It seems he doesn’t mind if we drink up this refreshing treat.

He passed the drink around.

By then Mrs. Bernam was scanning the room.

Bruce and his boys were busy pulling on gloves and pulling on squid tentacles.

Eddie was quiet and I was crapstock.

It didn’t really matter.

I saw Laurel in the hall.

It was between sixth and seventh.

She handed me the empty weight-loss can and handed me another note.

Later that day Laurel said something to me and it was this: Good job with your stunt.

It was at play rehearsal.

I think it was the second time we had ever sort of talked.

She said it because at one point all the Lost Boys have to wrestle with the pirates.

And me and this one kid, who is the pirate I fight, we do this fake tackle that we made up and we even practice it on the side when we don’t have anything to do or when we’re not in the scenes or anything.

So when we did it in front for the first time I guess it looked really cool and really real. Even Ms. March thought so and she might have us be right in the front for the whole fighting scene because we made it up ourselves.

The pirate’s name is Melvin and he’s a ninth grader and he thinks he can get a scholarship to Duke through his fencing.

He’s cool to talk to.

And Laurel said: Good job with your stunt.

I said: Thanks.

She said:

I said: Umm.

And I didn’t know if I should say anything about the can.

I said: Thanks for the can.

She said: I know.

And that was it.

I am in the front for the fight scene for sure now and I’ve lost two more pounds.

Mom knows about the shakes but she said it’s okay and she’ll get me more.

At school Bruce said: You got any more shakes in there? It was really, really good.

Girls like Carmen and Vanessa and Mallory laughed.

Me:

Bruce: Come on, Logan. Let us have another one. We loved it.

One of the girls: Please, Logan.

Another one: Pretty please?

Me:

Bruce: In fact, if you give us one of your drinks, I’m sure Mallory will make out with you, won’t you, Mal?

One of the girls with the blond hair: Shut up, Bruce.

Bruce: Just say you’ll make him happy, Mal.

Mallory: Shut up.

Bruce: What’s your problem?

Another of the girls: Leave Mal alone.

Me:

And then I walked away because it was almost like they forgot I was there.

I was glad.

I drank my shake in the bathroom.