This is What I Did (16 page)

Me: Yeah, and they also can’t fly.

I knew that because I did my third grade report on the ostrich. It was kind of cool she knew about them. They have the best eggs too — they are huge and the mom ostriches bury them.

Laurel: I know. So anyway, Mom didn’t want to be one of
those
kind of moms so we just let it go.

Me:

Then she just kept talking.

She said how Bruce and those guys were saying how I was a danger to girls and that was why I was so quiet and I never talked to girls, and I was one of the silent sick types and they’d seen me looking at her and even though they didn’t like her (like she cared), they felt a duty and she should beware because if she got linked up with me it would either hurt her physically because of what I had done and what I was probably going to do again or hurt her socially (ha), like worse off than she already was and she was on thin ice (especially since last year she sent a note around about how Bruce had wet his pants five times in third grade), and she said she didn’t really care what they said, but she did want to know the truth and what she was up against and how maybe we could get them back, but we couldn’t until she knew what she was dealing with.

It was more than any girl had ever said to me in my whole life, not including family and my mom’s best friend, Nora, and Nora talks a lot.

Me:

Laurel: Just think about what I’ve said and we’ll meet here again tomorrow. We’ve been here too long anyway. Wait eight minutes after I leave to leave.

And then she was gone.

I left eight minutes after she did.

I think Laurel is not what I thought.

I’m not sure if I should like her or not.

Sometimes I think she likes me and sometimes I think she thinks I’m stupid.

I don’t know.

Most things and people are not what I thought.

Mom and Dad are excited about the play.

Mom is really pregnant now and so she has to sit a lot.

She had Dad rent every
Peter Pan
video there was at Blockbuster so she could see what Lost Boys do.

I already told her: Lost Boys are the ones who get lost. So they follow Peter Pan around and do whatever they want and that’s all.

But she wanted to see for herself, so we all had to watch four
Peter Pan
videos.

Mack and Ryan didn’t last one movie.

They had practice anyway.

Dad had work.

But Mom and I saw them all and had pretzels.

It was actually sort of cool to see the part I was doing and them fighting the pirates.

I still think the move I do in the fight scene is the coolest: even more than the movies.

The Klondike Derby.

We had to meet at Jack’s at 6:30 a.m.

In his Suburban.

And the seats went like this:

Driver: Jack

Passenger seat: Richard (the other leader)

Middle bench: Bruce, Taylor, Toby

Back bench: Me, Chris, Sam

That was good.

Lucky.

I thought.

Because I didn’t have to sit by Bruce.

I was directly behind him but not next to him, and he had to twist all the way around to see me or anything.

But actually one thing was bad because Jack couldn’t see clear back to the back so good and he definitely couldn’t hear.

Bruce: Chris and Sam . . . I’d watch it. You’re sitting by a loser crapstock molester.

This was just before we stopped for gas and just after I thought I was safe because they hadn’t said anything yet and it seemed like everyone was just going to sleep and maybe I’d be okay.

No.

Chris and Sam just sort of laughed.

Bruce: I’m serious. The guy is a disease, aren’tcha, crapstock?

I looked out the window.

Toby and Taylor were twisted around looking at me too.

Jack: Everything okay back there?

Bruce: Yeah, Dad. We’re just playing a game.

Jack: No messing around, Bruce. I’m serious. Turn around.

Bruce: Okay, Dad. Sheesh.

They all turned forward and I still looked out the window.

Jack started talking to Richard after a while and then Bruce turned on the radio from the backseat.

It was a nice Suburban.

Bruce and the rest twisted again.

Bruce: Okay, you guys. I have a game for real. We’re going to play the alphabet game. Each of us has to go in order and think of a good new name for crapstock here.

I’ll go first. A—Assface

I bit my lip. I hated him. I hated him.

Toby: B—Buttknockers

Why did we have to move to Judge?

Taylor:

Bruce: Don’t wuss out, Taylor.

Taylor: C . . . Crapstock?

Bruce: We’ll let that suffice for now because you’re amateur. Chris?

I started to sweat.

Chris: D—Dorkapokia.

Bruce: Needs work. Try harder next letter.

He looked at Sam.

Sam was the nicest to me the whole time in Scouts.

He never really did anything to me or joined in and one time, he even walked home with me. That was because Bruce and his friends were at a birthday party so they weren’t at Scouts or anything.

That was a good day.

Bruce: Come on, Sam. You can do it.

Sam:

Bruce: Are my suspicions right? Are you and crapstocky in love? Ohmigosh, you guys, it’s a regular romance.

I was still looking out the window trying not to smash him. Trying not to smash his face.

Sam: E—eats-his-mom’s-poo-for-breakfast?

They all laughed.

Bruce: All right, crapstock. It’s your turn. Now’s your chance to rename yourself.

Me:

I was glued to the glass. Hands clenched.

Bruce: Come on, crappy. You have the best letter too. F. What’s it going to be, or do you want me to help you out?

Me:

Bruce: If you don’t come up with a name fast, I already have one, perfect. I’ll give you a few more seconds.

Toby: Bruce, crapstock looks a bit upset. Should we leave him alone a bit to think and cool down? Maybe he can’t take the pressure.

Bruce: That’s a very charitable thought, my friend. Very charitable, indeed. I was almost thinking the same thing. But then I think our fellow Scouts would be disappointed if we let him off the hook. What do you think, boys?

No one said anything and then

Chris: Make him do it.

Taylor: Yeah. We had to.

Bruce: Shoot, crapstock. Looks like you better say something fast or you’re going to get it.

And he shoved my face into the glass.

Hard.

That’s when I flipped — again.

For the second time in front of Jack.

I lunged over the seat.

Grabbing at Bruce’s face.

Scratching him and shoving and I guess pushing him into Jack’s seat.

Jack swerved.

We all swerved.

He went off the road.

He was screaming, swearing.

And that was just the beginning.

The next time I met with Dr. Benson he just kept asking about Zyler.

Dr. Benson: What would you say to him if you had a chance?

Me: I don’t know.

Dr. Benson: I don’t believe that.

Me:

Dr. Benson: Just try, Logan. What do you want to tell him?

Me: I’m sorry, I guess. I don’t know.

Dr. Benson: Sorry for what?

Me: Sorry for leaving him. And sorry for not helping.

Dr. Benson: When?

Me: I don’t know.

Dr. Benson: Push harder, Logan. You’re sorry for leaving him when?

Me: When it happened, I guess. And other times.

Dr. Benson: What other times?

Me: I don’t know.

Dr. Benson:

Me: I guess when I knew what his dad was like. And when I found out.

Dr. Benson: What does that mean, Logan? Found out what?

Me:

Dr. Benson:

Me: I don’t want to talk about it.

Dr. Benson: Why not?

Me:

Dr. Benson: Logan?

Me: Because it wasn’t my fault.

And it wasn’t.

Dr. Benson: I’m not saying it was. You know that.

Me: Yeah.

Dr. Benson:

Me:

Dr. Benson:

Me:

Dr. Benson:

Me:

Dr. Benson: I called his social worker.

Me:

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me:

Dr. Benson: I know where he is and we might be able to contact him soon.

That’s all.

I met Laurel the next day in the bushes.

It feels funny to say that.

In the bushes.

When I got there she was already sitting against the wall eating Disney Princess Fruit Snacks.

Laurel: You’re late.

She ate a green princess.

And I was late because Mr. Jeffries wanted me to stay even later after the other guys to help him get supports in the tree.

Me:

Laurel: Why do you do that?

Me: Do what?

Laurel: Nothing.

Nothing? I didn’t know what she meant.

Me:

Laurel: See?

Me: What?

Laurel: Why do you always just sit there? Why don’t you talk?

Me:

I was trying to get what she was saying. It didn’t matter.

But right then instead of her saying something else we heard talking. Loud talking and it wasn’t anyone I knew but Laurel said: Hit the dirt!