This Regret (37 page)

Kellan’s eyelids flutter open and he stares up at me with a half smirk. “Are you going to be ready for that tattoo next? I still remember the one you picked out.”

My eyes shift over to Tyler as he grabs some kind of clamp and places it to Kellan’s right nipple. I look back at Kellan’s face, but he doesn’t even seem to notice his nipple being squeezed, because he’s still staring directly at me as if nothing’s happening. “I’m about as ready as I’ll ever be.” I laugh as Tyler coats up the needle with some clear crap and holds it to Kellan’s nipple.

“Are you ready for bleeding nipples?”

He looks down to my lips and answers Tyler’s question. “Only if you’re ready to kiss them.”

Tyler pushes the needle through and Kellan doesn’t even flinch.
Ouch!
That looked like it hurt.

Kellan just watches me watching him with a cocky smirk that I’d like to lick. He’s not the only one that likes to use his tongue.

Tyler laughs as if he’s getting a kick out of this whole nipple thing. “This looks pretty sweet actually. Maybe I’ll do mine sometime. But I’ll do my own. I don’t want you fondling my nips like I’m doing yours.” He smiles and then gets to work on the left one.

Speaking of fondling nipples, I wouldn’t mind if Kellan was doing that to me right now. Maybe I should go all out and get mine pierced for real. I was just joking at first, but it looks hot. It would be worth it to have him do it.

Standing up, Kellan tilts his head down and looks at his nipples while reaching out to touch one. I have to admit, he just got even hotter and I didn’t even think that was a possibility. “I guess I’m cool enough to sport these for a while.” He turns to stand in front of me and I can’t help but to notice his chest muscles bounce a bit. “What do you think, Phoenix? Does this do anything for my image?”

I feel my heartbeat quicken as my eyes take in the sight of his sculpted chest, his pierced nipples and the tribal tattoo that runs up his side.
Is he shitting me?
Of course this does something for his image. It makes him look like a damn sex god.

Swallowing hard, I look up to meet his eyes and they bore into mine, silently telling me he wants to take me as bad as I want him to. “I guess you can manage to pull it off,” I tease. “I’m sure Zoe will be so proud of you.”

Without pulling his eyes away from mine, Kellan shoots out orders to Tyler. “Go check on Jen.”

“She’s good, man.” He holds up his phone as he types out a message. “I’m talking to her now.”

Kellan grunts and takes a deep breath. “Do you have any appointments anytime soon?”

“Not ‘til around five,” he replies.

“Alright then,” Kellan responds. “I’ll see you then.”

Tyler finally gets the hint and stands up grabbing his keys. “I’ll see you then, bro.” He winks at me. “Take it easy on his nips.” Then out the door, he goes.

Kellan walks over, locks the door and turns the open sign off. Then he walks over to the glass display and reaches behind it for that special binder that had all those glorious drawings. At least, that’s what I assume it is.

I clear my throat and take a seat in the chair by his station as he stares down at the binder in his hand. “Just do me a favor,” I say.

He looks up from the binder and smiles. “What’s that?”

“Don’t tell anyone if I happen to pass out. I don’t need Zoe or Jen having something to laugh at me about. I put up with enough of their crap already.” I lean back in the seat and grip the edges with shaky hands.

I feel his hand on mine so I look up. He gives me a reassuring smile that relaxes me, just enough to calm my heartbeat a bit, but then he moves my legs so he can sit next to me in the chair. “This book of drawings is very important. I want you to know . . . I wouldn’t let anyone else choose from this book.” His eyes meet mine and the emotion behind that stare astounds me. “This book is yours. Everything in here was drawn for you.”

Wait! What is he saying? What does that even mean?
I feel like I’m going to pass out right now. “What do you mean, it’s mine?” I am beginning to feel anxious.

Exhaling through his nose, Kellan opens the binder and pulls one of the drawings out. He places it in my hand and says, “Flip it over and read the back.”

Fighting to control my nerves and keep my hand in check, I do what he says and flip the paper over. When I see what’s written on the back, tears instantly spring to my eyes and my body seizes up.

Adric Winters- Summer of 2005

For the girl that is more beautiful and colorful than the most beautiful bird in the world, Phoenix. Love you little sis.

I run my fingertips over the paper as little splatters of teardrops drip down, threatening to ruin Adric’s beautiful work.

Kellan notices the tear soaked paper and gently tilts my head to the side so I’m looking at him instead. “Look at me.” He runs his thumb under my eye, wiping away the wetness. “He loved you so much. He worked hard on these because he knew how much you loved them. He would’ve done anything for you
and Zoe. When he passed . . .” he chokes on his words a bit before gaining composure. “Well, I took his drawings because he always trusted me with them and I didn’t want them getting lost. I hoped to get this book to you someday, but I didn’t know how. Then when you walked in that day, I just knew you had to see this book. It was the first time I had taken that book out of the display. Even Tyler knows to never touch this book. I told him I’d break his fingers if he does.” He places the book in my hands and cups my face with both of his hands. “I would be honored if you still trust me enough to give you this tattoo even though it was drawn by Adric. I promise you with everything in me that I wouldn’t even attempt to do this for you unless I was positive I could pull it off and not shame Adric or you.” He looks deep into my eyes, stunning me speechless. “I promise you.”

I shake my head in his hands and place my hands to cover his as tears continue to stream down my face. “I trust you, Kellan. I always have. I don’t doubt for one minute that you would ever do anything to hurt me. Others may doubt you, but I don’t. I can’t. You’re too special to ever give up on.”

I say these words because I want him to know that for whatever need he had for leaving when he did, I feel he really did have good reason. As much as I’d like to find out that reason, I just don’t have the heart to scare him away. It would kill me if he left again. Sitting here, looking up at him. I know that now. I know that in my heart, if he left me and I never got to see him again, it would rip my heart out.

Pain is clear in his eyes as he looks at me and I can see his emotions tugging him in different directions, confusing him. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He stands up and turns away from me. “Give me a few minutes.” Then he walks away to the bathroom.

I lay here gripping the binder in my hands, trying my hardest not to cry. I’m so overwhelmed with emotions I just don’t know what to do. I’m happy, sad, anxious and scared as shit, all at the same time. I’m a hot mess right now.

A few minutes later, Kellan walks out of the restroom and flashes me a dimpled grin. “Okay, I’m ready. Do you still want it exactly how you did the first time you came in? It’s going to hurt there, but it will be worth it.”

He takes a seat next to me and his eyes scan mine before resting on my lips. I see the hunger in his eyes as he looks up again waiting on an answer. “I’ll promise to take it easy on you.”

The husky sound in his voice almost makes me think he means something else but I don’t act on it, because I could be wrong. “It’s okay. I think I can handle it.”

I swallow as he scoots closer and cups my face in his hands. His forehead rests on mine, as he looks me in the eyes. His bottom lip twitches closer to mine, the ring almost brushing my lip. “You’re so beautiful it hurts. I never meant to hurt you.”

His thumb brushes over my bottom lip and I wat
ch as his eyes burn with need. He tilts his face closer to mine so his lips brush next to my lips. It makes me anxious, reminding me too much of the moment I shared with Kade days ago. Except this . . . this feels good and right and everything it should be.

“I wish I could make you happy.” He kisses next to my mouth. “Your smile is the only thing that keeps me going when the darkness takes over.” Balling his fist in my hair, he rubs my face with his other hand before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. His kiss is softer this time. Comforting. His tongue is soft against my entrance as he licks my lips asking for permission to enter.

I part my lips and drape my arm around his shoulder as I pull him to me, leaning backwards so he’s lying on top of me. He supports his body weight on one arm as he rubs my face with his other hand, his lips softly sucking, nibbling and controlling mine. In this moment, I am at total peace with the world. This is my little bit of heaven and I never want to let it go.

I place both my hands on his back, running them up his flesh, digging my fingers in. I don’t want to let go. Even with our bodies touching, he still seems too far away. His lips leave mine and I whisper, “You feel so good in my arms.” I kiss his neck. “I never want to let go. Please don’t make me.”

His body stiffens. I’ve hit some kind of nerve. He moves his face so his lips are next to my ear. “Phoenix. It’s not that simple.” He gently runs his hand up my thigh and presses his lips to my neck. “I’ll stay as long as I can. I can promise you that.”

His promise lingers in the air as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying my best not to get emotional. The thought of him leaving kills me. I can’t think of that now. Right now, I need to get as close as I can. I need to feel him while I can. Kiss him. Touch him. Taste him. Devour him.

I run my hands down his back and grab his ass through his fitted jeans.
Oh it feels so good in my hands.
He presses his hips between my legs and looks into my eyes. “I want you so bad right now, but I don’t know if it’s the right time. I want you to come stay with me tonight.” His eyes dance in front of me as he waits for me to speak. “Stay with me.”

“All right,” I breathe. “I’ll stay with you.”

He smiles and shifts so he’s sitting up now. His jaw muscles bounce. “I want you sleeping in a bed. With me. Not on the damn floor. After we leave here, you follow me home.” He stands up and grabs the binder. “Are you still up for that tattoo?”

I am, but I’m not. I’m so tired that all I can think about is going home with him and falling asleep while he holds me. Maybe we should do this tattoo another day. A day where we can control our emotions better. Hell, he can’t even look at that binder without his hands shaking.

“Can we do the tattoo a different day? I want us both to be in the right mind.”

He closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “I can handle it Phoenix. I would never attempt a tattoo on your body if I didn’t think I could.”

“It’s not you. It’s me.” I smile and he does too. “I’m just really tired and emotional right now. I didn’t get much sleep last night. As you know, I was up pretty early.”

He stares at me for a long moment before reaching for his shirt and keys. “Let’s go back to my house now. I’ll let you relax in the hot tub and I’ll make you dinner. You deserve a day of rest. Let me give that to you.”

That sounds so good right now. I can already close my eyes and picture myself there, naked with him holding me. At least, I hope that’s what he plans on doing.

“That sounds perfect.” I reach for my purse. “You lead and I’ll follow.”

Isn’t that the truth?

Chapter Eighteen

Phoenix

I slow my car as Kellan turns his bike into the driveway of a big white house with an attached garage. The door slides open and I see Kellan peek over his shoulder at me before pulling his bike into the garage and parking it next to his truck.

The house is beautiful with side-by-side picture windows and blue shutters, a screened in porch surrounded by some kind of red bushes and a brick path that leads up to the front door. I would have never imagined Kellan living in such a beautiful house if he only plans to stay for a short while. It surprises me.

I pull my car into the driveway and as soon as I kill the engine, Kellan pulls the car door open and grabs my hand. “You’re about to meet Rayne, but
don’t worry, she doesn’t bite . . . hard.” The right side of his mouth pulls into a teasing smile as he helps me out of my seat. “Unless I tell her to.”

“Say what?” I pull my hand away from his and grab my purse. “If I get bit by something named Rayne, I’m going to bite you.”

His eyes land on my lips and now he’s fully smiling. “Can I count on that? I wouldn’t want you to make promises you can’t keep.”

“You ass!” I reach out to slap his arm, but he grabs it, wraps his arms around my body and throws me over his shoulder, causing me to squeal. “Hey!”

He slaps my butt and slams my car door shut. “You remember what used to happen when you called me names.” He takes off walking fast to the back of the house, his boots pounding hard against the bricks leading the way. “That hasn’t changed.” He pushes the privacy fence open and steps through it and into the back yard.

“Oh no! Kellan no!” I place my hands on his butt for support, while I lift my neck enough to see a pool come into view. “No! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again
. Please put me down,” I plead as we come to stand right next to the large underground pool.