Thoughtless (22 page)

still. He didn’t even like looking at Denny anymore and rarely said more than a few polite words to him. I wished Kellan would just stop it and be his friend again, like he said he was. I understood his guilt, I felt it too, but enough was enough. Denny needed us right now.

A cell phone sitting beside Denny’s beer rang and sighing, he picked it up. The company had felt the need to have twenty-four hour access to him, and gave him the phone with instructions that he could only use it to talk to them and if it rang, he’d better answer it. The whole thing greatly irritated me. It was way beyond what an intern should have to do.

He spoke dejectedly for a few minutes, shut the phone, then stood and made his way over to me. “Hey.” He tried to smile, but I could see how forced it was.

“Hi.” I smiled at him reassuringly, even though I could feel the irritation in me starting to rise, at the conversation I could sense coming.

“I’m sorry,” he stated abruptly. “That was Max. I have to go.” Max was an irritating, shrewd little man, who seemed to enjoy nothing greater than sending Denny on pointless errands, preferably on off hours. His latest vital assignment had involved dry cleaning and Starbucks.

“Again? Denny…” I didn’t mean to sound agitated, but I was, and it seeped into my voice. I was getting really sick and tired of the endless tasks that occupied so much of his time and thoughts, and that were so beneath his brilliant mind.

“Kiera,” anger flashed in his eyes, “it’s my job. I have to do this.” The irritation in my voice was intentional this time. “It didn’t used to be.”

Sadness washed over his face. “No, it didn’t used to be…” Guilt mixed with my anger, only increasing it. I roughly turned away from him and started picking up empty glasses from a nearby table.

“Fine, see you later then.”

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Anger turned my thoughts dark. He was the one that had dropped everything to rush back to me. If he had given me time, I would have calmed down and we could have worked something out…probably. I hated feeling guilty over
his
decision. I felt guilty enough over mine…over Kellan.

Saying nothing else, he turned and left the bar. Looking back over my shoulder, I watched him disappear through the double doors. Sighing, I started to turn back to my work, when I noticed Kellan watching me, watching our conversation intently. Great, more fodder for him, I thought, my mind still in a dark place.

He slowly stood up and made his way over to where I was. My irritation soared even higher. Really, I was not in the mood for being attacked by him right now. He had never actually agreed that he was being mean to me, and his attitude towards me hadn’t changed much since our brief conversation in the kitchen. Irritation at that conversation flashed through me, yet again. Apparently, according to him, we were never even friends.

Concentrating on stacking the glasses, I decided to just ignore him.

He came up beside me, pressing his side into mine and staring down at me. The move was decidedly intimate and a strange feeling washed through me. Even though the bar was packed, it was not
that
packed. It would look odd to someone watching, for him to be standing that close to me. Instinctively I pulled away and glared up at him. So much for ignoring him.

“Denny leave you again? I could find you another drinking buddy, if you’re…lonely?” he asked wryly before grinning devilishly. “Maybe Griffin this time?”

“I don’t need your crap tonight, Kellan!” I said angrily.

“You don’t seem to be happy being with him,” he responded calmly, an oddly serious note to his tone.

“What? And I’d be happier with you?” I glared at his perfectly charming face, his sexy half-smile, and his oddly cool eyes. He didn’t say
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anything to that, just kept that annoying, enchanting smile on his face.

Suddenly I wasn’t just angry, I shot right past it - to thoroughly pissed off.

Leaning in close, so no one else would hear, I whispered, “You were the biggest mistake of my life, Kellan. You were right – we’re not friends, never were. I wish you would just go away.” I immediately wished I could take the words back. He was being a jerk, but I didn’t want to hurt him by belittling what we had shared together. And I did still think of him as a friend, even if he didn’t think of me that way. His smile instantly left him. His eyes went from cool to ice cold and he roughly brushed past me, nearly making me drop my stack of glasses.

He left shortly after that.

When I came home from my shift, Denny was waiting up for me. He was sitting on the bed, watching TV and looking very tired. His face, and the fact that he was waiting to talk to me, softened my anger at our earlier conversation and I smiled over at him. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, shutting off the TV. “I shouldn’t snap at you. It’s not your fault I’m not happy there.” I went over to sit by him on the bed. He had never admitted he hated it there before. I put my hand on his cheek. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to snap either. I just…miss you.”

“I know.” His accent on the word made me smile. “I miss you too. I’ll do better. I promise, okay? No more grump.” He smiled for the first time it what felt like weeks.

I laughed at him and kissed him softly. “Okay, I’ll try to not be grumpy either then.”

The next morning, feeling better after having talked to Denny, I had hoped to talk with Kellan. He was his usual self, drinking his coffee and reading the paper, but he didn’t look up when I came in. Embarrassed at my outburst yesterday, I wasn’t sure what to do. Quietly I made my
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coffee, and then chickening out, I decided to drink it upstairs. I just couldn’t take the awkwardness.

But guilt stopped me before I could completely turn the corner. Not looking, I threw an, “I’m sorry, Kellan” over my shoulder. I walked away quietly and thought I heard a long sigh, but nothing else.

Denny did seem to turn a corner. While still really unhappy about his situation, he moped a lot less and we talked a lot more. I still didn’t see nearly enough of him, and he got way too many after hours phone calls for my taste, but I tried to not mope about that either. It was going to take both of us to make this work.

Kellan was different as well. For all the moping Denny and I were trying not to do, Kellan was making up for it. He avoided both of us for the most part. On the rare occasions we were all together, he said nothing more than a few polite words. He stopped being an ass, which I was grateful for, but his silence made my stomach feel odd. I felt something coming, I just didn’t know what. It was unsettling.

One Saturday morning, Denny and Kellan were downstairs talking before I got there. I couldn’t tell what they had been saying, but as I turned the corner, Kellan was smiling at Denny, who had a hand clapped on his shoulder. I had no idea what that was about, but the vision of them both together like that was heartwarming, and guilt-inducing.

Denny looked over at me when I entered the room. “Can you get someone to trade shifts with you? We are all going out tonight – mates’

night out.”

I tried to smile, but my stomach dropped. This was not good. “Ohhhh, that’s a great idea, honey. Where are we going?”

“A friend of mine has a band playing at The Shack tonight.” Kellan said quietly, looking at me for the first time in days. His look was a sad one and my stomach hurt again.

“Okay, sounds great. I’ll trade with Emily. She normally works days, but asked Jenny if she could work some nights… better tips…” I shrugged my shoulders.

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“Great!” Denny walked over to me and gave me a long kiss. “See, I can still be fun. No more grump, I promised.” He gave me a quick hug and moved to leave the room. “I’m gonna shower, then I’ll make you breakfast.” He tossed over his shoulder with a quick wink.

I laughed then looked back over at Kellan and stopped. He was looking away from us, his face pale. He didn’t look good at all. “You okay?” I whispered, not really wanting to ask in case ass-Kellan popped back up again.

He looked over at me, his eyes sad but a smile on his face. “Sure. This will be…interesting.”

Suddenly worried, I walked closer to him. “Are you sure? This doesn’t have to happen. Denny and I can go alone.”

His face suddenly serious, he gazed at me intently. “I’m fine, and I’d like to spend one…night, with my roommates.” He turned away from me and headed upstairs through the living room and the ache in my stomach increased ten-fold. He had said that oddly and it terrified me.

The night started…awkwardly. Kellan disappeared not long after the announcement that we were having a night out. He had left the house with an, “I’ll meet you guys there” and Denny and I didn’t see him for the rest of the day. Really, that suited me just fine. His new sad, quiet behavior was causing my stomach to do strange, panicky things that I didn’t have the heart to analyze.

Instead, I turned my attention to Denny, trying to focus on just having a good time with him, like we used to have together. He seemed in a better mood than usual. Maybe he had noticed things were strained around the house with Kellan, and was trying to compensate. He seemed excited for us all to go out and do something together tonight. I wasn’t quite as excited, but I faked it for my man.

The day went slowly, peacefully, but eventually it was time to get ready for the evening. It was still pretty warm for this time of year, so I chose a loose, flirty black skirt and a pink button up short-sleeved shirt with a light sweater-jacket. I left my hair loose, casual and slightly wavy.

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Denny smiled at me and kissed my cheek as I put on my lipstick. He picked out my favorite blue Henley that I loved on his tan skin. Adorably, he held out a small jar of style gel and let me go crazy with his hair, shaking his head when I was satisfied with it. He was trying to please me tonight and it was working; I was very touched by the gestures.

When we arrived at The Shack, Kellan’s car was already there and we parked next to his Chevelle in a side parking lot. Making our way to the front doors, I noticed that the bar was about half the size of Pete’s. I wondered where the band was going to play, until I noticed the wide open doors in the back of the bar and the crowd of people outside. We made our way out the back to a large, fenced beer garden. There were tables all along the sides of the fence and along the wall of the bar, with a wide open section in front of a large stage opposite the building. A band was setting up their equipment and Kellan was over there, talking to one of the guys. He saw us and motioned to a table along the fence that already had a pitcher of beer and three glasses.

Denny and I waved back and walked over to the table reserved for us.

Denny held out my chair like we were on a first date and I smiled at him.

“Thank you, sir.” I teased.

“Anything for a beautiful girl.” He smiled and kissed my hand gallantly.

Playing with him a little, I said in mock surprise, “Oh, are you Australian? I love Aussies.”

“Ripper! Pash a bloke before joining him for a grog then, Sheila?” he said back, massively over-exaggerating his accent.

I laughed at him and bent in to give him the kiss he’d asked for. “You are such a dork.”

“Yeah, but you love me anyway.” He kissed me back.

“Hmmm…yeah.” I smiled, then turned when I felt eyes on my back.

Kellan was behind me, watching us blankly. I was trying to get things back to normal; I wished Kellan would at least try too. His melancholy
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was really starting to get to me. He sat down and poured everyone a beer, not looking at either of us.

Denny didn’t seem to notice his mood. “When does your friend go on?” he asked him cheerfully.

Kellan briefly looked over at him. “Another twenty minutes or so.” He took a long drink from his beer while a woman passed by and not-so subtly eyed him up and down. Surprisingly, he only gave her a cursory glance, and then returned his attention to his beer. In a noticeable huff, she stalked off.

The twenty minutes it took for the band to finally start felt like twenty hours. Our little trio was pretty quiet. Denny would try to start a conversation with Kellan, only to have Kellan give him one or two word responses. Eventually Denny stopped trying. My irritation at Kellan was growing minute by achingly long minute.

Finally the band did start to play, and Denny and I left the sulking Kellan at the table while we laughed and danced by the stage. In-between twirls and dips, I cast glances at the table, only to see Kellan watching us with an unreadable expression on his face. Girls occasionally tried to get him out with the dancing group too, but he seemed to be turning everyone down. Again my irritation with him grew. What was his problem?

During the set break we came back to the table, to hastily finish our beers and relax for a few minutes. I noticed that it was starting to cool down outside, but I felt warm from dancing around with Denny. Kellan sat quietly, staring at the empty glass in his hand when suddenly Denny’s cell phone started ringing. Startled, I looked over at him as he sheepishly answered it. I hadn’t realized he had brought it. I tried to not be irritated at that. It was his job, I guess. He spoke for a few seconds with someone before he started saying “hello” a couple times.

“Damn,” Denny muttered as he shut the phone. “Battery died”. Glancing over at me, he shook his head apologetically. “Sorry, I really need to call Max back. I’m gonna check inside, see if I can use their phone.”
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I smiled over at him, forcing down my irritation. Tonight was about having fun, not being bitter. “No problem, we’ll be here.” I nodded my head over to Kellan’s chair. Kellan still wasn’t looking at us. He sat awkwardly, still staring at the glass in his hands with a slight frown on his face.

Denny stood and kissed me on the cheek before turning to go back inside the bar. Kellan sighed quietly and shifted in his chair. I watched Denny disappear into the crowd and turned to look at Kellan.

Sudden irritation at his odd behavior, and quite honestly, Denny’s phone call, finally made me snap. “You said you were fine with this. What is with you?”